I’ve been gone longer than I’d expected. Communication with Belle has been less than usual. After leaving the Yucatan, Howard sent me to Belize to do a piece on the Mayan ruins. It’s another place I want to add to the list of places to take Belle. Typically, when I head home, I phone, text, or email to let her know that my trip has come to an end. But this time, I’m going back for good and plan on surprising her. Walking out of the airport, I take a deep breath in of the air around me. It’s stale and nothing like the quality that I just left from. But this is different. It’s also the smell of home. Of Belle. Of what’s to come for our life and my new adventure. If she only knew how perfect she was for me in every way possible. I’ve been counting down the days since Howard told me that I could wrap up after this trip and be in the office on Monday morning. This’ll give me two full days with Belle. Two days to make up for the last… Shit, how long have I been gone? Sixteen weeks… A little over three and a half months. How have I been gone this long again?

Hailing a cab, I stuff all my luggage in the trunk before giving the driver our address. I take a moment to scroll through Facebook. As soon as I log in, I notice Belle’s online. Shit… She’s going to see that I’m online and this could blow my cover. My finger halts on the screen when her latest update pops up. It’s a selfie of her and that Jace guy in her kitchen with a massive burger in her hands. Time slows to a standstill. When I examine the smile that’s plastered on her face, my heart slows. Three months was a long time to be away. This is what she has to tell me. She’s fallen in love with Jace, and all these years that I’ve been pining for her are gone. I blew it. With my phone put away, I lean my head back against the headrest. My eyes slide shut as I try to calm myself from the new realization of what I’m about to walk in on. It’s my own fault. I should’ve done this a long time ago. Except, I ran away from her like I always do. Over the years when I’d come home, I’d tell myself that this trip was going to be the one that I pour my heart out to her. It was going to be the one that I told her how much she meant to me. Now, I can’t stand in her way of what makes her happy.

The driver pulls up to the curb, pops the trunk, and all I can do is sit here.

If I go upstairs, I’ll be forced to face the truth.

If I don’t go upstairs, I’m allowing him to win.

Either way, she was mine first, and this is my current home. Since I’ll be working here in New York now, I’ll start fresh on Monday. A new job needs a new apartment. There’s no way I can sleep in the room next to her while knowing Jace is curled around the body that I crave. The one that I’ve memorized each and every curve of. The one that’s had my mouth all over it. The one that I’ve been inside of, and understand the deepest darkest secrets of. I can’t help but wonder if she screams his name like she does mine as I ride the elevator up to our floor.

Standing in front of our door, my pulse beats loudly. I’m almost convinced that Belle can hear it on the other side. Like it’s knocking, asking for permission to enter. Instead of sulking, I pull my shit together as I take my key and open the door. The lights are dim, and for a brief moment, I slow my stride. Taking in the room around me, trying to gauge if they might be asleep or even worse—wrapped up in each other’s arms in her bed. When my eyes adjust, I notice the back of a man’s head on the couch staring at the TV on the wall. One arm is resting on the side of the sofa, while the other rests on the cushion behind him.

Clearing my throat, Jace startles and turns to me, giving me the “shush” sign to his lips as he points to a sleeping Belle in his lap. I push my bags to the side of the room all while keeping my eyes on him. Slowly, he pulls himself out from underneath her and walks toward me.

I offer my hand, him taking it with two hands, welcoming me home.

“She didn’t say you were coming home tonight,” he says as he leans against the kitchen island.

“She didn’t know. I wanted to surprise her.”

“Oh, she’ll be surprised alright.”

“Why do you say that?”

“No reason…”

Silence falls between the two of us. A part of me wants to strangle all the life out of his lungs, allowing me to take back what’s mine. Then the other part of me wants to thank him for taking care of her. If I didn’t know better, I’d say the angel and devil are both battling it out on my shoulder.

---

Kill him.

Thank him, you fool.

No, he took your girl… Deck him at least.

Hush it, he’s feeding her, watched over her. Thank him, and be friends.

---

Mentally I tell them both to shut the hell up. This is my problem, and I have to live with this.

“Alright, well I’m going to head home. Be gentle when you wake her,” is all Jace says before pushing off the counter and heading to the door.

I run his words around in my head, “be gentle.” Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve always treated her well and never would hurt a hair on her body.

As the door clicks shut, I take my bags to my room. Nothing’s changed. My bed’s made, the throw pillows that Belle insisted on me having are tossed to the top. It’s warm and inviting. I don’t run back out to her; instead, I sit on the edge of the bed trying to catch my boundaries. After a few minutes, I go back out to the living room.

Standing at the foot of the sofa, I take her in. The way she seems so peaceful snuggled in the blanket that I bought her a few years ago for Christmas. It’s thick, fuzzy, and oversized—just the way she likes them. Stepping forward to wake her, I stop and decide to let her sleep just a little longer. I know I’m a pussy. Instead of facing the truth, I walk away. Seems that’s what I’m good at. Exploring the kitchen, I find a few leftovers in the fridge. When I open the container, I know this is not Belle’s cooking. Jace must have made it for her. I place it back in and grab a granola bar from the pantry and a glass of water. There’s no way at this moment that I want to eat something he’s made for her. Yes, I’m the one sulking now as I try to figure out a way to understand this. How is it that he slipped in and took my place? He’s not the first guy that she’s dated, but he is the first person to step in when I’m ready to claim her as mine forever. I can’t help but wonder if there’s a fighting chance still for the two of us. Being dirty, I slide my phone out of my back pocket and text the one person that I know will be honest with me.

Me: Hey, I’m home finally, but a little confused about why Jace and Belle were snuggled on the sofa. She’s asleep, and I just need to be prepared for this.

With no time at all those three dancing dots appear on the screen. I stare down at them, pleading with the words to tell me what I want them to say.

Brooke: Is he still there? Do I need to call the cops? Sorry, Paxton, this is one time I’m not getting involved in this. You and Annabelle have a ton to talk about.

What the hell does this message even mean? Brooke is, and has always been, the one person I know to tell it like it is. If she thinks I’m being an ass, no matter where I am, she tells me. Brooke’s also the only one I trust other than myself to keep an eye on Belle. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I push off the counter and stop dead in my tracks when I turn.

Belle’s standing before me in her pajama shorts, a thin yellow tank top, messy hair and a sleepy smile. But that’s not the thing that has me speechless. She’s either gained weight from all of the cooking Jace has been doing or something else is going on. Her midsection is round like a bump. She must notice my stares because her hands instantly grab it in a protective way. My chest restricts from the sense that she feels that she has to protect herself from me. Never in a million worlds would I lay a hand on her. Confused, I turn my head as I stare at her, almost as if I look from a different direction, things will appear different. Nope, still the same. It dawns on me that what she had to tell me wasn’t the fact that she and Jace are dating, but that they are having a baby together. I swallow my pride, or what’s left of it, and stride up to her. Carefully, I wrap my arms around her. I don’t know what to say for the first time in all the years we’ve known each other. I go with a simple, “Congratulations. I’m going to hit the hay and you can tell me all about you and Jace tomorrow.”

As if her body just blazed up in flames, I let go and back away, taking one more glance at her protruding stomach. In this moment, all I want to do is go back to the playground when we were ten years old. I want to pull out a piece of paper and mark my corner. The start of a new game. Or even to our junior year in college when I ran away from her. Instead of taking this job, I should’ve stayed. I should’ve turned into the person that she needed, not the one who just threw the towel in on everything that was us. No longer will we be Pax and Belle. It’ll be Paxton, the friend that she grew up with. I’ll have to accept that my new role will be on the sidelines watching her raise her child as she loves another man. When I close my door, I don’t bother changing my clothes before I flop down on my bed.

I’m not sure how long I lie here staring up at the ceiling, thinking, wishing before sleep finally consumes me.