Chapter Thirty-Five:
Emerson
I’m late. No not just any kind of late. I’m the important kind of late. The late that could change your entire life. It could be the stress of Cade’s dilemma, or the guilt of having something that is all mine, or a multitude of other reasons. Whatever the case may be, I’m stressing. I haven’t told Braxton yet because I don’t know if there is anything to tell.
I’m planning on picking up a pregnancy test after work today to ease my mind. Wouldn’t it be just my luck to get pregnant the first time I had sex? Braxton didn’t even come inside me, so I’m not sure how I would be; I’m just overly cautious.
It’s not like I even have time to worry about such a thing between work, Braxton, and everything Cade. We’ve been trying to talk him into an annulment for days. It’s strange, but he’s deflecting. It’s almost as if somewhere deep down inside he wants to stay married. He wants to face the challenge. Everyone we know says it won’t last, but Cade’s always moved to the beat of his own drum. It wouldn’t surprise me if he shocked everyone and stayed with Pooja. Mischa would flip her shit if she found out what happened, so neither of us has been talking.
My mind is anywhere else but work when I arrive. I know I’m going to need to get my head in the game because making drinks is all about details. Our guests don’t deserve shitty service or poor drink skills. I need to be focused.
“You doing okay, girl?” Demi asks from the other side of the bar, a concerned look on her face.
I shrug. “Yeah, I just have a lot going on at home.”
“Well, you better shelf that because we have one hundred and forty-five reservations on the books for tonight, so you’re going to need to be fast.”
I nod. “Got it. I’m here and focused.”
She gives me a dual thumbs up and then continues making a whiskey ginger for the gentleman in front of her.
The first few hours are the worst. I can’t get out of my head. Luckily, by the time it hits eleven, I don’t have time to think about anything else other than the task at hand. By the end of the night, I walk out with over two hundred dollars in tips. It feels good to finally be pulling my weight in the world.
I’m ashamed to say it, but ever since our parents died, both Cade and I have been living off their life insurance money. It was more than either of us could ever want or need, and I’m nowhere near being low on funds, but I’m not twelve anymore. I’m freaking twenty-two years old, and I need to figure out what path I’m going to create for myself.
The wonderful thing is, we’ve been very fortunate over the past ten years because of the money. Yes, it came from a terrible tragedy, but it helped mold such a beautiful future for both of us. When Mischa was struggling with money and wasn’t sure how she could pay the mortgage, Cade and I were able to pool together enough funds to cover three months worth, rather than just one. It gave us the capability and means to travel internationally and within the states, and Cade was able to put his all into his music.
The thing I don’t ever want to forget is how all hard work pays off. My mother was the hardest working person I knew. She was a nurse and would spend close to eighteen hours every day on her feet. My father used to call her Superwoman, and I agree. My father worked just as hard for the state, working as a guard in a juvenile detention center. When I get older, I want to inspire someone as much as my parents did for me.
In some ways, I think Cade is struggling with the decision of an annulment because in his eyes that means he failed. It failed. Neither of us does well with failure, especially Cade. The day our parents died, we were on our way to Cade’s band concert at our middle school. He was at the school already, but it was my parents and me in the car. It was below freezing that night, and our car hit a patch of black ice. I don’t remember much after that until my seatbelt was being cut off me and I was pulled out of the vehicle. It wasn’t until they freed both my parents from the wreckage that I knew nothing was ever going to be the same again. We never made it to the concert that night, and I think Cade has always blamed himself for it. If we hadn’t agreed to go, we would still be a complete family.
Weeks after the funeral, Cade’s whole attitude and demeanor changed. He started dressing in all black, he was getting in trouble at school, and from the gossip I heard in the halls, he was experimenting with drugs. Our life was literally tipped upside down, and in a matter of weeks we lost our parents, the home we grew up in, and most of our friends. We had to move four hours away to Camden and in with Mischa, who could have never been prepared for the handful we would be; the headaches we would cause her.
I dealt with my parents passing in a much different way. Not being able to keep anything down, I lost over fifteen pounds and looked hollowed out. I secluded myself and only let my books keep me company. Eventually, Mischa was able to coax me out enough to do fun things together. She will never replace my mother, but she’s done a hell of a job considering.
I haven’t thought about that night in a very long time. It brings up so many bad memories I’d rather keep buried deep inside. What I wouldn’t give to have my parents back again.
I know I’ve been hard on Cade, as he has with me… but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t have been able to get through the accident without him.
***
So this is it, the moment of truth. I pull out the pregnancy test which is a dual one, just in case I need to retest. I’ve never bought anything like this before, so it was a little awkward at the grocery store. I was just hoping the cashier wasn’t judging me.
My stomach feels like a whirlpool; my nerves at an all-time high.
The instruction says to pee on this stick and then let it sit for ten minutes, then it will either show me two solid lines or one. If there are two, it’s positive.
I think I hold my breath the entire time until I see the blue line begin to appear. It’s a slow, gradual process, and as time passes, the line gets more prominent. When I’m about to release the breath, I’ve been holding, I see it. The second blue line. It’s slowly filling in next to the first one, and I think I’m going to be sick. Gripping my stomach, I stare at myself in the mirror. How could this have happened?
I don’t know how I’m going to break the news to Braxton. I have no idea how he will take it. I’m not even sure how I’m taking it. There are going to have to be some tough decisions to be made.
Deep down inside I’m worried that both Cade and I have let my parents down. One pregnant at twenty-two, and the other married? We sound like a family of winners all around.