Chapter 3

9 months later

Maddie

It has been nine longs months of being on the road with B. We have spent a few months in a couple of places but always in motels and B is just getting too big for it. She wants to play. She needs friends and interactions with other children her age. She will be turning two soon and I have made the last long trip in this SUV that I am making for a while. We traveled over twelve hundred miles in three days and today I am finding us a more permanent place to live. In the last nine months we have been from Oklahoma to Alabama to Florida and then up to New York. From New York we traveled to Utah and now back to Texas. My last contact with Aunt Deb was when we were in New York. With the help of an unknowing attorney Aunt Deb has me an account set up. Now I don’t need to pinch pennies anymore. I have full access to not only money my mother left me, but the money Diamondback left me also. Not too many people know about this money. I was determined to never touch either, but I don’t have much of a choice now. I have my part of what the ranch makes but if that is moved or touched then it can be traced, and I cannot take that chance.

When I first left with B in the middle of the night I was just scared. I had my stash of money that both my mom and aunt pounded in my head to always have. I can almost hear the words now. “A woman always needs a little mad money stowed away just in case. You never want to be beholden to any man or stranger. I don’t care if it is five dollars keep it with you at all times.” I am so glad of that now. Mine was alot more than five dollars but it served its purpose until I could get on that plane to Tyler. Micah met me, and we flew back together, and Aunt Deb attained access to my inheritance by the time we arrived home. Aunt Deb gave me all the liquid assets the ranch had available and I hated taking it, but I wrote her a check out of my account for it. I didn’t have time to get to the bank and that would have set off all kinds of red flags for people looking for me and I know it is just a matter of time. Micah gave me all the cash she had also. One good thing about working on a horse ranch all my life is we have always kept a large amount of cash in the safe at home for emergencies. Something that Micah does also being on the rodeo circuit. That left me with a big nest egg. When we left from Bass Haven Horse Ranch it was to a bus stop in Mt. Pleasant and B and I rode a bus to Alabama where I met up with the man with some documentation, so B and I could disappear. We stayed in Alabama for a few days, so B could play and wind down some, but at the end of the third day we boarded another bus for Florida. I have never been so glad to be off a bus. As soon as our feet were on the ground I caught a taxi to a quiet hotel. B and I both needed a couple of days of sleep and relaxation without having to worry. The next thing on my agenda was a disposable phone and buying a car. Our time in Florida was a whirlwind. After two days in the nicer hotel and familiarizing myself with the area I found a more economical place to stay. The car I bought was a compact, but I made sure it was a higher rated one on safety recommendations and it was five years old, but the mileage was low on it and the mechanic I took it to said it was in decent shape. I had the regular maintenance done on it and bought new tires. After two weeks, I made the phone calls to Aunt Deb and Micah. I missed them terribly and they tried getting me to come home again but I wasn’t ready. I felt guilty, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around putting my daughter in danger of being around her dad. His Dad and Gram had both been murdered. I am not being two-faced about it. I wasn’t letting, B, be around Callie and her family either. Callie’s good friend, Sarah, had been killed because of her association with the Feral Steel MC. My mom wouldn’t let Micah and I be raised around the violence and I don’t want B around it.

I think about my mom and I wonder what she would think about the coward I have become. Mom was one of the strongest women I have ever known. She and Aunt Deb. They took life by the horns and owned it. Micah is the same way. I am trying to be that way. Elizabeth Sylvia Bass, my mom, was a woman to be reckoned with when she didn’t get what she wanted. She and Aunt Deb ran the ranch with help from Micah and myself. Mom had a life before us, she said it was like she was two different people. Diamondback, my dad, was mom’s weakness but once she found out she was pregnant with Micah and myself she left him behind. She left her party girl ways with all the bikers behind her. Diamondback called mom Liz and mom said when she was with him and the Rebellions 4 Blood MC she was just Liz. Not a small-town girl who had been contained by her parents. Mom said all she cared about was the next party, the next high, and the next biker. Mom had slowed down a bit by the time she got pregnant with us and it had just been her and Diamondback. A pregnancy test later and she left the MC and came back to being Sylvie. That is what her family had always called her. Aunt Deb said Elizabeth and Sylvia both sounded like an older woman’s name and she started calling mom Sylvie when they were young, and it stuck. That’s how Mom described to us the two different people she was in her life. The young impetuous party girl and then the responsible capable woman that we knew. She owned the decisions she made and apologized for nothing. Aunt Deb was almost the same way except there was a part of her life that was never mentioned. All Micah and I ever heard was Aunt Deb had been married when Mom returned to the ranch pregnant. Aunt Deb married straight out of high school to her high school sweetheart. I can’t tell you his name because the only way Aunt Deb ever referred to him is by the asshole who will remain nameless. The nameless man tried taking over the horse ranch Mom and Aunt Deb inherited from my grandfather and until Mom returned to the ranch that was fine, but the man never wanted to let my Mom return. He wanted Aunt Deb to take my mom to court and sue her for her half of the ranch saying Mom abandoned it to become a party girl. The thing is my Aunt Deb and my mom had agreed that Mom was leaving. Mom and Aunt Deb were best friends along with being sisters and they discussed everything. Mom had always been a free spirit that was smothered by her parents’ control. Not that my grandparents abused my mom and aunt, but their leashes were very short. Mom wanted to experience something different in the world besides the ranch. I think Mom and Micah are alike in that way. I’m more like Aunt Deb and satisfied with what I know and love. The man gave Aunt Deb the ultimatum either him or my mom and Aunt Deb picked Mom and gave the man a divorce. Aunt Deb said he cheated on her anyway so good riddance to bad rubbish. Family first, always. That’s what keeps me putting distance between Dra and us or Dra and B. Dra has made it abundantly clear to me that he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I am good with that.

After B and I left Florida we went up the east coast and landed in New York where we stayed a couple of months, but it was just too busy there and I could never find a job and it was just too expensive to live. I traded my used compact for a new SUV with a four-wheel drive and we made our way to Salt Lake City, Utah. We spent the rest of our time there. I loved the scenery and the small town living but the first cold spell and I knew it wasn’t for me. I was born and raised in NE Texas and I could not adjust to the weather change. I could have stopped anywhere along the way from Utah for more than one night, but I decided it was time to travel back to Texas. I stayed far away from Colorado. I took the long way to Texas going through California and all the southwestern states. I don’t know if I was taking up time or I wanted to see what was out there, but it became tiring. The traveling with a toddler, eating fast food, staying in out of the way motels, and always looking over my shoulder. Holding my breath every time I heard a motorcycle. The guilt is eating away at me more each day that I am keeping B away from Dra and away from her extended family. That’s what helped me make the decision to come back to Texas. I’m going to stop running and hiding. I have spoken to an attorney at a firm in Dallas and it is time to stand my ground and fight for my daughter’s safety. It is time for me to be the woman I was raised to be. I just need a few months to establish a place to live and get on my feet and then I will call Dra and let him see B. I know I have been selfish keeping B away from Dra, but I didn’t think he wanted any children. It’s what he had always said. I know, I can’t keep a straight thought in my head with all these conflicting emotions. I don’t want to think I was being vindictive. No, I know I wasn’t. I just can’t imagine putting B in any kind of danger since the first time I heard her heart beat she has been my focus. The first time I felt the flutters from her kicking I cried for the miracle inside me. I was determined to give B only the best of life, and now, I am just not sure I have done that. I know riding in the back of a vehicle going from one side of the country to the other is not right for a toddler and I need to establish a solid foundation for B to grow in.

I see the Dallas city limit sign and I feel like crying. I am so relieved. I have missed home and I know this is not exactly home, but it is familiar. I want to see Micah and Aunt Deb, but right now it is too risky. I want to see Callie and my niece and nephews. I want to make things right with her. I hate having a misunderstanding between us. Callie would never judge me, but I know she disapproved of my decisions. I hate the feeling of disappointing anyone. Micah has always said that I am the goody two shoes that always worries about what people will say and think. She’s right on both. I have always been the peace keeper in our family and I have always tried to do the right thing but this time I am doing the right thing to protect B, but other people are getting hurt in the process. B is being hurt in the process by not having a relationship with her dad. I look in my rearview mirror and B is sound asleep. She looks so much like her dad, it’s no wonder that Dra knew just by looking at her that he was her father. B’s features are like her dad’s and they share the same color of eyes, gray eyes that seem like they can see into your soul. It’s funny how B’s eyes soothe me, but Dra’s eyes haunt me. I see the Hilton ahead and I am hoping my luck holds out and I can get a few hours of sleep before B wakes up and is ready for breakfast. I found out early on it was easier traveling at night while she sleeps but I feel it all the next day when she has all her energy and all I want to do is sleep. It’s alright, I’ll live with a few hours less of sleep because the reward of B’s smile is so worth it. Today I will take her to the park and let her run some of her energy out and tomorrow find us a place to live. Tomorrow I go back to being Maddie Bass. I just hope after all this, I remember who she is or who I should be. I’ve lost myself along the way.

I pull into the drive and find a parking spot close to the front entrance. I park my SUV and reach across the front seat and unlock the glove box and take my 9mm out and take the clip out of it. I grab my back pack in the front floor board and put it inside. I look in my mirror and I see hollow eyes looking back at me. The bags under my eyes are puffy and my face doesn’t even look the same as it did just a year ago. My eyes no longer hold the look of innocence in them, they have the look of a haunted woman. Haunted by regrets and what ifs. My face is slim as is the rest of my body. I’ve lost all the curves I gained after being pregnant. I’m all boobs. I don’t even have any junk in my trunk to go with the boobs. After some home cooked meals, I know my butt will come back. My backside and I have been in a battle since I have known what catches a man’s eye. Micah laughs at me and says she wishes she had my butt. She is always telling me men don’t want flat, they want luscious. I don’t agree. My dishwater blonde hair has lost its shine and my blue eyes don’t have laughter in them anymore. I guess I grew up during our long trip. My clothes hang on me. I hate to shop so I have just started wearing sweats, yoga pants, and leggings depending on the weather with a big t-shirt or hoodie and my old chucks. B on the other hand is growing by leaps and bounds. She has the cutest chubby cheeks and when we go to a store I spend all my time finding her the cutest little outfits. I remember when I used to love shopping like that for myself. Micah always told me that I never met a department store I did not want to conquer with my credit card. Those days are gone. Now, I am in and out. Life of a single mom and that thought takes me to where I am now. Too many thoughts in my head. I get out of my SUV and open the back door and grab B’s bag. I take my keys and wallet out of my bag and put them in the side of B’s bag and look around at my surroundings. It has plenty of lighting and no one is around. I see the security cameras and that makes me feel relatively safe. I get B out and shut the door. B lays her head on my shoulder but stays asleep. I beeped my doors locked and walk into the front doors and up to the guest check in counter. I give them my fake driver’s license and my prepaid credit card. Fifteen minutes later and B and I are in our room with the door securely locked. I would love a hot shower and if B will just not wake up then that is on my to do list. I would love a nice long hot soak in the tub, but I am afraid B will wake up if I don’t get in bed with her. I already have B in her jammies, so I tuck her under the covers. I am sure to fill her cup up with water and put it beside the bed on the nightstand. I grab my pajamas from my bag and take a quick shower. I don’t even take the time to blow dry my hair before I am climbing in the bed next to B and kissing her on the head and that is the last thing I remember before I am drifting off to sleep.