I dab my favorite floral perfume on my wrists and rub them together. A glance at the clock and my pulse speeds up. Nash and Clay will be here any minute.

The house is quiet. It’s perfect. With it being Wednesday night and my parents off at church, I can actually have Nash and Clay come pick me up.

Since my dad usually only leaves the house about once a week this is the only time I’m free to invite the men over. They asked me out to dinner in Powell tonight but I’m thinking up other plans.

Forget dinner. The second I open the door I might jump on them and pull them upstairs to my bedroom. Since they’re leaving in a few days we don’t have a lot of time left.

Dread fills me. I’ve been purposefully not thinking about their going. I’ve also been trying not to depend on their presence. I’ve been going to classes and helping around the ranch just like usual. I don’t want Clay and Nash to disrupt my regular life.

But there’s going to be a gaping hole in me no matter what I do. I know it for sure.

The bell rings. I quickly smooth my hair while running down the stairs.

Clay and Nash stand shoulder to shoulder on the front stoop, nearly matching in their white tees and black hats. The only things setting them apart are their jeans and boots.

“Hi,” I breathe. “Come on in.”

They enter the hallway and I quickly close the door behind them. “How about a drink?”

They exchange a quick look.

“Sounds nice,” Clay answers. “We’d like to talk to you before we head out.”

Nausea hits me. Usually if someone says they need ‘to talk’ things don’t end well.

Are they about to let me down? Are they going to go ahead and end things with me early?

I can’t think of a reason why they would, but the buzzing in my ears doesn’t stop.

I lead them to the kitchen and pull out three beers then set them on the table. Nash twists the top off one for me and I accept it but don’t take a drink. It just sits in my hand, cold and lifeless.

Just like my love life.

Love life… I shouldn’t even be thinking like that. The whole thing with these two is just sex. Have I already forgotten that?

I bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying. Yes, I’ve forgotten why I even got involved with Clay and Nash to begin with. Losing my virginity now seems like such a trivial thing. Why was I in such a hurry to do it?

If I’d known what having sex would lead to maybe I would have held back.

I love these men. Maybe I’m young and stupid. Maybe it’s because I was a virgin the day I first got with them, but it’s still true. I love them.

And now I get to pay the price for it. I get to sit here while they break my heart and walk away.

I clutch the back of one of the chairs and set my beer on the table. Nash and Clay stand on the other side of the table, both of them staring at me.

I take in a long breath. “What’s up?”

Their eyes briefly connect. Nash nods at Clay.

“Cheyenne,” Clay slowly says. “Come with us on the rodeo circuit. Travel around with us.”

The kitchen spins around me. My heart swells in joy and my stomach plummets. I’m euphoric and terrified, but mostly I’m confused.

How did things change between us? How did this relationship become more than a two-week fling?

I look between Clay and Nash, wondering which question to ask first.

“You’d like it,” Nash says. “It can be a whole lot of fun on the road.”

“I’d like it,” I slowly repeat.

Anger fills me and I shake my head. The way they present the offer makes it all sound easy. As if I can just walk into my bedroom right now, pack a bag, and hit the road.

“I’m in school,” I sharply say.

Clay shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You’re done in a month or so, right? Come and join us afterward.”

I ruefully laugh. “You’re being serious right now?” I direct at Clay. “Have you forgotten about my dad? Why do you think I still live at home?”

Nash comes around the table and places his hand on my forearm. “Leave it to us. We’re going to hire someone to help out around here. Clay and I will pay for it.”

“Some stranger?”

His jaw ticks. “You make it sound bad.”

“I...” I grab the chair with both hands and work to compose myself. My knuckles grow sheet white.

I love these two men. What they’re proposing is a dream.

But it can never be a reality.

My life isn’t simple. It doesn’t afford me whims like running off with a rodeo for the season.

It probably would just be the summer anyway. They’ll grow tired of me in a few months and move on to some other girl.

My throat tightens. Clay and Nash’s tendencies can’t be denied. They’re not the settling down type. They’ve been with plenty of girls, I’m sure, and they’ll be with plenty more.

“You’ll have time to find the right person,” Clay says. “Since you’ll be here for a while finishing up school.”

Anger like white lightning strikes me. I snap my head up and glare at Clay. “You really think you’ve got it all figured out, huh? You think I’m going to be your play thing on the road for a month or two?”

“A… a month or two? Cheyenne, we’re...”

Nash interrupts, his words holding a ferocious note. “We want you to be ours, Cheyenne. We don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

I purse my lips. “But for how long?”

Nash stares me down. “For a long, long time.”

His look melts me. My knees buckle and I hang onto the back of the chair for dear life.

“I don’t get it,” I whisper. “I didn’t think you two were… like this. I thought this was just going to be a fling.”

Nash briefly closes his eyes. “We did too.”

Clay comes closer and wraps his arm around my waist. “We didn’t expect this. But we want you, Cheyenne. We’re not leaving here without you.”

“You can’t do this,” I whisper. “You can’t just come in here and turn my life around like this.” I look right at Clay. “Especially not you.”

He reels back. “You think everyone will talk.”

“Yes, they’ll talk. My father… I’m sorry, Clay, but he doesn’t like you. Not with the kind of reputation you have.”

He grinds his teeth together. “I don’t mind if you tell everyone you’re with Nash. I don’t care. The three of us know what’s real.”

The queasy feeling in my stomach grows. “I have to sit down,” I mutter to no one in particular. Nash whips a chair out for me and I fall into it.

This is all happening too fast. Clay and Nash having an answer for everything makes their offer even harder to believe.

If I really wanted to I could go with them. I could let them take the reins. I could let them hire a home helper. I could forget about getting a job in a school next year. I could tell everyone I’m Nash’s girlfriend. I could enjoy the touch of their hands every day for the rest of…

For the rest of what? Just how long would this thing last?

They say they want me for real, but what does that mean in their heads?

They’d come to resent me. A few weeks of having me on the road with them and they’d start to miss their old free flowing life.

And then I’d really be the fool. I’d be hopping on a bus and crawling back to town with a broken heart in my chest.

“It’s too much,” I whisper to the wall.

Clay sits next to me and wraps his hand around my neck. His warmth presses into my skin and I soak it up, knowing this might be the last time I feel his touch. I fight back a sob but it’s no good. Hot tears fall down my cheeks.

Nash takes the seat on my other side. “Cheyenne, don’t cry. We’re taking care of everything. Don’t you worry.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “You can’t take care of everything.”

There’s a heavy slam on the table. I jump and my eyes fly open. Clay’s palm presses into the wood. “Damn it, Cheyenne! Don’t you understand? You're ours. We’re not leaving here without you.”

His nostrils flare and he stares me down. “Everything is working out just fine. Trust us.”

All I have to do is say ‘Yes’. It’s easy. The word hovers right behind my lips, ready to get out.

But I can’t do it. I can’t put myself out there any more than I already have.

“No,” I whisper. The word drags in my throat like it has claws, leaving scars that will be there for years to come.

Clay’s fingers curl into the wood. His jaw locks and he looks down. His hat brim hides his eyes, shielding him from me.

“Cheyenne,” Nash says.

“Don’t.” I quickly stand and leave the table. At the doorway, I turn around to look at them. Nash’s face is etched with confusion and Clay’s eyes are hard.

“We can’t all be like you two,” I tell them. “Running all over the place, doing whatever we want, screwing a new person in each town.”

Nash stands. “We won’t be doing that anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter!” A pathetic cry leaves me and I press my palm against my mouth.

Nash takes a step towards me. “Believe us.”

“I believe you now,” I say between my fingers. “But what happens in a month or two? You know you’re going to get tired of me.”

“We won’t get tired of you.”

Tears press against my eyeballs. Every part of me is burning, screaming in silent grief for what it’s losing. “You say that now, but let’s be honest. People don’t just change.”

The words are callous and cold. I hate to be the person saying them, but there’s nothing I can do about it. The truth is the truth and I need to protect myself.

My eyes fall on Clay’s. He stares back at me, his pupils emoting something I don’t understand.

He could hate me now.

That’s fine. It’ll make saying goodbye all the easier.

“You two need to go,” I sternly say.

I run through the hallway and up the staircase.

“Cheyenne!” Nash yells at me.

Locking the bedroom door, I go and collapse in the windowsill. Heavy bangs hit the door over and over.

“Cheyenne, come out here!” Nash demands, his voice rising in anger.

I press my fingertips against my eyes and let the tears flow. Nash knocks a few more times, and then, he stops. His footsteps recede down the hall.

I hold my breath and wait for more sounds. The front door slams closed and it does something to me. I break entirely, collapsing into sobs against the window.