I knew the moment I stood and saw Pax in the kitchen that things were fixing to get real. My eyes roam the apartment searching for Jace only to find him already gone. Was he here when Paxton arrived? What am I going to say? I’ve rehearsed this moment in my head for the last three months, thinking that I had the perfect words to break the news to him. With him here now, each and every one of them are gone. My voice is gone. Not to mention, that my heart’s breaking as I stare up at him. He sees it… He doesn’t know… Tell him, Belle, tell him it’s his and not what he thinks. I can’t. The words won’t come out. The closer he gets to me, my chest rises and falls as I search for those words. His voice is defeated when he tells me he’s going to bed. I wish I could go back before tonight and have already prepared him. If only I did, this welcome would be different.

Standing here alone, the fireflies are no longer in the pit of my stomach waiting for the anticipation of telling him that we’re going to be parents. It’s crazy to think of how fast things change in our lives. One moment I’m here enjoying a lovely evening with a friend. While the next, I’m watching the love of my life walk away from me with my heart in his hands. I’ve never asked him about his true feelings for me, I always thought I just knew. I’d always pictured Paxton sweeping me off my feet and we’d ride away in a carriage in the sunset. Now, I think both of our hearts ran in different directions. Should I go to him? Do I tell him tonight, or wait until the morning after he’s rested? Tiptoeing to his door, my hand lands on the knob. Instead of opening, my head falls to it in hopes that it would magically open and his arms would be wide with welcome. With no such luck, I turn and head to my room where once again I’ll go to sleep without him next to me.

---

I’m not sure what time I finally fell asleep last night. My body’s protesting the fact that it’s morning. All I want to do is roll over, pull the covers back over my head, and sleep a few more hours. With my bladder screaming at me, I decide to get up and face the day. I need to sit down with Paxton and explain to him what’s been going on. Maybe he’ll share his news with me first to break the ice. After coming out of the restroom, I notice his door’s open. I pop my head in and look around for him. His bed’s made and empty. Not hearing him in the kitchen, I go out to see where he is.

Empty… That’s what I find. An empty apartment with no trace of Paxton even being here. For a brief moment, I wonder if I dreamt him coming home last night. It’s not until I see the piece of paper attached to the coffee pot that I know it wasn’t a dream.

---

Belle,

I wasn’t sure if you could drink coffee, so I didn’t start it for you. If you’re wondering where I am, I left to go stay at Howard’s until I can find a place of my own. You’re going to need my room for the baby, and I don’t want to interfere with you and Jace. Let’s get together for lunch or dinner when you can. If you need something, just call me.

Love always,

Paxton

---

“Screw you, Paxton West, for running out on me in the middle of the night,” I say as I read over his letter again. Who runs out in the middle of the night like a coward? Oh, that’s right—it’s Paxton West, the guy that runs from everything. Furious, I take out my phone and call Brooke.

“How’s things,” is the first thing she says when she answers.

“How dare he walk out on me without even allowing me the chance to tell him?”

“Slow down, Annabelle, and tell me what you’re talking about.”

“Paxton, he came home last night and surprised me. Saw my belly and went to bed. I woke up this morning thinking we would talk, but he’s gone, Brooke. He wrote me a note and left.”

“What do you mean left?”

“Like took his bags and left. Told me I’ll need the room for the baby, and he didn’t want to interfere with me and Jace. But what the hell does he mean by that? Jace has nothing to do with this.”

“Hun, we all know this, but step back and look at things from his eyes. Jace to him is the other man. He probably thinks he knocked you up.”

“Doesn’t he realize that I’m totally not Jace’s type? I mean, he’s batting for another team and that’s not me.”

“We know this, but Paxton’s not been around. Where’d he go?”

“Howard’s, and I have no idea why he would waste his money on a place when he’s never here. We could figure this out. Oh and he signed the fucking letter—Paxton.”

“You need to calm down and eat. Let’s meet for breakfast. I’ll call Miranda.”

“Fine, see you in twenty,” I say before I hang up. I stare back at Paxton’s words still furious, but a part of me understands. I want to call him, but I need to calm down a little more before I can do this.

I’m the first person to arrive at the café. Ordering a juice, I wait for my friends to show up. It seems the longer that I wait the more annoyed I become. Finally, I spot Miranda and Brooke entering, and I wave them over.

“Hey, little momma, how ya feeling?” Miranda announces loudly as she plops down next to me. A grumble comes from my mouth, as the words that I want to say need to stay pushed down for a little longer. “That good, huh,” she replies.

In silence, we figure out what we want and order as soon as the waitress appears. When I finish my order, I notice them all glaring at me.

“What, I’m hungry and I don’t know what I want, so I’ll eat a little of everything.”

“You do know that when you have this baby we’ll have to roll you to the hospital,” Brooke states.

“Maybe, but at least I have the two of you to roll me. It’s more than what the jackass will be doing.”

“Wow, okay, Annabelle, you need to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. You aren’t the one growing a baby inside you nor the one who’s going to be doing this all alone.”

“Hey, I take that as an insult. You have the two of us, and that’s better than having anyone else,” Miranda says.

“I’m sorry, guys. I’m just upset, and I saw this going a different way.”

“We know,” Miranda says as she places her arm around me, giving me a gentle squeeze. I place my head down on her shoulder and let out a sigh.

“He texted me last night,” Brooke announces as if she’s committed a sin.

“Who?” I question.

“Paxton, silly.”

“Well, what did he say or, better yet, what did he want?”

“Wanted me to tell him about you and Jace. I simply told him that he needed to talk to you. There was no way I was getting involved in this one.”

“You could’ve told him there was no Jace and me. I don’t get why he didn’t see the signs of Jace being gay.”

“Paxton hasn’t been around, how was he to notice. It took all of us a few weeks to get the courage up to verify our speculations.”

“True, but I’m furious with him.”

“This we know too. But you need to call him,” Brooke states.

“I need time, I can’t right now. He walked away again, and I’m not sure what’ll happen when I tell him. What if he walks out afterward? I’ll never recover from that.”

“You need to give him more credit. Yes, he might, but in the end, he’ll return to you. You two are like magnets. You know when you have them facing opposite directions and they pull to each other, then when you flip them over they push apart. That’s how the two of you have always been.”

“Are you calling me round?”

“No, but if you keep eating like this you’ll be a big round magnet,” Brooke says right as our breakfast arrives.

I stare down at my plates, figuring out which one I want to start with. Just as I go to jab my pancakes with my fork, I hear the bell over the door. Something tells me to look up, and I do. In walks Paxton with Howard fast on his heels. Paxton loves the omelets here, for which I’m not surprised to see him arriving on his first morning back to the States. Trying to offer up a gentle smile, I can’t. My eyes leave his and focus back on the buffet of food before me. I lose myself in my food and don’t realize that they are both standing at the edge of the table when Brooke clears her throat.

“Morning, Paxton,” she says as Miranda welcomes him home.

“Thanks, you remember my boss, Howard, don’t you,” he says as he points to the man standing next to him.

“Yes, it’s great to see you again,” Brooke says, and all I can do is stare at Paxton with broken eyes.

“I’m sure you guys are excited to have Paxton back. We’re looking forward to him being in the office now,” Howard says as he pats Paxton on the back. That sure got my attention. Heck, it got all of our attentions. With three sets of eyes glaring up, Paxton smiles and nods. I’m pretty sure Howard wasn’t supposed to say that, but now that the cat’s out of the bag he needs to explain.

“Thanks for ruining that surprise, Howard,” Paxton says with a hint a laughter.

“Oh…” falls from Howard’s mouth as the realization hits him that not one of us here knew about this. “I’m going to go get us a table. It was good to see you ladies again.”

I watch as Howard quickly disappears in the mass of people. It doesn’t take long for Paxton to speak.

“Well, that was my news. I’m back for good. Took a desk job with very little to zero travel.”

“Oh,” is all I can say before I stab the stack of pancakes again and pop a huge piece in my mouth. I’m pretty sure I just let a growl slip as I taste the syrup.

It seems the two of us were hiding two big secrets from each other. I shouldn’t be pissed, but I am. It only adds fuels to the anger that I have from him leaving this morning. With my shoulders square, I look Paxton in the eyes and say. “Let me know when you find a place, I’ll send your mattress and dresser over. I won’t need it as a baby needs a crib.”

Brooke and Miranda snap their heads back at me so fast I’m spinning from it.

“Will do, it was good to see you, Brooke, Miranda.” And just like that, Paxton turns and heads over to where Howard found a table for two.

“Rude much?” Miranda says.

I look over at Brooke, bracing myself for her wrath. Instead, she shakes her head at me for a moment before speaking. “You need to control that mouth of yours and get the hell over this. This is not you. Did you eat the old Annabelle?”

“No, and this is me. It’s the me who’s protecting herself and her unborn child.”

“Bullshit, and you know it. You got your panties in a bunch and need to face the facts. That man loves you and just changed his whole career for you. You need to tell him and tell him now.”

I don’t respond because I know Brooke is right. Even Miranda’s shaking her head as she agrees.

We finish our food, but before separating I send a text to Jace.

Me: Are you still leaving this morning?

Jace: Yes, headed there now. You okay?

Me: Have fun, and I’m fine. See you when you get back if I don’t starve before then.

Jace: Look in your freezer when you get home. I left you a surprise.

Me: Thanks! Be safe and have fun.

I know without looking in the freezer that it’s his hamburger patties. This is all I’ve been craving. I blame him and him only for this. It’s the ingredients that he mixes in them and the fact that he WILL NOT TELL ME. I’ve tried but he won’t. Each one I try to guess and I fail, or he makes me think I’ve failed at the mission. Jace is expected to be gone for a week on some modeling gig, and I couldn’t be happier for him. This is what he calls “The Big Break” and I pray that it is. I couldn’t care less about his sexual orientation; he’s drop-dead gorgeous and has the biggest heart in the world.

My feet slow as I pass Pax’s table. Instead of stopping, I nod a goodbye and follow behind my friends. Brooke and Miranda try to talk me into going to the bookstore with them, but I decline as I need to get home. Why, I have no idea other than to sulk. On the walk home, it gives me time to think. To really think about what I want in my life. Every time I do this, it’s always Paxton. He’s always my answer to this question. Before going up to my empty apartment, I stop in the lobby and text him.

Me: Come home, please.

That’s all I ask and the last time I look at my phone. He’ll either show up or not.