Chapter Thirty-seven
They sat on the front porch and watched the dawn break. This wasn’t the first time she’d watched the sun come up since she’d been here, but sharing the beauty with Jonah made the event more beautiful and special. Especially since this was the last sunrise they would share together.
Today was the day. Grey would arrive soon with everything she would need to begin her new life. She was doing everything in her power to act excited. Dozens of people had worked hard, not only to ensure she was able to have a new life, but that she would also stay safe. Every detail had been carefully planned so those who were still searching for her would never find her.
She was grateful. The dream she’d had for years was about to come true. She had just never anticipated that when the time came to achieve that dream, she’d want something else instead.
The porch swing was large enough to accommodate them both with room to spare, but she moved as close as she could to the man beside her. The warmth of his body penetrated the coldness of her own. She inhaled, wanting to remember his scent, a combination of masculine musk and minty freshness from his toothpaste. She leaned her head against his shoulder, savored the comfort and the hardness, wanting him more than she could have ever imagined.
She hated to feel so needy…so weak. Her strength might not have always been apparent to others, but Gabby knew what was inside her. As a woman with a strong will and excellent discipline, she told herself she shouldn’t feel this way. She was not fainthearted or a coward, so why—
She sat up as the realization hit her. No, she wasn’t cowardly, but she was definitely dense. All the vulnerabilities she’d been feeling weren’t because she was weak, they were because she was in love. For the first time in her life, she was in love and hadn’t recognized the symptoms.
“What’s wrong?”
As usual, Jonah’s gruff morning voice caused shivers throughout her body. There were so many things he did and said that could turn her on in an instant. His rare smile, his husky, even rarer laughter. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he was in serious thought mode. The way his hands would smooth lovingly over Chamo’s coat and the soft tender way they would glide over her own skin.
There were a million things she loved about this man, including his big heart and compassionate nature. And she was just now realizing them. It wasn’t just sexual with Jonah. There was depth to her feelings, and she had been too caught up in the heat to recognize them.
“Gabby? What’s wrong?”
She turned to him. She was once again in scary new territory, but there was no way she could keep the revelation to herself.
“I’m in love with you, Jonah.”
The regret on his face tore an immediate hole in her heart. “Gabby…no. We agreed—”
“I know what we agreed, but love doesn’t stop just because it’s inconvenient.”
“This isn’t a damn inconvenience. This is your life we’re talking about. I can’t be a part of it. You have to let go of everything you know. That includes me. There’s nothing else that can be done.”
“It can work if we both want it to work. We could see each other in secret. No one has to know about it. We don’t have to go out, be seen in public. We could meet in another city. We’ve both had covert training. There’s no reason we can’t use that for ourselves.”
“You deserve more than that.”
“But we can—”
“No. It won’t work.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Listen, this is all new to you. This time here with you was wonderful, but it wasn’t real. You’ll have opportunities to meet other men. Once you do, you’ll forget all about me.”
In just a few short sentences, he had reduced the most wonderful moments of her life to meaningless sex and a fake romance. As if she would have fallen in love with any man who happened to be protecting her.
Torn between insult and heartbreak, she carefully moved away from him and stood. “That might be the most demeaning thing anyone has ever said to me. And believe me, I have a lot to compare it to.”
“That’s not what I intended at all. I’m just saying that you have no real experience with—”
“Stop, Jonah. You’ve had your say. Now let me have mine. I’m not an immature or silly young woman. I know my own mind and my own heart. My lack of experience has no effect on my intelligence.
“If you don’t love me, I understand, but don’t you ever put me in such a shallow, narrow box and tell me what I do or don’t feel. You obviously don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”
“I’m sorry. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted.”
“Well, congratulations. You just got your last thing.”
The sound of an expensive engine heading toward them stopped her from making more of a fool of herself than she already had.
“Guess it doesn’t matter anymore,” she muttered. “Looks like my new life has arrived.”
Jonah felt like shit. While every ounce of his willpower and grit were being used not to ask her to stay with him, his brain had apparently shut down. The bullshit speech he’d just delivered had proved that. To have someone like Gabby tell him she loved him was one of the most beautiful gifts he could have imagined. She was everything good and fine. Everything beautiful. She was what life should be. What he wished his life could have been.
And what had he done but tell her that her feelings weren’t real. That wasn’t what he’d meant. Though, it was obvious she saw him as some kind of romantic hero. Her eyes lit up when he came into a room. She laughed at his stupid jokes and hung on his every word. Yes, he believed her words. Gabby wasn’t going to lie. But neither had she had a chance to live, not really. All that she’d seen of the world was what her asshole of a grandfather had allowed. She’d never had the chance to be on her own, make her own decisions.
He and Gabriella Mendoza had been thrown together by extraordinary circumstances. It only made sense that she would cling to him and see him as something special. Once she got out in the world and got another perspective, she would see things in a different way. She would eventually see him differently, too.
The idea of Gabby meeting and falling in love with another man hurt more than he’d thought possible. But his feelings didn’t matter in this. She had a new life to look forward to, and he’d damn well not mess things up by encouraging something that wouldn’t last.
Despite her obvious anger and hurt, he couldn’t stop himself from grabbing Gabby’s hand and holding it as they stood waiting for Justice to park the SUV. His boss hadn’t told him anything about Gabby’s handler, other than she had been a handler for about a year now and had successfully set up a half-dozen individuals with new lives.
Jonah had never seen his boss involved with anyone other than Irelyn. Since Irelyn hadn’t been around in a while, he had wondered if Justice and the handler were involved. The tone of his voice when he was talking about her made him think there was some kind of affection between the two.
The instant the SUV parked, Gabby squeezed his hand gently just once and then pulled her hand from his, moving several inches away. Jonah felt that loss to the bone. It had been her way of separating herself from him. He understood her reasons, knew it was for the best. That didn’t ease the pain.
The windows of the SUV were tinted, so he had no way of seeing inside. The doors didn’t open for a moment, and Jonah tensed. What was the delay? What was—
The doors finally opened, both the driver’s and passenger’s sides. He recognized Justice’s dark hair and broad shoulders immediately. His eyes veered toward the petite young woman emerging on the passenger side. Hair the color of sunshine, a smile that was both sweet and mischievous, and a chin that held more than a hint of Slater stubbornness. She also had the same color eyes as Jonah’s.
Just what the hell was his sister doing here?
Grey watched Jonah’s eyes widen the moment he recognized Lacey. For a lot of different reasons, he had kept the identity of Gabriella’s handler a secret. And because Lacey had made the request. She knew her brothers saw her as a directionless and innocent young woman who needed to be protected from the harsher side of life. She had even admitted that she had cultivated that opinion. She said it was easier that way.
Eyeing the couple standing on the porch, Grey acknowledged another reason he hadn’t told Jonah. The man was hurting. It might not be obvious to others, but having been put through the ringer himself, he knew the symptoms. Denying that your heart was being torn in two had very specific indicators. Jonah Slater had all the symptoms. Having something else on his mind might ease the blow to his heart.
“Lacey, what the hell are you doing here?” Jonah growled at his sister and then glared at Grey. “What’s going on, Justice?”
“Simple,” Grey said as he headed around the vehicle. “Lacey is my employee. She’s Gabriella’s handler.”
Lacey made her signature move, which was to turn on the charm and distract. Grey had seen her do it several times and was always fascinated with the results. He wondered if it would work with her brother, though.
Her smile as bright as her hair, she threw herself into Jonah’s arms. “It’s good to see you, big brother. You look wonderful.”
Jonah showed he was made of sterner stuff. He gave Lacey an abbreviated hug and released her. “I want an explanation. Now.”
“I’m Gabriella’s handler, of course. That’s what’s going on.” She extended her hand to the silent, solemn woman at Jonah’s side. “Guess there’s no need for a formal introduction now. I am very pleased to meet you, Gabriella.” She paused, then added, “Can I call you Gabby?”
“Absolutely,” Gabriella answered as she shook Lacey’s hand. “I’m very pleased to meet you, too.”
There was an awkward silence as Gabriella eyed the man standing beside her. The wariness was understandable. Jonah wasn’t bothering to hide his seething anger. But Grey saw the pain, too. As much as she had wanted a new life, her heart was breaking for the one she didn’t think she could have. He felt badly for both of them, but he had gone as far as he could in interfering. They would have to work out the rest by themselves.
“Why don’t we all go inside and get some coffee?” Gabriella asked. “This early in the morning, I’m sure we could all use another cup.” Her smile and soft, coaxing voice helped diffuse the tension.
“Good idea,” Jonah said. “But I still want an explanation.”
Rolling her eyes at her brother, Lacey linked her arm with Gabriella’s and headed to the cabin. Despite the anger radiating off Jonah, Grey was glad to have his initial thoughts confirmed. Lacey and Gabriella would get along very well.
Jonah waited until the two women had entered the cabin before growling, “You should’ve told me, Justice.”
“Maybe, but Lacey wanted to surprise you. Seems she thinks you don’t have a lot of confidence in her ability to make her own decisions.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
Jonah shoved his fingers through his hair, thoroughly and completely disgusted with all of it. Not only was Gabby leaving, and he might never see her again, his little sister was in charge of getting her set up. That was a fuckload of shit to take in all at once.
“Let’s go in and talk about what’s going to happen. I think, if you’ll keep an open mind, you’ll see that Lacey will be the perfect handler for Gabriella.”
With an abrupt turn, Jonah headed back to the cabin. If he stayed out here with Justice, he had a feeling blood would be shed. While that might make him feel better in the short term, he’d regret it later.
He walked in the front door to laughter. Both Gabby and Lacey were sitting on the sofa, already acting as if they’d been best friends since childhood. In spite of his anger at being blindsided, Jonah saw immediately what Justice meant. Lacey’s sunny disposition had put Gabby at ease. Before they had arrived, Gabby had worn a pained expression. Now, color bloomed in her cheeks, and there was a definite spark in her eyes. He told himself that this should make him happier.
Pouring two cups of coffee from the carafe on the table, he handed one to Justice and then, taking the other one, dropped down in the chair across from the sofa. The two women barely acknowledged his presence as they continued to chat.
When there was finally a pause in the conversation, Jonah said, “How did you become a handler? I thought you were in France with Mom.”
“I am. Well, most of the time anyway. I do all the preliminary work at the villa. Then, when it’s time for a setup, I go to the location and get things in order. Then it’s meet-and-greet time with my charge.”
Jonah barely refrained from shaking his head. Her charge?
Apparently reading his thoughts, Lacey said in the firmest tone he’d ever heard from her, “Listen, Jonah, this is my job, and I’m damn good at it. Just because you and Eli think I should still be having tea parties and playing with dolls doesn’t mean you’re right. I’m twenty-five years old. I’ve been a caretaker for a woman who was a basket case for several months. I know you and Eli had your own issues, but don’t demean my accomplishments just because they seem easy to you. Because, believe me, they weren’t.”
Shit, she was right. While he’d been focused on finding Teri’s killer, and Eli had been focused on saving the family business, they had left Lacey in charge of their mother. Eleanor Slater was a loving woman, but after her husband’s death, she had been exactly what Lacey called her—a basket case. They had depended on Lacey to handle things without giving her a bit of credit for doing so without complaint.
“I’m sorry, Lace. You’re right. We never thanked you for doing that or told you what a good job you did.”
She gave him a cheeky grin, but he saw the emotion simmering behind the smile. She had grown up, and he had completely missed it.
“So now that we’ve established I’m a mature adult, let’s talk about what’s next.” All business now, Lacey turned back to Gabby. “You’re going to love your new home.”
Her departure happened in an inordinately short period of time. She had already packed her suitcases and art supplies. Chamo’s crate and food, as well as his toys and blankets, sat beside her luggage. With Grey and Jonah doing the heavy lifting, everything was packed in the back of the SUV within a matter of minutes. The only things left were the goodbyes.
With a lump the size of Utah in her throat, she watched as Grey and Jonah shook hands. Then Jonah turned to his sister and enveloped her in a giant hug. The affection between them was real and incredibly sweet. Once, she had longed for that kind of connection with a family member. That had been a long time ago. Now she just hoped to heaven she never saw another member of her family for as long as she lived.
Grey and Lacey went on to the SUV and got inside. She appreciated their sensitivity. They had known she would want to say goodbye to Jonah without an audience.
Jonah stooped down and gave Chamo a big hug. She heard him whisper in the dog’s ear, “Take care of her for me.”
He stood and held out his arms for Gabby, obviously expecting her to walk into them, as she had so many times before. She couldn’t do it this time. Couldn’t hug him and then just walk away. She would lose it, she knew she would.
Instead of going into his arms, she held out her hand.
“A handshake? Really, Gabby? After all we’ve been through together?”
She stayed silent, her hand frozen in the air between them. Finally, Jonah had no choice but to comply. The handshake was firm and impersonal, just the way she needed it to be. Jonah had made it clear their relationship had ended. What remained was an impersonal and professional acquaintance. Nothing more.
“Thank you, Jonah, for everything.”
“Gabby…don’t.”
“Don’t what? Be mature? Keep the emotions to a minimum? I’m making this easier for both of us. You don’t want emotions? You don’t want love? Then this is what you get. A cool but sincere farewell.
“Thank you for everything, Jonah Slater. For your support, your courage, and your…” She swallowed hard around the lump that refused to diminish one millimeter. “For your…friendship.”
Grabbing hold of Chamo’s leash, she turned and walked away. She knew he watched her, and despite his words, she knew he was hurting. She could do nothing about that. He had rejected her. Yes, partly because of her need to leave everything in her past behind, but she knew it wasn’t all that. They could have figured out something. He just didn’t want to.
She opened the back door of the SUV. Tail wagging, his tongue hanging out of his mouth, excited for the next adventure, Chamo jumped up onto the seat. Without looking back, Gabby got into the vehicle and closed the door. No one said anything. It was as if everyone was waiting for a storm to break.
The SUV started up again, picking up speed as it headed down the drive. The storm broke within her, and she could no longer control its ravages.
“Grey! Stop!” Gabby shouted.
He slammed on the brakes, and the vehicle jerked to a stop. Gabby jumped out and ran to the man still standing in front of the cabin. His face a mass of churning emotions, he opened his arms, and she flew into them.
“I’m sorry, Jonah. I’m so sorry for leaving you like that.”
His face buried in her hair, his voice was muffled. “Shh. Don’t, sweetheart. I understood.”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jonah. Even if you can’t love me, I need you to know that.”
“Oh, baby…” The thick words sounded as if they had been wrenched from his chest. “I wish—”
She pulled away slightly to rain kisses all over his face. “I understand. Really I do.” She backed away even more. “I just hated to leave things that way. These last couple of months have been the happiest times of my life. You’ve made so many of my wishes and dreams come true.”
“I want you to have every dream and wish fulfilled, Gabby.” His eyes glittering, he gave her a solemn smile. “The world is waiting for you, Gabriella Mendoza. Go make it a better place.”
She pressed her lips to his, intending the kiss to be one of love and tenderness. Jonah gathered her close and ground his mouth against hers. She opened for him, and his tongue swept through, thrusting, tangling. Creating the soft, sensual world where only they could go. Need, hope, desire, and passion were all there. And there was love, on both sides. Whether he wanted to admit it or not.
Before she lost complete control of her senses, Gabby pulled away. “I’ve got to go.”
Unable to bear more words from either of them, she turned and ran back to the SUV. Jumping in, she wrapped her arms around her middle and bent over double, holding her breath until the pain passed. She was vaguely aware that the vehicle was moving. Chamo made a whimpering sound of sympathy. Gabby wrapped her arms around him, buried her face in his neck, and let the grief take over.