“Ahhh, but, Daddy, I’m not even tired.” Chloe rubs her eyes and stamps her foot at the same time.

This is the nightly routine. I tell her she’s got to hit the hay and she whines, trying to convince me that I’m wrong. It never works, and yet, she tries. Every. Single. Night.

“Chloe, come on, hon. Don’t you want to grow up to be a big, strong girl? You need to get some sleep to do that, right?” I go into my regular explanation about the importance of resting your body. Even I’m tired of hearing it at this point.

“Daddy, you silly-billy, I am a big girl. I can even turn on the lights all by myself.” She puffs up her little chest proudly. Reaching the soaring heights of three and a half feet has really gone to her head.

I smile down at her. In a way, I’m happy she’s a willful child. I know firsthand how unforgiving and cruel the world can be. I hope Chloe will never learn anything about that side of life, about that darkness. However, I know I can’t control her world forever. Next year, she’ll be off to kindergarten, and then she’ll be making more and more decisions without my input. Small ones at first, like if she should drink that extra chocolate milk or not. However, the time will morph, and before I know it, she’ll be an independent teenager dealing with mean girls, parties, and the biggest fear of all...boys. It’s then that I hope this fire in her belly serves her well. I hope by then she hasn’t lost her edge and that she isn’t afraid to stand up for herself in any situation.

At least, that’s what I tell myself when she’s stubbornly stomping her feet and refusing to go to bed anyway.

“Hey, Chloe,” Ryan interrupts our power struggle.

“Uh, yeah?” she answers uncertainly. She’s not used to having another man in the house with us. While she’s not afraid of Ryan, she’s a little nervous around him.

“I’ll tell ya what. How about I do an extra special magic trick for you? Would you like that?” He leans forward.

Chloe looks up at me and then over at Ryan, nodding her head emphatically.

“All right, it’ll take me a second to set up. But, there’s just one catch.” “You have to go to bed right after, okay?”

My daughter tilts her head and mulls it over for a second. Like she’s not sure if this offer is going to be worth her time or not. She tugs on her lip, something she only does when she’s deep in thought, then smiles up at him. “Okay.”

“Hey, man, do you have a black marker?” Ryan shifts his gaze to me and stands up.

“Uh, let me check.” I walk into the kitchen and shuffle through the drawer that ends up being a magnet for all my junk. Sure enough, there’s a sharpie crammed in amongst the pile of stuff.

I go back into the living room and hand it off to Ryan like a mini-baton in a relay race. He pops the cap and turns his back on us for a second, hunching his shoulders to obstruct our view.

“No peeking!” he calls out, but neither of us would dream of it. Chloe is very interested in what the trick is going to be. I have to admit, he’s got my interest too.

“Okay, all ready.” Ryan caps the marker and shoves it in his pocket. I can see he’s drawn a little circle around the tips of each of his middle fingers. “Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls of all ages. Please take a seat here and be prepared to enjoy the magic,” Ryan directs us to the couch as Chloe giggles.

“He’s silly.” She grins.

“He sure is,” I agree, taking a seat beside her.

Ryan stands before us with both of his hands behind his back and dramatically pauses. “Tonight’s show is called Two Little Blackbirds,” he announces and holds out the middle fingers on each hand with the black drawn onto them.

“Ohhh.” Chloe is already impressed.

“Two little blackbirds are sitting on a wall.” Ryan holds up his closed fists to us. “One named Peter and one named Paul.” Up go his middle fingers. “Fly away, Peter.” He taps his fists together and drops his one middle finger, lifting his unmarked ring finger up instead. “Fly away, Paul.” He quickly does the same thing on the other hand.

Chloe watches intently, but I don’t think she caught the sleight of hand. Her mouth opens a little as she sees true magic through her child eyes.

“Come back, Peter.” Ryan smacks his fists together again and switches back to his marked middle finger. “And come back Paul.” He brings back his other marked finger while hiding his ring finger.

“Wow.” Chloe gapes at me with wide eyes. “Did you see that?”

“I did.”

“That was so cool! Can you do it again, Ryan? Pleeeease?” She twists her hands together in excitement.

“Tomorrow night I’ll have another magic show, but that’s it for tonight.” He smiles.

“Now you know you promised to go to bed after, right? So let’s go get your butt to bed.” I hold my hand on her back, urging her to move without any more stalling.

“Oh, okay. But I can have another magic show tomorrow, right? Promise?”

“I promise.” He nods solemnly.

I lead Chloe down to the bathroom and we get her teeth brushed. Getting her to bed is still a journey even when she’s not being uncooperative. I tuck her into bed, read her Goodnight Moon, and give her a kiss on the forehead.

“Sweet dreams, Daddy,” she calls out before tugging her blankets up to her chin and snuggling in for the night.

“Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” I smile and turn off the light.

Back in the living room, I can see that Ryan has started helping himself to the liquor. It’s not like I mind. I don’t even keep any in the house anymore. I only bought some rum because I knew he was coming to see us.

“Thanks for that. You cut at least twenty minutes off the normal routine,” I admit and sink down into the chair next to the sofa.

“No worries. My grandfather used to do that trick for us as kids. I really liked it. I’m just glad I didn’t mess it up.” He takes a long drink. “Speaking of magic, where did all the single ladies in Denver disappear to? I’ve got a, uh, magic wand I’d like to introduce them to.” He chuckles at his own joke and then empties his glass in one long gulp.

“Honestly, I’m not going to be much help on that one,” I admit. “I haven’t been out since I left the SEALs. Well, since they discharged me.” I taste the bitterness on my tongue still, even after all this time.

“No.” He looks at me from the corner of his blue eyes. “No fucking way.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

“It’s true.”

“What? Why are you living like a monk, man? You gotta get out there, have some fun! Spread your wild oats and all that shit.” He gets up and makes himself another drink.

“I dunno. I think I’m just done with that part of my life now. I’ve got Chloe and responsibilities now. Not all of us can just drive across the country, partying it up and chasing pussy in every state.” I laugh.

“Not every state,” he answers as he walks back in the room with two drinks this time, handing one over to me.

I take a tiny sip but have no real interest in getting drunk tonight. I don’t want to be out of it in case Chloe needs me for anything. It’s something I can never really explain to a wild man like Ryan, but children change you. Or at least, they should. And I have no regrets or lingering longing for my old life. Especially not when I remember where my old life led me to.

“Look, buddy, while I’m here, let me babysit the little rugrat and get out and have some fun. Just go on a date. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Give me your phone.” He holds out his hand expectantly and for some reason I hand it over to him.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for your Tinder app.” He sinks back down into the sofa and swipes my screen, searching.

“I’m not on Tinder,” I answer flatly.

Ryan sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. “Okay then, step one: get on Tinder.” He messes around with my phone and pushes some buttons. “Done.”

“Hey, I don’t think I want to be on there. It’s not my style, man.” I try to reach for my phone, but Ryan pulls it in tight to his chest.

“Step two: swipe right for a match. Done.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” I wrench the phone from his hand.

“Whatever, just swipe right on every chick on there, got it? Then, eventually you’ll get a match. Talk to her, arrange a date, and voila, you’re back in the game,” he announces.

I don’t think I want to be back in the game. At least not like he means. Just trying to get laid as much as possible with no strings attached. If I did go out on a date, I’d be looking for something more. Something meaningful. Someone who was ready to take on Chloe and me. Not just a lay.

An orange dot next to the woman Ryan randomly swiped right on draws my attention to the screen. She’s stunning. I know he didn’t even check her face when he selected her, but she’s breathtakingly beautiful. I can’t stop staring at her picture.

At her.

“What’s up?” Ryan juts out his jaw at me.

“Nothing. It says ‘matched’ and I’m just looking at the woman. She’s… wow,” I answer.

“Wait, it says you matched up? Really? What are the fucking chances of that, man? Guess what? You’re going on a date.” He grins.

“Uh, well.” I don’t really want to argue. After perusing the woman, her gorgeous honey skin and brown eyes, she looks like a real person. A wholesome girl I would genuinely like to get to know, and not just the way Ryan was thinking.

“Do it, man. I’ll babysit the kid. Go out and have a night of fun for once!” He holds up his glass like he’s expecting me to clink mine against it and then shrugs, gulping it down.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her and see how it goes,” I agree. “But one thing is one hundred percent not happening.”

“What’s that?”

“You are definitely not babysitting Chloe. If”—I squint at the screen and read the woman’s name—“Ella and I go out, I’ll have my mom over.” I laugh.

“Sure, sure, whatever. So, what are you waiting for? Talk to her!”