Tinder Ella: A Modern Day Single Dad Fairy-Tale by Eddie Cleveland (45)

Jake looks out at the crowd of strangers, searching. I know what he’s going through, I understand what if feels like to scan unfamiliar faces for your family when they aren’t there. His eyes stop flickering over the crowd and he juts out his jaw, lined with a much scruffier beard than when we first met. I know he’s disappointed that his parents didn’t show up today, even if he won’t say it.

“And huge congratulations to our graduates of the program. Please, let’s give them a hand,” the crowd erupts with applause as everyone scatters in different directions, bee-lining for their families.

My father looks like he’s competing for speed walking champion as he hurries over to me, my mother slowly wades through the wake of people behind him.

“Holly!” He throws his arms around me in a bear hug. Dad steps back and looks down at me, beaming, “I’m so proud of you honey. I can’t wait to get you home and be together as a family again,” he smiles.

Mom finally makes her way to his side and scowls at Jake. “Who’s he?” She asks rudely.

“Mom, Dad, this is Jake.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Jake shakes my father’s hand, but my mother crosses her arms tight across her chest and purses her lips.

“Likewise,” Dad answers, looking at me with question marks in his eyes.

“Guys, we need to talk. Let’s go to my room, I’ve got all my bags there anyway,” I lead the way.

“I told you!” I hear my mother hiss to my father as I guide them from the auditorium with Jake by my side. “She’s up to something again,” she whispers loudly.

I pretend not to hear her and lead the way to my room. On the floor are my suitcases, already packed and ready to go. My bed is stripped and the drawers and closet have been emptied, prepared for the next lost soul who needs this space.

“So, this is where you stayed, huh?” Dad looks around the small space.

“Yep, this was home for two months,” I smile weakly.

“Let’s cut the chit chat. Why is he here?” My mother interrupts, her eyebrows knit together and her lips turn down. “What’s going on?”

I look up at Jake and he nods at me, “Ok, Mom, Dad, I can’t go back with you today. I’m going to need to stay with Jake for a while.”

“You’ve got to me kidding me,” my mother’s voice is dry as chalk dust.

“No! There’s no way you’re going with him!” My father protests, puffing out his chest. “Who the hell is this guy? Your boyfriend? It’s not happening, Holly. Not again.”

“You were supposed to come here to get off drugs, not replace one addicted loser with another one,” Mom snaps and throws her arms across her chest like she’s trying to touch her hands behind her back.

“Woah,” Jake steps in, “with all due respect, Ma’am, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He holds up his hands.

“Excuse me, but I think we know our daughter better than you. How long have you been in here? A couple of months? Are you going to tell us you’re in love next?” Mom rolls her eyes hard.

“Louise, let them talk, please. This isn’t helping,” Dad interrupts and my mother clamps her mouth shut, billowing out her cheeks like a puffer fish, as crimson rises up her neck.

“Dad,” I look into my father’s wounded gaze, “please, listen. My ex, the guy I already told you about, he’s going to kill me. He found me here, and he’ll kill me, and probably you guys if I go back with you.” I pull the crumpled sheet Knox sent me from my jeans and thrust it into my father’s hand.

He looks down at the short message, then back up at me.

“How do you know he sent it to you?” Dad asks.

“I know. He’s dangerous, Dad. He’s killed people before,” I look down at the tile floor as both my parents watch me in horror.

“Then, we’ll just call the police,” Dad cuts the silence. “You don’t have to go to,” he looks at Jake, “where do you live?”

“Virginia Beach, sir.” Jake answers.

“You don’t have to go, what, fourteen hours away from us to be safe. We’ll call the cops and that will be that.”

“Dad, you don’t understand. He’s one of the biggest drug smugglers on the entire East Coast. He’s got connections, on the street and in the force. The cops won’t help.”

“Sir, Ma’am, if I may,” Jake interrupts. “I know you don’t know me from Adam, but I am a Navy SEAL, I live in a gated community where a lot of my neighbors are also SEALs. Holly will be safe with me. I won’t let anything bad happen to her, I promise you that.”

“Oh, god, this is rich.” Mom groans, “Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me. You’re gonna go run off to Virginia Beach with some supposed Navy SEAL bad boy instead of coming home. Doesn’t this sound familiar, Don? How many times is she going to do this to us? How many times are we going to keep letting her walk in and out of our lives?” Mom turns around and walks over to my window, staring out of it, motionless.

“Sir, I don’t expect that you’d just take me at my word, especially when you’re meeting me in here. That’s why I’ve written down this list of contacts. You can confirm with them that I’m who I say I am. Also, here’s my military ID,” Jake pulls a card from his wallet and thrusts it out to my Dad along with a sheet of names and numbers he pulled from his pocket.

“Trust me, if Holly goes home with you today, her ex will kill her. I will give her a secure home and I’ll take care of her. I swear on my life.”

“I will call these numbers,” Dad looks down at the sheet and then to me. The tears building up in his eyes break my heart.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Jake answers softly.

“I just have one question before I do,” Dad peers into Jake’s face, “you say that if she comes home with us, he’ll murder her.”

“Yes.” Jake answers.

“But, what about if she comes home with you? Won’t he still track her down?”

“Sir, if he comes for her at my place he won’t have the chance to get to her.”

“Why is that?” Dad presses him.

“Because I’ll kill him.”

“Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” I tuck Holly’s hair behind her ear as she looks out the plane window to the snow-peaked Rocky Mountains below.

“Hmmm,” she pulls her gaze over to my face like she’s awaking from a trance.

“You want to talk about what’s on your mind?” I wrap my arm around her and pull her toward me, giving the top of her head a kiss.

“I just… I guess I wish things had gone better with my parents, you know? Well, Dad took it about as good as you could expect really, but Mom…” she trails off and her eyes slide back over to the tiny plane window.

“You’re doing the right thing,” I reassure her. “I can promise you that.” I let my arm drop from her shoulders and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. “What were you going to do when he tracked you down to your parents’ place? You guys would’ve been sitting ducks. Your mother will come around, she’s just worried about you.”

“She hates me,” Holly whispers, but the pain in her voice screams louder than a delicate newborn, desperate for a mother’s love.

“No, she doesn’t,” my voice is firm. “I can read people pretty well, and I could see that she loves you, deeply.” With my finger and thumb, I guide her chin around so she’s facing me. “She loves you, Holly.”

“Do you think so,” her chin quivers as she utters her doubt.

“I know so.” I look straight into her bright blue eyes and run my thumb over her rosy cheek. “This is the right call, this keeps your parents safe and it keeps you safe. Once your folks come up to visit us and they have a chance to scope out my neighborhood and my place, they’ll see that too, ok?” I kiss the tip of her nose and a smile finally spreads over her full lips.

“Ok,” she rests her forehead against mine and runs her delicate hand over my grisly beard.

Holly sits up straight and digs her fingers into my wild man scruff, her face lights up with a mischievous smile.

“What?” I try to figure out what’s going on in that beautiful mind of hers.

“Well, one thing is for sure,” she tilts her head at me.

“What’s that?”

“When we get to your place, I’m going to make you trim down this crazy beard,” she laughs.

“Oh, is that a fact?” I run my hand over my jaw. “I dunno, I think I might keep it,” I tease her, “it’s got a personality now, it’s kinda like a pet,” I don’t bother to tell her that I was going to clean it up anyway.

“I don’t know about that, but I know that this thing,” she gives my beard a playful tug, “will scratch up the inside of my thighs too much and,” she drops her voice and looks around quickly, “I don’t want whisker burn on my pussy,” she bites her lip and looks up at me with a twinkle in her eyes.

She wins.

I adjust in my seat so my growing erection doesn’t push painfully against the zipper of my jeans. “I don’t know,” I lower my voice, “that’s only for good girls, and right now you’re being pretty naughty. Getting me all worked up on a plane like this,” I nod down to my groin and can’t help but smile when Holly looks down with her eyes wide, “I might just have to put you over my knee for that.”

“I’d like that,” she murmurs.

How can she go from being so angelic she practically has her own halo, to such a sexy bad girl in the blink of an eye? Actually, I don’t give a shit how she does it, it’s hot as hell and that’s all that matters.

I lean toward her and pull her into my kiss, exploring her mouth softly with my tongue. I twist my body so my back is a wide barricade from the aisle and let my fingers slide up under her skirt. I jolt with surprise when they brush up against her bare pussy.

“You’re not wearing anything under your skirt,” I keep my voice low enough that only our ears can hear.

“No, I’m not,” she smirks at me.

I place my finger at her opening, surprised by how wet she is for me. “Maybe you are a good girl after all,” I growl, pressing my index finger deep inside her. Holly closes her eyes and breathes out loudly. She’s soaking wet. I curl my finger up inside her and apply pressure against her g-spot as Holly wriggles in the seat beside me. Pulling my hand back, I slide my finger back out of her tight little pussy and lick her juices from my hand. “You taste like heaven,” I murmur.

Holly’s hand slowly slinks up my thigh, but I know there’s no way she can pull off slipping her hand into my pants with discretion.

“No,” I grab her hand and she looks up at me pouting. “Not here,” I tell her firmly. “What you’re going to do, is go to that bathroom back there,” I jerk my head in the direction, “and you’re going to wait for me, cause I’m going to go in there and fuck you raw, understand?” I wait for my good girl to answer, but she can’t seem to find her words. Instead, Holly nods silently and quickly stands up, as she slides past me into the aisle, she presses her round ass against my face, toying with me.

I force myself not to watch her head back like I instructed her. I force myself to stare straight ahead and count. Somehow, I reach the count of ninety and stand up, adjusting my cock so its thick ridge is less noticeable to the people I pass as I make my way to the rear of the plane.

The door says “Vacant” and I swing it open too eagerly, quickly stepping inside. Holly is already propped up, her ass on the sink, leaving me just enough room in the ridiculously small space to close and lock the door behind me.

“I’ve been waiting too long for this,” I growl, pulling a condom from my wallet, I quickly unzip my pants and pull them and my underwear down to my upper thighs, “and I won’t wait another second.”

Holly stares down at me, watching as I unroll the condom over every inch of my heavy dick, I can see from her wide eyes that she’s nervous and excited. I don’t blame her, she’s in for a wild ride.

“Get that sweet ass over here,” I grab her and pull her to the edge of the sink. Holly tries to steady herself by grabbing my shoulders, but I quickly take both of her ankles and throw it over my shoulder.

“Oh!” Her eyes meet mine and I can see she wants this as much as I do.

“Shhh!” I scold her quietly. “You have to be quiet.”

Holly nods her head and I grab the base of my cock and slide it along her slick entrance. My dick twitches with anticipation as I feel the heat of her pussy against me. I know I should take it slow, but all my self-restraint dissolves as I breathe in her desire.

Stepping into her, I wrap one hand around her shoulders and hold her tight as I sink my cock deep inside her in one thrust. Holly opens her mouth to scream, but I clap my hand over her lips, catching her moans in my broad hand. Her tight pussy clenches around me, and I stay still, looking into her eyes, I let her body make room for me. To adjust to a size, she’s clearly not used to.

“You ready,” I whisper, dropping my hand from her mouth.

Holly nods and I pull back out a little only to sink deeper inside of her, burying the full length of my cock into her core. This time she doesn’t make a sound, instead she looks up at the ceiling, her mouth opened in a silent “O”.

“Good girl,” I pump my hips against her, faster and harder now. My balls hit against her asshole as I fuck her relentlessly. Her shoulders are tight under my grasp, her leg feels smooth against my shoulder, but I can’t pay attention to any of that. I don’t even care that Holly is starting to pant so loudly I’m sure it can be heard outside the bathroom walls. All I care about is fucking her sweet little pussy, making up for the lost time, the close calls, the endless nights of fantasies I’ve had to deal with for the past two months. I’m sure there’s a part of her that wanted our first time to be rose petals and candles, but I can’t stop myself from holding her tight against me as I thrust my cock inside her like a jackhammer.

I reach down between us and let my finger find her clit, swirling it rhythmically as I pound my cock into her. Holly arches her back and clamps her own mouth with both her hands as I bring her to her orgasm.

Her already tight pussy squeezes down on my cock, driving me to the edge of reason. I can’t take anymore; my balls tighten and my cock jerks inside her as the pulsing bliss rips through me and I fill the condom with cum.

I hold her, my cock still inside her and we pant together.

“That was incredible,” I whisper in her ear and grab the ring of the condom, pulling out of her. I kiss her lips, gently this time and enjoy the peace that washes over me.

“I love you,” she barely breathes the words.

“I love you too,” I answer.

“I should go back to the seat,” she shakes her head, like she’s just realized where she is.

I nod and help her maneuver around me. She slips out the door and I finish cleaning up. Walking back down the aisle, I’m sure I can feel eyes on me. Knowing smiles from strangers. I ignore them. I don’t care about what they think. I don’t care if the flight attendants heard us. None of it matters.

The only thing that I care about is her. I look at Holly’s beaming smile as I reach our seats. If I have her, I don’t need anything else in this world, and I’ll still have everything.

My fingers are laced between Holly’s as we make our way down the large stairway at Norfolk International. How many times have I flown back here? Usually after a deployment in a country so dirty, destitute and desperate that I’ve had to fight the urge to drop to my knees in this airport and kiss the ground under my feet with gratitude.

Almost every time I’ve flown back, it’s felt like a huge homecoming, this time is no different. Sure, Canada is a nice country and rehab is definitely not comparable to deployment, but it doesn’t change the fact that it feels great to be home.

I look down past the crowd of people in front of us and burst out into laughter.

“What?” Holly tries to follow my gaze with a puzzled look on her face.

Standing at the bottom, off to the side is my brother Cameron and his lady. Chelsea is holding a sign over her head that says my name, but it’s Cameron’s sign that has me laughing: “Don’t run!” It says on top, then beneath that, “I’m your ride.”

Leave it to my big bro to bust my balls after not seeing me for months. He’s got a huge grin on his face as I guide Holly over to them.

“I got your message,” I laugh. “You got me,” I hook my hand with my brother’s and pull him into a one-armed hug.

“Good, I didn’t want to have to chase you down,” Cameron teases me. It’s good that we can joke about the night that the cops showed up and I ran off, leaving him with a baggie of my cocaine in his car. At the time, it was the worst night of my life. Probably his too. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was the guy who made that cowardly decision. I can’t even relate to that guy now.

“Look at you,” I step back from my brother and glance at his fiancée’s growing baby bump. “You look radiant,” a smile spreads over her face.

“I don’t know about that, but I’ll take it,” Chelsea laughs.

“Holly, this is my big brother, Cameron.” I put my arm around her and make the introductions.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Cameron shakes her hand and cocks one eyebrow at me, loaded with silent questions.

“And this woman, who you can see is clearly out of his league, is his fiancée, Chelsea,” I tease him.

Cameron gently digs his elbow into my ribs, “Hey, I’m trying to keep that under wraps until the wedding is final,” he smiles.

“It’s so great to meet you both,” Holly smiles shyly, tucking her long hair behind her ear.

“Jake, you didn’t tell me you found someone. Where have you been hiding this beautiful woman?” My brother nods at Holly.

“In rehab,” I answer.

“Oh, are you from Virginia Beach too?” Chelsea asks, not knowing the weight of her question.

“No, I’m from Miami. Well, originally I’m from Everglades City, but I spent the last five years in Miami.”

“Really? That’s where we’re going! Cameron got drafted by the Dolphins, so we’re doing the cross-country trek right now,” Chelsea answers. She really is glowing. I mean, I know that’s a nice thing you’re supposed to say to pregnant ladies, but in her case, her caramel skin is shimmering. Pregnancy suits her. It’s crazy to think in only a few more months I’m going to be an uncle. It’s crazier still to think Cameron will be a father.

“Yeah, Holly needed to get a clean break from Miami, so I offered up my place. Besides, I would miss her too much if she was all the way down there,” I wrap my arm around her tight.

“We don’t need to get into all of that right now,” she squirms in my arm. “We should probably get our bags,” she changes the subject clumsily.

“Uh, yeah, they might be out now,” Cameron agrees and we all walk over to the baggage claim.

“How did you guys know I’d be flying in now?” I walk beside Cameron.

“Mom told me. She wanted to go to your graduation, but Dad was being… well, you know how he gets.” Cameron rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I do. I mean, you’d know better than I do.”

“True, so take it from a seasoned pro, he’ll get over himself. You’ll go back to being the golden boy in no time,” he teases me.

“Whatever,” I try to shrug it off. I don’t want to care about what my father thinks. There’s a small, nagging voice in the back of my brain that keeps telling me differently though.

The girls are chatting behind us and giggling. It’s nice to see Holly hit it off with someone. My brother rests his hand on my shoulder and looks me straight in the eyes, “Hey, man, don’t worry about him. Ok? Besides, I know you probably didn’t really care much about the whole rehab thing, but I’m proud of you for doing it,” he claps my shoulder.

“No, it did mean something to me. I mean, not at first. I thought the whole thing was a dumb joke, you know?” Cameron nods his head at me. He gets it, I’m sure he’s seen his fair share of people being shipped off to addiction facilities just to clear their name, and not their heads. “But, we had a Canadian soldier come in and speak about addiction and all that, and something clicked. I realize that I had a problem. I needed to be there.” I confess.

Cameron’s eyebrows raise and he looks over my face like he’s waiting for me to throw out a punchline. He smiles brightly at me, “That’s awesome, man. I’m glad it helped ya.”

We gather around the rotating conveyor of luggage and wait. Duffle bags and suitcases belonging to strangers whirl around and I keep my eye out for mine.

“Oh, there’s my suitcase,” Holly tries to reach her peach bag, but it’s toward the inside and her hand can’t grasp it. I lean over and easily pluck it from the cluttered baggage claim and plop it down on its wheels.

“Thanks,” she stands up on her tiptoes and gives me a quick peck.

“Aww,” Chelsea smiles at us. “You two are so cute together. Aren’t they, Cameron?”

“Oh yeah, adorable,” my brother answers, his voice dead-pan. I can’t help but crack a smile. It’s great to see him again, to know that we’re still good after everything that happened.

“Did you ask him yet?” Chelsea looks back and forth from my face to my brother’s with her deep, brown eyes.

“Ask me what?” I look at Cameron.

“I was gonna let him grab his suitcase first, Miss Impatient,” he softly scolds her.

“Good timing,” I pluck my bag from the conveyor and place it next to my feet. “So, what’s up?”

Cameron smiles at Chelsea and then looks to me, “Ok, so, I didn’t just come here to give you a drive home.”

“Oh no?”

“I also wanted to let you know that Chelsea and I are going to get settled in Miami and then, we’re getting married.”

“Really? That’s awesome! Wow, that’s gonna be busy, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Cameron answers, “it’s going to be a whirlwind, for sure. But, we wanted to get married before the baby, it’s important to Chelsea, so it’s important to me,” he lifts his fiancée’s brown hand and kisses it. “And with training camp starting up in July, we wanted to have the ceremony before all that craziness begins,” he explains.

“That’s great! You’re having it in Miami then?”

“Yep, we figured, since it’s just family going, it would be a nice way to show them our new place and all that too.”

“Makes sense,” I smile down at Holly, but her eyebrows are knit together with worry.

“Anyway, sorry for springing this on you, but I’d love if you’d be my best man, Jake. I can’t think of anyone else who could even come close to filling those shoes.”

“Aww, man,” I throw my arms around him and give his back a clap, “of course I will. It would be my honor,” I answer truthfully. “When is the wedding?”

“In two weeks, I know it’s short notice,” he holds up his hands, “but I wanted to ask you in person, you know?”

“Yeah, no problem. I understand. I’ll be there,” I grab my suitcase and Holly and I follow Chelsea and Cameron toward the exit.

“Miami? In two weeks?” Holly whispers. “I can’t go. I won’t be safe. What about Knox?”

Oh shit, I forgot about that.

“Wow, that was amazing,” Cameron pushes his empty plate forward on the table and slumps back into his seat.

“Don’t tell my mother, but that was the best roast I’ve ever eaten,” Chelsea smiles at me warmly.

“Thank you, it was nothing, really,” I stand up and begin to clear the table.

“Here, let me help you with that,” Chelsea grabs some dirty dishes and brings them over to the sink with me.

“They’re right, that meal was delicious,” Jake turns in his chair to talk to me. “I don’t know what I did to get so lucky, but you’re the whole package. Beautiful, smart, a great cook.”

“Aww,” Chelsea looks from Jake’s face to mine, glowing with happiness.

“Yeah, wait till she gets a taste of your cooking,” Cameron makes air quotes with his fingers and sticks out his tongue like he has a rotten taste in his mouth.

“What are you talking about? I’m a great cook,” Jake puffs out his chest.

“Oh yeah, if you ever get a craving for gross boxed food, this guy is your man,” Cameron juts his thumb toward his brother.

“Oh, I know you’re not slamming my signature dish right now. Frank’s Alive is awesome and you know it. You’re just jealous you didn’t invent it.” Jake smirks.

“What on earth is ‘Frank’s Alive’?” I head back over to the table and the guys stand up and start gathering the cutlery and glasses.

“Only a culinary masterpiece,” Jake jokes.

“You poor girl, it’s only a matter of time until he whips it up for you.” Cameron carries the glasses over to the kitchen counter. “Imagine Kraft macaroni and cheese, with hot dogs in it,” he explains.

“Oh, I’ve had it like that before,” I shrug.

“No, I’m not done yet, so it’s also got probably half a cup of relish in it and a bunch of mustard mixed in.”

“What?” Chelsea scrunches up her nose.

“Yeah, Jamie Oliver over here threw it together when we were kids and our mom was horrified. She asked Jake what it was supposed to be, thinking he messed up the easiest food in the world to make and he said…”

“Frank’s Alive!” Jake jumps in.

“Why did you call it that?” I look over at him.

“No idea, I was probably nine or so. The name stuck though, and so did the recipe. I’ll have to make it for you sometime,” he walks up to me and slides his arm over my shoulders.

“Uh, that’s ok. I can do the cooking,” I smile up at him.

“Smart,” Cameron nods at me.

“All right, maybe I’m not a great chef,” Jake looks at his brother.

“You can say that again,” Cameron answers.

“However, Frank’s Alive is delicious. I stand by that meal,” Jake pretends to pout.

“I’m sure it is,” I rub my hand over his shoulder pretending to soothe his bruised ego.

“Don’t worry about the dishes right now, we can just relax or watch a movie if you want,” Jake offers.

A movie. The idea almost feels foreign. After sixty days of no television, except for the occasional Alcoholic Anonymous footage, watching a movie almost sounds like a sinful luxury.

“No, we actually gotta hit the road,” Cameron answers and Chelsea leans her head against his shoulder tenderly.

“What? You’re not going to drive to Miami now are you? It’s already seven o’clock. Isn’t it like twelve hours away?” Jake protests.

“It’s almost fourteen, and we have no choice bro. I’ve gotta check in with the team by noon tomorrow. I’m going to pull an all-nighter and drive straight through.”

“That’s not very safe,” I interrupt.

“It’s no biggie,” Cameron waves off my concern. “I’ll pull over and catch some winks if we get too tired.”

“If you want, you can sleep for the first bit and I’ll drive, then we can switch out,” Chelsea wraps her arms around Cameron’s waist.

“Brains and beauty,” Cameron murmurs to her, “I can’t wait to marry you,” he kisses her quickly.

“Ok, well, give me a call when you get in so I know you made it ok,” Jake interrupts the lovebirds’ moment.

“Will do,” Cameron heads to the back hall of Jake’s bungalow with his fiancée.

“It was great to see you again,” Jake smiles at Chelsea, “and it was ok seeing you too,” he jokes with his brother.

“Yeah, yeah,” Cameron smiles and puts on his shoes. “In all seriousness, though,” he stands up and claps his hand onto Jake’s bulky shoulder, “you’ve got a great thing going on here, a second chance,” the brothers look at each other, “don’t fuck it up.”

“I won’t.” Jake nods solemnly.

“I’m proud of you, man,” Cameron throws his arms around Jake and the two share a huge bear hug.

“That means a lot to me, Cameron,” Jake’s voice is soft and full of emotion. “Thanks for asking me to be your best man.”

“I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone else,” Cameron steps back and the two stand a little taller. “Ok, we’re off,” Cameron clears his throat. “We’ll call you when we get there,” he opens the door for Chelsea.

“It was great meeting you,” I call out.

“You too,” Chelsea and Cameron answer as they make their way out the door.

We watch as they get into their car and wave as they pull out of the driveway. “So,” Jake closes the door and looks down at me, “it’s just you and me now,” a smile curls the corners of his lips.

“It sure is,” I answer coyly.

“It’s nice having you here,” Jake runs his thumb down the side of my face and I tilt my head. “There’s just one problem with this whole situation.”

Problem? I squint my eyes and frown, trying to think of what I could’ve done, “What’s that?” I search his face.

A mischievous twinkle glints in his eye as he smirks at me, “You’re wearing entirely too much clothing.”

“Well, that is a pretty serious problem,” I laugh.

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to do something about that right now,” Jake locks the door behind me and suddenly scoops me off my feet.

“Hey! What are you doing?” I fake protest, kicking my feet playfully in the air. Jake effortlessly tosses me over his shoulder and starts walking down the hall.

“I told you, we’ve gotta fix this issue,” he laughs. “There’s only one way I want to see you right now,” he kicks open his door to the bedroom and struts in.

“How’s that?”

“Naked,” he tosses me down onto the bed. “Now,” he demands.

Kneeling on his bed, I tug my shirt up over my head and toss it to the floor, my heart races as I unhook my bra. I’ve never seen a man who looked so hungry for me before. The fire in Jake’s eyes is as intimidating as it is exciting.

Slowly, I slide the straps down my arms, teasing him.

“That’s it,” he circles his hands around my waist and flips me back onto the mattress. His fingers quickly unbutton my jeans and he rips them from my legs desperately, pulling off my underwear with them.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” his voice is gravelly and deep. My nipples peak and I squirm under his gaze. Heat flushes over my entire body, sweeping over me like a wildfire.

Jake’s eyes are locked on mine, even as he pulls off his shirt. As soon as it’s over his head, he’s holding me in place with his intense stare. I lean on my elbows, arching my back and pushing out my breasts.

“Show me how wet you are for me,” he demands and I slide my hand down over the curve of my hip to my lower lips. I slip my finger into my folds and hold it out to him, covered in my juices. Jake grabs my hand and licks my finger clean.

“I love how you taste,” he murmurs. He hooks his thick arms around my knees and drags me to the end of the bed until my legs are dangling off the side. Dropping to his knees, he drapes my legs over each shoulder and takes a long, slow lick between my legs.

“Mmm,” I writhe on the bed, bucking my hips up to meet his tongue.

“That’s right, baby. Now you don’t have to be quiet. I wanna hear how good I’m making you feel. I’m going to make you scream,” he breathes on my pussy and I wiggle under him, desperate to feel his soft tongue once more.

Jake doesn’t keep me waiting, he slides his tongue between my lips and flickers it over my clit making me cry out.

“Fuck that feels so good,” I moan.

He slides one of his fingers inside me, moving it until he hits a spot that makes me vibrate with pleasure. The feeling is intense, his tongue lashing against my clit and the spot inside me he’s pressing, it’s almost too much.

Suddenly, I feel another finger slide between my ass cheeks and I wriggle under him nervously. He presses against my asshole, but doesn’t push inside. The pressure alone is enough and it heightens the intense pleasure building up within me.

Jake relentlessly chases my orgasm with his tongue until my body can take no more. I squeeze my eyes shut and throw back my head as ecstasy shudders through me in an explosion. I writhe against the sheets, surrendering to my bliss and crying out so loud that my throat is raw.

“Oh Jake!”

“Mmm, that’s what I like to hear,” he stands up, leaving me limp and panting on the bed as he grabs a condom from his night side table.

“That was amazing,” I try to get my breathing under control and watch as Jake flicks open his pants and steps out of them. His cock is huge. I stare at it, mesmerized.

“Don’t put it on,” I nod at the foil packet between his finger and thumb. “I want to taste you,” I kneel at the edge of the bed.

“I’m not going to argue with that,” Jake walks over to me and I grab his fat cock with both of my hands. I slide my tongue over the tip and he growls a deep, guttural sound.

Opening my mouth wide, I slip my lips over his girth and try to take him into my mouth. “That’s it,” he smiles down at me, “you can do it.” He gently rests his hand on my head and I try to relax my jaw and slide more of him inside my mouth. I can’t fit him all, there’s still too much.

I pull back and slide my lips over him again, bobbing my head faster I pump from the base of his cock in sync with my mouth.

“Fuck, that’s good.” Jake closes his eyes and tangles his fingers up in my long hair, pulling me into him. As I bob my head back toward his sensitive tip, I swirl my tongue over him and he groans loudly while pushing on my head harder. I feel his dick twitch on my tongue and I continue to pump my hands faster, in time with my mouth.

Jake’s breathing is ragged and his muscles are rigid as his cock spurts his warm cum inside my mouth. I swallow every last drop, eager to make him feel as good as he made me feel.

“Oh fuck, I really am the fucking luckiest guy. That was amazing,” Jake pulls back, freeing himself from my mouth.

“I’m glad,” I smile up at him.

He plops down on the bed next to me and pulls me into his arms, wrapping them around me. “I love you, Holly,” he murmurs, running his hand over my hair and down my back softly.

“I love you too, Jake.” I whisper. Safe in Jake’s arms, I snuggle into him and let sleep tug me into another world.

I pull the trigger and the boy falls to the floor with a thud. His mother’s screams pierce my eardrums as a tide of crimson gushes from the child onto the floor. I’m frozen. I can’t look away from his lifeless, little body. I can’t see him as the enemy. As a terrorist. He’s just a boy. Just a boy.

I sit up in bed with a start, gasping for breath and my heart thudding erratically in my ribs. Cold sweat trickles an icy trail down my back. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to fill my head with a different image. I try to push away the same dream that’s been haunting me since my deployment.

I open my eyes and my heart slows its beat as I look over at Holly. She looks so innocent, so beautiful, peacefully sleeping beside me.

She already escaped one monster’s bed. I can’t help but wonder if she’s just slid into another’s. I know I’ll never lay a hand on her. I’ll never hurt her in any way. Ever. But, when your country pins a medal on your chest and tells you you’re a fucking hero for ending a child’s life, it’s hard to feel like anything but a monster.

He had a gun. I repeat the thought like it’s my own personal slogan. He would’ve killed you.

I know it’s true. It doesn’t matter though. No amount of facts or reasoning will ease the pain in my soul.

With my breathing back to normal, I slip back down under the covers and roll toward Holly, scooping her into my arms. I peer over at the alarm clock. Less than an hour before I’ve got to get up for work. I can’t think of any better way to spend that time than to hold her.

Holly mumbles something incoherent and settles her head down onto my chest, breathing softly. I run my hand over her long hair and trail the tips of my fingers on her creamy skin.

I don’t want to leave her here today. The realization hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. For the first time since I joined the SEALs, I’m not excited about going to work. In fact, the twisting ache in my stomach feels a hell of a lot more like dread than anything.

A life without the SEALs was one I never thought I’d want to live. Now, after only two months away, with Holly, it doesn’t hold the same luster.

I breathe her scent deep into my lungs like it’s the very oxygen I need to stay alive. Wrapping my arms around her tight, I want to freeze this moment in time. This perfect peace that comes with holding the woman of my dreams as she gives me all of her trust, and all of her heart.

You need to release.

I shake my head violently, as if I can toss the intruding thought out of my brain. Where did that come from? I can’t release from the military. What would I do with my life? Who would I be?

I lazily draw invisible designs on Holly’s skin and try to focus on just this moment. Not my deployment. Not what work will bring. Not retirement. Just now. Because, right now, with Holly in my arms and the problems of the world still locked outside my bedroom walls, this moment is perfection.

“Hey man! It’s good to see your ugly mug around here again,” Petty Officer Black nails me in the shoulder as I walk into our mess.

“Thanks, man. It’s good to be back,” I’m happy it’s not a lie. It seems like my nervousness this morning was unfounded. So far, everyone has been incredibly welcoming, almost like the coke incident is water under the bridge and the guys are just happy to have me back.

“Yeah, so you did a couple months at a spin-dry, huh?” Black unlocks his locker and rummages inside.

“Yep, up in Canada. It wasn’t too bad actually,” I look up at my bunk, it’s been stripped clean but at least it hasn’t been taken over by some new guy. It’s really hard to get the middle rack on a ship. With the bunk beds stacked three cots high, the lowest rack is like sleeping on the floor and the top one is a pain in the ass to get out of if you need to take a piss in the middle of the night. My bed is that perfect, Goldilocks level, that’s easy to get in and out of.

“So, what? Did they break you down? Tell you partying is the devil? Bring you to Jesus?” Black looks up at me with a smug smile, rolling his eyes.

“Nah, not exactly man.” I’m not going to stand here and try to explain the moments of clarity I felt in rehab to Black. He and I go way back, we’ve partied together more times than I could even begin to count. Eight balls of coke and hot, nameless chicks in every port was our specialty. I smile as I remember my white, five-nine friend using his standard line on the ladies, “Once you go Black, you’ll never go back. By the way, I’m Dan Black.” He loved using his name in that old line usually reserved for black guys. The thing was, chicks loved it. They always laughed, which broke the ice and then, putty.

“I knew they wouldn’t break you,” Black smiles broadly, standing up and stretching his arms wide. “You know, after work me and a couple of the guys are gonna head out for a few drinks. You should come along,” he twists his thick arms like he’s trying to loosen up his tight muscles, instead of showing off the bulk he’s added to his frame since I left.

“I don’t think so man, I’m gonna pass,” I ignore his peacocking and throw my gear into my old locker, fastening it shut with a padlock.

“What? Come on, it’ll be good times. What are you gonna do instead? Go home and jerk off? Come out, it’ll be a blast,” he stares at me hard.

I don’t blink, he’s not going to wear me down with his high-pressure sales tactics, “Don’t need to jerk off, gotta hot girl waiting for me.”

“You?” Black looks at me sideways, “you got a girlfriend?”

I shrug, “Yep.”

“Man, you have changed,” my old party friend eyes me suspiciously.

“Hey! Armstrong! Black! Get your asses up to the Captain’s cabin! There’s a debrief going down in less than five minutes and you better be there!” Chief Jackson barks at us from the door, interrupting an already dead conversation.

“Will do!” I yell back, taking my cue to leave. I don’t wait for anymore of Black’s deep insights, instead I head out to the flats and up the ladder to the deck above. I wheel around the corner into the room just as the PowerPoint presentation hits the screen.

I join my guys along the back wall, behind all the officers crowding the couches and seats in the front.

“All right! Listen up! We’ve got intel on the situation in Syria and you’re going to want to listen. It looks like we’re going to be putting boots on the ground in just over a month, so pay attention. This debrief could save all of your lives,” Second Lieutenant James walks slowly in front of the small crowd. “Lieutenant Huang, you’re up,” he directs the intelligence officer to take his place.

An absurdly young looking officer with black hair and black eyes wastes no time hustling to the front of the cabin. He pushes a tiny remote in his hand and pulls up the first slide, a page of facts and figures about the Syrian government’s atrocities.

“As you well know, the Bassah regime has been overthrown by the rebels and these figures here, well, they seem downright soft and cuddly compared to the shit going down over there now.” Huang clicks his tiny remote and the picture changes to a city in ruins. Buildings blown into dust and rubble, indistinguishable from one another, collapsed into the sand.

I blink hard, trying to stay focused. I don’t want to feel the heat of the boiling Middle Eastern sun burning my skin. I don’t want to see the permanent sunspots in my eyes. I push them away. Focus. Breathe and focus.

Huang’s voice cuts back in as my vision clears, “…unprecedented attacks on civilians, with no regard for casualties, including women and children,” he clicks his button and a decimated elementary school appears on the screen. I breathe in sharply as the young bodies of dead children are strewn over the whiteboard.

My hands tremble and my breathing quickens as goosebumps break out over my arms. I see the boy, he has a gun. He points it at me, I don’t think, just react. Two shots and he drops. It’s only once I see him on the floor that I realize just how small he is. What grade would he be in? Two? The blood pours from his corpse as his mother shrieks a deep, animal-like howl at the pain of losing a child. He had a gun. I had to shoot. He had it pointed at me. It was me or him. I had to take away his future to preserve my present.

Sweat breaks out across my brow and the trembling in my hand quivers through my legs. I feel sick.

“Hey man, you good?” Black suddenly appears in my vision. I look around and the room is clearing out. I missed the brief. How did that happen?

“Yeah, for sure,” I lie, looking at the ground.

“Big day for you, huh? First day back and you find out we’re back to it next month. Time to go be a fucking hero!” Black claps his hand on my back and my mind flashes to my medal ceremony.

“For bravery and valor,” the Captain pinned it to my chest as I winced at the words. “You’re a hero, Son.”

A hero.

“Yeah, big day,” my words are flat. I follow Black out of the cabin dizzily.

“All right, bro. It’s almost quitting time. You sure you don’t wanna come out after work? It would be good to have a couple of drinks with you again. I’ve missed you, man.” Black pushes me.

“You know what,” I pause as the images flash back in my mind. I push them away, “That sounds good. Just a couple of drinks and then I’m out.”

“I knew you wouldn’t change!” Black smiles broadly and heads down the ladder with me on his heels. “Fuck all that rehab shit, right? You do what you gotta to stay in the SEALs, but fuck it,” he exclaims.

“Just a couple though. No other shit. No shots. Ok?” I answer.

“Yeah, yeah. A couple of drinks. For sure. Glad to see you’re back, man!” He smirks like he’s accomplished something.

“Yeah,” I push the last of my nerves and memories down into the pit of my gut, “great to be back,” my words taste as gritty as the desert sand on my tongue. “Great to be back.”

I smear the peanut butter on my toast, making sure I push it over to each edge. It feels weird to eat alone after living with Knox, who never let me out of his sight for five years, and then going to Edgewood, where I was surrounded by hundreds of fellow addicts for every meal. I lift the toast to my lips and the crunch is deafening. I need some background noise. Listening to myself chew is depressing.

I grab the remote and flick on the large, flat television suspended on the wall. A crowded table of aging ladies fills the screen as The View comes on. I watch for a second, as they talk over each other, all trying to make their point loudly and at the same time. It sounds like the chaos of the rehab cafeteria. The noise settles my nerves and I grab my food, not really focusing on what they’re saying, just enjoying that they’re saying it.

Plopping down on the couch, I smile stupidly at the toast on my plate. It probably makes me weird, but getting groceries with Jake a couple of days ago, was a real highlight of the week for me. I’m sure for most people it’s a chore, just another thing to check off their weekly to-do list, but I loved the simple luxury of choosing food with my man. Being out, on his arm, doing something as meaningless as picking out apples with him was a real treat.

I never realized how pent up Knox kept me for over five years of my life. We rarely ever left his place, between his job and his cocaine-induced paranoia, he didn’t like leaving his apartment much. I was never allowed to go anywhere on my own, and I let that become a normal part of my existence. How? I shake my head. He treated me more like an animal than a person, telling me when I could eat, when I could speak. For years, we lived almost exclusively on food he ordered in. It’s amazing I still have my health at all. Not that my cocaine addiction left me much of an appetite anyway.

My body was as hollow and vacant on the outside as my soul was on the inside. So, yeah, maybe I’m a huge dork for loving trips to the grocery store, but it’s the little things.

I drop the crusts down onto my plate and brush the crumbs from my top. My thoughts trail off to my parents. I wish they could see how happy I am now. They were so upset about me coming to live here, I hope they take Jake up on his offer to come visit us. I know after only a few hours, they’re minds would be put to rest if they saw how peaceful and happy my life is now.

I should give them a call. The idea of listening to my mother’s frosty tone squeezes my heart too hard to bring myself to do it. Maybe an e-mail would be better. Before he left Edgewood, my father wrote down all his contact information and stuffed it in my hand. None of it had changed from when I was a kid, the phone number, his ‘PapaBear’ email address. Hell, he even wrote down their house address, like I hadn’t just taken a taxi there a couple of months ago. I guess after I disappeared from their lives, he didn’t want to take any chances that I would lose touch with them again.

I walk over to Jake’s computer, which he gave me the password to earlier. “Mi casa es su casa,” he smiled. “This is your place, eat what you want, do what you want, ok?” He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes with a smile.

I open my e-mail and can’t get in. What the hell? Oh, I forgot that I changed the password before I headed off to rehab so Knox wouldn’t be able to access my account anymore. My email was just one more thing that he controlled when I lived with him. I never gave him a reason not to trust me, I was stupidly loyal to that asshole, but he still insisted on checking my messages whenever he was feeling jealous.

I log in properly with the new password and gasp. My inbox is filled with message after message from Knox. I scroll the screen, he sent the first one a couple of days after I left. There must be hundreds of them here! I click them, scanning the messages and my heart sinks. Most of the messages are short and read pretty much the same way, he’s going to find me. I can’t escape.

I scroll up through the madness and see his tone started to change when he found out I was at Edgewood. That’s when he started the death threats. I guess he figured out I wasn’t reading his messages and that’s why he sent me that letter.

Flicking past a bunch of unopened e-mails I look at the last one he sent me. It’s dated from a week ago. Clicking the message, I see it’s more of the same. Another death threat. It seems like he’s losing steam though. The messages are spaced further and further apart. That must be a good sign.

I hover my mouse over the little x in the corner, I don’t have the heart to get a hold of my parents right now. I think I need to take a long bath and soak of the black stain that Knox has left on me.

Da-ding!

I jump in the leather chair and my eyes grow wide as a new e-mail pops into my inbox. It’s from him. My arms feel like a thousand tiny acupuncture needles are prickling my skin as a shiver violently runs down my spine.

Does he know I’ve been checking my e-mails? Paranoia washes over me, I look around Jake’s house, like I expect Knox to walk out from behind the living room curtain or something.

I’m being irrational. It’s a coincidence. Nothing more. I take a deep breath, but the icy feeling in my gut doesn’t melt away. My hand trembles as I let my curiosity battle with my fear. Finally, I click the message open and jolt upright in the chair, clasping both of my hands over my mouth to contain a scream that rattles in my throat.

I leap to my feet, my heart thrashing in my chest and look at the screen in horror. There, glowing from Jake’s computer is a picture of us, standing with a half-filled grocery cart and wide smiles frozen on our faces. We’re completely oblivious to our picture being taken, our eyes locked on one another in what would be a sweet picture if it was taken under any other circumstance.

Under the picture, his message is simple. Tears spring to my eyes and I struggle to breathe. This time, there’s no death threat. No detailed plans to shoot my legs or explicit messages about how he plans to fuck me. Instead, only two words are under the photo: Found you.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck!

There’s no way Knox was at the grocery store, was there? Is there any possible chance he could’ve been standing close enough to us to take our photograph, but I didn’t see him? No. It’s impossible.

The thought brings me no comfort. That means he’s got someone else following me. He knows where we are. It’s only a matter of time until he comes to collect.

I rush over to the kitchen drawer and pull out the biggest knife I can find, racing down the hall, I lock myself in Jake’s room. He could come for me in a week, or a month, or fucking today. The only thing I know for sure is that he will stop at nothing to take me back. To teach me his lessons. To kill me.

I slide under the comforter, shivering like a little girl afraid of the monsters in her closet. It’s funny how, when we’re kids, we’re so afraid of scary creatures lurking under our beds. Crazy concoctions our imaginations come up with that have no basis in reality. No one tells us that the real monsters live among us. That we work with them, we date them, we see them every day.

As long as my monster is out there, lurking in the shadows, I’ll never be safe.

He’ll never stop, until he destroys me.

“So, we’re standing there, trying not to sway all over the place,” Black is leaning into the crowd, loving that they’re hanging off his every word.  “And were trying to not even breathe too heavily, cause we absolutely reek of liquor,” Black’s eyes twinkle as he captivates the table full of sailors.

I can’t help but smile at how he paints a picture. Black can be a dick, but him and I have history. We ripped it up in every port together. Most of the time, the party didn’t stop when we hit home soil either. I can’t count the number of drunken, coked out nights we’ve had. Mostly because I can’t remember them.

“And he says to us,” he continues, “‘I’m only going to ask you one more time, how the fuck did this monkey get on board?’” He drops his voice as he imitates our old Captain. “And this one,” he starts to laugh, jutting his thumb at me, “says ‘I don’t know, sir. Maybe he enlisted.’” The table erupts with laughter as Black doubles over. I can’t help but chuckle too, even if I’d rather forget what a shit show I used to be.

“That’s fucking epic!” A young recruit with no more than three haircuts in the navy beams at us. He looks at us the way I remember looking at the older guys when I first joined. Like they were rock stars and royalty rolled into one. In my world, there was nothing cooler than the grizzled SEALs who had a bunch of deployments under their belt.

“What happened to the monkey?” Some other guy I only met today asks.

“The Captain tossed him off the ship,” Black smirks.

“Really?” His deep brown eyes squint.

“No, he’s shitting you. The Singapore government sent some animal control people to take him back before we left port,” I explain.

“You always gotta ruin my fun.” Black pretends to pout for a second, but he can’t keep the wide smile from his face. “Man, we had some wild days, didn’t we?”

“We did,” I agree. To hear him tell it, you’d think it had just been a non-stop party. Of course, telling stories about late night cocaine confessions and hugging toilet bowls probably wouldn’t get the same idolization. Even if we did spend just as much time doing those things as we did messing around and being crazy. Maybe even more.

Dan blazes into another story and I pat my hands over my jacket pockets. Where’s my phone? I slide my palms over my pants, but it’s not there either. Shit. I must’ve left it in the car.

I peer around the bar, but there’s no clock on any of the walls. Glancing out the window, the sky is already turning a murky cocktail of deep blues. Is it night already? How long have we been here?

“Hey man, sorry to interrupt,” I cut off Black, “what time is it?”

“Uh, I dunno,” he shrugs and pulls out his cell. “Almost eight, why?”

What? How is that possible? We came in here for a couple of drinks almost four hours ago. How did the day slide into night without me noticing?

“I’ve gotta get moving,” I start to stand up but Black grabs my arm.

“What? No way! It’s still early, bro. I haven’t seen you in forever, you can’t take off yet,” he demands.

“No, I’ve got my girl waiting for me at home. I’m going to head out,” I pull my arm back and stand up.

“Oh, come on, she’s a big girl. She can look after herself for a few hours while you catch up with old friends, right? Besides,” he drops his voice, but everyone at the table can still hear him, “after this I was gonna have you come over. You know, and give our buddy Paul a call.” He throws the name of my old dealer out casually.

“No, I’m not interested,” I clamp my jaw and look him in the eyes.

“For fuck’s sake!” He throws his hands up in the air. “I knew they got to you,” he eyes me up with disgust. “You going to be one of those holier-than-thou guys now who tells everyone they party too much? You can’t even go out and have a good time anymore? What did they do to you in that place? Shove a stick up your ass?” Black slurs at me.

“Things change, man. People do too.” I blow him off and start to leave.

“Ok, ok. Listen, I’m sorry man. That wasn’t cool of me. Hey, lemme buy you a shot, ok? I wanna make it up to you.” Black grasps my coat sleeve and I look down into his hopeful face.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“No, I want to. You know what?” He stands up and waves his hand at the perky bartender across the room, “Hey, sweetheart! How about you grab us a round of Irish Car Bombs. One for everyone, ok?” He circles his finger around the table. “It’s on me,” he smirks at his happy group of friends.

I look over at the young lady putting together Black’s order and then back to the man. “Ok, one shot,” I shrug. “Just one and then I’ve gotta peel out of here, ok?”

“All right! That’s the guy I know!” Black claps my shoulders enthusiastically and pulls my chair out for me to sit back down. I plop into it, sinking into the wooden chair and watch as he sits tall next to me, puffing out his chest proudly.

Just one shot, then I’m out. That’s it. No wild night with Black, no trolling for cocaine, none of that. Just one shot.

Just one.

I peer over at the alarm clock on Jake’s night table. It’s almost eleven. It’s pitch black outside and every set of car headlights that passes by the bedroom window, casting ominous light across the walls, grips my gut with fear. Is it Jake?

Or is it Knox?

I know the house is in a gated community, but I also know it won’t stop Knox. He’s already tracked me down to this city, it’s only a matter of time until he zeros in on this house.

Where is Jake? My eyes squeeze shut and I silently pray, again, for him to come home safe. Did Knox follow him? Did he kill him? Did he take him? He was supposed to be home over six hours ago, I’ve called his phone a hundred times, and have only managed to fill up his voicemail with frantic messages.

Jake is a Navy SEAL, he can take care of himself, I reassure myself. Except the thought does little to comfort me. Especially when Knox is a stalker with a cold gun in his hand and the heat of revenge burning through him. You can be the most elite combat arms soldier with the most rigorous and specialized training in the world, but it won’t save you from being shot in the back of the head. Nausea overwhelms me at the thought of Jake being slumped over his steering wheel, with blood dripping down his face and a hole blown into the back of his skull. I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to him.

Of course, the guilt won’t have time to consume my flesh like burning flames, because if Knox got to Jake, then my time is ticking down. I’ll be dead by morning. Or whenever he’s finally done “punishing me”.

Headlights pour through the window and wash the bedroom wall with white light. I can hear the rubber tires of a car slowly pull into the driveway. I grip the handle of the knife I pilfered from the kitchen and tiptoe over to the side of the window, peering out through the side of the blinds.

It’s not Jake’s car. My heart sinks and the lump I’ve been trying to swallow all day grows even larger in my throat. It’s a cab.

Fuck.

I watch in horror as a shadowy shape slides out of the back seat and slams the door shut. Would Knox show up here in a taxi, to kill me? I did steal his car, but I can’t imagine him not replacing it. Unless he’s trying to keep his attack anonymous from the suburban busy bodies. It’s a lot harder to identify a man arriving in the middle of the night in a taxi than in a tricked-out Escalade.

I lunge away from the window and twist my neck as I search the room for a place to hide. Under the bed? No, I can’t use my knife if I’m wedged under there. The closet? Maybe.

I can hear a clash of keys fall on the front steps and the intruder groan as he picks them up. How did Knox get a key? It shouldn’t surprise me that he managed. I’ve seen the lengths he’s gone to just to track down men who’ve tried to screw him out of cash. He would brag to me about how he found them, how he finished them himself, so people would hear of it and know not to fuck with him. He took a lot of pride in winning the game of cat and mouse, and even more pride in slowly, painfully extracting his revenge.

That was just about money. I shot him in the leg, stole his car, took his hidden stash of cash and left a man who thought he owned my body. No, not just my body. My soul.

The front door creaks open and someone stomps inside, bumping up against the counter and thumping into the wall.

Fuck.

It has to be Knox. Jake wouldn’t be crashing around his own place. He knows where the fucking counter is in his own kitchen. I leap across the bedroom floor on my tiptoes and try to contain the screams of terror welling up inside me as I stand behind the door. At least here, if he comes in the room, I can try to escape. If I lock myself in a closet, it’s too easy for him to grab me. To control me. Like he always has.

Did he kill Jake?

Tears spring to my eyes for the thousandth time today. My hands tremble as I twist my fingers around the hilt of the knife and listen.

“Hey! Holly? Anyone ho-ome?” He calls out as he thumps down the hallway, with the grace of a stampeding bull. His body thuds against the wall and my mind reels. That’s not Knox’s voice. Not unless he’s trying to disguise it. I know I haven’t heard him speak in over two months, but I will never forget the voice of evil.

“Hey! Holly!” The doorknob rattles and my mind spins out of control. Did he send someone else to bring me to him?

As the bedroom door squeaks open, I push all thoughts from my mind. It’s not time to think. It’s time to do.

I raise the knife over my head, prepared to sink it into the throat of whoever Knox has sent to find me. The door flies open and a man trips into the room and falls to the floor and I scream.

“Holly? What the fuck!” He yells, staring up at me with his familiar, deep blue eyes. “What are you doing with that knife?”

Lying on the floor, at my feet, isn’t Knox. It isn’t anyone sent by him either. Instead, it’s the man I love. I lower the knife and tears slide down my face. Jake is home. The man I’ve been terrified was left for dead. The man who was supposed to come back to me hours and hours ago. The man who promised me he’d keep me safe, he’s finally here.

And he’s drunk.

“Jesus, Holly, what are you doing?” Jake sits up and manages to get his wobbly legs back under him. I don’t answer him, all of my emotions are spilling down my cheeks as my body is drained of energy. I drop the knife I’ve been clinging to all day to the floor, and my shoulders slump forward.

“What’s going on?” Jake presses me. The heat of his boozy breath erupting over me like lava, rooting me to the spot with a horrified look etched to my face.

“You’re drunk,” I glance up at him.

“I’m not drunk, I had a few drinks,” he frowns at me. “Why the fuck are you hiding in the bedroom, trying to attack me with a knife?” He accuses me.

“I wasn’t going to attack you,” my eyelids are heavy. It’s too much. Today has been too much and I can feel myself shutting down.

“That’s not what it looked like to me,” Jake points to the knife on the floor. “What did you think you were gonna do with that, huh?” The edge in his voice grows sharp. “I come back to my own fucking house, a house I let you stay in, and you try to assault me?” He sways like a strong gust of wind is attacking him.

“Jake, I can’t do this right now. Not when you’re like this. I just… I fucking can’t.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks and start to turn away.

“Don’t walk away from me,” Jake circles his broad hand over my wrist and I instinctively raise my arm to cover my face. Like a dog cowering in a corner.

“Don’t,” I cry out.

Shame washes over me as I watch the mixed emotions on Jake’s face. He drops my arm and steps back as hurt wins the battle, making him wince like I really did cut him with the knife. “I’m not him, Holly.” His voice is cool. “I wasn’t going to hurt you.”

“You already did,” anger wells up inside me as it hits me that he’s been out relapsing for the past six hours while I’ve been living a nightmare. “You left me here, when Knox is trying to get me, you didn’t call, I didn’t know where you were, and what were you doing? Getting hammered? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you get high too?” I can’t contain my anger. My betrayal.

“High? No, of course not. Why are you freaking out? I just had a few drinks,” he lies. I can see from his glassy eyes and flushed face that he’s had more than a few. “What the fuck is your problem? You know you’re safe here, you don’t have to freak out just because I’m a little late coming home. Why do you have a knife? It doesn’t make any fucking sense,” he rubs his temples.

“Keep me safe? That’s a fucking joke, right? Guess what, Jake,” my voice is shrill, and I feel myself teetering on the edge of my sanity, “he found me. He took a fucking picture of us at the grocery store and e-mailed it to me.” I point down the hallway.

“What?” Jake blinks blankly.

“Knox knows where I am. He knows I’m with you. You told me you’d keep me safe. What a fucking joke! The first day you go back to work you take off for hours, don’t call me, don’t answer my calls and get drunk? And I’m supposed to feel safe?” I throw my hands in the air. “How the fuck are you supposed to keep me safe when you can’t even look after yourself?” I may not have attacked him with the knife, but I can see my words pierce his heart.

Jake runs his flat palms over his face and then back through his hair. “You’re right,” he sighs and drops his head. “You’re fucking right, I haven’t kept my word. And now that son-of-a-bitch knows where you are. Fuck!” He cracks his fist into the doorframe with a sickening thud.

“Why did you go out after work instead of coming home? Why didn’t you call me?” My voice is steady despite how weak I feel right now.

“It’s,” he runs his red hand over the back of his neck and drops his gaze to the floor, “it’s complicated,” he mumbles.

“It doesn’t look that way from where I’m standing. Looks like you wanted to get fucked up.” I set my jaw, determined not to feel sorry for whatever lame excuse he’s going to toss my way for his piss-poor decision. Literally, the first chance he gets, he fucks off and chooses a night of drinking over me. Over his sobriety? Nothing about that sounds complicated. It just sounds pathetic. My thoughts trickle through me, burning me like acid as anger wells up inside.

“I did want to get fucked up, I needed to get some distance.”

“From me? What the fuck?” I yell.

“Not from you, from the fucking images in my head. Ok? I went to work and they want to send me on deployment again. I can’t do it. I can’t go back, I still can’t stop dreaming about the last time. Every fucking night, it’s the same dream!” He shakes his head like a dog flicking off the rain. Like he’s trying to fling the thoughts from his brain.

“What are you talking about?” I watch him carefully, feeling myself soften.

Jake looks up at me, tears lining his eyes and my heart breaks as one falls over onto his cheek. “I can’t stay in the military anymore, I can’t do it. I need help, Holly. Rehab wasn’t enough, it didn’t make the dreams stop. It wasn’t enough.” His voice cracks and I close the distance between us, throwing my arms around him.

“What are you talking about? What happened, Jake?”

He slumps over in my arms, “I can’t do another deployment. Not after the last one. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Another tear falls down his face and worry swirls in my gut.

“Jake, please, tell me what’s wrong,” I beg.

“Holly, my last mission was a success, I got a medal. A fucking medal,” he shakes his head. “And a lifetime of nightmares. Cause when we took out one of the top leaders of the Taliban the fucking coward armed his boys. His fucking kids.” Jake’s voice breaks and he clenches his jaw as tears trail slowly down into his beard. “It was me or him, but I can’t stop seeing it. I can’t stop hearing it. I know I had no choice, I know that.” He shakes his head slowly from side to side and closes his eyes. “I had no choice, but it doesn’t matter cause now I’m all fucked up and I can’t get it out of my head,” he hits his balled-up hand against his forehead.

“Jake,” my throat hurts and I hold him. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to ask. I’m not sure I want to know. I had no idea he’s been living with this horrible burden all this time. Guilt swirls inside me as I realize that I just assumed all this time that Jake was in because he liked to party. I never bothered to find out about the pain he’s lived with all this time. The pain that he carries with him every day.

“I shot him,” he whispers, “I killed a little boy over there. A fucking kid. He had a loaded gun, and he was going to shoot me,” he doesn’t open his eyes as he explains.

“Then you had no choice!” I run my hands over his shoulders.

“It doesn’t matter though. I wish he would’ve killed me instead. Instead of me reliving the hell every night. Seeing it over and over. I can’t… I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t stay in the SEALs. I can’t do another deployment. I just want to get my head straight and live a peaceful life. With you. If you’ll still have me,” he finally opens his eyes and I look up into the pain sweeping behind the intense blue. How have I never noticed it before?

“Of course. We’ll get through this, together. Together,” I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me.

Somehow, we’ll get through it all. As long as we’re together.

Pulling air deep into my lungs, I walk down the hall to my chief’s office. My guts are rolling up inside me like a nest of snakes. Nerves. They’re getting to me.

I remember when I was an ambitious eighteen-year-old with more balls than brains and a burning desire in my belly to prove myself. The military was always my plan, but the SEALs, that was my dream. I didn’t want to be a run-of-the-mill ground pounder. My father and my big brother had already blazed that path. I didn’t want to get lost in their shadows, and a world renowned elite force like the SEALs doesn’t sit in anyone’s shade.

My hand twitches and I give it a shake before balling it up and knocking on my chief’s door. This is it.

The door slides away from me as he opens it. “Armstrong? What is it?” He looks over my shoulder to see if there’s some kind of explanation for my interruption of his day.

“Chief,” I clear my throat like I did when I was a teenager and I didn’t want my voice to betray me by cracking when I talked to a girl. “Do you have a minute?”

He looks me over, his eyebrows scrunching together with concern and then steps back, opening a path to his desk. “Of course, come in,” he closes the door behind me and takes a seat. “Sit your ass down, Armstrong and spill it,” he nods at the empty seat across from him. “I haven’t got all day,” his usual gruff tone returns.

I smile and do as I’m told. His salty sailor routine hasn’t got me fooled. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stupid enough to go flapping my gums about it, but I know Chief Warrant Officer Andrews well enough to see that he has a good heart under his crusty shell.

“Well, are you gonna sit there smirking at me? Or did you have something you wanted to talk about?”

I puff up my chest, willing the words on the tip of my tongue to spill from my mouth. This is harder than I thought it would be. My mind flashes to last night, lying in bed with Holly.

“Come to the wedding with me. Come to Florida,” I urged her.

“What about Knox?”

“He already knows you’re here. You’re safer with me. Come with me and I’ll keep you safe.” I continued.

I didn’t tell her the other reason I wanted her to. The selfish reason. The one that had nothing to do with Knox, or the wedding, or any of that. That I couldn’t stand the idea of being away from her.

I realize now, that the feeling I once had for the SEALs, it’s hers now. She has my heart. My mind. My soul. I breathe for her.

She was quiet for so long, I thought she fell asleep. Finally, she answered, “Yes. I’ll go. But, I need to do one thing.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I need to see my parents.”

I give my head a shake and ground myself into the present moment. Holly’s soft, beautiful face evaporates and instead, my chief’s deeply etched, angry skin fills my vision.

“Sorry, I, uh, I guess I’m a bit nervous,” I confess.

The Chief’s face doesn’t change; his lips barely move as he tells me to get on with it.

“I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided not to re-up when my contract expires. I won’t be signing the next one, I’m leaving the SEALs.” I look down at my hands. I can’t handle the mixture of surprise and hint of betrayal spreading across his face.

“You’re leaving? Your re-enlistment is coming, when?”

“In two months,” I fill in the blank for him.

“In two months,” he echoes back, his voice void of emotion. I can feel his hard stare, it’s impossible to avoid. “You want to explain to me what the hell this is about?” Andrews tilts his head.

I squirm in my seat a bit, “It’s a lot of things.” I meet his penetrating gaze, forcing myself to lay all the cards on the table. “I’m having problems sleeping. I have nightmares, all the time. I want to get help for that,” I start.

“Well, that’s nothing new around here. We can get you that help,” he cuts in.

“It’s more than that. I met someone. I love her, and I realize that my heart’s not in this anymore. I want to get my head straight and be the best man I can for her. And that includes actually being there for her. I know, even if I get these dreams under control, I’ll still be gone all the time. At a moment’s notice, I’ll be walking out of her life. Never knowing when I’m going to walk back in it. I can’t do it.” I confess.

A twinkle shines in Chief Warrant Officer Andrews’ eyes and he leans back in his chair, “A girl, huh? You’re going to throw away your career, everything you built up for yourself, for a woman?” He squints his eyes at me.

“Yes. I am, Chief.”

I watch as he twists back and forth in his chair, chewing on what I just told him. “Listen, Armstrong, I get it. Ok? We’ve all been there. This hasn’t been your year, you know. You had your Captain’s Mast, you went off to rehab, and now you’ve got a head full of treatment and a heart full of lust.”

He shuffles a bunch of folders on his desk, searching for something. Plucking a sheet of paper from one, leaning forward, he thrusts it over to me. “Look, your leave pass is approved to go to your brother’s wedding, ok? How about you go see your family, and think about this some more. Make damned sure that this isn’t just some leftover crisis from the shit year you’ve had, ok?”

I look from the stamped leave pass to his wrinkled face and nod. “I will. I’ll make sure, but I know my mind won’t change.” I stare into his brown eyes.

“You sound pretty confident, but just make sure. You know, once you’re out, you won’t be getting back in with us.”

“I know.”

Chief Andrews relaxes back into his seat and smiles, “All right. You sound pretty sure of yourself, so I will say one thing. Take it from someone who’s sitting on the other side of their career from where you are, there’s only room for one.”

“Chief?” I wait for him to explain.

“You can be married to a woman who steals your heart, or the SEALs. Both never work together. Take it from me, I’ve found three different women who were crazy enough to walk down the aisle with me, and not one of them stuck.”

I look down at the paper in my hands, “Ok. Thanks, Chief.” I stand up to leave.

“Oh, and Armstrong?”

“Yes,” I turn back to face him.

“Take it from someone who thought he found ‘the one’ three times; make damned sure you’re doing the right thing. I’d hate to see you throw it all away just to end up with a lifetime of regrets,” he answers.

“Yes, Chief.”

“Now, get outta here,” he flips his hand at me. “And close the door behind you, I don’t need any more fucking interruptions!” His gruff tone returns with a vengeance.

I smile and walk out of his office, letting the door click behind me. I’ve never felt more certain of anything before. Holly is the one, there’s no second-guessing that.

Yet, as I make my way back down the hall, I can’t help the small, nagging voice that intrudes my thoughts and twists in my gut.

What if… what if I’m wrong?

“That’s my exit,” Holly points at the green freeway sign announcing Everglades City in another fifteen miles.

“Gotcha,” I nod, giving her a smile. She doesn’t return it though, instead she goes back to staring out her window.

I can see this trip is taking an emotional toll on her and we haven’t even gotten there.

“Hey, don’t worry, ok? I’m not going to be far away. If you call me, I’ll be there for you. I’m only a couple of hours down the road.” I try to reassure her about the distance that we agreed to allow between us tonight.

Holly was adamant about going to her parents’ house before continuing on to Miami for the wedding stuff. I can understand where she’s coming from, even if it does make me nervous to leave her in Everglades City while I take my brother out for his bachelor party in Miami. Her family has been torn apart for over five years, more if you count the time they were all grieving her sister’s death before Holly even took off. They need some time together. I get that, but it still makes me uneasy.

“I know, I’m just full of butterflies, you know? I’m nervous. It just feels like everything is a bit of a mess right now.” She smiles at me weakly.

“Listen, I’ve got you. If you need a break from your parents, or you hear from Knox, it doesn’t matter, I’ll be there. I promise,” I lift her hand to my lips, softly kissing the back.

Her smile grows stronger, but it’s still forced. “Besides,” I continue, “I don’t want to brag or anything,” I look at her from the corner of my eye with a half-cocked smile on my lips.

“You? I couldn’t imagine,” she teases me.

“Exactly, I’m obviously too humble for that. Probably the humblest person you know, to be honest.” I joke.

“Oh, definitely,” her eyes twinkle.

“Anyway, not only are you with probably one of the toughest, strongest and handsomest Navy SEALs of all time,” I smile.

“So humble,” she laughs.

“But, you’re also in the presence of the baddest gangster the East side has.”

“Oh, is that a fact,” she shakes her head. “How’s that?”

“Well, not to toot my own horn, of course.” I pick up my iPod and search through my old tried and true tracks until I find the song I’m looking for.

“You? Never,” she smirks and it makes me happy to see the worry finally disappear from her eyes, even if it’s only temporary.

“Right, but I can spit some mad rhymes, yo.” I hit the play button and my speakers fill with the familiar opening to my jam.

“Under Pressure? By Queen?” She looks at me confused.

“Nope!” I pretend to pick up an old-school mic, and belt out the opening line with way too much enthusiasm.

Holly can’t contain her laughter as the track fills the car with whispers of “Ice, Ice Baby.”

I sing Vanilla Ice’s masterpiece as I pull off onto the exit for Holly’s hometown. Holly is pretending she isn’t impressed, but I can tell her admiration is barely contained beneath the surface. I look over at her and she watches me, amused. Holly leans forward and turns the music down to a hush, but I keep singing along.

“Why the hell do you know all the words to Ice, Ice Baby?” She laughs.

“I told ya, I’m a straight up gangster!” I tease her.

“No, seriously,” she smiles and I’m happy to see the pain and fear are finally free from her gorgeous blue eyes.

“Well, besides the fact that it’s probably one of the greatest songs of all time, you mean?” I smirk.

“Yeah, besides that,” she tilts her head and her long hair cascades down over her shoulders.

“I had an overly arty teacher that incorporated it into our school Christmas play one year. As the head elf of the Ice Brigade, I needed to learn all the words,” I confess.

“Wow, you are the original gangster,” she laughs.

“Told you,” I squeeze her hand. I’ve hated seeing Holly so consumed by her fears and sadness. I’ve been trying to lighten the mood whenever I can. Besides, it helps me keep my mind off my own demons when I help her forget hers.

The worst times are when she just disappears into her shell though. Where I can’t reach her. I hate how I can see the agony play out on her face like a movie screen, knowing it was pain he caused her. Most of the time, she’ll talk about it. About how he beat her, controlled her, took away her spirit. The rage boils up inside me when I think about what he’s done to her. As difficult as it is to listen to what she’s been through, it’s harder still when she won’t talk about it. When she just cries or silently stares, refusing to say a word. Those are the times I know death is far too good for Knox. However, I’ll have no problem delivering it, if I get the chance.

Holly’s smile fades as she looks at what must be a trip down memory lane for her. “My parents’ house is just down this street,” she points to the sign on the corner and I flip on the signal.

“Are you sure you want to spend the night here? I can still bring you to Miami with me.” I offer, but she shakes her head stubbornly.

“No, this is something I need to do,” she answers firmly.

“Ok.” I drive slowly down the street of large houses with perfectly manicured lawns. “Which one is it?” I look over at her. She’s staring out the window again, but this time I know it’s not about Knox. No one should ever live with as much pain as she has in her life. I wish I could carry it all for her, every scar, and every memory. I hate knowing even half of what she’s been through.

“It’s down further,” she mumbles, her full lips flat line and her rosy cheeks pale. “Jake?”

“Yeah?”