Tucker

 

I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. She’s in there, but there’s nothing I can do. Law enforcement has dragged me back behind the sawhorses twice now. The only reason I haven’t tried again is because they threatened to lock me up. It’s bad enough to be out here. If I were trapped in a cell with no idea what’s going on, I’d lose my fucking mind.

Even Mason’s pull at the FBI doesn’t get us many favors here. It’s too big, too publicized, with too many expected fatalities. Leah. My Leah is in there, defenseless against men armed with assault rifles if the shouts I’ve overheard from the patrol officers are true.

Dare, Justus, Jeremy and Landon are all gathered around me, terrified of the immediate future. We could lose them all. “Oh my god!” a woman cries from behind us. “It must be some kind of biological attack! Look!”

Her finger is pointing to Landon, who is clad in his daytime sun protection suit, although you could hardly fault her for jumping to that conclusion. It does look like a hazmat suit.

Her pronouncement scares off most of the crowd gathered around us as they fear some kind of airborne attack. Every few minutes we can hear it again, gunfire. It seems to go on forever. I was a soldier. I know what an assault rifle can do, and it fills me with a fear I’ve never experienced before.

It was different when I was at war. I had friends I cared about, people I wanted to protect, but no one I loved like Leah. When this is over, when I see her sweet little face and body safe and in one piece, she’s mine. To hell with the age difference or what Dare thinks. Life is too damned short.

I just need her to be okay. The words beat in my head like a mantra, like a prayer to all the gods I’ve never believed in. Just let her be okay.

“They’re going in,” Dare says, and we watch as they break through the glass doors and a stream of SWAT guys rush in. The next few minutes are a nightmare. The sound of gunfire being exchanged fills the air, and we can see tear gas emanating from the broken doors. Finally, they start to bring people out and it doesn’t look good.

Most are on stretchers, though a few are led out on foot. My eyes meet Dare’s and we both shove our way past the barriers again until we get to the ambulances. “Sir! You have to stay behind—”

The agent doesn’t get a chance to finish. Dare turns on him with a look that clearly says he’ll have to kill him to stop him. “My sister and my wife are in there. I’m going to be here when they bring them out.” He points to Landon, Justus, and Jeremy. “They’re family too.”

“Fine,” the agent relents. “Don’t get in our way.”

My heart races when I see them leading a group of people out, seemingly unhurt, then plummets when Leah isn’t among them. The last two people in the group step carefully through the broken glass and Dare yells, “Ayda!” at the same time Justus calls Sadie’s name.

We rush to meet them as they’re being examined by the paramedics, but they’re not injured, just shaken and scared.

“I don’t know where Leah is!” Ayda sobs. “Or Zoe and Frannie. We split up!”

Dare holds her close. “It’s okay. They’ll find them.”

Sadie dives into Justus’s arms while Landon and I stare into the dark hole where the doors used to be, willing Zoe and Leah to come out.

Finally, a stretcher is being rolled out and while I can’t tell who is on it, relief like I’ve never felt before floods through me at the sight of Leah and Zoe walking behind it.

Walking.

Alive.

She’s alive.

Her eyes find me and she breaks down sobbing. “Tucker.”

My name leaves her lips as I scoop her into my arms. “Are you hurt?” I ask, frantically checking her over. “You’re bleeding.” I rub my hands over every inch of her looking for a wound.

“I’m okay. It’s not my blood. Frannie,” she chokes, pointing to the stretcher.

I turn just in time to see Jeremy jump into the ambulance with Frannie. “Jeremy! What hospital?” I yell.

“Midtown!” he calls back. They shut the door and the ambulance speeds off.

“Sir,” the paramedic steps in front of me. “We need to examine her and get her to the hospital to get checked out.”

“I’m taking her,” I insist. I pick her up and she rests her head on my shoulder. “You can tell them we’re coming.”

Dare and Ayda rush up and they both hug Leah. “You scared the shit out of me,” Dare tells her, and she nods, unable to get any words out. Everyone is crying. I’ve never seen so many people crying. “Let’s get to the hospital,” Dare says.

I look to see that Landon and Justus have opted to do the same with Zoe and Sadie. The responders have enough seriously injured people to deal with to worry about who takes the others. One of the detectives stops me for a second and warns us not to leave the hospital. They’ll be questioning everyone there to try to piece together the events.

I put Leah in the car and she curls up in the seat, quiet as we head for the hospital. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” I ask, laying my hand on her leg.

“I-yeah. They just…we didn’t have time to get out. It happened so fast. And Frannie. Frannie…”

“I know. Everything is going to be okay. You’re safe now.”

“So many dead, Tucker. There has to be. They kept…pulling them out, shooting them right in the head.”

“Shh. Stop. Try to think about anything else for a moment.” She’s babbling and I’m worried she’s going to break down completely. It’s going to happen eventually, once the adrenaline wears off and she truly understands what she’s been through. I just want to be able to hold her when she does.

The hospital is a madhouse when we get there, but as soon as we tell them we’re from the mall shooting, we’re rushed to a room upstairs. There are four gurneys separated by curtains. Sadie, Ayda, and Zoe are seated on three of them as nurses take their vitals.

“Zoe!” Leah calls as she’s led to the fourth gurney. “Do you know how Frannie is?”

Zoe’s glassy eyes tell me they’ve given her something to calm her down. “They said they’re taking her to surgery upstairs. Jeremy is with her.”

“God, I’m so glad to see you two,” Ayda cries.

“We were so worried about you,” Sadie adds.

“We were in an elevator,” Leah replies.

Sadie nods. “We were lucky. The department store manager heard the first shots and pulled us into a little office. It had a small door that locked and they just never looked there.”

At this point the nurses are getting frustrated because it’s hard to do their job when they’re all trying to talk to each other. One by one, they move them all to private rooms to see a doctor.

Dare looks torn. His sister and his wife are here and he can’t be two places at once. “Dare, I’ve got her,” I assure him. “I’ll stay with her.”

“I’m okay. Go with Ayda,” she agrees and he reluctantly stays behind as Leah is moved to a private room.

Over the next few hours, she’s examined and released, along with Zoe, Sadie, and Ayda. Agents question them for a few minutes, then promise to be in touch. There’s not much information they’ll need from them. All three shooters were killed and everything has been caught on the mall’s video cameras.

Leah is exhausted. She lays her head on my shoulder as we sit in a waiting room. Nobody wants to leave before we hear that Frannie will be okay.

A familiar red headed guy appears in the doorway and Leah gets to her feet. “Quinn!”

He rushes to her and they hug while I consider pulling his arms off like the wings from a fly. “Leah, I just heard.” He runs his gaze over her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay. I wasn’t hurt. We’re waiting to hear about our friend.” She suddenly realizes she’s being watched by a room full of people and her gaze flicks to mine before she turns back to him and says, “Let’s talk out in the hall.”

The boyfriend. I’d forgotten about him.

A few minutes later, she reappears and sits beside me again. It’s not the time to question her about him, so all I ask is, “Did he leave?”

She nods. “I told him I’d call him later. He doesn’t really know anyone here and it should be just us. Just family.” Her head falls back to my shoulder, and I wrap my arm around her.

There’s a boom in the distance, followed by another and all of us are on our feet in a second before Dare points to the window.

Fireworks.

It’s the Fourth of July and the big fireworks are going off at the river.

No matter the tragedy, life just keeps going on around us with cruel indifference.

The doctor enters and asks for Frannie’s family. “Her mother is on her way,” Zoe says. “But it’ll be a few hours. I’m her sister. Please, tell me she’s going to be okay.”

Nobody blinks at Zoe’s lie. It’s the only way they’ll tell us anything.

“I’m very sorry,” the doctor says. “We did everything we could, but she lost too much blood. We couldn’t save her.”

Leah collapses against me as Zoe’s cry echoes around the room.

 

* * * *

 

“I just need to be alone for a little while,” Leah tells me. Though it tears me up to watch her suffer and not be able to help, I nod and kiss her forehead.

“I’ll be in my workshop.”

Leah grabs her bottle of water and walks out toward the large field behind my place. She sat out there for a while yesterday too, and it seemed to help her get her head together, so I’m not surprised when she returns today.

Today was Frannie’s funeral. It’s been four days since the shooting and Leah hasn’t left my side except to sit in the field.

Dandelions have taken it over and her feet send thousands of white puffs into the air around her, but she’s oblivious in her sadness. She looks so beautiful surrounded by the cottony tufts. All I want to do is help her get through this.

Leah is always so full of childlike happiness. The way she gets excited over the littlest things, the way she sees beauty where no one else thinks to look; I don’t want her to lose that. Especially because three brainwashed assholes decided to wipe out a bunch of people who never did anything to them.

The guys in question were in their young twenties and had been part of a cult that preached against consumerism and greed. In their heads, a shopping mall was an evil place. All three were killed by agents during the raid. It’s too bad. I would’ve loved to get my hands on them.

Twenty-two people died. Twenty-two pointless deaths. It’s a hard fact to face, and I think Leah is having just as much trouble dealing with the fact she lived when so many—including a friend—died. Frannie and Leah weren’t close. They’d only hung out a few times, but she was one of them, part of their little group. It’s going to take her a while to come to terms with things.

In the meantime, she’s staying with me. I haven’t really given her a choice, but she has no desire to go home anyway. Being surrounded by the peace and quiet of nature seems to help after so much chaos.

Dare hasn’t objected, although I know he doesn’t like it. He’s too busy trying to comfort Ayda. None of the guys are really talking much since we’re all focused on helping the women in our lives.

Except Jeremy.

Jeremy and Frannie had an on again off again relationship for the last few years. Everyone assumed they’d end up together eventually. I wasn’t really sure how much Jeremy cared for her until I watched his reaction to her death.

I’d say he closed down, but that would be an understatement. He won’t talk to anyone about it and has stayed locked up at his place ever since. Justus has been checking in on him, especially after he missed her funeral today. He swears he’s okay, just hurting. Like Leah, he wants some space.

Leah leans back on her hands and tilts her face towards the sky, soaking in the sun. I’ve never felt such fear when she was in danger and I know now I never want to be without her. I don’t want to overwhelm her right now, but I won’t wait long to tell her the words that have been itching the tip of my tongue since I saw her walk out of the haze of tear gas unharmed.

I love her. I need to say it.

If she had died there and I’d never had the chance to tell her, I’m not sure I could’ve lived with it.

For now, though, I need to make us something for dinner.

I fire up the grill and throw on a couple of steaks and potatoes wrapped in foil. An hour later, when the food is ready, she’s still sitting in the field. As I approach her, she stretches out her arm and waves it, sending a flurry of dandelion seeds into the air.

“Leah, I made some dinner. You need to eat.”

She gives me a small smile. “Okay. Look at them,” she says, gesturing to the airborne seeds. “We have no idea where they’re going to end up, just like us.”

Tugging her to her feet, I wrap my arms around her. “You’re going to end up right here. With me.”

Her blue eyes bore into mine. “I love you, Tucker.”

The power of her words nearly knocks me off of my feet.

“You don’t need to say anything,” she quickly continues. “I just needed you to know.”

Her lips part just a fraction as I catch them with mine for a long, passionate kiss. “I love you. I tried not to. You’re Dare’s little sister. You’re young. But it doesn’t matter. I love you and I want you to stay with me.”

A wide smile spreads across her face, but she shakes her head. “I have a job.”

“Then I’ll stay with you,” I tell her.

Her face crinkles as she thinks it over for a bit. “I love it here. I feel safe here. But I can’t just leave the school short handed. I have to stay until they can replace me. The kids need me. Then I could transfer to one of the schools in town and live here if you’re sure that’s what you want.”

Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, we walk back toward the house. “Of course it’s what I want. You know, you could just stay here and write, Ms. Bestselling Author.”

Her laughter fills the night and it’s the best damn sound I’ve ever heard.

 

* * * *

 

Leah cuddles up to me while we lie in my bed, her head resting on my chest. We’ve spent a lot of time like this lately, just wrapped around each other, talking about the future. Tonight, though, it seems the past is on her mind.

“I don’t know anything about your family, or how you grew up,” she points out, her fingers dancing through my chest hair.

“What do you want to know?”

“Tell me about your parents. You’ve never mentioned them. Are they still alive?”

“I assume so.” I run my hand down the smooth skin of her back. “I haven’t heard from them in a few years.”

Her eyes are full of sympathy when she peeks up at me. “Why?”

“My father was in the military. He disowned me when I was court-martialed. No son of his was going to have a dishonorable discharge.”

“What a dick,” she blurts.

I swear this woman can always make me laugh. “Yeah, he always was a dick. If it wasn’t this, it would be something else. I resisted the military at first. It was always preached at me growing up and I didn’t want to be like him. But eventually, I thought it might work for me since I had no other plans.”

“What about your mother?”

“She’s controlled by him. Completely dependent on him. We were able to visit a few times without him knowing, but I know it made her nervous. If he found out, she’d be out on the street.”

Leah’s arms tighten around me. “Was he abusive?”

“Not physically. He just expected perfection because he saw himself as perfect and we couldn’t live up to it.”

“We? Do you have siblings?”

“No, I’m an only child. By ‘we’, I meant me and mom.”

She’s silent for a few minutes. “I hope you get to reunite with them someday. I don’t see my mom either.”

I’ve wanted to ask her about her past since the first time I kissed her, but I’m also afraid of upsetting her or saying the wrong thing.

I scoot up until I’m sitting with my back against the headboard and she lays her head in my lap. I’ve learned she loves it when I play with her hair and I want to put her at ease since I know it’s hard to talk about.

“Will you tell me what happened, Leah? Are you estranged from your mother because of the abuse?”

“Yes. I tried to tell her what he was doing, but she never believed me. I figured if my own mother didn’t believe me, no one else would. I didn’t want my dad to be angry at me for accusing his brother so I kept my mouth shut. Dad died when I was almost sixteen and we moved away from his brother. I thought it was over.

“But then mom arranged for them to come and visit. They were going to stay a week and I just…couldn’t. I told Derek and you know how that turned out. He spent three years in prison for beating Uncle Howard until he was paralyzed.”

“He did what any real brother would do,” I tell her.

“And he gave up three years of his life for it.” Her voice betrays the guilt she still feels.

She sits up, and I pull her into my lap. “And he doesn’t regret a day of it, sweetheart. That I know for sure.”

“Do you want to tell me what he did to you?” I won’t push her, but I’m hoping it never went beyond touching.

Her chest heaves on a deep sigh. “It started as touching, but by ten it was intercourse. He said that was my fault because I wouldn’t blow him.” I don’t know how Dare resisted killing the fucker.

Her arms wrap around me and I look down at her. “Leah, when we slept together, if I did anything to hurt you…” It’s been on my mind ever since that night. At the time, I never even thought that I might be dragging up bad memories or that she might have some problems with sex because of what happened to her.

“You didn’t,” she says quickly. “I’ve been through therapy to help me deal with everything, but my sex life has never really been affected. I dealt with a lot of guilt, mostly. I thought I must’ve done something to lead him on, even at eight years old. I know that’s not true now.”

She sits back and looks me in the eye. “I don’t want you to see me as some damaged person or worry about traumatizing me when we’re in bed. I promise it’s not an issue.”

She’s tearing my heart out. “I’d never see you as damaged. I see a strong, beautiful woman who gives me a constant hard on.”

She giggles which was the response I was hoping for to lighten the mood. “And I see a broody man who tries to hide his kindness. And also makes me want to take off my panties every time he enters a room.”

“Is that the kind of dirty stuff you write in your book?”

Giggling, she looks up at me. “What makes you think I write dirty stuff?” Her eyes widen and she sits up straighter. “Did you read my book?”

“I have it, but I couldn’t make myself read it. I was trying to get over you. Now, you can bet I’ll read it.” A blush climbs her cheeks. “What? You don’t want me to?”

“I may have…drawn a little bit from my life and my time here.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m in the book?”

“No! Well…parts of you, I guess. And there’s this sex scene…I just don’t want you to think I’m a freak.”

“Oh, now I’m definitely reading it.”