“Annnnd, I think you’re just about all set. Ella, you’re so beautiful in all these pics.” Julianna admires her work. When she told me we would have a girl’s night, I never imagined we would be setting me up for a date on Tinder. If I’m honest, I didn’t know what to imagine at all. It’s been a long time since I’ve had real friends in my life.

Empty bottles of wine litter the floor and I wobble on my shaky legs like a newborn colt, giggling foolishly at the pile of laundry with every single piece of clothing that hasn’t fit Sylvia over the years strewn across the bed. All her designer dresses, shoes, sweaters, and pants are lying there, finally being worn for the first time since they were bought.

Julianna did a little fashion shoot on my phone to make it appear like I have normal profile pictures on Facebook. Of course, it would look really weird to have a bunch of shots of me wearing the exact same clothes, so she had me try on variations of everything in my drawers and pose around the house like she’s trying to get a cover shot for Vogue.

It was fun, even if the images aren’t really real. Obviously the backgrounds in the photos aren’t really my house. The clothes aren’t mine either. But it was a fun way to spend a night, playing dress up and imagining the potential prince charming I’ll meet on my secret night out. That is, if I even go. It’s one thing to play pretend in here, with Julianna, but it’s another thing entirely to throw caution to the wind and actually go out on a real date.

“Wow, I think this is the winner.” She turns the phone toward me to see what she’s talking about. “This should totally be your profile picture.” She taps the screen. I take in the picture of me in the dress Sylvia threw over my head the other day and a smile twists up over my lips. I want her to use that picture more than anything. I want to look like the woman Sylvia wishes she could be, wearing her dress, a dress she’ll never fit into and find a date that would make Raymond look like the sad, pathetic boy he is.

“Use it.” My voice is eerily calm after how slurry my words have been all night.

“Done and done.” Julianna flicks her fingers across the phone and sets everything up. “Now, to use Tinder, you just open the app,” she instructs me as she does it, “connect the profile, and, there you go. You’re all set up. Now, you go through the profiles of the guys and if you’re not interested, left swipe the screen.” She moves over to me on the bed and shows me what she means, flicking an elderly man off to the left.

A new picture of a heavyset, balding man with glasses and a leering smile is up next. “Left swipe.” I giggle. Julianna flicks her wrist.

“Ugh, why are you getting all the weirdos? Left swipe!” She flicks the next guy off the screen before I really have a chance to see him. However, the guy who pops up next makes me sit up tall and I grab the phone out of her hand before she has a chance to send him off into the ether.

“Right swipe! Is that what I do? I want to meet him.” My voice is breathy as my heartbeat quickens. On my phone is a man with brown hair and gray eyes. His smile is natural and his body is so perfectly sculpted it’s making my own body react in ways I’ve only ever felt when I’ve been alone late at night and let my fingers slip under the edge of my panties, down between my legs.

“Yes.” Julianna laughs at how frantic I am and I flick my twitchy finger across the screen, holding my breath.

“Now what?” I raise my eyebrows as I wait for something, anything, to happen.

“Now you keep going through the profiles and if he wants to meet up with you, you’ll get a match,” she answers matter-of-factly.

Well, not exactly exciting or magical. Way to kill the buzz. I check the screen, disappointed that there isn’t some way to make him find me faster.

“Uh, what’s the orange circle for? Oh”—I take a closer look—“wait a sec, I think he right swiped me too.” Excitement bubbles up inside as I bounce on the bed.

“Really? Talk to him, set up a date.”

Reality brings this fantasy to a grinding halt. “I can’t meet up with him. When am I going to go? Where would I even see him? My boss is back in two days.” I start making excuses.

“Go to the fair, see if he can meet you there tomorrow. It’s just one night of magic, right? Just so you can experience some of this romance.” She pats the Harlequin on my nightstand. “The fair is close to here and it’s super fun. Come on,” she pleads with me, “I didn’t set you all up so you could get cold feet at the last second. Just give it a shot.” She nudges me in the ribs.

I look at Julianna and then back at the screen. I would like to see what it’s like to go out and have some fun for once. And he is easy on the eyes. I let my thumbs hover over the screen for a second and then start typing. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot,” I answer her and Julianna cheers like her team just won the championship.

Then I realize I have nothing to wear to go out. I don’t have fancy clothes. I don’t have anything. Self-doubt creeps up inside me. I stop texting and my shoulders slump over.

“What’s wrong now?” Julianna frowns at me.

“I don’t have any proper clothes,” I protest.

“You’re kidding me, right?” She nods to the pile of designer labels on the bed.

My eyes grow wide. “Oh no, I couldn’t…”

“Why not? You said yourself your boss is out of town. She’ll never know. It’s just one night. Pick an outfit and go. Put it back when you’re done. She’ll never have a clue.” Julianna puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Well, it is just one night.” I let myself get persuaded. “And she is in San Diego right now.” I build up on Julianna’s logic.

“Exactly. No more excuses. Set it up and have some fun for once.” She smiles.

“You’re right.” I nod and go back to texting the man I swiped right on: Jackson. “It’s about time I had a night of my own.”