Theo woke a fraction of a second before his alarm. He rubbed the grit from his eyes and lay back against the soft pillow, breathing deeply, knowing this was how best to shrug off the memory of the nightmare that lurked. He flexed his muscles against the cool sheet, a little damp with his sweat, and clicked on the lamp, careful not to wake Anna. He glanced across to where her sleeping form lay... but of course she wasn’t there. This was not their bedroom at home in Barnes, this was the hastily secured bedroom of a budget hotel beside the river in Bristol. The place where he’d spent the last couple of weeks. By day he paced the docks, taking in the majesty of his red-brick warehouse and wondering how his life could have gone so spectacularly wrong in such a short space of time. By night he covered his ears with the spare pillow to block out the shouts of revellers coming and going at all hours, students mainly, pouring out of the famous Thekla nightclub, a former cargo ship which was moored opposite.

Contact with Anna had been minimal, each conversation curt and to the point. She wasted no time on pleasantries, and the lack of kindness in their exchanges deepened his sadness still further. What did you expect, Theo?

But despite his torturous dreams, today was going to be a good day, and that was enough to encourage him into the bathroom at such an ungodly time of the morning.

A couple of hours later he was pacing the arrivals hall at Cardiff airport with eager anticipation, checking his phone repeatedly. It was while he was distracted by the noisy reunion of a mother and daughter to his right that a familiar voice called out, ‘Mate!’

Spud wrapped him in a big hug. They only ever embraced before or after significant time apart; to do so at routine hellos and goodbyes had never crossed their minds when they were younger, but now that they lived on different continents, it would probably become the norm. It was over six months now since they’d last seen each other.

‘Liking the sideburns.’ Theo pointed at Spud’s hair. ‘Even if I can spot a bit of a grey fleck. Very distinguished.’

‘Got to do something to keep down with the kids,’ Spud said, laughing.

Theo grabbed the folded suit carrier from his hand.

‘You can mock my smattering of grey, but I see you’re going a bit thin on top there.’ Spud stood on tiptoes, an unnecessary charade as he was taller than Theo, and peered at his friend’s crown.

Theo ran his palm self-consciously over his pate. ‘Probably! The month I’ve had, nothing would surprise me.’

Spud patted his back, brotherly and affectionate. ‘Glad you’ve not opted for the comb-over. Better to just get rid, as you have. Nice and short.’

‘Thank you for that advice, Mr Sassoon. And it’s not that bad! Any other comments on my appearance?’

‘Not that I can think of – you’re looking good, Theo, been working out?’ Spud patted his own flat stomach.

The two laughed and Theo was grateful for how easily they always picked up where they’d left off, no matter how long they’d been apart. ‘So, a whole five days in Blighty, eh?’

‘Yep. Been in London the last two days – where you clearly were not – and now it’s here for three days, for a conference and back-to-back meetings, but at least they’re in beautiful Wales, which makes it slightly more bearable. If nothing else, I can look out of the window and enjoy the view. Thanks for coming to get me, by the way.’

‘No worries. It’s a good chance for a catch-up, otherwise wasted if you were sitting in a cab. And it’s no distance from Bristol.’

Spud flashed him a thin-lipped smile when he mentioned Bristol. They had much to discuss, but that could wait.

‘And of course you can take time out of your day as you’re now your own boss! Must be great to do what the hell you like.’ Spud grinned and punched Theo lightly on the shoulder.

‘Oh yes, mate, I am living the dream.’ Theo grinned. ‘Only a couple of weeks in and I am indeed my own boss. Not a penny of income, rising costs, dwindling savings, loneliness, self-doubt, one single employee, and the only thing stopping me from jacking the whole thing in and going for a long swim off a short pier is the fact that I still, in some tiny crevice of my mind, believe that what I am doing might just be the right thing.’

‘Well, as a wise man once said, the decision you make is always the right one.’

‘It was you that said that!’ Theo tutted.

‘And I was right.’

‘So, a good flight from town?’ Theo asked as they made their way across the car park.

‘Is there such a thing? I hate it. Sitting high above the clouds in a tin can. Planes are nothing more than a necessary evil for me, a way to hop across the pond and get around.’

‘How are Kumi and the kids?’

‘All good. Really good, in fact. Miyu is talking as well as walking now and she bosses me around when Kumi is otherwise engaged – they’re like a tag team! And I swear to God they agree with each other on anything I am opposed to on point of principle, ganging up on me – my life is not my own and when her granny is around, I have to deal with the three of them!’ The big grin on his face belied his words. ‘I am secretly learning bits of Japanese so I can listen to what they say about me without them knowing. It’s been illuminating.’ He nodded.

‘What do they say?’

‘Essentially that I am not only stupid but I might actually be the most stupid man ever to grace the earth, like perennially stupid.’

‘I don’t think the stupid have Master’s degrees and I don’t think they use the word “perennially”.’

‘You might be right.’ Spud chuckled. ‘Tom is a sweet baby, the opposite of his sister in every way. If she is a tornado, Tom is a gentle breeze.’

Theo flipped the boot of his new black Mercedes SL. ‘So you prefer Tom?’

Spud stared at him as he unloaded his bags from the trolley to the boot. ‘You don’t prefer one of your kids over the other!’ He laughed.

‘You don’t?’ Theo was only half joking.

‘No! God, they’re just different!’ Spud shook his head and ran his eyes over the sparkling metallic paintwork of the car. ‘Flipping heck – this is a beast! And if this is the car you get with no income, then sign me up!’ He rubbed his hands together at the prospect of a ride.

‘A legacy from Montgomery Holdings, mine for the next eighteen months, and then the way things are going, it’ll probably be Shanks’s pony. Want to drive?’ Theo held up the keys.

‘Mate, I am jetlagged, out of practice at driving on the left and more used to an automatic minivan – think I’d better pass. But I won’t pretend I’m not insanely jealous and insanely excited at the thought of doing so!’

Theo slid onto the cool leather and watched his friend do the same in the passenger seat.

‘Oh, she’s a beauty! What’s the most you’ve got out of her?’ Spud clapped. ‘Kumi would never let me have a car like this, even if we could afford it.’

‘Well, Anna doesn’t drive it.’ He had mentioned Anna, done the thing they had seemingly been keen to avoid until the time was right.

‘How’s she doing?’ Spud asked soberly, as if only now remembering that there were more important questions to ask than what top speed Theo had managed in his awesome car.

Theo concentrated on fastening his seatbelt and starting the engine, which purred. ‘I don’t know, is the truthful answer...’ He raised his hands and let them fall. ‘Our conversations are very formal and I don’t know what she’s thinking. Christ, I don’t know what I’m thinking!’

‘It must feel like you’re in limbo.’ Spud gave him the words.

‘It does.’ He gave a glum nod and looked straight ahead, unwilling and unable to discuss this further right now.

Spud lowered his voice, his words sincere. ‘It will get easier. Everything will become clearer. You know that, don’t you? It just needs time.’

Theo gulped down the embarrassing lump that sat in his throat. He looked across at his friend, who now ran his palm over the hand-stitched leather of the console. The temptation to open up to him properly before they’d even left the car park was strong. ‘So where first?’ He coughed. ‘Celtic Manor – that’s where you’re staying, right?’

‘Yes, and as long as they have good coffee, take me there. Right now I can think of nothing better.’

Theo shook his head in mock disgust. ‘And to think we used to drink beer with our cornflakes every morning!’

‘We used to do a lot of things.’ Spud laughed. ‘And at least one of us had a lot more hair!’

Theo pressed the stereo into action and the familiar strains of Guns N’ Roses’ ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ filled the car.

‘Oh, mate! Yes!’ Spud began his impromptu air-guitar routine, while Theo banged the steering wheel as though it were a drum. They might have been two grown men with responsibilities, travelling in a high-end executive car from the airport, but for the five minutes of the song, they were nineteen again, scruffy and living in their grotty flat in Belsize Park, where the plumbing was leaky and they mostly slept or hung out in their underpants.

*

It was late by the time Theo arrived back at his Bristol hotel. He settled back on the bed and opened his laptop, dialling up for an internet connection. His email pinged repeatedly. He glanced up at the ceiling, imagining he was in the kitchen in Barnes, and smiled fondly at how Anna used to get irritated if any noise filtered up the stairs. He thought about Griff the puppy and felt a wave of longing for that house and those in it. He looked at the phone and considered calling, but another stilted exchange with Anna was the last thing either of them needed.

He liked working there in the quiet at that late hour. Catching up on emails from planners, architects, the team at the council and Jody, the young woman he employed remotely as his right hand. It was a world away from his plush office in Villiers House. He shook the image of his father and Marta from his head. Jody had emailed him the CVs of candidates who’d made the first and second cut for the role of project manager, to oversee the renovation – someone with more building experience than him. Theo smiled. If only he’d studied engineering!

He yawned, scratched his stubbly chin and gave the CVs only scant consideration, wondering if he really wanted the egg and cress sandwich that had been warming in his briefcase since he’d picked it up on the way back from dropping off Spud. As he debated how hungry he was and prepared to call it a night, his attention was drawn to one CV in particular.

‘It can’t be.’

He swallowed, sat forward and squinted at the screen. His pulse quickened as he clicked on the attached document. There it was: confirmation that Mr Magnus Wilson, of Bath, former pupil of Vaizey College and with a whole list of qualifications and achievements to his name, was asking Theo for a job. Not that Wilson would have known; there was nothing at a glance to link Theo to the company. Theo’s reaction to seeing Magnus Wilson’s name was surprising. Even now, more than a decade later, he felt a stab of discomfort at the memory of the boy who had made his school life hell. His leg jumped as if he was back in Theobald’s House.

Sitting back on the bed, he thought long and hard about what to do. Would it be a good thing to see Wilson again or was it better to let sleeping dogs lie? He pictured the way Wilson had stood triumphantly after beating him up, his eyes showing no remorse.

Theo was unnerved. Instead of going to sleep, he reached for his briefcase and grabbed the slightly squashed sandwich. He was hungrier than he thought. He tried to stem thoughts of Wilson, already looking forward to meeting up with Spud again the next day.

*

The two men sat at a table in the sticky-floored pub in Wood Street, Cardiff.

‘So are you going to interview him?’ Spud asked through his mouthful of scampi.

‘I honestly don’t know,’ Theo said. ‘What would you do?’

‘I’d be tempted to, just to get a look at him, and the vile, vengeful part of me would want to take him so far in the process and then let him down in a withering way.’ He pretended to twirl an invisible moustache in a villainous manner.

‘You don’t have a vile and vengeful part, that much I do know.’ Theo held his mate’s gaze.

‘True, I’m an old softie, but I like to think that if there was a call for it, I could do mean and macho.’ Spud laughed and sipped his pint. ‘Ah! I tell you what... crap food and a warm pint, I have missed home!’

‘I’ll bet. So do they have scayumpee in Washington?’ Theo chuckled.

‘Yes, but they call it “shrimp” – go figure! Not that I’m allowed to eat it. Kumi watches what I eat.’ He pulled a face.

‘So you are going for a pud?’

‘Absolutely!’ Spud grinned. ‘I’ve got my eye on a hefty rum baba with extra cream.’

Theo shook his head in disgust.

‘It’s bothered you, hasn’t it, this guy popping up after all this time.’

Theo sniffed. ‘It has. You know how you have those people in your past who just...’ He balled his right hand into a fist and punched it into his left palm. ‘They have that ability to get under your skin because the memory of them is so powerful. It doesn’t matter that years, decades have passed – he was a thorn in my side for so long.’

Spud paused, placing his pint on the tabletop. ‘It does you no good to harbour those thoughts. They cause stress and stress is not something you want building up inside. You’ve got enough going on right now.’

‘Haven’t I just.’

‘So, this move to Bristol, is it permanent?’ Spud asked, his tone neutral.

‘I don’t know.’ Theo looked towards the window. ‘I know we both need a bit of space to get our heads straight, but I don’t know if she wants me back, and I don’t know if I can go back.’

‘That’s a lot of “don’t knows”.’

Theo nodded. ‘Anna wanting a baby has always been the biggest thing for her, and so to find out about Sophie...’ He paused. ‘It’s knocked her for six and it’s all my fault. If only I’d told her on our first date... But the longer I left it, the harder it became and there was always a reason not to bring it up.’

‘Because you were scared to.’

‘Yes, I was scared to and now I’m scared of what comes next.’ He sighed. ‘I want Anna to be happy, she deserves happiness more than anyone, and I wanted to be the one to make her happy. But now...? I’m not sure if I can.’

‘And the Kitty situation?’

Theo coughed. ‘No change. I have no part in her life. She doesn’t want me to muddy the water for either of them, and I get it.’

‘My advice would be to let it go, let a lot of those memories go, the ones that trouble you.’

‘I know that, but what if I can’t let them go, what if they’re ingrained in here...’ He tapped his forehead. ‘...springing up when I least expect them to?’

‘I’d say you need to find a way to let them go, try harder.’

‘The problem is...’ He sniffed and exhaled, trying to compose himself. ‘...that right now I am very, very unhappy. And I shouldn’t be. In truth, I am sick of it, mate, weary with being this sad.’ He sighed for the umpteenth time. ‘I had everything and I was loved.’ He pictured Anna, again. ‘But it’s like I have nothing and it’s... it’s been this way for my whole life. I’ve been good at hiding it at times, but I’m aware of these fault lines running through my mind, and what leaks out of the cracks is sadness.’ He clenched his jaw. ‘And I’ve always felt that one jolt of fear, one huge knock and those lines might open up and I might fall into the abyss.’ He looked up at his friend.

‘Like when you got that letter from Kitty about Sophie,’ Spud said, ‘and you seemed to give up. I was worried about you then. Mind you, I’m worried about you now.’

Theo gave a dry smile. ‘I know that if I fall, I might never resurface. I’ve faced depression many times, felt it breathing down my neck, and it’s a hostile place to live and a place I never want to go to again. And I’ve always refused to talk to anyone about it. I took some pills and battled through. And it got better, a little.’ He clenched his fists. ‘But the state I’m in now feels different, it doesn’t feel like depression, it feels like failure.’

‘It’s not failure – it’s life.’

Theo shrugged. ‘I guess. I’m just thinking of the times when I have been happy. The moments, often quite brief, when I was with someone I wanted to be with in a quiet place.’ He thought of falling asleep next to Anna under a canopy of fairy lights in her tiny flat, and of the night spent on a camp bed in the front parlour of Mr Porter’s crooked cottage with the smell of wood smoke and kerosene permeating the walls. ‘This means I am capable of happiness, right?’

‘Yes, absolutely, and that’s really important.’ Spud spoke plainly. ‘Knowing when you’re happy and what it was that made you happy is like learning the code.’

Theo nodded, feeling an overwhelming sense of longing for his wife.

‘You’re a good man, Theo, you always have been, and you’re one of the very few people I trust. You’re brilliant – I just wished you believed it.’

Theo blinked at his friend. ‘I tell you what I wish: I wish we had another pint.’

He raised his empty glass, doing what he did best, skirting over the sentiment, making light of the moment and swallowing the howls of distress and regret that rumbled in this throat.

* * *

Theo revved the engine and slipped the gearbox through its paces. He was edgy. Not even Guns N’ Roses on the stereo could lift his sense of apprehension. Having deliberated long and hard over what suit to wear and which shirt, he looked at his reflection in the mirror, satisfied with his appearance at least.

The traffic was heavy coming out of Cardiff, where he’d just dropped Spud at the airport for the first leg of his journey back to the US. As he crawled along the M4 towards Bristol, he began to lose his nerve. He put in a call to Jody.

‘How’s it going?’ she said when she picked up, knowing he had to be at the hotel in Bristol by 11 a.m. to interview the two final candidates.

‘Yep, good. Anything to report this morning?’ A small part of him hoped for a cancellation, a change in plans that would mean he could peel off at the next junction and go and find some breakfast. What were you thinking, Theo? What part of you thinks this is a good idea?

‘No, nothing to report. We’re all good,’ Jody chirped.

‘Righto. Well, have a good one and I’ll call you later.’

He ended the call and watched as the traffic miraculously vanished, leaving him plenty of time to make his appointments. He turned up the volume for ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ and hit the gas.

*

Theo stood and shook the hand of Phil Marshall. ‘Thank you for coming in. We’ll be in touch.’ He smiled as the man got to his feet and buttoned his suit jacket.

‘Thank you for seeing me and if you need any more information or have any other questions, then just shout.’

‘We will. Once again, thanks for coming in today, Phil.’

‘My home phone is best – I’ll be on it all day. So...’

‘Yes.’ Theo sensed Phil’s desperation. ‘Thank you.’

He watched him reluctantly leave the room; it was obvious he wanted to stay there and work on Theo until he said yes. He thought of Spud and the way Miyu wore him down. He smiled at the image of his browbeaten buddy, trying to picture him holding court on Capitol Hill, advising senior politicians on fiscal policy with confidence and then going home to try and negotiate bedtimes with a headstrong little girl.

He felt a new and unwanted pang of regret over Sophie, tried to imagine going home to her. Spud’s words filled his head. ‘My advice would be to let it go, let a lot of those memories go. It does you no good to harbour those thoughts.’ Theo wished it were that simple. He was going to miss his mate.

He stood and walked across the spacious top-floor meeting room of the city-centre hotel, taking in the waxed wooden floor, comfortable leather furniture and painted brick walls. He liked the nautical overtones, the porthole mirrors and the oversized rope-wrapped lanterns, approving of the nod to Bristol’s maritime heritage. They were a welcome distraction as he waited. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers.

He was nervous. Very nervous.

He stared out of the window onto the cobbled courtyard beneath and tried to slow his breathing, thinking of how best to approach the meeting and wishing he was somewhere else. His eyes scanned the far wall to see if there might be another way to leave, a different exit, but there was none. He glanced at the door and tried to imagine Wilson walking through it. His stomach jumped when he realised that at any moment that was exactly what would happen.

There was no way he was going to give Wilson a job. No way on God’s earth, but the temptation to see his tormentor again, now that he had the upper hand, was one Theo could not resist. He had already decided to be gracious and kind, to be the better man. What he wanted more than anything was not revenge, nor even to gloat; he wanted answers, answers that might help keep his nightmares at bay. Not that he would ever have admitted this to another living soul. He now wondered if Wilson would even recognise him. It occurred to him that it was most unlikely that he haunted Wilson’s dreams in the way Wilson did his.

Theo made his way back to the desk, fingering the CV that sat in front of him, taking in the few facts: married, three children, aged thirty-four. It seemed almost impossible that that amount of time had gone by. It was as he read further that the door creaked and in walked a man Theo would have passed in the street without recognising. It was only his eyes that marked him out as the Magnus Wilson of old.

Shorter than Theo had remembered, and slighter, Wilson sported a dark, close-cropped beard and had been liberal with his eau de toilette. He smiled and walked forward with his hand outstretched, mimicking the many masters who had taught them that this was the Vaizey way. ‘Make an impression, boy! Hold eye contact! Command the room!’ ‘Magnus Wilson,’ he announced as he neared the desk.

Theo drew himself up to his full height and liked the advantage it gave him. He too held out his hand and met Wilson’s gaze. As they shook hands, he saw the faint hint of recollection cross Wilson’s brow; he was clearly trying to place the face, no doubt running through the database in his head, attempting to find a match.

‘Theodore Montgomery.’ Theo nodded and released the man’s hand.

‘Christ alive!’ Wilson smiled broadly and opened his mouth, seemingly uncertain of what to say. ‘Theo?’

‘Yes.’ He sat.

‘Good God! We were at Vaizey College together!’

‘Yes, we were. Please sit down.’ He spoke with an air of indifference, indicating the chair and watching as Wilson took up the seat.

‘How long is it since we’ve seen each other?’ Wilson shook his head in surprise.

‘A long time.’

‘I can’t believe it! Did you know it was me?’ Wilson glanced at the CV sitting on the desk.

‘I did, but only just before you arrived,’ he lied.

Wilson shook his head. ‘This is nuts, Theo! I can’t believe it. It feels crazy to ask how you’ve been, with so much water under the bridge. How would we start?’

‘How indeed.’ Theo wasn’t sure if Wilson was playing nice, had forgotten their violent relationship or simply didn’t give a shit. Either way, he kept his guard up.

Wilson carried on. ‘I went to a couple of the OVB reunions, but they weren’t really my thing. I know a couple of the lads that still go, but I’ve not kept in touch with many people.’

‘I would have thought the reunions would have been right up your street.’ Theo sat back in the chair.

‘Are you kidding? An army brat like me? I only had a place because the military were paying the fees and there were plenty who never let me forget it.’ Wilson shook his head. ‘I always felt like an unwelcome guest.’

Theo stared at him, shocked to hear Wilson describe his feelings for Vaizey in the same terms he himself used. ‘I didn’t know that. You certainly didn’t let it show.’

‘Yep, it’s true. My mum left my dad when I was a toddler, which now I have kids myself I cannot begin to fathom, not at all. I don’t remember her.’ He shook his head. ‘Even though my dad wasn’t an officer – officers’ kids routinely went to Vaizey – the MOD helped him out and so it was boarding school for me while he was in the army. He was often on tour and it was deemed better for me than going into care, and better for my dad, of course.’

In care, like my Anna, like the kids who will benefit from this project.

Wilson continued. ‘I used to spend the holidays with my old nana in Dorchester. For me it was like two worlds colliding: one minute I was roaming the privileged halls of Vaizey College and the next I was sharing a bunk bed with my cousin and doing paper rounds to get cash. I even had two voices – my school voice and my home voice.’ He shook his head. ‘I always felt split, like I didn’t belong in either world, not really. In fact I don’t think I properly became me until I met my wife, Julie.’ He licked his lips. ‘God, I am over sharing. Please put it down to nerves and the fact that we have history.’

Theo noticed that his voice now was a mixture of the two worlds, not overly posh and overbearing as it had been, but softer, more pleasant.

‘Are you nervous?’

‘Yes, of course! I want this job and I can’t decide whether our school days makes it more or less likely that I will get it, if I’m being honest.’ His eyes settled on Theo’s face and Theo watched his Adam’s apple rise and fall.

‘You treated me quite badly at school.’ Theo spoke the words slowly, a watered-down version of the long diatribe he had practised countless times over countless years. But today, with Wilson sitting in front of him, this measured approach seemed more appropriate.

‘I did, and I remember it.’ Wilson nodded. ‘I remember us fighting.’

Not fighting – you beat me up.

‘You came back from the summer break looking tanned and happy and I’d been stuck indoors for the best part of two months, staring at a rainy window, and my dad had only just gone back on tour and I was pig sick with jealousy.’ He smiled at Theo like they were old friends reminiscing, which only served to confuse Theo more.

A jolt of nerves fired through his gut, the reminder of not only the fight but that summer at La Grande Belle. ‘I can assure you I might have been tanned, but I was far from happy and even if I had been, that was surely not sufficient grounds for beating me up.’

‘No question you are absolutely right. I was a little shit to you. A proper little shit.’ Wilson chuckled, as if they had shared a joke. ‘Theo...! Well, I never.’ He spoke his name fondly. ‘I was made house prefect just before you arrived...’

A Theobald’s house prefect. Like Xander Beaufort – my brother.

Wilson coughed. ‘Anyway, I was cleaning Twitcher’s study one day when he took a call from admissions to say that you were arriving. I was earwigging and heard him say you were a close family friend. Oh my God! We were all panicking, convinced you were going to be a right snitch, running to your dad’s mate, spilling our secrets.’

Theo shook his head. ‘I don’t think I’d even met Twitcher until I started school.’

‘I hated you so much!’ Again, Wilson’s tone was warm, almost affectionate.

‘Why? Why did you hate me?’ Theo sat forward and rested his arms on the desk, keen to understand why he’d been the target, what exactly he’d done to incur Wilson’s wrath.

‘Are you kidding? There you were, jetting off on a plane in the holidays. You had everything I wanted. The best I could hope for was making cakes with my nana in her little kitchen and eating cheese on toast, squashed next to her and my cousins on the sofa. I’d never been on a proper holiday, much less on a plane!’

Theo pictured this and knew that he would have loved to have spent time in a cosy house, eating cheese on toast on a crowded sofa.

Wilson was still talking. ‘You were rich, like mega rich, and I had to put up with a second-hand uniform out of the lost-and-found box. And your dad used to turn up in that sweet navy blue Aston Martin.’ Wilson whistled. ‘She was a beauty – I remember it now, it was the talk of the school. And your mum...!’ He smiled. ‘I don’t want to sound disrespectful, but your mum was smoking hot! And how she fussed over you – I think we were all a bit jealous of you.’

Theo laughed. ‘Yes, that car was a beauty.’

‘Fucking smell... vomit!... bloody expensive... idiot!... what the fuck is wrong with him?’

‘But remember, that’s my mother you’re talking about!’

‘I know! I know!’ Wilson placed his hand over his mouth. ‘But she was something else. We knew you had a flash house in London – the rumours swirled. God, you even had old Porter to keep an eye on you at school, and he gave it to me with both barrels every time I saw him. He cuffed me one right on the head.’ He rubbed his temple, as if the pain still lingered. ‘I was shit scared. Scared of him and scared of getting another one if my dad found out. You had it all, Theo, and I had nothing, and I found it hard to stomach. It wasn’t personal. I was just a messed-up kid. A very messed-up kid who was missing his mum.’

‘I guess that’s easy for you to say, but it was very personal to me,’ Theo levelled.

Wilson nodded. ‘I can imagine, and the thought of anyone treating my boys how we treated you...’ He shook his head. ‘I am sorry.’

The two men sat, letting the apology hang between them like a bridge. Theo visualised Mr Porter and heard his words as he reprimanded Wilson. ‘Here’s the thing, Mr Wilson. You need to be very careful that you respect everyone in your path, as you never know where they’ll pop up again. And, trust me, the path we walk is long and winding.’

Theo smiled at the irony. Isn’t it just...

Wilson sat forward. ‘Would you like to see a picture of my family?’ Without waiting for a response, he pulled out his wallet, holding up a slightly faded image of a homely blonde woman flanked by three young boys. ‘My oldest, Joe, only nine but plays good rugby!’ He nodded with pride at the photo. ‘And the other two are Max and Ben. Ben is our surprise. We’d agreed to stop at two, but you know what these women are like – persistent! – and after a bottle or two of Lambrusco, she took advantage and got lucky.’ He laughed.

Theo pictured Anna and felt sadness on her behalf. She too had been persistent but hadn’t got so lucky.

‘What about you, Theo, any kids?’

‘No. No kids.’ Apart from you, Sophie... Apart from you, and to deny you cuts me to the quick.

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Wilson folded away his wallet and it occurred to Theo that those who did have children, Spud included, could only see his supposed childless state as regretful.

‘So, about the job...’ Theo coughed and brought the meeting back on track.

‘Oh God, I’d almost forgotten why I’m here. Excuse me while I switch into professional mode.’ Wilson sat up straight and adjusted his jacket lapels. ‘I have a lot of experience on projects like this. Last year I worked on a similar build in Hereford – vast industrial barn conversions that were made into holiday studios, but a similar principle. I control budgets, oversee materials, the whole shebang.’

Theo cast his eyes over Wilson’s CV and tried to think of an appropriate question.

*

He drove down the M4 with a peculiar feeling of peace. Seeing Magnus Wilson had helped draw a line under the years of persecution and given him greater insight as to why things had happened as they did. It wasn’t that he forgave Wilson, not at all, but he came away from their encounter with a better understanding, and he hoped to build on that foundation. He smiled at the metaphor, then put in a call to Jody.

‘Evening, boss, you heading back to London?’

‘Yes, I’ve got the bank meeting tomorrow and I need to do a few personal things. I’ll let you know how it goes.’

‘Does this mean we can guarantee my pay for the next few months?’

‘Yes, if the loan gets approved. Otherwise I shall give you a glowing reference for whoever is lucky enough to employ you next!’

‘You are too kind,’ she said. ‘How did it go today?’

‘It was good, actually.’

‘Have you made a decision?’

‘Yes. Yes, I have.’ He smiled. ‘And assuming we get the funding, we are good to go. Can you get me Phil Marshall’s number.’

Night fell as he reached Barnes. Heading there had been a spur-of-the-moment decision as he’d hit London. A quick drive past his house had revealed nothing. The hall lamp was on, but the curtains were drawn. He’d hoped to see Anna in the street, on her way home or walking Griff, and in his mind he’d played out how he might make their meeting look casual, but she was nowhere to be seen. He decided to pop in and see his parents. He hadn’t spoken to his mother since his resignation and he wanted to smooth things with her at least.

He parked up, rapped on the door and waited while his parents flicked on the various lights and slid the many bolts to allow him entry.

‘Theo! Is everything okay?’ His mother gripped the thick shawl at her neck. Her immediate concern indicated that their angry call was now at the back of her mind and he was thankful.

‘Yes, just thought I’d pop in and see you.’ He walked forward and grazed her cheek with a kiss.

‘Well, this is most unexpected!’ She smiled nonetheless and ushered him into the sitting room, shuffling a little in her slippers.

‘Theo, is everything okay?’ His father roused himself from his chair; he had clearly been dozing. There was no particular animosity in his tone, nothing to indicate that this was their first meeting since the damaging encounter in the boardroom at Villiers House.

‘Yes, I was just passing. Well, kind of.’ He sat on the sofa.

His father stared at him quizzically. ‘How’s the Bristol thing doing?’ He reached for his glasses and rested them on his bulbous nose.

‘Good. So much red tape.’ He nodded, wanting to give only the minimum of detail, which was as much as his father deserved. He noted the change to his father’s once athletic frame, the slight bowing under the extra weight. His mother, in contrast, had lost the curves that had apparently so enraptured his peers and was now reed thin. Theo recalled the way Wilson had admired her. He yawned and rubbed his face; it had been quite a day.

‘Daddy and I were just having cocoa, darling. Here’s yours.’ His mum handed him a mug.

‘Thanks.’ He took it gratefully between his palms. ‘I was in Bristol today, interviewing. I met up with an Old Vaizey Boy – he was on the shortlist for the position of site manager. Magnus Wilson?’

‘Magnus Wilson,’ his mum repeated, tapping her mouth with her finger. ‘That name rings a bell for some reason.’

‘Was he a Theobald’s boy?’ his father asked, loudly.

‘Naturally, Dad. Theobald’s through and through.’

His father’s face split into a grin of pure joy and he clapped his hands. ‘Well, good for you, Theo! Good for you! How was he?’

‘Good. Yes, good, I think.’

His father sat forward in the chair. ‘It’s wonderful to share those memories, isn’t it? A unique experience, I’ve always found, and it binds you for life.’

‘Yes, I would have to agree.’ Theo smiled ironically and sipped his cocoa, knowing he would always be mystified by the esteem in which his dad held the place. It had felt so important to share the news with his father, but at the same time he hated that at some level he still sought his approval and, worse, that it was all wrapped up in that bloody school. ‘I have a meeting with the bank tomorrow, to sort a business loan, funding for the renovation and so forth. Fingers crossed.’ He remembered his conversation with Jody and sincerely hoped he wasn’t going to have to let her go.

‘You don’t need a loan, darling – you’re still a shareholder of Montgomery’s and you can use company money.’ His mother spoke matter-of-factly.

‘I...’ He looked at his father – this hadn’t occurred to him. He wasn’t sure but thought there might have been a flash of something like regret in his dad’s eyes.

‘Your mother is right. Loans cost money. That’s just basic, boy. Don’t borrow if you don’t have to. Speak to Marcus, he can go through the funding. And you should take offices at Villiers House too, and claim your start-up costs, that makes it tax-efficient. Have you considered registering as a charity? There are tax breaks to be had there too, means you’ll have more to plough back in where it’s needed.’

‘Thank you.’ He meant it, sincerely.

‘Don’t thank me! It’s not a case of thanks, it’s a matter of birthright!’ his father boomed.

And right there and then, the moment seemed appropriate. ‘There’s something I’d like to tell you.’

His mother peered over the rim of her glasses. ‘Are you referring to the fact that you have been lodging elsewhere?’

‘I wasn’t, actually, but you’ve heard that Anna and I are taking a break?’ He didn’t know how else to phrase it.

‘Oh yes, dear. I mean, it’s none of our business, of course, but gossip spreads like wildfire in Barnes.’

Theo bit his tongue, knowing it spread like wildfire because she liked to set the kindling and apply a match. ‘Yes, well, we’re apart right now, regretfully, but we’ll see.’ He sipped his cocoa, a taste that took him back to childhood, to school. ‘As I say, that wasn’t what I was referring to.’

‘Oh?’ He had her interest.

He took a deep breath. ‘The reason I fell apart in my last year at university was not because I was being lazy or partying too hard – it was because I was depressed.’

‘I think we rather gathered that.’ She sniffed.

‘Yes, but maybe not the reason why.’ He paused. ‘I fathered a child. I have a child, a little girl.’

His mother gave a gasp and slopped her cocoa onto the arm of the chair. His father remained unnaturally still, alert, waiting to hear more.

‘She’s not so little now,’ Theo continued, keeping his gaze on his mug. ‘I’m not in her life, but Anna knows, and I don’t really know why but I wanted to tell you. It felt important. No more secrets.’ He caught his father’s eye.

‘A granddaughter?’ his mother asked with a wistful air. She placed her cocoa on the table by her chair and reached for her handkerchief. ‘And does the child have a name?’

Theo nodded. ‘Her name is Sophie.’

‘Sophie,’ his mum repeated, taking the corner of her handkerchief to blot whatever was in her eye.

His father picked up the remote control and turned up the news.

After saying goodbye to his parents, Theo grabbed his briefcase and checked into the local pub, where the rooms were overheated and the floors creaky. His phone buzzed.

‘Hey, mate.’

‘Hey! You home?’ He tried to picture Spud’s whereabouts.

‘Nearly, thank God. How did it go?’

Theo smiled, knowing that Spud had probably spent most of his day envisaging Theo’s great showdown with the school bully. ‘Better than I thought it would, actually.’

‘Did you punch him over the desk? Kick his shins? Nick his lunch money?’

‘No!’ Theo laughed. ‘You’ve been watching too many of Miyu’s cartoons.’

‘You might be right.’ Spud sighed.

‘It was weird. I got really worked up before he arrived, I was nervous, but I don’t think I would have recognised him, to be truthful. I realised that the boy I pictured doesn’t exist, not any more – and he hasn’t for years. If anything, he looked—’

‘Looked what?’

‘I don’t know.’ Theo huffed. ‘Ordinary. Not like someone that would pose a great threat or be the total bastard that he was as a kid.’

‘Well, people can and do change.’

‘Some, yes. If anything, I felt quite sorry for him.’

‘Bloody hell! You did?’

‘Yup.’

‘And did he recognise you?’

Theo recalled the way Wilson had eyed him over their handshake. ‘Yes, almost instantly, and he wasn’t embarrassed or overly contrite. I think his memories have a different filter. He made the whole school thing and his behaviour sound like they were par for the course, and I realised that for him they might well have been. I don’t think he had the easiest time as a child, but for very different reasons to me.’

‘So what did you do, send him packing? Spit in his eye?’

‘Actually, no.’ Theo loosened his collar and spun his keys on his finger. ‘I chatted to him civilly. Not a punch was thrown.’

‘You were civil?’

‘Better than that – I was almost chummy.’ He closed his eyes and held the phone away from his ear while Spud laughed loudly, as if this was the punchline he’d been waiting for.

‘I’m proud of you, Theo.’

‘Thanks. You don’t think I’m a mug for not challenging him more?’

Spud’s laughter again filled the gap between the oceans.

‘What are you laughing at?’ Theo asked.

‘Oh, mate, I am sitting in a cab, it’s late afternoon, traffic is horrendous and I have a mountain of work to do. I’ve got emails pinging in left, right and centre. And all I want is to be at home with a cup of coffee, but instead I’m heading to a toy shop because I promised Miyu a Sylvanian Families tree house and there wasn’t one at the airport, surprise, surprise. I’m on a mission to keep a promise when there are a million things I should and would rather be doing, and you ask if I think you are a mug? Still, the joys of parenthood, huh?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Ah, shit, bad choice of words. How are things? Have you seen Anna?’ Spud adopted a softer tone.

Theo opened the rickety sash window and looked up at the night sky, listening as a duck squawked and landed on the water. ‘No. I haven’t seen her. Did you ever wonder if you were accidentally living someone else’s life? You know, like when there’s a mix-up at the hospital and people get the wrong kid?’

‘No, I never felt like that.’

There was a beat of silence while both waited for more. Neither took the lead.

‘I need to go, Spud, I need a leak. I’ll call you back later in the week.’

‘Okay, but what happened with the Wilson bloke? How did it end?’

Theo took a deep breath and gave a small laugh. ‘I gave him a job.’