I slump into my car and close my eyes. Deep breath in. Long, steady exhale.

It’s no good. With each inhale and exhale, the pounding between my legs grows. I can still feel Clay and Nash beside me, each one of them hovering only inches from my shoulders.

I didn’t turn down Nash’s invitation to go hang out with him and his rodeo ‘friend’ because I wanted to. On the contrary, if I’d had one more drink in me I might have let him take me right there in the bar’s bathroom. His thick black hair falling over those brown eyes comes back to me. The way his pupils seemed to simmer when he looked at me gets my stomach fluttering.

For a brief second, I forget all about Clay. I almost went ahead and threw myself at Nash. But at that point, I wasn’t quite yet drunk, and he was still a stranger I’d just met in a bar.

And there was still Clay. The second I saw him down there in the dirt tonight I knew. I wanted him to be the one.

For years, I’d dreamed it would be him, but I’d mostly written the idea off as nothing more than a fantasy.

But now I know the truth. Dreams come true, and Clay Murphy will be the one to fulfill my biggest dream.

He’s going to take my virginity.

It’s long past time somebody did. I don’t know how I’ve gotten to twenty-two without having ever had sex. It’s not like I haven’t tried to have it. It just seems like the timing has always been off. When my high school boyfriend, Kyle, wanted to fuck me, I wasn’t ready. The year I decided I was ready, his dad got a job transfer, and he moved away. I date here and there at school, but hell, I haven’t met anyone I like enough to want to sleep with. Plus, college guys can be such asses. If I give it up to one of them, it’ll be all over the campus that they bagged a virgin. It’s been hard, what with classes, work around the ranch, and helping Mom out with Dad.

Somewhere in the business of it all, my love life took a back seat, Now, I can’t take it anymore. I’m one month away from finishing school. I’ll have a degree in Primary Education. I’ll be a full-fledged independent person.

And still a virgin.

The last part I just can’t stomach. I can’t help feel like I’ve missed out on something, like I’m way behind in life.

Most of my friends don’t even know about my dirty little secret, thank God. If being a virgin had something to do with religion or personal belief things would be just fine, but it’s not like that at all.

Nash’s words come back to me. You’d like my friend.

I can hardly believe what he was suggesting. I’ve been hit on at bars by guys, but never has one asked me to go home with him and his friend.

And the fact that the friend is the man I already decided to give my V card to is too much to handle.

A delicious chill goes down my back. What would it be like to have two pairs of hands on me at the same time? To have two dicks inside of me?

I’ve never even had one dick in me, so it’s impossible to know.

I can imagine what it must be like. Damn, can I imagine...

What would I even be expected to do? Would I give one of them a blowjob while the other had sex with me? Would they take turns?

Warm liquid gushes into my panties. I peek around the bar’s parking lot. I parked in a spot out back. The area is completely quiet, all the other cars dark.

Where are Clay and Nash now? Are they still in the bar, or already headed back to the ranch?

Clay’s announcing the two of them would be staying in the house right across the field from mine shook me to my core. And soaked my panties.

I run my fingers across the top of my jean shorts and undo the one button. Unzipping, I slip two fingers beneath my underwear.

I can almost feel their hands running through my hair and caressing my hips and legs. Their intensely passionate, heated kisses hit my mouth, first Clay’s and then Nash’s. Bumpy stubble rubs against my cheek and neck as Nash moves his lips south.

I rub my fingers over my clit and pleasure floods me. In my head, I’m between Clay and Nash, much like at the bar, but this time we’re all naked. This time they have me sandwiched on a bed between the two of them. I kiss Clay while Nash parts my legs. The thick head of his dick pushes against my opening, and he drives into me.

I rub my clit in a fast circle, hits of pleasure striking me again and again. Each impact comes harder than the last. My muscles tense up, and I lift my hips off the seat.

I explode, biting down on my lip as an orgasm rattles through me. Panting, I open my eyes and stare across the dashboard. The muscles between my legs contract over and over, squeezing and releasing.

I’m still throbbing with a vicious desire. My last orgasm just made me more ravenous. I need more than gentle stimulation. I need rough fingers on my nipples and clit. I need to fill that emptiness inside of me.

I’ve never even had these things and yet I know beyond a doubt nothing else will do it for me.

Groaning, I turn the car on and head for the pharmacy. I don’t resent my parents, really, but it’s hard not to imagine I do if my mom’s text to pick up my dad’s prescription draws me away from what might have been one of the biggest nights of my life.

Assuming I would even go through with it.

I pick up Dad’s prescription with five minutes to spare. I leave the store and it closes while I’m buckling myself into my car. I crank the radio and drive home to the ranch halfway between Powell and the Town of Cody.

Would I go through with it? I wonder as I slow down on the bumpy driveway. Or would I freak out once I saw two hard penises coming at me? Would I scream and run out the door?

The painful throb all over me tells me no, I would stay. I would stay and take whatever Clay and Nash gave me.

I clutch the white paper bag and head across the front porch. The sound of the television greets me. I veer down the hallway and poke my head in the kitchen to check for Mom. Finding the spot empty, I head for the living room.

Dad stares blankly at the TV from his regular spot in the armchair while Mom sits on the couch doing a Sudoku.

I lean against the door frame. “Hey.”

Mom puts down the magazine to give me a smile. “Hi darling. How was the rodeo?”

“It was good.” I cross the room and set the prescription bag onto Dad’s folding table. I have to nudge his reading glasses and a cup of water out of the way to make room. The table is the one we put everything of his on during the day, since he’s mostly parked in the living room now.

He looks at the bag with disinterest and grunts as he reaches for the remote. His hand trembles, but he finds the right button and turns the volume down. It’s my cue to tell them about my day.

I settle down into the couch’s armchair. “I saw Clay there.”

Mom nods and smiles slightly. “I heard. How was he?”

“Great,” I stiffly say trying not to reveal just how much of an impression he made on me. “He told me he and his friend are staying next door.”

Mom murmurs in agreement. “Too bad Joel will miss him.”

“You knew about this?” I ask. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

She looks at me in confusion. “I didn’t think you’d be interested. I didn’t realize you and Clay were ever friends.”

“We weren’t.” I shrug. “He’s five years older than me, so...”

“They don’t need to be friends,” Dad says.

We both look over at him. He shakes his head. “Clay has his problems. He’s no good to women. First, he was running all around town with a new woman every week, and now he’s doing the same on the road.”

Mom makes that clicking sound with her tongue. “Daryl, you don’t know that.”

“I do too,” he argues. “Men like that don’t change because they don’t have to change. No one holds them accountable for what they do.”

I look down at my hands. All my giddiness from earlier just flies out of me. If Dad knew the things I’ve been thinking about Clay, lest of all the things I’ve been thinking about him and Nash together, he might have a heart attack. Forget Parkinson’s complications killing him.

Personally, I don’t even care if Clay runs around with a new woman every week. I don’t have plans to marry the guy.

Mom sighs. “I was planning on asking Clay and his friend to help out around the house.”

My head snaps back up.

Dad grunts. “Help with what?”

“With repairs on the porch and with insulating the attic.”

“The ranch hands can do all of that.”

“No, they can’t,” she firmly says. “They’re busy enough as it is, and John’s wife is having her baby sometime next week which means we’re gonna be short for at least a few days.”

I watch for Dad’s reaction. His face tight, he seems to think about it all for a long minute. Finally, he just looks away. “Fine.”

Mom catches my eye and winks. My heart flips. Does she know about what’s going on with me?

No. She can’t. As far as I can tell, my parents have close to zero insight into my dating life.

Thank God.

“I’m going to bed,” I announce and stand up. “See you in the morning.”

I rush from the room as they’re both saying good night and climb the stairs to my bedroom. The window is cracked, letting in some of the sweet May air. I push it open the rest of the way and climb out onto the side roof. Darkness stretches all around me, broken only by the flood lights over by the horse barn and the house lights across the field.

I gulp and stare at the yellow orbs. They’re from the Murphy house, the cattle and horse ranch right next to our own. Clay’s house.

Though plenty of acres for grazing span out in all directions from the barns, the two houses are comfortably close.

I can’t even begin to count the times I came out here in middle school and stared longingly across the field. I’d watch the windows upstairs, looking for signs of movement, imagining I saw a shirtless Clay in them. The house is too far away to see people clearly, though. I was always just dreaming.

I sit down and tightly hug my knees to my chest. My heart pounds against my leg.

I can’t stop picturing Dad’s hard face while he talked about Clay. He’s never really liked the guy, but I forgot about that.

My stomach churns and I keep looking at Clay’s house. At this point, I’m not even sure what I’m planning on doing. Am I going to go over to the Murphy ranch tomorrow, knock on the door, and ask Clay and Nash if they’d like to have a threesome?

That is what Nash seemed to be offering.

But even if I don’t do that, even if I corner Clay on his own, I’ll still be playing with fire. In a small community like ours, one with ranches and farms wedged between two towns, rumors travel fast. No matter what I do with who, it’s likely half of everyone in church will know about it by Sunday.

No matter how discreet I aim to be.

Closing my eyes, I let my head drop forward onto my bare knees. This is a horrible idea, and there’s no more denying it.

Maybe the fantasy I hold onto about Clay is nothing more than just that. Maybe it’s time to let it go. My dad’s not the only person who has a strong opinion about Clay. Though he’s been gone for years, the reputation he made for himself here has stuck. If people hear about me hanging around with him, they’ll probably think I’m loose or headed for the dark side.

And my dad will think Clay will use me and leave me heartbroken. He’s lost a lot since Parkinson’s started getting to him. He’s entirely given up working on the farm, and he barely leaves the house.

His only pride and joy are Mom and me. I know because he tells us all the time.

I can’t hurt him. I can’t do anything to make him disappointed in me.

If that means letting go of fulfilling the biggest wet dream I’ll ever have, then all right.