CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Jay

I stumbled into work at nine on Tuesday morning, my head still a bit stuffy after the long time on the plane.

“Jay! Hey there!”

My colleague, Nilsson, yelled cheerily, making my head hurt. I was pleased to be back. I just missed Margo I had kind of hoped she’d get hold of me before now, but she hadn’t and I was hesitant to push myself on her. All my worries slid to the back of my mind now. I was here, in my office, and here at least I could absolutely trust these guys.

“Hey, Nilsson,” I said with a smile. “Good to see you.” No point in not being friendly.

“Well, it’s great to have you back. How was the trip?”

“Tiring,” I said. I grinned and flopped into the chair beside him. “It’s weird—it’s not a long way, but it feels like it.”

He chuckled. “I understand.”

“Well, I guess there’s a lot to catch up on,” I said. Nilsson and I were the only two in the office at this time—our colleagues Jacks and Birnam were notoriously late. And the guy who owned the place, Maxwell, was only there once every two weeks.

“Well, you’ve got a few consulting jobs on hold,” he said, indicating a sheet of printouts. I sighed.

“Nothing for today, though,” I noted. There were a few appointments about consulting, but nothing that needed immediate attention. A swimmer, a runner I’d worked with before, and then a team of five who were working for a relay. I would be seeing them next week.

“Well, that’s good,” my comrade said contentedly. “I’ve got to go out later. Oh, look. Here they are!”

I smiled as Birnam came in. He gave me a friendly grin.

“Hey, man.”

Tall, built and an ex-baseball player, Birnam had that presence that a lot of big, tough guys have: a strangely gentle, grounding air. He always cooled things down in the office.

“Hey,” I smiled. “Good to be back.”

“Yeah. Lots to do?”

“Not so much,” I admitted. “I did work while I was away. Not too much, mind.”

“Smart guy.”

I pulled a face. “Maybe not.”

He chuckled. “Good that you are here.”

I sat down to work.

Most of the morning was taken up with reading the stuff I’d need to know for consulting. I had to check through what they wanted to achieve, their history, and their needs. And then I needed to read. I was scrupulous about not just telling people the nonsense advertisers told them. I knew how important it was to think cautiously about supplements and stuff. My own injuries had led me down a path of self-care that had been closed to me before they happened and my eyes were now open.

“And they should go easy with the creatine…this guy has a history of liver issues…”

I was talking to myself, lost in my work.

“Hey, Jay!” Nilsson broke in on my thoughts. “Hard work! Lunchtime?”

I sighed. “I’m okay, thanks. Brought sandwiches.” I had too. Planning ahead for a hard day’s work.

He grinned. “Dedicated. Wow. See you.”

I heard them all troop out.

While they were at lunch I finished some of what I had to read and I decided I could safely spend some time doing nonwork things.

I checked my mail, caught up with friends. Read the paper. I still got a subscription to the Wisconsin News. As I scrolled through it, I found myself hopping aimlessly to a gossip page.

I stared.

No.

“Boss welcomes new face for top brand.”

I stared at the picture. It was someone kissing. The guy in the picture was turned away and I couldn’t see his face. But the girl was unmistakable.

I read the words. “Amidst the announcements of a rebrand, chief executive Durrell Burne of the breakaway brand Realtone was seen cozying up to new model. Singleton Margo Lawrence is now the subject of new rumors. Is she dating the high-profile exec?”

I felt sick. Margo was seeing someone else?

I read the rest of the article. They had been photographed at a classic restaurant together and had apparently been seen since then, leaving another restaurant, the Guilford. They were dating.

“You fool.”

I was so mad at myself. Why would Margo choose me? This guy was offering her the chance she needed. And, it seemed, he fit better in her world. He was sophisticated, well-groomed, and I had to admit even I could see he was handsome.

And rich. And influential. Just the way she needed.

“Fine,” I said tightly. “So that’s that.”

I couldn’t do anything about it.

In a way, I could understand it from her viewpoint. She was young and she needed this break. This guy was good for her. I was no good for her.

I remembered the words from Saturday. She is drawing you in.

This seemed more believable now. Maybe she was worried the whole contract wasn’t going to come off? She needed to secure her future. I was someone who was established, well-off, sound. She could reel me in easily, just by showing me some love. I had been fooling myself if I thought she actually had feelings for me.

“Fine,” I said, choked.

I wanted to close the tabloid, but somehow my mind was obsessed about it. I couldn’t take my eyes of the photo. There was an inset of the guy too. He was suave and what I could only call a gentleman.

Some hope of her really liking me.

Margo was the kind of person, it seemed, who would use whatever she could get a hold of to make herself secure. I hadn’t noticed it about her, but I guess it was true. In my own way, I couldn’t blame her. She had an uncertain future as a model—a dazzling but uncertain one.

Maybe she never liked me.

I had to own up to that. When we first met, all those years ago, maybe she’d seen a chance of securing her future then too. Or whatever the case, I was pretty sure that was what she was doing now.

I sighed. My whole throat was tight. I didn’t know how to deal with how I felt. I was mad. I was upset. I felt as if someone had made me trust them, and then taken it away.

I should have believed mom.

Well, I did now. No one could really love me. Margo was after what she needed to make herself safe. I could forgive her.

I just couldn’t forgive myself.

I was the one who was hopeful, and trusting. And stupid.

There was still a lot of work to be done—I had to finish Deon, the runner’s, nutrition plan. I was due to see him on tomorrow afternoon.

I was reading over the notes from his case, working on a table of ideas and suggestions, when the door opened.

“Hey! Jay!”

Jacks yelled flamboyantly as he came into the office. Loud and rugged, Jacks always wore on my nerves—and today they were paper-thin.

“Jacks, keep it down, please?” I said. “I’m working.”

He whistled. “Hell, guys. That’s harsh.”

“Yeah,” Nilsson said, hurt. “Hell, Jay. What’s it?”

“Nothing,” I said savagely. “I’m just not feeling great. Is that okay with you people?”

Nilsson made wide eyes. “Hell. Sure. If you insist.”

I felt bad as they all sat down at their desks to work. The phone rang and someone else answered it. The mood in the place was cool and crisp. I wished I hadn’t snapped at my friends. But what could I do?

I felt as if my heart was breaking. The worst thing was that it was my fault. I would just have to do what I should have done earlier, and that was close my eyes, close this door and move on.