12
Karal wasn’t coming around. His body grew weaker. His pulse continued to slow, and his breathing became shallow. When the doctor checked his eyes they were bloody and vacant. They told me he might be blind, when they came out of the quarantine room they had him in - across from the quarantine room they had me in. I cried again. And then again when I realized there was nothing I could do, that I didn’t know where Iris was, or if Fen could save her. The anger hit at that point too and I shed my need to be the queen who knew and saw everything. The queen who knew the appropriate reaction despite the circumstances. I screamed and punched things that reddened my knuckles. I kicked chairs and I raged like an animal until I was out of breath. It felt good. But good things never last and so as soon as my breathing was back to normal, I was back to going through one emotion or the other.
The actual animal in the room, Adian, he had his shit together more than I did.
Sure, he paced our room as if he were caged. But someone from the outside looking in would have definitely pegged him as the saner of us two. Still doesn’t mean he was.
He didn’t complain, but I knew this was difficult on him. Karal was his brother and, sure he understood the situation we were in. Deep down, he knew why he had to be quarantined. That didn’t matter to his nature. He wanted out. He wanted to help. He wanted vengeance. Nothing was going to change that. Not even sex. In fact, sex would only make it worse. He always took a run after taking me. He said it was to cool off and calm down so he could sleep, but I knew better. He ran because that’s what bliss did to him. One release required the other.
Frankly I was grateful he was here. Being alone would have doubled the damage. More than double really. I was already worrying about everyone I didn’t have my eye on.
I needed them. By my side, the way things were before. I needed those moments when we’d all share my bed. When sex was a thing that happened, with no time limit, no boundaries. When I could admire them all, individually and as a whole. When I could touch and taste and be touched and taste by them, guessing whose tongue was whose. I wanted those simpler times. When nothing was of concern because all the wheels to this engine we call our lives ran as smoothly as if they were freshly greased.
I wanted Fenrir too. I wanted to be held by him. I wanted someone who was at least a little distanced from this. Who I’d look at and not see hurt similar to the hurt that rumbled from the pit of my stomach to the top of my heart. I wanted to forget. With Fenrir, I would be the one loved, and healed, and ruled.
I knew the traditions, and I understood their value, and the dangers. I even agreed with them, but none of that mattered when it came to Fenrir.
How long could I be strong? How long before I cracked? The last few days were packed with bad omens and events. All of them felt as though they were part of something, an avalanche ready to fall on my realm. Not only did I feel small under this wave of roaring rock and thunder, I wasn’t capable of seeing it. I could only feel it, and it felt like it came from everywhere.
Men, trained for this circumstance, were dressed in HAZMAT suits so they could take the dead from the radio room, wrapped in sealed body bags.
The fallen would be put in a pit and burned. Lime would then cover them before the remains were buried. Each of them deserved so much better, but we could not risk contagion.
The radios would then be unplugged and soaked in isopropyl alcohol. The room would be bleached, and then cleaned with alcohol as well. Another room was already being set up as a new radio room with backup radios.
We only had four sealed and filtered quarantine rooms. The three guards were together in the other room. So far, none of us exposed to the radio room showed signs of the virus. I gave the order to set up the quarantine tent outside the walls, and to spread word to the villages not to come to the Keep for at least three days or until new word was given. The only blessing was that the virus was fast acting, and symptoms were visible in less than a day.
Where was Fenrir? Did Iris survive? Goddess, please, let her be alive.
It then occurred to me, that I should give a few prayers and some thought to myself.
“You’ll stay out of my way,” a loud voice said, and then the double doors leading into the quarantine area opened, and Fenrir was there.
Two doctors ran to my area, and said through the speakers, “He says he’s going to heal Karal. But he won’t allow us to observe.”
“You’ll do as he says, as if it were my command,” I told her.
“But, my Queen! If it works, this could lead to a break…”
“You’ll do as he says!” I ordered. “You’ll do exactly as he says!” If there was a chance of saving Karal, I didn’t give a shit about the specifics. I didn’t give a shit about pride and morals and anything above or in between. I needed Karal and I needed him alive and just as well as he was only moments ago.
Stunned, she looked to the other doctor who nodded to her. Meeting my eyes, and then looking down, she said, “Yes, my Queen.” She wasn’t happy about it. That much was for sure. But she’d do as I said.
“Good. This is a Kind thing. Since he’s not offering to do anything for me, I doubt we are missing anything helpful for us,” I reasoned for her.
“The Kind have abandoned us, my lady,” she said, her voice sullen.
“Don’t be naïve. That wasn’t a messenger, and you know it. He’s right over there in your other room.”
She looked over her shoulder. “Yes, my lady.” But she didn’t sound convinced. This was worse than I thought. If an intelligent woman like her could be misled like this, what about the others in the villages? What was going on out there?”
Adian stepped up beside me and spoke his piece in my defense. “It’s true doctor. We’ve been lied to, even worse, we’ve been deceived about Fenrir as well. Tomorrow I’ll be going around the villages and explaining things. I’m sure Karal will be out there helping me to do this. We need to get this matter settled and we need to do it soon.”
The doctor looked up to Adian and looked more reassured. “As you say,” she told him, then both of them turned and left the area, closing the double doors behind them.
Fenrir had not paused. Once he came in the room, he went directly to Karal’s cell and went inside. Fenrir looked taller, and his shoulders, arms and chest were round with muscle, and dark bristled hair, as if he were beginning to shift. I once heard that in his change, Fenrir was greater than Anubis. I tried to imagine him larger than a god - it wasn’t difficult.
After close to thirty minutes, Fenrir came out of the room with a plastic bag filled with what looked like bloody rags. He searched and found the door to the incinerator and a part of me felt like he dragged my heart right there with him. The suspense was killing me. Killing me, slowly, but very goddamn surely.
After disposing of the bag, and checking the inside with a poker, he went to Víðarr’s room, and closed the shades on the windows. Adian paced harder. Faster. And this time, I paced with him. Patience is a virtue, they say. But screw that, my impatience ran bone deep. After about the same amount of time he had spent in Karal’s room, Fenrir emerged again with another bag, which he incinerated as well.
“Is Iris okay?” The words rushed from my lips as I pressed my hands against the glass, pleading with Fenrir to tell me he’d saved her.
Stepping up to me at the window, he clicked on the speaker. A small smile stretched his lips. “They should both be fine now. Iris will be returning tomorrow, if she’s confident she is no longer a danger.”
The gasp of air that left my lungs felt like it had lifted a village off my chest. I pressed my hands to my face and nodded. If tears spilled now, they would only be half filled with the salt of sadness.
“What happened to them?” I asked once I’d gained back a smidgen of my composure.
Fen shook his head. “I’m not sure yet. I have blood samples from all three of them, which I’ll give to the doctors. They’ll have to work in HAZMAT suits to study them, but you have the equipment here for that.”
I agreed with him there. For blood work we had all of the equipment we needed to study hazardous samples.
“I don’t believe it’s the virus,” he added. “I think we are looking for a type of bacteria. We’ll know more once the doctors have been able to study these.”
I nodded, grateful to have him here and proud of his diligence. “Thank you, Fenrir. Are you going to be around once I get out?”
“Yes. I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave with you and your men in quarantine. This might have been the purpose for the attack,” he said.
I hadn’t thought of that and cursed myself for not thinking of it. With me, all three of my men, and Iris out of the Keep, an attack right now would cause chaos. My guards were good, and the people well versed in emergency protocols, but without a leader... “Thank you, again, Fenrir.”
He grinned. “Let’s wait, and make sure you have a Keep tomorrow morning before you get all gushy, princess.”
“Queen, you big oaf,” I said softly, blushing just a little.
Fenrir left, into the outside room through the double doors, and my brain began spinning. Everything going on, had one common denominator - Fenrir.
I turned to Adian, needing something to do with my hands.
“Adian? How are you feeling?” I asked.
“I’m good,” he said.
I turned to him and placed my hands at either side of his face. “Let me see your eyes.”
He looked to me, and I searched the white areas for signs of bloodshot. “Are you sure you feel okay?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Good, because I need you to be alright. I can’t run a kingdom without you. I can’t run a kingdom without any of you,” I said and pressed my forehead against his.
“And you won’t have to,” he promised. But despite how solid the words sounded, the fear didn’t leave me. My men meant the world to me. There were other kingdoms run by queens who believed their men to be nothing more than… well, pets. If death were to fall upon one of the men, the queen would simply find another. This wasn’t the case here. A part of my heart belonged to each of them and if one or the other were to leave, a piece of my heart would leave with them.
I sucked in a deep breath and guided my hand into Aiden’s. “What do you think he did with Karal, and the other? Viðarr?” I asked.
He held my gaze, but he was clearly torn. After a hesitation, he said, “I believe I know, but it would be breaking a confidence to tell you.”
Searching his eyes, I felt he would tell me, but it would hurt him. He didn’t have many people he trusted. “If he did what you believe, was it to save them?”
“Yes,” he said, without hesitating at all.
While I had Adian in my heart, he was a shifter. One of the Kind.
Shit, was it enough to believe Adian? I asked myself and I felt like both a fool and a traitor for doing this. “Is there good reason to keep it quiet?” I asked him.
“I believe so, yes. If you order me, I’ll tell you,” he said.
I was tempted. Sorely tempted. “No,” I told him. “Not now. Perhaps not ever, but not now.” I turned away, walked to the cot, and sat down. “I wish Iris was here.”
A part of me felt like I was losing control of my realm. If I wasn’t careful, my people would die and I’d have their blood on my hands because I am in charge. I am the one responsible for every life and every death that occurs in my Keep.
If Fenrir took over my realm to create a kingdom, the other queens would attack without hesitation. They would not care if he was the Wolf of Destruction or not. They would attack, my people would panic, and there would be blood. Not just his blood, but the blood of my people.
Of the western realms, mine was the least military. The weapons and ammunition we had were nothing compared to those south or east of here. Fertile ground is what we had - crops, sheep, and good wine. Good for trade, but not good for war. One could say we should have been better prepared, that we should always think to the future. But what kind of pessimist builds her dreams of a future around war? We had calm, my great grandmother, my mother, they fought for this calm. The queens have worked together in order to ensure that this calm remains. The aim was to keep it, not by force, but with trust. We’ve managed that for quite some time now. Now? I don’t know what the hell is going on.
I have allowed a wolf inside my doors and though my gut says I should trust him, I’m not sure just how right my gut is.
Goddess be merciful, if Fenrir came to take my realm.