‘You have a lock of hair sticking up.’ Anna spat on her palm and ran it over Theo’s scalp. He found this both revolting and demeaning and he ruffled his hair as soon as she’d finished. She tutted at him, playfully. He pressed the front doorbell and stood in the porch, waiting, with her arm resting through his.

‘I can’t believe you don’t have a key to your family home. That’s so messed up.’ Her words hung in the air like the afterburn of a sparkler writing in the dark.

‘Anna, as you well know, there’s lots about my family that is messed up. Denying me entry unless I come with a semi-formal invite to dinner is just one of them.’ He gave her a false grin.

‘Okay, well, I’m keeping a mental note, and your messed-up family is definitely not something we should mention at our adoption interview, okay?’ She looked deadly serious.

‘Okay.’ He sighed, already wary of doing or saying the wrong thing at their introductory meeting, scheduled for the following week. ‘I can’t believe you’re making us do this.’

Anna laughed. ‘Honestly, you sound like you’re twelve! I am not making you do anything! I just think that whatever beef you have with your mum is not going to be resolved by sitting at home and brooding. It’s important you fix it – life is too bloody short.’

He smiled at her, his brilliant wife who was being so brave, with the news of her infertility still only a few weeks old. He had only told her vaguely about hanging up the phone on his mother at the hospital, but not the reasons why. ‘I know you’re right, but we’re not staying long.’

‘Wow! You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to tonight.’ Her words dripped with sarcasm.

They were silent for a beat or two.

‘What are we doing? They do this – they turn us into crazies!’ He turned to her, his tone conciliatory. ‘Shall we just go home and drink wine and have sex? Why don’t we say you’ve got a headache?’

‘Why do I have to be the one with the headache? You have the bloody headache! And besides, if I have a headache then sex is most definitely out of the question!’

‘Actually, Anna, if you carry on shouting at me like that, I might just well have one.’

‘Ah, there you are!’ His mum opened the front door wide and greeted them warmly, kissing them both on each cheek as if there was nothing amiss. She had clearly dressed for dinner and was looking chic in her high-waisted navy palazzo pants and a cream silk shirt tucked in to show off her slender frame. There was a string of pearls at her neck and her hair was scraped back into a French knot.

‘Come in! Come in!’ She ushered them eagerly into the rarely used drawing room, her eyes bright.

He and Anna shared a look of mild concern. It had been years since Theo had seen his mother make such a fuss.

His father was standing by the fireplace; flames roared in the grate and logs crackled comfortingly. He was holding a glass of whisky and resting his elbow on the marble mantelpiece, looking very much like a portrait in oils.

There was a man sitting in the wing-backed chair behind the door. He stood up and Theo’s eye was immediately drawn to the bootlace tie around his neck. The man’s jacket was cut long, his jaw-length hair was slicked back with oil and he sported a large, drooping moustache. Theo guessed he was in his fifties.

Anna strolled across the room and kissed her father-in-law on the cheek.

‘How are you doing now?’ Perry boomed. ‘The damnedest thing!’

‘I am doing well, thank you.’

Theo’s heart flexed as Anna painted on a smile, burying her sorrow. He knew she was well-practised at putting on a brave face; it was something she’d had to do a lot through her childhood. The weeks since the devastating news about her infertility had been terribly hard for her. Theo had taken some days off and they’d spent most of the time going for long walks with Griff, distracting themselves, focusing on their playful pup instead. Bit by bit Anna had thrown herself into researching the adoption process. Once he’d returned to work, she seemed to spend most of her days calling people, making appointments, getting books on the subject out of the library. Their conversations at night became dominated by her findings. He was pleased for her, and excited too. It was such a relief not to be arguing any more. Now at last they were united, and they were even able to laugh again together. He kept his doubts to himself and tried not to dwell on them, but every so often they surfaced. How much would he have to disclose, and did he really want to raise someone else’s child when he already had one of his own?

His mother almost skipped back into the room, pulling him back to the present and to the strange guest standing among them.

‘So, Theo...’ She clapped and flicked her fringe flirtatiously. The blush to her cheek was one he hadn’t seen in a while. ‘This,’ she announced with clarity and a determined emphasis, ‘is Pastor Julian.’ She gestured towards him as if she were a hostess on a TV gameshow highlighting the many attributes of a fridge-freezer.

The man stuck out his hand at an odd angle, making the handshake awkward. Theo knew that his father would be sharing the same thought: not the Vaizey way...

‘Pastor Julian?’ he queried.

‘Please, call me Jules.’

The man had a deep voice that Theo could easily imagine preaching sermons of fire and brimstone. He was aware of his father’s stare and the two exchanged a look that bordered on comical. To share anything with his father felt like a win and he enjoyed the interaction.

‘This is my wife, Anna.’ Theo held out his hand and pulled her over to receive her own odd handshake.

‘Nice to meet you,’ she offered and, as ever, Theo was touched by her sweet nature.

‘Ah yes, Anna. I was so very sorry to hear about your recent bad news.’ Pastor Julian nodded sagely, as if he had the measure of Anna.

It irritated and bemused Theo that this man had been given the lowdown on their lives. He looked at his mother, wondering what the hell was going on.

There was a pause while all five glanced from one to the other, unsure of what came next.

‘Do you have a... Is your church local?’ Theo faltered, wary of causing offence. His parents had never shown even the slightest interest in any religion. The only time he had seen them in a church was at weddings, christenings and funerals.

‘It’s not a church so much as a shed. In Putney!’ his father interjected, loudly and with a wheezy rattle of laughter. This was followed by the clink of ice as he brought the tumbler of whisky to his mouth.

‘Your dad’s right. I minister in Putney, but the truth is my church is anywhere people need it to be.’ Pastor Julian spoke with his palms upturned, as if halfway through a magic trick and keen to show he had nothing secreted up his sleeve.

His dad rolled his eyes behind the pastor’s back and Theo had to admit that he found the man’s theatricals more than a tad amusing.

‘If you don’t mind me asking, how do you all know each other?’ Anna asked the obvious and most interesting question, pointing at them in turn with her index finger.

‘Mrs Montgomery is a valued member of my congregation.’ The pastor smiled at Theo’s mother.

‘My mother, a member of your congregation?’ Theo laughed, waiting for the punchline. He didn’t have to wait long.

‘That’s right, Theodore, isn’t it marvellous! Your mother has found Jesus!’ his father boomed. ‘And not just regular Jesus, not your common-or-garden, couple-of-hymns, sign-of-the-cross type Jesus. Oh no. This church is something very special. It is a kind of magic church. I don’t want to steal her thunder, but this week she has in fact been chatting to Great-Aunt Agatha – the fact that the woman’s been dead for nigh on thirty years is neither here nor there. Isn’t it marvellous? Pastor Jules has a hotline to heaven! Who’d have thought it? Could you see your way to asking my Great-Uncle Maurice where he buried the family gold?’ He chuckled and took another sip.

There was an uncomfortable silence while everyone waited for this new insight to settle. ‘And as if that wasn’t revelation enough, she found Jesus in the darndest place. Tell him, Stella. Tell the boy where you were when you had your epiphany.’

‘Daddy is trying to be funny, but, yes, I have found Jesus. Or rather he found me.’

‘And where did he find you?’ His father wasn’t going to let up.

His mother lost a little of her colour and Theo felt sorry that she was being put under the spotlight in this way. ‘He found me in... in Marks and Spencer’s.’ She stuttered slightly but held his gaze.

The atmosphere at the dinner table was strained, to put it mildly. Theo’s mother ferried the vintage tureens that had graced her own mother’s dresser to the table and fussed over every detail, checking the saltcellar and wiping a smudge from Anna’s wine glass. Eventually she perched herself on the edge of her seat, as if waiting for her next instruction.

Pastor Julian took in the sumptuous spread, coughed and announced, ‘It would be my honour to say grace.’

This, despite the fact no one had asked him. Theo looked at his father, fully expecting a disdainful response, but Perry merely sucked in his cheeks, swirled an ice cube in his tumbler and stared at Pastor Julian, as though trying to figure him out. His mother clasped her hands earnestly and Theo did his best to avoid Anna’s stare, desperate not to give in to the laughter that threatened.

The uncomfortable silences between mouthfuls meant that every dropped fork and each clang of a glass against a plate seemed to deepen the embarrassment of everyone present. Everyone except Pastor Julian, who seemed more than at home as he repeatedly dug the silver serving spoon deep into the dish of mashed potatoes and ladled chicken gravy over the top with relish. ‘So, Anna, Stella tells me you were in care?’ he said casually, almost as an aside.

Again, Theo was irritated by the pastor’s tone. He watched Anna’s face carefully as she responded, ready to swoop in and save her if need be.

‘Yes. Yes, I was. From my early teens until I was eighteen.’

‘You seem...’

Anna paused, holding her fork mid mouthful, waiting to hear what came next.

‘You seem incredibly calm, astute, if you don’t mind me saying.’

Anna’s response was cool and well delivered. ‘Well, that’s very kind of you to say, but in my experience, people who have been in care are many and varied in their personalities and circumstances. I think it depends where you lived, who you lived with and why you were there in the first place.’

‘And that is of course true, but still, the statistics would suggest that a life in care can lead to criminality, depression, drug abuse...’

Anna swallowed her mouthful and stayed calm. ‘Sadly that is what the statistics say, but I’m not really one for statistics, 83.4 per cent of which are apparently made up on the spot.’ She smiled at Theo and he laughed quietly, feeling a rush of love for her. ‘Take my roommate, Shania. She and I were from not dissimilar backgrounds, and she nearly fell through the cracks after she left care. She was homeless not that long ago, in fact. But now she is clean, healthy and pregnant! I saw her just the other week, as it happens, for the first time in a long while, and it was a pleasure to see her doing so well.’ She raised her glass and took a sip in honour of her friend. ‘The secret is having somewhere safe to go when you leave care. Like Theo’s idea for dedicated studio-homes for kids in Bristol, trying to give them a proper chance. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?’

Theo held her gaze, quite overcome by her very public support for the project his father had been so derisive about.

Perry took the bait. ‘Well, if Theo feels that strongly about those poor kids, he should fund the sodding project himself. How about that?’ He banged the table. ‘Or is that what this adoption malarkey is all about? Another do-gooders’ attempt to make a difference? Can’t see it myself, bringing up someone else’s sprog – you surely never quite know what you’re going to get! And the idea of him looking after a baby!’ He pointed at Theo. ‘He had a goldfish once, won it at a fair, don’t think it lasted the night!’

The colour drained from Theo’s face and he looked over at Anna, aghast. He’d told his parents in passing that they were exploring the idea of adoption, but of course they hadn’t had a proper discussion about it – about that or anything in that vein. His dad’s words cut him to the quick and he hated that it might be doing the same to Anna.

‘It’s okay,’ she mouthed at him. ‘I love you.’

He felt like weeping.

Stella sighed. ‘Perry, please! That’s quite enough! Do carry on, Anna.’

Anna was silent momentarily and then, to her absolute credit, she continued. ‘I don’t let my past define me, but also I don’t forget it. I have learnt a lot through all of my experiences, I hope. Some good and some not so good.’

Theo eyed her across the table. I am proud of you, my strong, lovely Anna.

‘And you were in care on account of losing all of your family?’ Pastor Julian just couldn’t seem to let the topic drop.

Theo clenched his teeth, holding back his anger.

‘Yes, but I do have a half-sister and -brother here and a cousin, Jordan, but he lives in New York.’ She smiled. ‘But obviously that’s far away and so I don’t see him nearly as often as I’d like.’

Theo’s dad had clearly had enough. ‘Just going to let Rhubarb out for a shit,’ he announced, standing abruptly and dropping his napkin into his chair.

‘Nice.’ Theo smiled at Anna.

‘So, Theo...’

He braced himself for whatever crap the man was about to spout.

‘Your mother tells me you’re a troubled man? That you have an admirable social conscience?’

He looked first at the pastor and then at his mother and this time did nothing to stop the laughter from escaping. He made no apology, just swiped at his mouth with his napkin. ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t say I was troubled. A little pissed off, maybe, bemused, embarrassed certainly, but troubled? No. Could you pass the peas, please, Anna?’

Anna handed him the unwieldy tureen.

Pastor Julian failed to take the hint. ‘I can tell you that there is no shame in not having everything figured out. Your mother tells me that school was very hard for you.’

‘Actually, let me stop you there. Firstly, I don’t know you and secondly, even if I did, I would not be willing to discuss anything as personal as my childhood.’

‘Pastor Jules is only—’

‘Only what, Mum? What exactly is Pastor Jules doing here?’ Theo shook his head with annoyance.

‘Theo!’

‘It’s okay.’ The pastor patted Stella’s arm and wiped his mouth, returning the napkin to his lap. ‘I understand that when there is a lot unsaid, the messenger is often the one who is attacked. It’s understandable.’

Theo glance at Anna and said, without attempting to whisper, ‘Anna, did you say you thought you might have left the gas on? Do we need to leave now?’

They exchanged a look and he felt another flush of love for her. It felt good to have an ally in this shitty situation.

The pastor sat forward and stared at Anna. ‘I am a messenger, Anna, and I have someone here that is trying to talk to you. His name is Jim. No...’ He closed his eyes and held out his hand with his fingers splayed. ‘James. Or John?’

Anna gasped. ‘My brother?’ she whispered, her face white. ‘Joe?’

‘That’s enough!’ Theo raised his voice and glared at the pastor.

Stella sat forward, looking cross, but Pastor Jules ignored Theo and continued. ‘He says it wasn’t your fault. He says he is sorry. And I can hear music... Let me see...’ He cocked his head to one side, as if to hear it better.

Anna was almost whimpering now and Theo was incandescent with rage. What was this man trying to prove? How dare he upset Anna like that? ‘I said, that’s enough!’ He slammed his cutlery down onto the table and stood, stopping Pastor Julian in his tracks. With eyes blazing he reached for Anna’s hand.

Anna, as if in shock, stood too, her legs wobbly.

‘Okay...’ Theo reached out with a shaking hand and addressed his mother. ‘I have no idea what the fuck is going on, but I want no part of it, not for me and certainly not for my wife, who has been through quite enough recently. Thank you for an interesting supper. It’s been a blast.’

‘What do you mean? We’ve only just started eating, you’ve hardly touched your food and I made tipsy pudding!’ his mother whined.

‘Trust me, Mum, I’ve more than had my fill. Come on, Anna. Say goodbye to Dad for us.’ He placed a hand on Anna’s back, guiding her along the hallway until they were outside, standing in the cool night air.

‘What on earth...?’ Anna gave a nervous laugh. Slipping her arm through his and bending over to laugh some more, this soon gave way to tears, which she swiped with her sleeve. ‘I don’t know why I’m crying.’

Watching her try to be brave tore at his heartstrings. ‘I do, and I’m so sorry, Anna, that was truly awful.’ He scuffed his sole on the pavement, trying to release some of the tension inside him. ‘Are you okay? Did that scare you?’

‘I honestly don’t know what to think,’ she levelled. ‘It did scare me and I hated it, but at the same time, what if he really can do that?’

‘Trust me, he really can’t do anything, it’s utter bollocks!’ Theo shook his head.

‘But it sounded like he knew things... About Joe... About... the music box he stole maybe? I’ve never told anybody about that except you,’ she whispered. ‘You didn’t tell...?’

‘Oh Anna, my lovely Anna.’ He placed his hands either side of her head and kissed her face. ‘I’ve never told a soul, of course I haven’t.’ He hated what that vile man had dredged up. ‘Do not give that so-called pastor a moment of consideration. It’s a trick, and a cruel, dangerous trick at that. He was just fishing – it was all so bloody obvious, he just lobbed out some random names and hoped to get lucky.’

She nodded, and he could read the disappointment in her eyes. It was indeed the cruellest trick. Who wouldn’t want to talk to someone they’d lost?

‘Where did that guy spring from?’ she asked.

‘A shed in Putney apparently.’

‘But how come your mother hooked up with him? It’s nuts!’ She twirled her fingers by her head, emphasising the craziness. ‘I didn’t even know she was religious!’

‘Neither did I. And of course I have no problem with that if she has genuinely found faith, but that guy...’

‘I know, right – that guy!’

Theo shook his head. ‘I got the feeling she liked him.’

‘I should say! Inviting him for dinner, sharing intimate details of her troubled child.’ She pinched his cheek affectionately.

‘No, seriously...’ He pulled away a little. ‘I mean, liked him. She seemed giggly and a bit besotted.’

‘Two words I never would have associated with your mum.’

‘Exactly.’

‘Maybe it’s a late mid-life crisis?’

‘It’s something all right.’ He sighed.

‘Okay...’ She paused. ‘Pastor Julian – another thing definitely not to be mentioned at the adoption interview.’

‘On that we are agreed.’ He nodded. ‘God, I’m starving.’

‘Me too. Chip shop?’

‘Yes!’ He grinned. ‘Chip shop.’

They trod the pavement arm in arm, each pondering what they’d just been through.

‘But just supposing—’ Anna began.

‘No, Anna,’ he interrupted, ‘there is no “just supposing”. As I said, it is complete and utter bollocks.’

‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘I just wish it wasn’t.’

An hour later, with the White Stripes CD playing, vinegar-stained chip paper littering the sitting-room floor, Griff asleep in the kitchen and a bottle of wine sunk, the two of them lay next to each other on the rug.

Anna ran her fingers over his chest and kissed his mouth. ‘Troubled or not, I do love you, Theo, my little goldfish murderer.’

‘Thank you for that. And for your information, the bloody thing died of natural causes, pretty much before I tipped it from the bag into the bowl. And also for your information, I love you too.’

She reached down and unfastened his belt.

‘Wait a minute.’ He grabbed her wrist. ‘Do you think we should say grace first?’

Anna howled her laughter and climbed on top of him, kissing his mouth and running her hands over his chest.

He kissed her back, happy for the joy of contact and the happy abandonment of sex, which had been missing of late. In a paused moment they stared at each other.

‘I love you, Theo. I really, really love you.’

He reached up and used the pad of his thumb to brush the sweet mouth that had uttered these words so sincerely. ‘I love you too.’

‘I can’t stop thinking about it...’ she began.

‘Thinking about what?’

‘That adoption might be the thing for us!’

And just like that, Theo’s carefree mood was nudged out of the frame by the flicker of self-doubt he just couldn’t shift. He was determined to try and make Anna happy, it was all he wanted, and he was going to give this adoption meeting his very best shot. But what if he really was destined to turn out like his parents? What if in twenty years’ time their own child came round for the dinner party from hell? What if he simply wasn’t father material, just as Kitty had surmised?