CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Jay

I got home somehow. I couldn’t really remember any of the trip. All I could think of was her. The way she kissed me. That last embrace, so tender and so unlike anything I had ever known. I had been with plenty of girls before the accident. But no one had made me feel like that—like my heart knew where home was at last.

“Jay!” Mom greeted me at the door. “There you are! We were getting worried…”

She trailed off when she saw the look on my face. I don’t know what my face was doing, but I could imagine it wasn’t a happy expression.

“I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s fine, son,” she said softly. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

I went upstairs to the study and shut the door. I just wanted time to think. I felt elated and wonderful. At the same time, I felt like my world had caved in. It was weird. Somewhere in the back of my mind there was something about serotonin and new love and despair—how they often all arrived at the same time. But that was all chemical stuff. This was more.

I still couldn’t imagine inflicting myself on Margo for the long term. There was that funny hesitance inside me, like it wouldn’t be fair. I sighed. Maybe I was just being silly. A good distraction—that was what I needed.

And it wasn’t like I didn’t have plenty of work to do. I was busy answering emails when someone knocked at the door.

“Yes?” I called.

My mom came in. “Son,” she said gently. “I wanted to talk. You look sad.”

“Mom. I…” I sighed. “Okay. I’m sad. What did you want to tell me?”

She smiled. “Well, I’m glad you can tell me you’re sad. But why? What happened?”

I let out a long sigh. “Nothing bad. I just…well…okay. It’s this girl I met.”

“Oh.” She frowned.

“What?”

She sighed. “Son, I don’t want to make you more confused. But I have to say this.”

“Say what?”

“You know…” she paused. “It’s not easy for people to, well, find people after…something like this.” She gestured in a random way at my leg.

“Yes?” I said. I instantly felt guarded. What was she saying?

“And…” she trailed off. “The thing is, well…it’s easy for you to be drawn in.”

“Drawn in!” I exploded. “Mom. I’m sorry. But what are you trying to say, exactly?” I could feel heat in my cheeks and somewhere my heart was thudding, adrenalin rushing through me. I was confused and mad and hurt.

“I’m sorry, son.” She made a vague conciliatory gesture. “It’s not my intent to upset you. But…you know…you were famous, and you’re still rich and…don’t you think that you’re vulnerable to, well, the wrong kind of person?”

I stared. My mouth was hanging open. I made an effort to shut it. “Mom,” I said, struggling to be calm. “I don’t think I’m being preyed on. Really. Who would?”

She sighed. “Son, try seeing it from my side?” She cleared her throat. “I love you and, well…I can see how easy it would be for someone to use you. You have this sense that no one would love you as you are, and it would be so easy for someone to draw you in because of that.”

I gaped. “Well, if I feel unlovable, you certainly just made me feel worse.”

She closed her eyes. “Son, I’m sorry. I’m just, well…trying to be sensible. I’ve never seen you like this before. So closed in. I’m concerned.”

I sighed. I supposed I should try and see it from her viewpoint. Maybe my behavior did look a bit weird to her. Maybe I was even being weird, how should I know? Maybe…and I didn’t want to think this, but maybe she was right.

“Maybe you’re right.”

She looked sad. “I don’t want to spoil your happiness, son.”

I laughed. “Well, you just did.”

She frowned. Reached out a hand to me. “I didn’t mean to do that,” she said. “You know, I could be wrong. I just had to say, well…something about this: in case I’m right.”

“Well, you told me now.” I laughed sadly. “I’m warned.”

“Fine,” she said. She smiled. “That’s all I wanted.”

“Good,” I said. I hadn’t meant that to sound as harsh as it turned out, but I couldn’t help it. She really had upset me. I felt, stupidly, like a kid who’s had his balloon burst by the big kids. I had been happy. A bit confused, but happy. And now I felt like maybe all my doubts were real.

I never even thought about the financial side. Margo’s well-off now, but she probably worries for her future.

As a pro football athlete—albeit an ex one—I had a very tidy amount in my bank account, and I already owned my own house. I was seriously well-provided for, and I never had to worry. Would she want to take me in because of that?

I sighed. I had no idea. But maybe Mom was right. Maybe I was being a total fool.

“I’d better go check on the cake,” Mom said, standing and heading downstairs.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, trying my best to make my voice neutral. “See you later.”

“Good.”

When she had gone I let out a long, shuddering breath. I had no idea what to think now. Mom had just thrown me a really crazy idea—one I’d never have thought of on my own. But the more I thought about it, the more it made horrible sense. What could I do about it, though?

All my mind told me I could sensibly do was wait. If that was true, it would reveal itself soon enough.