Chapter Three
A sennight had passed since she last spoke with Alastar. She had asked him to leave her alone and he, surprisingly, had complied. It was exactly what she had wanted. Well, not exactly. Mayhap a part of her had hoped he would continue his pursuit, to prove he was not truly the fickle creature she had accused him of being. Perhaps she had wanted, for the first time ever, to be proven wrong by a lad. But nay. She had been correct all along. She was a lass who caught his eye for a brief time and then he moved on to more willing lassies, as he should. There was no sense in him pursuing her, after all. She had no desire to further a relationship with any lad and he clearly did not see her as worth the pursuit.
The truth, as she had begun to see a bit more clearly this past sennight, was that it was not lads that bothered her. It was not even marriage that turned her off so. It was the thought of marrying a man who did not understand her core nature, who could not accept her as she was. If she found a man who allowed her to be herself, she may be open to a courtship. Only recently had she become aware of this change in her heart. And if she was honest with herself, she would admit it had been the excitement Alastar had created every time he was near, every time he looked at her with those beaming blue eyes, every time he flashed his perfect smile or ran a hand through his dark blond hair.
As much as she considered herself different from the other lassies in the tuath, the reaction her body had toward Alastar was much the same as all the others… and that was the problem. Mayhap if she knew how to behave around a lad, she would have shown her emotions more freely, bat her lashes at him, purposely swayed her hips or pushed her breasts out a bit higher, but that was simply not in her nature.
With all the other women falling to their knees for him, coupled with Aislin’s recluse and evasive manners, it was no wonder Alastar had given up on her and moved on to a lass who openly responded to his advances. And yet, if that was the sort of man he was, a man who threw his favors into the wind and allowed any willing lass to straddle and grind into him while he licked her breasts publicly, then he was not the sort of man she could ever be with.
It would be foolhardy to deny that she had intentionally pushed him away time and time again. She had gotten what she wished for. So, why did her heart hammer in her chest every time she had to walk past his home to go through her favorite part of the woods? And why did her heart sink to the pit of her stomach every time he was not outside his home chopping wood or, worse, when he was home, refusing to make eye contact as he stayed focused on his work? A sennight ago, Alastar would have stopped whatever task he was doing to try and catch her attention, start a conversation, or wrest a smile from her lips—even if she turned her back every time to hide the evidence of her amusement from him. Aye, despite her attempts, she had found his ready smile, open laughter, and quick wit intriguing. Now that it was gone, she rather missed it.
With her trusty bow in hand, Aislin strolled purposefully through her village, eager to distract herself with her day’s work. The sun shone brightly above with a few clouds floating overhead. Birds chirped their morning songs in the trees and a small smile stretched her lips. Daniel had been bothering her less and less, making the hunt much more successful for Aislin. She had taken down an elk two days past and even though her heart always grew sad after the kill, she knew it was a necessary part of life, having to kill animals to feed her people. If anyone had to do it, Aislin trusted herself to do it carefully and with respect. Knowing she fed the men, women, and children of her tuath made her work feel valuable, but when she was not on the hunt, simply being surrounded by the creatures of the forest made her heart feel at ease.
Just as she passed Alastar’s round shaped house on her right, a small twinge of disappointment hit her as she realized he was not outside his home again. Watching him during warrior practice was always an option, but she refused to be one of those drooling, fawning lassies watching her preferred warrior spar with the others. It also seemed to leave her vulnerable to the open stares and admiration of the many warriors she had no interest in. Spying Alastar in the wee early mornings outside his home had been her only genuine opportunity to discreetly watch the man, and only for a moment before she disappeared into the curtain of the woods.
His door swung open with a bang and Alastar strode out of his home with naught on but a pair of trousers hanging loosely about his tapered hips. They hung so low, she swore she could see a small patch of golden hair just peeking out the top of them, glittering in the rays of the sun. His hair was still messed up from sleep and the thought of Alastar in bed sent a chill down her spine. Aislin stopped in her tracks. Her breaths grew heavier with every beat of her frantic heart. A knot of need intensified in her core.
Bending over to collect a pile of chopped firewood in his arms, the muscles of his chest jumped at the strain and when he turned his back, she could see the very top of his firm backside where his trousers hung low. She had to swallow hard and struggle not to open her mouth wide and drool. She feared he would hear the pounding of her heart, but she could not bring herself to look away. The man was built like a true warrior. Aye, she had grown up in a family of warriors and shirtless men, so why did this particular man affect her in a way she had never known before?
A log tumbled from the pile in his arms and landed on the wet grass. With a curse, Alastar turned and shifted all the logs under one arm, bending to retrieve the stray piece of firewood at his feet. That’s when he saw her. Like a ray of light from the sun, his eyes shone on her, causing her entire body to heat up from head to toe. Even from this distance, she could see the blue twinkle in his gaze and it reminded her of the river she often sought out, a place where she could find peace.
And yet, it was not peace she felt as his gaze raked over her slowly, starting from her head, over her heaving breasts, down her long legs, stopping to observe the leather ties wrapped up her calves to keep her boots on tight, and then slowly back up her body until he settled his eyes on hers. To her dismay, his usual playful crooked grin and dimples did not flash in her direction. He looked apprehensive, obviously unsure why she was standing in front of his house, gawking at him while he simply gathered more wood for his hearth.
She willed her feet to move in any direction. She did not care if she moved toward the forest, back to her house or even toward his. Instead, she stood frozen to the spot, incapable of stopping her own gaze from raking over his shapely arms, bare chest, and low-hanging trousers once more before his eyes grew wide. He had seen her open admiration and yet, she was not ashamed. She was a woman of eight and ten summers. Most women her age were already married with children. She was a young, healthy, available lass and before her stood a beautiful specimen of a man. She would not be ashamed of looking over-long. After all, it was just a look. She knew better than to ever take things to a more physical level, especially with a man as obviously virile as Alastar.
Just when she thought he would open his mouth and say something to her, or finally bestow his winning smile upon her, he nodded in acknowledgment, turned his bare feet away from her in the grass, and slowly strode back into his home, using his hip to shut the door behind him.
Her face flamed with what felt like rejection. That’s what that had been, right? She had openly shown her interest in him, though she had no intention of taking things further, but he did not respond in the slightest. Mayhap he had really given up on her? Mayhap she was not worth his time? Then another thought struck her. What if he had not been alone in his home? What if a lass was in his bed and he had come out here to get more wood so she would not be cold without her clothes on? Humiliation flooded Aislin. The very first time she allowed a man to see her staring at him like a piece of meat, he was occupied with another lass in his bed.
You do not know that to be the truth, Aislin. She reminded herself. She only assumed that because he was such an attractive man and it seemed unlikely that a man of his prowess would spend his nights alone. Yet, she remembered with the acrid taste of envy, that it was not her business. He had wanted to share his nights with her, and she had pushed him away. And rightfully so. If she wished to avoid marriage and children, avoiding handsome men and their beds were of utmost importance.
Realizing that she still stood in front of his home staring like a fool, she shook her head, took a deep breath, and did her best to push all thoughts of Alastar Mac Murray out of her mind. She had a job to do and if she wished the tuath to take her seriously, she had better focus her attentions and stay on task. Gripping her bow tighter in her left hand and shifting her quiver strap on her shoulder, Aislin forced her feet into motion.
After only several moments of walking along the familiar path she had single-handedly created leading through the forest and directly to the river, she stopped and took a deep breath of fresh air. The sound of the river never failed to calm her nerves, and she needed calm now more than ever. Sitting on her favorite rock, she inhaled again and stared at the rushing water. A small fish jumped out of the water, its silver scales glistening in the sun, then it was swallowed up by the river once more.
Her ears prickled with awareness. Even over the sound of rushing water, she was skilled enough to hone in on and isolate any noise around her. The faint sound of leaves being crushed beneath scurrying feet drifted to her and she stood slowly, pulling an arrow from her quiver and knocking it expertly. Then, she paused. Pivoting her body toward the sound without truly moving her feet, she narrowed her eyes and held her bow pulled taut before her, her fingers poised to release her arrow at the slightest sign of game.
There was a crack of small branches breaking and splintering as the animal ran frantically for its life, no longer heeding obstacles in its way. The sound of a hound barking not far behind told Aislin another hunter was on the trail of whatever animal approached.
Then it came into a view. A huge, black wire-haired boar with large tusks rushed toward her with a crazed look of fear in its eyes. In the span of a second, Aislin noticed the boar already had two arrows in its back and a sadness consumed her for the poor suffering beast. She knew it was part of the hunt and not the hunter’s fault, but her connection to the animals always made their pain her own. It was her responsibility to hunt, but in this moment, it was also her responsibility to end the boar’s suffering.
With the swiftness of a lightning strike, Aislin released the arrow at her running target just before the animal’s tusk would have connected with her stomach and gutted her. The boar squealed for only a second before the arrow through its eye took its life and silenced its suffering. Side-stepping the animal's body as he skidded to a halt directly where she had been standing, she looked down at the beast and said a quick prayer to the gods to be kind to the animal’s soul and thank him for the sacrifice he had made to feed her people.
Only a few seconds later, a hound came barreling through the same brush the boar had destroyed only a moment earlier, growling wildly and barking profusely at the now dead beast until its owner ran through the path, chasing the sounds of his hound.
Coming to a halt, Daniel put his hands on his hips to catch his breath and pat his hound on the head. “Good hunt, Flidais!” Daniel said and scratched his now panting wolfhound behind her gray ear. Running a hand through his long brown hair, Daniel looked up and his slate gray eyes connected with hers in surprise. “Nice shot, Lin.”
With a small smile and nod, she looked from Daniel to his dog, and started petting Flidais on the head. “You named her after the goddess of the hunt,” she said with a smile.
“Aye, what name could be better?” he chuckled, patting his dog on the head and accidentally grazing Aislin’s hand with his own. He looked down at his strong hand on top of hers and flashed her a bright smile.
Feeling slightly uncomfortable, she pulled her hand away and fisted it against her thigh. She had believed Daniel no longer wished to pursue her since he had kept his distance for the past few days, but right now his gaze ran over her and she swallowed, stepping back slightly. It was not that Daniel made her feel unsafe. He had been a nice enough lad and was fair of face with a ready smile. They had similar interests, both being Ráth Mór hunters, but she sensed he wanted more from her than she was willing to give.
Clearing her throat, she looked around the forest to prevent eye contact. “We will need to get this boar back to the village.”
“Aye,” he said, scratching the back of his head nervously. Licking his lips, he looked at her and breathed deeply. “Lin, give me a chance.”
Aislin took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. The lad truly could not take nay for an answer, and yet, he was always kind and polite, making it hard for her to be firmer with him. Still she had told him enough times that she was not seeking suitors. “Daniel, I have told you. I am not the lass for you.”
“Should I not be the one to decide that?” he asked, hurt distorting his features as he crinkled his brow.
“Let me ask you something, Daniel. What is it you truly seek in a lass? You cannot seriously mean to wed with a wild woman who hunts and roams the forest. Nay man does. I decided long ago that I was not the sort of lass a man would marry and, if that is so, there is nay sense in a courtship,” she reasoned, praying he would finally cease his pleas.
“I would accept you for who you are, Aislin. Eventually, you would have my child and surely settle down then. I could hunt while you stayed home and cared for our children and did… whatever it is that married lassies do.”
His answer solidified the very reason she refused him and all men. They all claimed to accept her for who she was, but in the end, they expected her to bear their children and become a plump wife who stayed home to cook meals, mend tunics, and tidy the house… all with a crisp linen apron tied to her waist, no doubt. Shaking her head, she frowned. “That is everything I never wanted, Daniel. You hear, but you do not listen. I do not want to change who I am for anyone.”
With a sigh of frustration, Daniel flared his nostrils and put his hands on his hips. “Listen, Aislin. Cannot you see that I—”
“Ah! There you are, Lin! I have been looking for you, mo chroí,” a loud, jovial voice called from behind them and she froze, widening her eyes. She knew that voice but truly had no idea why he was here and not on the training field as usual. And why was he looking for her? And referring to her as his heart?
Turning on her heels, she found Alastar right behind her now with his beautiful smile flashing, causing her heart to flutter. He was so close that when she turned, her chest bumped into his and their lips almost touched. “Alastar?” she whispered, taking one step back so she could gather her wits. Being so close to the man made her dizzy and his masculine scent of musk, pine, and leather filled her senses.
“Mo chroí?” Daniel repeated, clearly as stunned by Alastar’s endearment as she felt.
Alastar leaned in and grazed her lips with his, causing her to flinch yet melt all in one moment. What was happening? Why had he just kissed her? She looked up at him in confusion, crinkling her brow and placing a hand on his chest to steady herself. At least he was fully dressed now, wearing a red and blue plaid tunic so she need not awkwardly stare at his chest. Her mind reeled from that kiss. It had been but the softest graze of his lips on hers, but it had been her first kiss ever and it felt much more meaningful than he certainly meant it to.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he whispered with a smile, tucking a stray strand of red hair behind her ear affectionately. He towered over her and she realized that even if she were to get on her tiptoes, she would have to truly stretch her body to bring her lips to his… not that she was planning on doing so.
“Why?” she asked in confusion, crinkling her brow. She had no idea why he was seeking her out, why he had kissed her, called her his heart, or why, even now, he was looking down into her eyes and stroking her cheek.
“Your skin is so soft and so smooth, like fresh cream.” Was he mocking her? Had he not teased Daniel only a sennight ago for speaking like a lovesick bard? Then it dawned on her with a flash of clarity. He was putting on a show for Daniel, trying to chase the lad away by pretending she was already involved with him.
Though the reality that he was only kissing her and speaking so sweetly to chase Daniel away rankled more than it should, she could also see the merit in the idea. She did not want to hurt Daniel’s feelings, but mayhap this was just the way to keep him away. She narrowed her eyes on Alastar as he looked down on her still, hoping to tell him with her expressions that she was on to his game. And she could play it, too.
Gripping his large upper arms with her small hands, she reached up on her tiptoes and tried to gently kiss him back, but her plan backfired when he groaned and covered her mouth with his own, slashing his tongue along the seam of her lips, seeking entry. In complete shock, she squealed and gasped, but he only pressed his advantage, slipping his wet tongue into her mouth.
It was as if her entire body turned to mush in his hands and in that moment, she would have allowed him to manipulate her body in any way he saw fit. Just then, she realized Daniel was still watching. Of course, he was. That was the point of this morbid game, was it not? Pulling away from Alastar’s kiss and intense, burning gaze, she cleared her throat and flushed, feeling a ball of shame in her belly when she saw Daniel’s look of confusion and hurt.
Alastar allowed her to turn her face, but he kept a firm grip on her hips. She turned away from him, but he only continued to hold her from behind. It felt strangely natural to be in his embrace, and yet her entire body felt as if it were on fire.
“You left my home so abruptly this morning, I only wished to find you and give you a kiss,” Alastar said from behind her, causing her face to flush further. She knew he referred to their silent meeting outside his home today. She also knew he intentionally worded it to sound as if she had spent the night with him, in his bed.
“I had to kiss you,” he whispered into her ear so quietly, she was certain it was meant for her ears only. What was he doing? If he was putting on a show for Daniel, why would he say such things, knowing only she could hear?
“What is going on, Lin?” Daniel said with unfettered anger in his voice.
“I… he… we… I mean—”
“I have been courting Aislin for a while now, Daniel,” Alastar said with a sudden warning in his voice. “She wanted to keep it quiet, so we have been discreet.” His grip tightened on her hips and he pulled her back against his chest. “I am tired of hiding my feelings for her.”
She gasped at those words of his, spoken with such intensity and deeper meaning that they caused an ache in her heart that she never thought to feel. Yet, she should be angry with him for coming along and making up lies, manipulating her emotions, as well as Daniel’s. What would they do after this? Simply go their separate ways and pretend he had not kissed her with a ferocity that felt primal, natural, and meaningful? Or was he so good at this game, that once Daniel took the hint, he could simply walk away as if it had never happened?
Not bothering to look Alastar in the face, Daniel narrowed his eyes at Aislin. “You should have told me.”
She frowned. His words were curt and out of line. Stepping out of Alastar’s grip, she put her hands on her hip and straightened her spine. “My private life is none of your concern. I tried to tell you that I was not interested. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, Daniel,” she lowered her voice and softened her features. “Truly, I never wished to do so.”
“You said you weren’t the sort of lass men want to marry! You said you would not change for anyone!”
Before she could respond, Alastar stepped between them and bore down on Daniel. “What makes you think I would ever change a single thing about Lin? I accept her for who she is. Her wildness. Her fiery passion to live a life she wants and her will to stand against those who would hold her back. Nay, I would not change a thing about her,” his voice trailed off as he looked over his shoulder at her and smiled.
Confusion and uncertainty flooded her. She was living in this mystical place where his words felt real, and touched a very deep and personal place inside her that longed for just what he offered: for the love of a man who accepted her for all that she was. She had to struggle to remind herself that this was not real. He said these things to keep Daniel away from her and for no other reason.
Daniel looked from Alastar to Aislin, shaking his head in disappointment. “Have it your way, Lin,” he spat. “Carry the boar back to the village yourself. Come, Flidais.” His faithful hound barked in response and stood up, stretching her limbs before following her master.
Once Aislin was all alone with Alastar, her heart beat in overtime and the roar of the river behind her mimicked the roar of her blood in her ears. He looked at her and only half-smiled. It was different than most of his smiles. “Why did you do that?” she breathed then held her breath, half hoping he did it because he meant it and half hoping it had all been a ruse.
Alastar chewed on his cheek, clearly trying to decide what to say in response. “Because I wanted to kiss you.”
“You called me ‘mo chroí’. You obviously followed me into the woods,” she pushed for more answers.
“All right, so I followed you. We had a… moment… out there in front of my house and I couldn’t leave it alone. I came out here, saw you shoot the boar, which was fantastic, by the way. It only made me want to kiss you more. Then Daniel showed up and I could see, once again, that he would not take nay for an answer, so I decided to give him something he could not argue against. But it does not change the fact that I came out here to kiss you.”
“Mayhap I did not want your kiss,” she said defiantly, crossing her arms.
He laughed and tilted his head. “You kissed me back, I am fairly certain.”
“Because I knew you were only trying to put Daniel off, and I thought it may be my best chance to be rid of him,” she said with a huff.
“If you truly believe that, then you are fooling yourself and only yourself. I felt the fire in that kiss.”
“’Twas my first kiss,” she whispered and looked away, feeling herself flush. How did this man make her flush so easily?
“Nay?” he said in disbelief. “You cannot be serious?”
“I am serious. I never kiss lads. It only leads to… other things… and I am not interested in any of it.” She saw his eyes widen and she stepped back just as he stepped forward.
“I am sorry,” he responded, drawing his brows together.
“Sorry I never kissed a lad?” Aislin asked, but did not step back this time when he stepped closer.
“I am sorry you believe your first kiss was all for show. I wanted that kiss desperately. I have dreamed of that kiss since the day I stepped foot on Ráth Mór soil and saw you come out of your house, berating your brother for taking too long to return home. I have wanted to feel your lips against mine since that day, and the desire never lessened. It only strengthened every day until today, when I could not take it anymore. I saw the way you looked at me.”
She opened her mouth in protest but he put a finger over her lips and shook his head. “I saw it, Lin. You want me, too.”
“I do not! You are so sure of yoursel—”
He grabbed her by her forearms and jerked her body against his. Before she could even take a breath, his lips came down roughly on hers. She felt his tongue run along the seam of her lips like it had last time. This time, she opened up to him, not sure what to do or expect, but willing to allow him to teach her. When his tongue slid into her mouth, the damp warmth made desire pool down below and she couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips.
“Gods, you taste good,” Alastar groaned as his tongue left her mouth and glided down her throat, to her chest, and back up again. He licked her the way he had licked the serving lass, only this felt different. When she saw him lick that lass, he had seemed playful, laughing the whole time. This time, he was unsmiling as he held her firmly against him, passion and desire guiding him. His tongue found her mouth again and slipped back in. If she had thought she was mush in his hands before, now she was molten, ready to boil over and melt into him completely, irrevocably.
“I hope your second kiss makes up for the first,” he growled into her mouth, devouring her as if he had lost control of all his senses, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, though in the moment she would have allowed him to touch her everywhere. He tasted of mint and mead and the combination was enough to make her want to suck his tongue into her mouth. When she did, he groaned and returned the favor. By the gods, this was dangerous. If she didn’t stop this now, she ran the risk of giving up all she had fought to keep. Her senses. Her freedom. Her heart.
“Lin? Is everything all right? I heard Daniel say— what are you doing to my sister?” Aislin shrieked at the angry growl that came out of her brother’s throat and tried to pull away from Alastar, but he wouldn’t release her.
“Eoin,” Alastar said calmly. “I was kissing her.”
“That was more than a kiss! You were… were… I should kill you!” Eoin stepped forward but Aislin blocked him.
“Nay, Eoin. I kissed him.” She lied. Her heart was pounding and her mind was reeling. She did not know why, but the lie had just tumbled out of her mouth in some sort of protective maneuver for Alastar. He had lied to help her with Daniel, now she would lie to protect him from her brother’s wrath.
“Bollocks, Lin! I know you did not kiss him first…” Eoin shouted and stepped forward again.
“Were you not asking me just a sennight ago to give him a chance?” she reasoned.
“A chance, Lin! Not your cursed virtue!”
She gasped and stepped back, clutching her chest. “All I did was kiss him, Eoin. Hardly the same thing!”
Eoin scoffed at her words. “When it comes to Alastar, there is nay difference. He was moments away from lifting your skirts!” Eoin looked her up and down in disgust. “Not that you have much skirt to lift!”
She flinched, for truly his words felt like a slap in the face. Mayhap even her own brother did not understand her, not really.
“That is enough!” Alastar barked. “I would never have taken advantage of Aislin! I have more honor than that!”
“Do you?” Eoin roared, grabbing the hilt of his sword. “I warned you not to touch my sister! Show your honor. You will marry my sister or I will gut you.”
“Nay!” Aislin shouted, balling her fists.
“Aye,” Alastar responded at the exact same time, calmly nodding his head.
“What?” Had she just heard correctly? After all this time, she was actually going to be forced into a marriage simply because she kissed her first lad? “Nay! Eoin, you are mad!” Then she looked at Alastar and poked a sharp finger into his ribs.
He flinched and shouted in pain. “Ouch! What is it with you two poking me so hard?”
Aislin had no idea what Alastar was referring to, but she was much too angry to care. “How dare you agree to marry me without my consent! I will not be forced to marry!” she crossed her arms and turned to face off with Eoin. “We did naught but kiss. You cannot force a marriage for that, Eoin,” she said calmly.
“Gods, Lin! You are so naïve! That was not a wee kiss! That was the sort of kiss that leads to… more! If you and Alastar are going to be sneaking off into the forest to kiss… like that… then, aye! I can insist he marries you! Before you have a babe in the belly and nay husband!”
Tears prickled her eyes. She seldom cried, but Eoin’s words struck a place deep down inside her. He made her feel like a wee, helpless lass, something she had tried to prove her entire life that she was not. Now, her own dear brother stood before her acting as if she was incapable of taking care of herself, simply because she finally kissed a lad… a lad he himself pushed on her!
“I will marry her, Eoin,” Alastar said with a soft smile on his handsome face, looking down at her as if he were her champion. Well, she did not need a champion! She did not need a man to protect her from herself as if she was a weak-minded woman!
“Nay! I will not marry you! What is the matter with you both? You cannot force this on me!”
“Lin,” her brother sighed and tried to grab her hand but she swatted him away, “You are fortunate it was me who found you out here and not Father. He would not even have hesitated to kill Alastar.”
“For kissing me? You are mad!” she hollered and stomped her foot in frustration. Truly none of this even made any sense. All of the elation she felt in Alastar’s arms had gone cold and settled in her bones.
“You aren’t hearing me. It was more than a kiss. I am a man. I know what that was. I also know Alastar,” he shot the man an angry look. “Agree to marry him, or he and I will fight.”
“How does that fix anything, Eoin? You are being a ridiculous man,” she grumbled.
“He is honor bound to do the right thing and I am honor bound to make certain he does.”
She would not marry Alastar, but obviously Eoin would not back down and she could not allow them to fight over her. This was all nonsense. She needed to bide her time while Eoin cooled his temper. But how? “I will think on it,” she half-promised. Obviously, it was a weak promise because Eoin shook his head and scowled at her.
Alastar stepped forward and grabbed her hand tightly. She tried to jerk away, but he held fast. “We will handfast.”
Her head spun at his words. “What? Nay!”
Alastar dragged her away by her hand, giving her no choice but to follow. “What are you doing, offering to marry me?” she whispered through clenched teeth. “I will not be some honorable obligation to you!”
“Lin, stop talking.” She shut her mouth abruptly and looked up at his beautiful face. It was hard to look at him and stay angry, but this was unforgivable.
“If we handfast, it only needs to be temporary. Think on it. You can keep your freedom. I won’t tell you what to do. Your family will finally leave you alone about getting married. All the lads will finally leave you alone. Eoin won’t try to gut me.” He laughed softly at his own jest and then grabbed her hand softly and brought it to his lips for a soft, lingering kiss. “And do not think I do this out of obligation. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought on this more than once since I first met you. Give me a chance to show you that you can be a wife and be free at the same time. If you are unhappy, in one year and one day, you can walk away.”
She narrowed her eyes at him and scrutinized his features. He made sense, and yet… it was a huge commitment. It was still a year of her life dedicated to one man. It was also a year of her life being free of her family’s pressure and overbearing lads pressing their attentions on her. Suddenly, it did not seem like such a bad plan. A year of freedom. But after that, then what? Mayhap she would have to deal with that when the time came.
“If I agree, you need to know I will end this when the year is up, Alastar. I cannot stay married to you… or any lad,” she added when she saw him frown.
“You do not know that,” he urged.
“Aye, I do. I never wanted to be married. The only reason I am even agreeing to this handfast is because, as you said, it will keep my family off my back, the lads from hounding me daily, and Eoin will cease his threats to gut you… and because it will end soon enough. That is all, Alastar.” She crinkled her brow in deep thought. “I do not understand one thing though…”
“What is that?” he responded, gripping her hands, urging her to continue.
“What do you get out of this?”
“You,” he said simply with a shrug. “I get you.”