Chapter One

I waited nervously on the front row. The lecture hall was empty apart from me. I'd been out of the house before my housemate was even awake, cringing as I walked across the campus, certain someone would spot me, would yell "slut," and send me scurrying back home.

But there was no one about yet. One of the porters was unlocking the door to the Monroe building, home of English, Spanish, and Philosophy. It was also home to Mr Shepherd's office, the sacred space that had filled my dreams more times than I could count.

Today was the day I was going to do it. I'd spent weeks psyching myself up, egged on by Jennifer who seemed more obsessed about me doing it than I was.

"I'm so proud of you," Jenny had grinned when I finally agreed. "You only live once, right?"

You only live once. A mantra that was crumbling around me as I walked. Was this a good idea? That one life that Jenny talked about would forever be impacted by this. What if word got out? I'd forever be known as that girl who flashed her tutor, then got laughed out of university.

Be bold, I said to myself. You don't have to do anything. No one knows you're not wearing any knickers.

I was in my third year of an English degree. If I didn't do something now, it would be too late. I'd graduate and never see Mr Shepherd again, I couldn't begin to contemplate such a fate.

I walked into the lecture theatre and sat on the middle of the front row, facing where he always stood, next to his desk. I looked at my phone. Jenny had messaged me.

You snuck out early, you little minx. Tell me you're going to do it?!?

I didn't reply. I didn't know if I was going to do it. The more I thought about it, the more stupid it seemed. Yes, he'd glanced down at my legs before but that didn't mean he wanted to fuck me. It didn't mean anything. It was a hell of a leap from knowing he'd looked at my legs in a skirt to flashing him.

I'd never flashed anyone. I wasn't the type. Jenny had. Jenny had done everything. Jenny had streaked through the sixth floor of the library from one stairwell to another within a month of starting. All for a dare. My toes curled just at the thought of it.

Sure, I had a tiny little exhibitionist streak, one that I kept strictly under wraps. There was nothing wrong with fantasising about flashing, safe in the comfort of my bed with the lights out as I read one of Jenny's erotic stories on her Paperwhite. But the thought of actually doing it had always terrified me. I thought people would yell at me, would call me the most awful names, would shun me.

I knew where it had come from. When I was little, I was happy to wander around naked. I couldn't remember exactly when but I remembered vividly the time my mother told me I had to stop doing it.

"But why?" I had asked, trying to shove away the towel that had been wrapped around me. "I like the sun on me."

"It's not proper," my mother had replied. "You'll understand when you're older."

"But why?"

"Because it's private, that's why. People will look at you and it's not right."

A lecture had ensued, one that blurred in my mind. I remembered it beginning, I remembered crying and coming away thinking there was something shameful about exposing my body. That contradiction had remained with me ever since.

Could I even do this? Should I do this? Why did I feel excited even through my shame?

I sat pondering on the answers to those and myriad other questions for so long, I didn't notice the clock ticking around to nine. The lecture began at ten past. Around me, other people began to file in, few of them taking any notice of me. I was usually on the front row, seen as a particularly diligent student by those that bothered to notice such things. A swot, I'd been called at school. I still was. Except around Mr Shepherd. When he spoke, I could barely focus on what he was saying, too busy staring at him and picturing his arm through mine as we walked down the aisle to the cheers of my friends, my parents weeping as they cried out, "We were wrong about him. He's not too old for you. Forgive us, darling."

It was a pleasant daydream but it wasn't in my mind this time. What was in my mind was that I was making a huge mistake. I couldn't do this. I looked up at the clock. Was there time to run home and put some panties on?

I was about to get to my feet when Mr Shepherd walked in. He looked as good as ever. Black suit that fitted him perfectly. Red tie today. Chiselled chin with just a hint of stubble. No matter what time of day I saw him, he always seemed to have that hint of stubble there. Maybe it was a tattoo.

Above the chin was his elegant nose, those broad cheekbones and then those eyes. I swooned just at the sight of them, I could dive in and drown in those eyes. Dark blue and sparkling.

"Good morning," he said, his voice rich and deep. "How are we all today?"

Petrified, I thought, watching him dump his bag on the desk. He leaned back against it and folded his arms, his eyes scanning the room. It seemed to me as if he looked at everyone apart from me. Had I done something to offend him? Did he know what I had planned? He turned away, digging his file out of his bag, giving me time to look at his back, my eyes glued to his ass, wanting to run over and yank his trousers down, take a look and see if he was as toned naked as he looked dressed. I could reach around and find his...

"Let's get started," he said, turning back.

I wondered if my cheeks were as visibly red as they felt. The room was too hot. It was always too hot when he was there. I fanned myself slightly with my notebook, keeping my legs clamped together. I couldn't do it. I was an idiot to think I could do it. Then I did.