Chapter 5
Kim
HOLDING ONTO SAGE’S hand tightly, we walk with my parents and Chris trailing behind us toward the funeral home. The closer we get to the doors, the more my grasp on his hand squeezes and my stomach twists with anxiety.
“You okay?” Sage asks, and I turn my head to look up at him, noticing the concern in his eyes that has been there since we woke up in his bed this morning. Not sure how to answer that question right now, I shrug and he suddenly pulls me to a stop. Turning me to face him, his hands cup my face and his dips toward mine. “You don’t have to do this. Your parents, Chris, and I can go in and get everything sorted.”
God, this is the guy I instinctively knew I could easily fall in love with. This is the Sage I missed.
“I’ll be okay,” I reply quietly, and his eyes search mine for a long time before he drops his head, brushes his lips over mine, and then leans back.
“All you have to do is say the words and I’ll get you out of there.”
Yes, this is the man I’m falling for, and that scares the crap out of me. I nod at him, and as he takes my hand in his, we resume walking toward a set of double doors at the end of the sidewalk.
Reaching the doors, Sage keeps me with him while he holds one open for my parents and Chris to precede us before leading me inside. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim light, and when they do, I notice the woman standing just inside the front room. Studying her from where my feet have suddenly gotten too heavy to move, I squeeze Sage’s hand.
I saw a picture of Ginny Mavis once when Kelly showed it to me on her cell phone, but where that picture had been bad, showing a frail woman who smoked too much, drank too much, and wore too little clothes, the woman standing before me is in even worse shape. Since that picture was taken, she has lost twenty pounds she couldn’t afford to lose. Her dyed black hair has grown out three inches, leaving a stripe of almost white down the center of her scalp. Her skin is wrinkled and pale, almost yellow from lack of nutrition, and obviously, her smoking and drinking has gotten even worse.
“Kimberly?” she prompts like she has no idea who I am, and the twisting in my stomach moves to my heart.
“Ginny.”
She lifts her chin an inch then moves her eyes over me before they land on my family that’s gathered close.
“I didn’t know you were bringing people with you.”
“Sorry,” I say, not really sorry at all. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through these last few days without these people, and I’m not sure if I would have found the courage to come without their support.
“I guess it don’t matter now,” she mutters, and I fight the urge to yell at her, to scream and ask, How? How can she stand a few feet away from the daughter she gave away after losing the daughter she raised? How can she stand there and act like this moment isn’t an important one? “We should get this done. I need to be on my way. I got things to do.”
“Get this done?” I breathe as my throat starts to tighten around a lump forming there.
“Yeah, I ain’t got all day,” she clarifies before she moves her eyes to my parents, who I can feel bristling at my side. “I got work. Ain’t no one givin’ me any handouts.”
“Jesus fuck,” Sage growls, and she looks at him.
“You’re right. We do need to get this over with,” Chris says, stepping in front of us and blocking her from view. “Have you spoken to anyone since you arrived?”
“No, ain’t no one been out here since I got here.”
“All right, why don’t you come with me and we’ll go find someone to help us?” he offers, taking her arm like a gentleman and leading her away.
“Di… did that just happen?” I ask, and Sage gives my hand a squeeze while my mom takes my other hand in hers, holding it tightly.
“This will all be done soon,” Dad mutters, and I pull in a much-needed breath then let it out slowly.
“What do you mean you divided the ashes?” I hear shouted, and I force my mom and Sage to release me so I can take off toward the sound of Ginny yelling. Walking quickly past a row of caskets, I make it to an open door at the end of a long hall, where I find Ginny, Chris, and an older gentleman, who must be the funeral director, arguing.
“You told him to divide her ashes?” Ginny yells, looking at me as I step into the room, and I nod.
“Ma’am, please keep it down,” the director urges quietly, while Chris takes a step back from Ginny when she tries to take a second, much smaller box from him.
“Who gave you the right to do that? Who do you think you are?”
“I….” My hands ball into fists, and my jaw clenches so hard I’m surprised I don’t break any teeth. “I’m no one, and no one gave me the right to do it, but I did it anyway.”
“You have no fucking right to any part of her,” she seethes, and my throat burns as I try to swallow down the tears climbing up the back of it.
“I asked them to put a little of my sister’s ashes in a separate box for me so I could have them blown into two glass balls. One I was keeping for myself and one I planned on giving to you.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” she hisses, and my eyes slide closed as I feel Sage get close to my back—offering support, giving me what I need, him not having any idea he’s even doing it or how much I need it.
“Please give her both boxes.” I open my eyes, and Chris, who is holding the smaller box in his hand, shakes his head. “Please,” I plea, and he reluctantly hands it over while the older gentleman gives her the larger box. “Thank you,” I say quietly, and then I turn around, not giving Ginny another glance. I let Sage lead me out of the room and down the hall. Stopping before we reach the door, I turn back around, realizing this isn’t over yet. “I still need to pay for the cremation. I—”
“We’ve got it, honey,” Mom murmurs, reaching out to give my arm a squeeze. “Why don’t you let Sage take you out to his car, we’ll be out in a few minutes.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, fighting back tears I refuse to let fall. I won’t cry here. I won’t do it where there is a chance Ginny could see me break down. She doesn’t get to know she hurt me.
“Come on,” Sage urges gently, gathering me against his side. As I’m tucked under the protective strength of his arm, he leads me out of the building and back down the sidewalk toward where we parked when we arrived. As soon as we reach his car, he opens the passenger side door, moves us around so that, even though we are still out in the open, we are blocked by the door and tinted window.
Wrapping one arm around my back and his other hand around my skull, he tucks my face against his chest then drops his head until his mouth is near my ear. “You can cry now.”
Clinging to him, the tears I’ve been holding back begin to fall. I wish I could say I was only crying for my sister, but in truth, I’m crying over the woman who gave birth to me. But I promise myself these will be the only tears I ever shed over Ginny Mavis.
“You okay, honey?” Mom asks, and I turn to look at her over my shoulder from where I’m sitting in the front seat. As soon as my parents and Chris came out of the funeral home, Sage told me they were approaching, so I quickly wiped away the tears on my face and got in the car. Once he slammed my door, I expected him to walk around to the driver’s side, but he surprised me by stopping my parents and Chris to talk to them. It gave me some much-needed time to get myself under control before they all got in the car.
I know my parents understand I’m upset, but I don’t want them to worry any more than they have. They already feel guilty they have to leave tomorrow to get back to work, and I don’t want to add to that remorse. “Honey?” Mom prompts, and I come out of my head and nod.
“I’m okay,” I assure her, seeing the worry and anger in her eyes. “Promise.” Sage reaches over to take my hand and pulls it to his lap.
“That woman isn’t worthy of the air she’s taking up by being alive,” Dad grumbles, and I turn around to look at him. Those words were not only harsh but also full of pain, and that statement coming from my dad means he’s upset.
“Dad—”
“No, don’t try to make me feel bad for feeling that way. She was a horrible woman when we met her at the hospital when we adopted you, and she hasn’t changed. The only thing I wish was different is that she would have let us have Kelly, too.”
“Me, too.” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying, and Sage’s hand squeezes mine.
“Sage,” Chris interjects a minute later, and I look at him to find his eyes on Sage’s in the rearview mirror.
“Yeah?” Sage answers.
“You know how to get into someone’s house unnoticed, don’t you?” he asks, and I wonder where the hell he’s going with this.
“Why?” Sage questions, instead of answering with the fact he has no idea of how to get into someone’s house unnoticed, making me raise a brow.
“I want to break into Ginny’s house and get that box,” Chris explains casually, like he’s talking about what color the sky is and not about breaking and entering then robbing someone.
“Chris, that is not happening.” I shake my head at him.
“Why not? She probably wouldn’t even notice it’s missing. Hell, I can just get some of the ashes from the bigger box and leave the smaller one, and then she will never know.”
“It’s not happening,” I repeat firmly, noticing Sage hasn’t told Chris that his idea is absolutely ridiculous and he won’t be a part of it. “You won’t do that, right?” I ask Sage just to confirm, but he doesn’t answer me. He just gives my hand a squeeze, which makes a chorus of quiet laughter breakout in the back of the car.
Great.
*
HEARING THE FOREIGN sound of a house phone ringing, I pull my eyes from the book I’m reading. I look into the house through the glass doors that lead inside from the sun porch, where I’ve been sitting with my mom since we got back to Sage’s house. Seeing Sage move across his living room and into the kitchen, I watch him grab a slim black phone from its hanger on the wall and put it to his ear.
“I really wish we didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Mom says, and I pull my attention from Sage to look at her. When we arrived out here, I took up one of the long padded benches lining the wall and she made herself at home in one of the three rope hammocks hanging from the ceiling. “Maybe I should stay. I’m sure your dad could handle stuff for a few days without me.”
“I have to get back to work, too,” I remind her. Even though Frankie told me to take as much time as I need, I can’t afford any more. After forcing my parents to take the money back for Kelly’s cremation, I don’t have much savings left, which means I need to get back to work. “And I need to get out of Sage’s house. He’s been really nice letting us stay here, but I don’t want to take advantage of him and overstay my welcome.”
“You think you could overstay your welcome?”
“Yeah.” I shrug, and she studies me for a long moment before breaking out into a fit of laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I frown at her, and it takes a second but she gets herself under control.
“That man wouldn’t care if you moved in and redecorated everything pink. But he will care if you tell him you feel like you’re taking advantage of him and overstaying your welcome.”
“Mom—”
“Chris told me.” She cuts me off, and my eyes widen.
“What?” I breathe as she swings her legs around and sits up, putting her feet to the floor.
“He told me what happened. He told me about what Kelly did to Sage and what happened between you two. I get why you made up the lie about you and Chris being an item, and I even get why you were so cautious about letting anything happen between you two again, but I don’t understand why you can’t see he feels what you feel.”
“God.” I tip my head back. “Chris totally got you on Team Sage, didn’t he?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “Sage got me on his team by being sweet to my girl, by holding her when she needed to be held, by staying with her while we couldn’t be with her. He got me when he stopped you outside the funeral home to tell you that he would take care of everything, if that’s what you wanted. He got me when he offered your father and me a place to stay, not knowing us from Adam. That’s how he got me. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t want the best for my baby? You deserve a man like him in your life. You deserve a man who looks like he would take on the world if it was to protect you.”
“He doesn’t know about my illness,” I confess, and she leans closer to me, resting her hand on my knee.
“I know he doesn’t. You told us not to bring it up around him, which we haven’t because you are a woman—a grown woman who needs to make her own decisions about these kinds of things,” she says quietly before leaning in and moving her hand up to rest against my cheek. “But with all of that, honey, you need to tell him so he can show you that he is exactly the man he’s shown you he is, the kind who will stick by you when you need him.”
“But what if he’s not that guy? What if he finds out and decides he can’t handle it? What then?” I ask, voicing my biggest fear.
“I think you need to ask yourself what you will be missing out on if you don’t give him the chance to prove you wrong.” She leans back, and I pull my eyes from her and look out over the lake through the glass windows behind me. Even knowing she’s right, fear has my hands balling into fists. I want to cling to him; when he’s close, I find myself going to him without thought, but I don’t know if I can trust him. I don’t know if I trust myself right now.
“Sorry, ladies,” Sage says, and I swing my head around to find him standing in the open doorway with his eyes on me. “Can you come in for a sec? I need to talk to you.”
“Um… sure.” I start to stand, but my mom gets up, putting a hand to my shoulder to keep me down.
“I’m going to go check on the boys’ progress.” She gives my shoulder a squeeze before moving past Sage, who gives her a small smile as she pats him on the abs and moves past him into the house. Once she’s inside, he slides the door closed behind her and walks to where I am, taking a seat. Dropping his eyes to the floor, he runs his hands over his head in a move that screams he’s frustrated about something, and that puts me instantly on guard.
“Is everything okay?”
“I gotta leave town for a few days,” he says, turning to look at me. “Jax just called. He got a call on a skip, and I can’t afford to pass this one up. If I could, I wouldn’t take the job.”
My muscles relax, and I let out a quiet, relieved breath. “Please don’t worry about me,” I beg, reaching over and taking his hand. “I know you have to work. I’ll be fine.”
“Your parents are leaving tomorrow,” he reminds me quietly, and I nod.
“I know, and I have to get back to work, too. This…” I shake my head, trying to find the words to express how much everything he’s done has meant to me. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done, for letting me cry on your shoulder and giving my parents a place to stay. For being so cool around Chris… when he’s Chris and could annoy the Pope. I appreciate it all more than you know. You’ve been a really great friend,” I finish, and he studies me for a second before he shakes his head, leans forward, and places his mouth over mine. The kiss is deep, hard, wet, and over way too soon, so when he pulls his mouth away, my eyes are still closed and my hands are wound into his shirt to pull him back for more.
“There is nothing friendly about the things I want to do to you Kimberly,” he growls. My eyes pop open and I find his face an inch from mine. “We’re not friends, If you haven’t figured that out by now, I’ve still got work to do. It’s my job to take care of you. I didn’t do any of that shit out of kindness. I did it because I look out for mine. And make no mistake about it, baby, you are mine.”
And with that, he leans in, pressing his mouth to mine once more while untangling my hands from his shirt before he stands. “I gotta pack. I’ll be out to say goodbye to everyone before I go. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I already put a key on your key ring.”
Sitting here blinking at his retreating back, I watch him go into the house, wondering what the hell just happened. A few minutes later, I still have no answer to that question when he reappears and kisses me goodbye.