The moment I realized that Avery was never coming to astronomy class again, I literally couldn’t believe it. But it had to be the truth. Since the ride back from my parent’s house the Friday after Thanksgiving, I hadn’t heard a peep from her. No response to my calls or my texts. The times that I knocked on her door, there was never an answer even though her car was in the parking lot.
She hadn’t even answered the door for eggs.
When the weekend came again and the following Monday morning passed without Avery being in astronomy, I knew she had taken an incomplete.
A motherfucking incomplete.
It was insane for her to go that far to avoid me, and for what? Because I had seen the scar? I didn’t understand and I wasn’t stupid. She was obviously embarrassed and had gone to great lengths to hide the scar, but it hadn’t been fresh. It was something she had done years ago, so why did she hide from me now?
I talked to Brittany and even Jacob, since Avery didn’t show in the Den for lunch. Neither of them knew what the hell was going on with Avery. I hadn’t mentioned the scar. I never would, but I had hoped that they had some insight. They had none.
It was driving me crazy—the silence and the confusion. And the longer it went, the more acid that seemed to collect in the pit of my stomach, the worse the knots and the ache in my chest were getting.
Short of camping out in front of her door, there was little I could do, but I was determined to talk to her. And it happened on the last day of finals, at the start of winter break. Like a total stalker, I’d been staring out my front window, waiting for Ollie to return with pizza, when I saw her cross the parking lot with her hands full with groceries.
When I heard the soft footsteps in the hall outside, I threw open the door. Avery was in front of her door, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, and the weight of her bags dragging her shoulders down. There was no doubt in my mind that she was trying to ghost through the door before I saw her.
That hurt.
And that fucking pissed me off.
“Avery.”
Her back stiffened like she’d been shot full of steel. She didn’t turn around or address me, and as my gaze drifted over her, I could see the pink tips of her fingers, strangled from the bags she carried. Some of the steam went out of my anger.
I sighed. “Let me help you.”
“I got it.”
“Doesn’t look that way.” I stepped closer. “Your fingers are turning purple.”
“It’s fine.”
She walked into her apartment and I shot forward. Hell to the fucking no. She was not going to disappear on me.
I took a bag from her, and she jerked like she’d been shocked. She dropped a bag. Items spilled forth. “Shit,” she muttered, stooping down.
I knelt, picking up items I really didn’t see. Her head was bowed as she swiped up a bottle of hair conditioner and then her chin lifted. Our gazes met. Dark shadows had bloomed under eyes, smudges that had not been there before. Was she sleeping? What was she doing during this time? Did she miss me as much as I missed her?
Avery looked away as she snatched a box of tampons from me. “If you laugh, I will punch you in the stomach.”
“I wouldn’t dare think of laughing.”
There was also no way in hell that I would let go of anything else because I was getting in that apartment and she was going to talk to me.
Seeming to sense she wasn’t going to get rid of me, she sighed heavily, like the whole world was about to collapse in on her, and marched into her kitchen.
She sat the bags on the counter, ripping items out of them. “You didn’t have to help, but thank you. I really need to—”
“Do you really think you’re going to get rid of me that easily now that I’m in here?”
“I could only hope.” She shut the fridge door.
“Ha. Funny.” I watched her head back to the counter. “We need to talk.”
She stacked the frozen dinners and headed back to the freezer before she spoke. “We don’t need to talk.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No, we don’t.” Not once did she look at me. “And I’m busy. As you can see, I have groceries to put away and I—”
“Okay, I can help.” I strolled forward, heading to the counter. “And we can talk while I help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Yeah, I think you kind of do.”
Leaving the freezer door open, she spun on me. Her eyes narrowed as cold air wafted out. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Where in the hell did that come from? “It doesn’t mean what you think it does, Avery. Jesus. All I want to do is talk to you. That’s all I’ve been trying to do.”
“Obviously I don’t want to talk to you,” she snapped, picking up a pack of hamburger meat and tossing it into the freezer. “And you’re still here.”
Whoa. Anger pricked over my skin and I struggled to keep control of my temper. “Look, I get that you’re not happy with me, but you have to fill me in on what I did to piss you off so badly that you won’t talk to me or even—”
“You didn’t do anything, Cam! I just don’t want to talk to you.” She spun around, stalking toward the front door. “Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay.” I followed her into the living room. “This is not how people act, Avery. They don’t just up and drop a person or hide from them. If there’s—”
“You want to know how people don’t act?” She flinched, and for a moment, she didn’t speak. “People also don’t constantly call and harass people who obviously don’t want to see them! How about that?”
“Harass you? Is that what I’ve been doing?” I laughed hoarsely, unable to comprehend where this conversation had gone. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me being concerned about you is harassing?”
She took a step back, her eyes wide. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not harassing me. I just . . .” She stopped, smoothing her hands over the top of her head. “I don’t know.”
My heart rate kicked up as I stared at her. “This is about what I saw, isn’t it?” I gestured at her arm. “Avery, you can—”
“No.” Her right hand immediately circled the bracelet, as if she could somehow hide what I already knew. “It’s not about that. It’s not about anything. I just don’t want to do this.”
My patience stretched thin. “Do what?”
“This!” She squeezed her eyes shut and when they reopened, there was a fine sheen. “I don’t want to do this.”
Air went out of my lungs like I’d been punched. “Good God, woman, all I’m trying to do is talk to you!”
She shook her head slowly. “There’s nothing to talk about, Cam.”
“Avery, come on . . .” I started to take a step toward her, but stopped when she moved back, away from me. The look that shot across her face was part fear and part confusion, but it was the fear that drew me to a stop.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There was no way she was afraid of me, but the look on her face was like being shot through the heart with an UZI.
That reaction was killer. Had I hurt her somehow? The question was brief as it flashed through my thoughts and I knew the answer. I hadn’t hurt her.
Avery ducked her chin and looked away.
My patience snapped. “Okay, you know what? I’m not going to rake myself over fucking hot coals for this. Fuck it.”
The moment those words left my mouth, part of me wanted to take them back. The other part of me wanted to scream them again from the top of my lungs. I headed for the door and then stopped, cursing under my breath. What came out of my mouth made me wonder if I was a glutton for punishment.
“Look, I’m heading home for winter break. I’ll be back and forth, so if you need anything . . .” She continued to stare at me like she had been, and I laughed again, realizing that all I was doing was making a complete and utter ass out of myself. “Yeah, you don’t need anything.”
I stepped out into the hall and then my body seemed to demand that I make an even bigger ass out of myself. I faced her. Avery hadn’t moved from her spot.
“You’re staying here, all break by yourself, aren’t you?” I asked. “Even Christmas?”
Her arms wrapped around her chest and she said nothing.
I worked my jaw, keeping me from saying a whole shitload of things that wouldn’t help this situation. But that was it. I realized it then. There was nothing that would help this situation. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t tried. Avery was there, in my life, at one point, and then gone the next, as if she had never been there. And that was that.
An ache burst through my chest, and with startling clarity, it felt real. Too real. “Whatever,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Have a good Christmas, Avery.”
I’ve never in my life wanted to leave home and head back to my apartment as bad as I had over Christmas. Normally I stayed right up until the start of spring semester, but I couldn’t do it with all the questions.
Where is Avery?
How is she doing?
Did she go home?
On and on they went, and I wondered those very same questions a hundred times over during break. I had no answers, and every time I picked up my phone to text her, I stopped myself. She had made it as clear as humanly possible that she didn’t want anything to do with me.
Whatever we had, as brief as it was, it was over.
My mood was somewhere between shitty and shitastic the day after New Year’s. I packed up my stuff early that morning and was out by my truck when Teresa followed me out.
Stopping beside the front of the truck, she pulled her heavy sweater close to her body as wind whipped between the house and the garage. Sleep clouded her blue eyes. “You’re leaving without saying good-bye?”
I shrugged as I shut the passenger door. “Didn’t want to wake them up.”
She stepped back as I rounded the bumper. “That’s never stopped you before.”
I didn’t say anything.
“What’s up with you, Cam?” she asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I glanced at her. “Shouldn’t you be wearing shoes? It’s freezing out here.”
“Flip-flops are shoes.” She hobbled back and forth, squeezing her arms tight against her body. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
Taking my hat off, I scrubbed my hand through my hair and then pulled the cap back on. I opened my mouth and I had no idea what I was about to say, but there turned out to be no words. The hollowness in my stomach, the empty, achy feeling, had grown and now it throbbed with such intensity, there was no ignoring it.
My sister looked up, squinting in the harsh, cold sun. “It’s Avery, isn’t it? You haven’t talked about her at all. And Mom really thought she’d be coming home with you since—”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I cut her off, and her eyes widened. The last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that Avery had spent Christmas—Christmas, for God’s sake—alone. I didn’t want to feel bad for her. I didn’t want to feel anything. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just need to get back to school.”
“For what?” she asked, frowning. “You have days before school starts.”
“I know.” I stepped forward, hugging my sister. For a moment, she didn’t move and then she hugged me back. As I stepped back and opened the door, I looked over my shoulder at her. “Tell Mom and Dad I’ll text them or call later.”
She didn’t immediately respond and then she nodded. “You’re going to be okay? Right?”
I climbed in the truck as I barked out a short laugh. Of course I was okay. Wasn’t like Avery and I had this extended history and it wasn’t like I had that strong of feelings for her. My attraction had to have been an infatuation, because she was something new. She was something different. That was all.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling in a way that made my lips feel weird. “I’m okay.”
Teresa watched me with a look that said she didn’t believe me at all, and I didn’t really believe myself.
I’d just stepped out of the shower and pulled on a pair of sweats when I heard a knock on the front door. Knowing it couldn’t be Ollie because he was still back home, I expected to see Jase or someone else when I opened the door.
Brittany stood there, her blonde hair pulled back in a short ponytail and hands clasped together under her chin. It looked like I interrupted her mid-prayer or something.
“Hey,” I said, unable to hide my surprise. I wondered how she knew what apartment was mine and then I remembered that she’d been here once before with Ollie, like half the college female population had been. “What’s up?”
She sucked in her bottom lip as she glanced behind her, toward Avery’s apartment, and knots twisted in my stomach. I knew Avery was home. Her car had been outside and hadn’t left since I returned.
“I hate to bother you and you look . . . um, busy.” Her gaze dipped over my bare chest, and I raised my brows. “But I need your help. Well, Avery needs your help.”
A sharp set of tingles spread along the back of my neck as I stepped forward. “What do you mean, Avery needs my help?”
“She’s really sick. I think she has the flu,” she explained in a rush. “She hadn’t been returning my calls so I checked in on her and found her passed out in her kitchen and—”
“What?” I brushed past her, heading for Avery’s door. “Did you call an ambulance?”
“No.” Brittany hurried behind me. “It’s just the flu and I need to get her some meds, but I can’t get her into her bed. She’s too heavy. So I was hoping that you could carry her back and maybe . . .”
I really wasn’t listening anymore. My whole focus was on Avery as I entered her apartment. The smell of sickness was strong—too strong—and I could see her denim-clad legs and bare feet.
Darting into the kitchen, I sucked in the sharp breath. Avery was curled on her side, compressed into a fetal position with one cheek plastered to the floor. Dark, sweat-soaked hair clung to the side of her face. Every few seconds, her body would shake and a tiny, breathy moan would come from her. Concern rose swiftly.
Brittany sighed. “I had her sitting up before I left.”
“Are you sure we don’t need an ambulance?” I asked, kneeling down. Carefully, I scooped the strands of damp hair off her face. Her lashes twitched, but her eyes did not open.
“I called my mom—she’s a nurse. She told me Avery should be fine as long as her fever goes down and she gets fluids in her, but I need to get her some meds.”
“I’ll stay with her while you go.”
Brittany said something else, but I didn’t hear it. I was only vaguely aware of Brittany picking up her purse from the back of the couch as I slipped an arm under Avery.
“No,” she moaned, twisting toward the floor feebly. “Cool . . . feels good . . .”
“I know, but you can’t sleep on the floor.” I lifted her up, wincing when her hot cheek landed against my chest. God, she was burning up. I turned, with her in my arms, realizing that Brittany had already left.
Avery mumbled something as she turned her face, but the words were too muffled and too slurred for me to understand.
“It’s okay,” I told her, because I really had no idea what to say. “You’re going to feel better soon.”
She didn’t respond as I carried her back to her bed. When I laid her down, I sat back and got a good look at the shirt she wore. Areas of the damp material clung to her skin. There were patches that were suspicious and made me think of the stench of sickness.
“Shit,” I said.
I looked around the room, finding a pair of pajama bottoms and a sleep shirt folded on her dresser. Taking one look at her, I made up my mind.
Many times over since I’d met Avery, I had imagined undressing her. The very fantasy of doing so had kept me up many nights. I hated to admit that it still did, even though I knew that it would never happen, at least in the way I wanted.
Stripping her of her ruined clothing happened faster than a heart attack and was just as about as fun as one. Especially considering she was mostly unconscious and was nothing more than dead weight.
I didn’t peek. Okay. I might’ve peeked at the pink lacy bra, but it was a brief and totally innocent accident.
Once I had her in fresh clothes, I tucked her legs under the blanket. It was only when I noticed the bracelet did I remember that she didn’t sleep with it on. Wanting her to be comfortable, I slipped it off her wrist and placed it on the nightstand.
I grabbed two wet cloths from the bathroom and ran them under cold water. When I returned, she hadn’t moved, but she sucked in a sharp breath when I pressed the cloth to her forehead.
I don’t know how much time passed, but the first cloth warmed and I replaced it with the second one. Avery turned onto her side, wrapping her arm around mine. It was like she was holding me there, but the girl was in a fevered state and was delusional. She didn’t know what she was doing. Several times, she murmured things I couldn’t understand. At one point, she smiled, and my chest tightened.
“I miss that,” I said hoarsely.
She wiggled closer, and I smoothed the wet towel to her cheek. As the smile faded from her lips, the knots in my chest eased.
Brittany returned, and between the two of us, we coaxed flu meds and water down Avery’s throat. It wasn’t pretty. A sick Avery made for an extremely disagreeable Avery.
“I’m going to open the windows and air out the funk. Clean up the kitchen and stuff.” Brittany hovered by the door. “You don’t have to stay, you know, if you don’t want to.”
I shouldn’t stay. I’d done my good deed for the day, and if Avery woke up and saw me here, she’d probably accuse me of being a creeper. Biting the inside of my cheek as yet another soft whimper reached my ears, I turned to her. Under the rapidly warming cloth, her brow was pinched in discomfort. Her body was still curled toward me and that one arm was still wrapped around mine.
Adjusting the cloth, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ll stay.”