Six

Sutton

“Jenny, have you seen my brown Tory Burch sandals?” I asked, scanning the living room.

“You left them behind the side table.”

“Of course I did.” I circled the couch and found the mysterious sandals exactly where Jenny had said they were. I slipped my feet into them.

“Mommy!” Jason cried as he toddled into the living room.

“Hey, bud.” I scooped him up in my arms and nuzzled his cute little neck. “Are you ready for your party with Jen?”

He nodded eagerly. “You pwetty.”

“Aw, thanks, little dude.” I glanced up at Jenny as I set him back on his feet. “I actually managed makeup today.”

“You look great, Sut,” Jenny said warmly. “It’s good to see you looking a bit more like yourself. I hope you have fun on your date.”

I froze in place, the smile slipping from my face. “Date?” I sputtered.

“Uh…yeah?”

Jason tugged on her sleeve, and she sank to her feet to play with his toy trucks. I saw the whole thing through a haze. Normally, I’d jump right in with them and have a ball. But, right now, I was…unraveling.

“It’s not…” I shook my head. “It isn’t…is it?”

“Well, I mean, I thought it was,” Jenny said with a grimace. “If it’s not, then it’s not.”

“We didn’t say—I mean, shit!”

“Shit!” Jason repeated loudly.

I slapped a hand over my mouth, and Jenny stifled a laugh.

“We don’t say those kinds of words. Only grown-ups do,” she explained.

“Mommy did.”

“Yes. Mommy is a grown-up.”

He shot her what served as an exasperated look and went back to his trucks.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “I don’t think it’s a date. Do you think it’s a date?”

“Well, you got a sitter to go to the movies on a Friday night with a guy,” Jenny said, leaving the statement hanging.

“Right…right,” I repeated. “Of course. He probably thinks it’s a date. Oh my God, I don’t know how to date, Jenny. I don’t want to date. I’m not ready.”

“Calm down. Just breathe. It doesn’t have to be a date.”

“But it is. It’s a date. I’m going to have to cancel.”

“What?” Jenny asked in disbelief.

I sank into the couch and put my head in my hands. I didn’t know why this hadn’t occurred to me before. Of course it looked like a date from the outside. When I’d asked David to go to the movies, we’d just had such an incredible lunch, and everything had felt so normal. I’d thought I was going for an extension of what we were already doing that afternoon.

Not a…date.

A real-life fucking date.

I hadn’t been on one of those before Maverick in…years.

“I can’t do this.”

“Sutton…you shouldn’t cancel.”

No, I absolutely had to cancel. This wasn’t fair to David at all. I was a mess. A total hot mess. Maverick had only been gone a year, and no guy should have to deal with me in the middle of this.

I had just started my first job. That was enough new for one month at least. Working at Kimber’s was amazing and refreshing in a way that I’d never known work could be. But that was entirely different than going on a date.

David was…no, I didn’t even know what he was. Attractive, of course. Kind, sweet, happy, and kind of wonderful. That didn’t mean I should date him. Or anyone for that matter.

No one would want all my baggage. I didn’t even want all my baggage. And how could I really start over with Maverick still haunting me every night? With his son staring up at me from the floor of the house we’d bought together? With all the memories swallowing me whole?

I swiped my hands under my eyes and stood. My stomach clenched as I glanced around the house. A job was enough. Dating was…dating was something else.

“I’m going to go call him,” I whispered as I disappeared into the foyer.

I heard Jenny sigh, but she could hardly blame me for being reticent.

David answered on the first ring. “Hey, Sutton. I’m not late again, am I?”

“No.” I coughed to cover choking on my answer.

“Everything all right?”

“I…I have to cancel,” I whispered hollowly.

“Oh,” he said, his voice dipping in distress. “What happened? Are you okay? Was Jenny not free? We could stay in and hang out with Jason, if you’d prefer.”

I closed my eyes over his kind words. Nothing had happened. No, I was definitely not okay. Of course, it would seem like it was something else other than my own brain turning traitor against me.

“I just…can’t…do this.”

“This?”

“Us.”

He let the word hover through the phone. “I wasn’t aware there was an us, Sutton.”

“I don’t know how to do this.” My hand rested on my heart, and I leaned my head back as I tried to get words to form.

“There’s a you, and there’s a me. It can just be you and me.”

“I’m not ready to date. I didn’t realize that this was a date when I asked you. And, now, I realize it’s a date. I’m a scattered mess, David. I feel like shit, and…God, now, I’m rambling.” I took a deep, rattling breath. “I’m not in a good place. It would be unfair to you to have expectations that this is something other than friendship.”

“Sutton, I didn’t think that this was a date,” he said calmly.

“You didn’t?” I asked in horror.

“No. But, if you’re worried that it is, we don’t have to go. Or I can assure you that we’re just going as friends. Or we can, again, stay in and hang out with Jason. There are no expectations here.”

“Well…I just made myself look stupid.”

My cheeks heated. I couldn’t believe I’d freaked out on David on the phone before we were supposed to go to the movies. All because of the word date. And then he hadn’t even thought it was a date. It was just something that Jenny had assumed, and I’d gotten it stuck in my head.

My panic attack had been for nothing.

“You don’t look stupid. I understand why you would freak out about dating. You decide what you want to do, and I’ll go with that.”

I paced into the living room, and Jenny turned a not-subtle-at-all look of eagerness in my direction.

“Well?” she whispered.

I shrugged and waved her away, returning my attention to David, “I…I don’t know. Do you still want to go?”

Jenny hissed behind me, “Go!”

I made a face at her, sticking my tongue out. Jason laughed from where he was seated and did the same. He was such a mirror at this age.

“I would love to go still, but if you’re not comfortable, then we don’t have to. It’s up to you.”

My heart pattered in my chest. He’d said it wasn’t a date and that it could just be us going out as friends. Plus, I did want to see the movie. That hadn’t been a lie when I asked him in the first place. It seemed a waste not to go when I had Jenny for the night. Maybe I was making excuses to still go.

But, with the scary word out of the way…it could be fine.

“Okay. Let’s…let’s still go,” I told him.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I was looking forward to it before I had a panic attack.”

“All right. I’ll be there soon to get you.”

I hung up the phone and sank back down in the couch.

“I completely freaked out on him. Why does he put up with me?”

“Do you want the truth?” Jenny asked.

My heart skipped at the implication. Then, I shook my head. “Lie to me.”

Jenny arched her eyebrow. “He’s a really good friend, and he sees you as a little sister that he wants to take care of. It’s nothing special. Your heart need not get involved.”

If that was the lie, I definitely wasn’t ready to hear the truth.