Five months later…
IT WAS SATURDAY EVENING and we were lounging in my family room. I had the weekend off to celebrate Andy’s first birthday. We’d spent today setting things up for the party happening at Damien’s place tomorrow. I never called it Ellie’s—as far as I was concerned, her place was with me.
I moved the coffee table back, making ample room between it and the couch. Ellie was sitting on one end and I was at the other. Andy was on the ground between us, crawling back and forth. Ellie’s eyes tracked his every movement, her face twisting into a frown the longer he spent on his hands and knees.
“Ells…” I started.
“I don’t get it,” she said over me. “He should be walking by now.”
“All kids develop differently. You asked his doctor and she said Andy was doing fine.”
“She also said there were things we could be doing.” She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she thought, eyes still on her son.
“Ellie.” I carefully moved forward, scooting around Andy until I was in front of her. “He’ll walk when he’s ready, okay? And if it’s a little later than some, that means nothing.”
“I guess…”
I gently gripped her chin, finally forcing her to look at me. “No. C’mon, repeat it.”
She rolled her eyes, but her lips kicked up into a smile. “I’m doing everything right and every child is different.” Her voice was flat and it brought about my own grin.
“Good, and—”
“Ohmygod, ohmygod,” she whispered, slapping me on the arm. Ellie’s wide eyes were focused over my shoulder. I followed her stare, finding Andy standing on shaky legs, gripping the couch cushion in front of him. There was a pinch of pain as she dug her fingernails into my skin, but I said nothing.
She let go when he turned our way, pitching forward a bit before correcting himself. Ellie skirted around me, moving close enough to catch him but far enough for him to walk to her.
“Hey, buddy. Do you want to come to Mama?” she pleaded, her eyes bright with hope. Andy smiled, looking between the two of us.
“Agabagha.”
“Please?” Her arms were stretched out in front of her. He shifted forward, the movement so small it could hardly be called a step. And yet I knew if he didn’t get any farther Ellie would celebrate like it was one.
But he did go farther. He let go of the couch, pausing for a few seconds, before he toddled toward her on unsteady, yet eager legs.
He bucked forward and she easily scooped him up, pulling her son into a tight hug. “That was so good, buddy. Mama’s so proud of you.” She peppered his face with kisses that caused him to burst out in giggles.
I watched, overwhelmed by how much I loved them. When Ellie’s tear-filled eyes caught mine, I mouthed, I love you.
Grinning, she said, “I know.”
There were dozens—hell, probably hundreds—of reasons I loved Ellie. But nothing quite compared to her strength, especially because she didn’t see how much she possessed. It still amazed me, how she could be so blind to it.
I imagined being an alcoholic was like constantly standing on the ledge of a cliff, and when I mentioned it to Ellie she agreed. But what she didn’t see was that instead of nervously looking down and worrying about falling, she was staring straight ahead. All she saw was her son, standing on the other side. All she thought about was him, and how she’d find a way to fly over the chasm to get to him.
Andy turned my way, struggling in his mom’s arms. She scooted away, putting distance between us, before setting him on his feet. “Go to Da—”
My heart got stuck in my throat as I looked at her. She refused to give me her eyes, but I could tell by the flush in her cheeks that she regretted it. Maybe not the sentiment, but definitely the words. I didn’t push it, I simply held out my hands. Andy continued to laugh—high-pitched and joyous—as he crashed into me. Lifting him up, I cradled him in my arms, whispering praises.
But when I reflexively said, “Good job, son,” for only his ears to hear, I realized just how far gone for him I was.
I wanted to go to bed with her in my arms and wake up to Andy’s cries.
She wasn’t the only one I’d fallen in love with this last year.
We’d put Andy to sleep in his nursery and were playing chess when she said, “I’ve been thinking about going back to school.”
“What?” I frowned, my chess piece forgotten. “Where’s this coming from?” I’d never heard her say a single positive word about school. She’d hated high school, and every time she saw Naomi hunched over a book she seemed relieved that it wasn’t her.
Shrugging, she played with the hem of her shirt. “I think I should have options.”
“Options?”
Ellie sighed and held her hands out like it was obvious. “I’m not good at anything.” When she saw what I was sure was a thunderous look on my face, she quickly shook her head and waved her hands. “I didn’t mean it like that, I promise. I just… I’m not passionate about anything. I don’t feel a calling toward anything, you know? Damien loves tattooing people. The parlor is his ‘place.’ He loves hearing the stories and getting to give people a special work of art that will last forever. He absolutely loves it. And Naomi belongs in the courtroom like a fish belongs in water. And you, you are so incredibly dedicated to your job.”
“It’s where I feel at home,” I said.
“Exactly.” She smiled softly. “And all of that is great. But I don’t have it. I can’t imagine a job where I belong. I think I’ve held off going to school because of it, but I need to stop waiting and just do it.”
“There’s not a single thing you love doing?” I asked. She shrugged and looked down, hiding herself. And that was when I knew she did have something in mind, she just didn’t want to say it. “Hey, I know you have an answer.”
“When I think about my future, all I see is Andy. Thinking about anything else feels like stepping away from him. That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“No,” I said softly. “Some mothers love staying at home. There isn’t anything wrong that, despite what society tries to tell you. Going to work just because it’s what’s expected is just as bad as when women stayed at home because it was expected. The only thing you should do is what makes you happy. Ellie, being a woman in the twenty-first century isn’t about having a job, seven kids, and cleaning the house. It’s not about doing it all. It’s not about what you do at all, it’s about the power to do whatever you want. It’s about having the choice—not everyone remembers that. If this is what you want, fuck everyone else.”
She shook her head with a soft smile. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It is.” My Adam’s apple bobbed before I admitted, “I could understand you wanting to take some online courses and get a degree as a backup, since it can be hard to find a job without one. But if you want this kind of life, I’ll gladly give it to you. For as long as I’m around, Ellie, I’ll give it to you.”
Her grin widened as she leaned forward. I met her in the middle, and we shared a simple kiss over the chessboard. “Thank you,” she whispered against my lips. “I’ll think about it.”
When we pulled apart, I looked down, surveying my options. I picked up my bishop and moved, a plan already forming on how to win. Ellie’s jaw was locked tight.
“That’s your move?” she asked.
“Yeah?” I said slowly, my eyes going back to the board. It didn’t take me long to see what had her annoyed. “Ellie, I made that move with the intention of beating you.” Of course, I hadn’t seen how it made me vulnerable to her rook.
“You’re not letting me win?” she asked suspiciously.
Laughing, I held up my hands. “No, I promise. You beat me, fair and square.”
“Okay, then… checkmate,” she said, sliding her rook across the board and trapping me. She started laughing and a second later she was running around the table, launching herself into my arms. “I won,” she squeaked. “I really won.”
“Would it be too cheesy to say that I’m the real winner here?”
“Undoubtedly.” But even as she said it, her lips tipped up.
Reaching up, I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Too bad. I am.” I leaned forward and took her smile as a prize, my tongue slipping in and wrapping around hers. We kissed like this for a few minutes. Ellie’s mouth slowly moved over mine as my hands roamed her body, starting from her shoulders down to her lower back.
Our tongues stroked harder and our kisses turned desperate. I broke away, moving my lips down her neck until they rested against her collarbone, and she started rolling her hips into mine. My fingers plunged into her hair, tilting her head back. But then she pulled away and her arms moved between us, hooking in the waistband of my pants, teasing it lower.
“What are you doing, pretty girl?” My voice came out low and hoarse, and my hand tightened in her hair.
Ellie slipped one of her hands inside, her eyes holding mine as she taunted me with a smirk. “You tell me.” I shuddered as she wrapped her fingers around my cock and slowly started moving her hand up and down. We’d had sex plenty of times since we’d started five months ago, probably at least once every night we were together. But the sensations never failed to take me by surprise.
“Ellie,” I choked out, my eyes squeezing shut. Soft lips danced up my throat before her teeth lightly grazed my jaw. Then suddenly she withdrew. Her mouth. Her hand. Her body. Everything. My eyes sprung open and she was laughing, most likely at my glare.
“C’mere,” she whispered, grabbing my hand. I gladly followed her to our bedroom, kicking the door shut.
Her small hands landed on my shoulders and she gave me a gentle shove. I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to join me. Instead she backed away and started undressing. My dick jumped, and I grabbed my knees in an effort to stay put. Just when I was seconds from saying fuck it and charging across the room, she came back to me. Her hips swayed as my eyes eagerly took in every beautiful inch of her. She was only in her underwear: a black thong and a black bra that stopped just above her belly button, almost like a corset.
“You’ve been wearing that the whole game?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but once she was close enough, my hands flew to her hips. I tugged her onto my lap, our mouths crashing together. Ellie moaned, and the sound vibrated through my chest. When I moved to flip us, she stopped me.
“No,” she said softly. Her fingers fell to the hem of my shirt and when she slowly started lifting it, I eagerly reached behind my neck and tore it over my head. My pants and boxers came off in much the same way, her trying to tease me and me tearing them off like a damn animal. She had stood again while I kicked them away, and I smirked when I saw Ellie lose her cool composure. Her eyes were trained right where I wanted them, and she licked her lips. After swallowing roughly she brought her gaze to mine, and I watched as she lowered herself to the carpet and shuffled forward on her knees.
My spine straightened and my breath grew labored as she came closer. Without another word she leaned forward, wrapping her soft pink lips around the head of my dick, and slowly started sucking. Golden hair framed her actions, creating a picture that would no doubt star in my future dreams.
Ellie brought her hands up and lightly dragged her nails down my thighs as she took more of me into her mouth. My head fell back on a groan.
Her mouth was amazing… but that wasn’t what I wanted right now. I reached for her, grabbing her by the shoulders and hauling her onto my lap. She squeaked in surprise as my lips took hers and my hands held her to me. I lifted my pelvis and ground into her. Soft moans filled the room.
“It’s my turn for a taste,” I choked out before wrapping my mouth around her erect bra-covered nipple. Ellie whimpered and wiggled closer, grabbing the back of my head and holding me to her breast.
“Grayson…”
Lifting her, I put her on her feet. “Take that off,” I commanded, nodding toward her chest as I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her panties and pulled them down. Thankfully she tore her bra off just as fast.
I stood and we immediately came together, mouths knocking in our haste to get on the bed. Lying on my back, I watched her straddle me, and when she reached for a condom—now kept in the nightstand—her breasts swayed in front of my face.
Powerless to resist them, I leaned up and sucked her other nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. She let me play for a few minutes before pulling away. Ellie made quick work of rolling the condom on and settling me against her entrance.
We both groaned as she slowly lowered herself until she was full of me. She lifted up and sank down. Over and over, each time going quicker. My hands skated up her stomach and cupped her boobs, causing her to shudder and move faster. I palmed them, feeling the familiar tingling at the base of my spine.
We’d tried many positions, but one of my favorites was her riding me like this. Her head tipped back, all that long, blonde hair spilling down around her naked bouncing breasts. If there was a more erotic sight, I certainly couldn’t think of it.
“I’m so close,” she whispered, slamming down harder, whimpering and biting her lip as her clit grazed my groin. “O-o-ohhh… God, yes. G-Grayson…” Ellie trailed off as her mouth opened in a silent cry. Her hips rolled, her body convulsing as she came.
When I saw her start to come down, I grabbed her hips and flipped her over. Then I drove into her like the world was about to end and there was nothing else I’d rather do.
“Shit,” she grunted out, her nails digging into my back as her inner walls continued to clench around my cock. I wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. Holding myself up with one arm, I brought my other hand down, rubbing her clit in tight, fast circles.
“Grayson!” she shouted. “Oh God… oh gahhhh… yes…” As her second orgasm hit her, I quickly followed. Three jerks later, I froze, unloading into the condom as a burst of mind-numbing euphoria spread through me. Ellie was lifting her hips up, chasing the last of hers.
Seconds later, I collapsed on top of her. I loved the feel of her chest rising and falling against mine. She exhaled. I inhaled. Like the only reason I was still breathing was because of her.
“Wow.” Her whisper floated by my ear as her hands ran through my hair.
I chuckled. “That’s an understatement.” Then I kissed her neck and lifted my head. Her eyes were closed, a small, sated smile on her raw lips.
“I need your eyes.” They slowly opened, my favorite sight in the world. “You’re so beautiful, Ellie. It sort of seems unfair to everyone else.”
A blush spread across her face and down her neck. With a sigh, her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled my forehead down to rest against hers. “I love you.”
Grinning, I repeated her words from earlier: “I know.”
Grayson held Andy to his chest as we walked up to his house, leaving the hot summer day behind us. The three of us had just gotten back from Damien’s place—it was strange how I’d stopped thinking of it as my own. I still technically lived there, but Grayson had been dropping hints about how he hoped that would be changing soon.
I stared at my beautiful boy, his long eyelashes resting against his cheeks, as he slept in my boyfriend’s arms. My smile widened; truthfully, it probably hadn’t dimmed once since this morning.
Andy was a year old today. We’d thrown a mini party for him at my brother’s house. Grayson didn’t say so, but I could tell the idea of having a dozen or so people in his home made him uncomfortable.
I let out a grunt as I set down his bags of presents near the entryway. Grayson chuckled, shutting and locking the front door. “I still can’t believe you let Naomi buy him all that.”
Shaking my head, I said, “You don’t argue with a woman who carries around voodoo dolls.”
“If you say so.” He leaned in to kiss my cheek. “I’m going to put him to bed.”
Nodding, I watched him walk away before heading to the kitchen. I put the leftovers we’d taken with us in the fridge. Then I grabbed a glass of water and walked down the hall to our bedroom. It felt weird to say out loud—our bedroom—but I couldn’t help when I thought it. It came as naturally as breathing. Grayson had emptied out a few drawers for me and given me half his bathroom. He even cleared out a space in the closet if I wanted to keep knitting supplies here.
And every time I walked in and saw the evidence of my life here, I grinned. The widest, goofiest grin imaginable. It stayed with me as I brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas: a baby blue T-shirt and the pair of Avengers thigh-highs Grayson had made for me.
It only faded when I realized he still hadn’t returned from putting Andy in his room. I made the short walk to his nursery, pausing in the doorway, watching Grayson stare down at him. And as if he could feel my presence he started talking, even as his back stayed to me.
“You know when you almost called me daddy yesterday?” he suddenly asked. I froze, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks. Technically it was going to be dada, but that wasn’t really the point.
I hadn’t even thought about it, it just came out, and when Grayson hadn’t brought it up, I’d figured we’d just sweep it under the rug.
Stepping forward, I said, “I’m sorry if it freaked—”
“It didn’t. That’s the thing,” he murmured. “He feels like mine…”
Hearing him talk about Andy with as much love and reverence as he did me meant the world to me. Especially because I could tell how sincere he was. He would love to wake up at three in the morning and rock him back to sleep, or tell him a story before bedtime. He’d already done so much for us.
I slowly walked over, slipping my arm around his waist and gazing down at my son, whose eyes were still fluttering, fighting to stay awake.
“I feel like he was always meant to be mine,” Grayson continued, his eyes never straying from Andy.
“You know what’s crazy?” I whispered back, waiting for him to look at me before I continued. But when he did, I hesitated. My nerves were immediately cut off as he placed his warm palm over my hip and gave it a squeeze. I blew out a breath, trying to expel my fears with it, and told him a truth I’d never spoken aloud before. “I wanted you in the delivery room with me.” My gaze immediately went down to Andy, out of love for him and fear for Grayson’s reaction. When he didn’t say anything, I peeked up through my lashes at him.
This time when he squeezed my hip, it almost felt bruising. But in the best way possible, like he was reminding he was there and that he’d hold me through anything. That he’d never let me go. And I never wanted him to.
With one last squeeze, he let go, trailing his hand up my body until he reached my face, immediately cupping my cheek. “I don’t think any of this is crazy. I was scared shitless that day, and waiting outside felt wrong. But it didn’t make sense, and I chalked it up to crazy. But maybe it’s time we accept this for what it is, crazy or not.”
“And what is this?” I asked, holding my breath for his answer.
“Fate.”