I RESPONDED IMMEDIATELY, WINDING my arms around his neck and arching into him, trying to get as close as I could. The palms that had come up to cup my face moved down my cheeks, ghosting down my neck and collarbone until he was reverently tracing my curves with his hands.
How the hell had I lived without this?
I hadn’t had a choice, but still… it seemed impossible. We exchanged moans, and I could feel him breathing life back into me, erasing the sorrows of the past four years.
Hunter kneaded my hips, and despite the urgency from a couple of minutes ago, there was nothing rushed or hurried now, not like I thought it would be. We were savoring it, savoring each other.
He stopped us at the end of the bed and our eyes roamed over each other, neither of us making a move. I raised my hand and it hovered just above his face as tears welled in my eyes.
“I want to touch you,” I whispered. We had touched many times, so it wasn’t exactly rational but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that he might disappear. “But… I still think this is some cruel trick. And if this is a trick of my mind, I don’t want it to be over yet. If I touch you… you won’t disappear, right?”
He shook his head and his own eyes filled with tears. When he spoke his voice was rough with emotion. “You’re wrong, Sher bear.” We both smiled at the nickname from so long ago. My heart felt like it had exploded, hearing that stupid name in his voice. It was too much, and not enough. I couldn’t think of anything better, until he spoke again…
“You’re wrong,” he repeated as his hands came up to frame my face, pushing some of my hair back. “You’ve always been the only one to make me feel real. I could never disappear from your touch—I come alive at your touch.” My eyes closed as the tears finally slipped down my face, and then I was in his embrace again. Warm, strong arms banded around me as he brought me home.
Oh God, this was real.
He gently laid me down on the bed, his eyes never leaving mine as he pulled back to remove his T-shirt.
My breath caught at the beauty before me. He had grown a lot from the gangly teenager he once was. His muscles were more defined, and his skin was a shade darker. Reaching down, he started unbuttoning his jeans when he froze.
“I don’t… It’s been so long since I’ve had to think about it. I don’t have anything, Sherry,” he whispered, his tone pained and a bit frantic, before leaning forward to lightly kiss my lips. I paused and looked up at him with nothing but desire in my eyes.
“I’ve waited four years to be this close to you again,” His eyes dipped down, watching my throat tremble with nerves. “I don’t want anything between us.”
“You’re still…?” Hunter trailed off. The only reason I’d started in high school was so we could ditch the condoms. He was probably wondering why I’d still be on birth control.
I nodded and placed a soft kiss on his full lips. “Girl reasons,” I evasively explained.
We melted into one another, love seeping from our every pore.
He moved the half-inch that separated our lips and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His mouth quickly left mine, slowly moving across my cheek and then down my throat until he settled at my collarbone. Gentle nibbles rendered me breathless as his tongue and teeth did deliciously dirty things to my heated skin. My body arched off the mattress as his hands settled on my hips and slowly moved down, gripping the bottom of my dress and dragging it up my body. When the hem reached my bra, I sat up and quickly tore the pink material off while his hands were preoccupied with my breasts, kneading them roughly.
“God, Sherry…” he moaned into my neck right before his fingers deftly worked the front clasp of my bra. My nipples immediately tightened into sharp peaks after the cool air hit them.
I whimpered when Hunter’s mouth descended on my breasts, licking and biting until I was squirming beneath him.
His hands moved to my waist, squeezing as he rocked against the juncture between my thighs. I stayed silent, even as my mouth opened and formed an O.
“Hunter, I can’t wait…” I shoved at his shoulders until he was standing, quickly ridding himself of his jeans and boxers, while I frantically pulled the last of my clothes off. We finished at the same time, immediately reaching for one another.
He tried to move down but I stopped him. “I’ll collect on that later,” I whispered with a smirk.
Hunter kept himself propped up as he stared at me so intently it stole my breath. “You’ll tell me if it hurts?”
I smiled before reaching up for a kiss. “Always.”
“Sherry?” he asked with a mischievous smile.
“Yeah?” The word caught in my throat when I felt him settle against my entrance.
“Ours is a love…” Hunter began softly as he slowly slid inside.
“People write stories about,” I finished, gasping when he was fully inside.
We both stilled, and I could see the last four years running through his mind. This was how it always should have been, and this was how it would be from now on. It was as bittersweet as it was reassuring.
“Move,” I urged, wrapping my legs around him, my heels digging into his ass.
“Yes, ma’am,” he drawled, making me laugh. A laugh that quickly cut to a soft moan as he pulled out to the tip before slamming back in. There was so much force behind it, the bed shook beneath us. My hands flew out, clawing at the sheets as he kept a steady pace that had me losing my mind.
All my senses felt heightened.
His hot breath against my neck sent a chill down my spine.
The soft, sweet words he whispered felt like shouts in my mind, and I could hardly hear anything else. But I listened carefully, not wanting to miss a thing. The sound of his balls slapping against me, the squeak of the mattress springs, the rustling of the sheets around us.
“Hunter… I’m close.” He moved faster as I unwound my legs and found purchase on the bed, eagerly meeting him stroke for stroke now, both of us chasing. I whimpered, forcing a groan from Hunter’s mouth and causing him to pick up his pace once more.
Then all of a sudden Hunter stopped, pulled out, and scrambled away from me.
“What the…” The words died in my throat when I saw him leaning against the headboard, reaching for me, with his hard dick on proud display.
“Get up here,” he growled, like he wasn’t the one who left me. Somehow I managed to shuffle myself toward him. And when I was close enough, he wasted no time in grabbing my hips and shifting me until I was straddling him. I slammed down on him.
“Oh fuck,” I whimpered. Hunter knew this was my favorite position: my tits bouncing in his face… his hands wrapped around my ass… my fingers digging into his shoulders… and my breath ghosting over his head as I rode him as hard as I could.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he chanted. “That’s it…”
I moved faster. He pushed deeper. We climbed higher.
Then, all at once, we were both falling, a never-ending spiral down to earth. My mouth was open in a noiseless scream as I shuddered against him. One, two, three thrusts later and he stilled, his words of love hitting my skin as he emptied himself inside me.
We were a sweaty, panting, heaping mess. And I loved it.
I loved him.
He pulled my face from his neck, and held it as he looked into my eyes. We were both daring each other to say those three little words we were both thinking. And then, together, we just smiled. We knew. We’d always known. We didn’t need words, not when we finally had everything else.
Hunter’s hands ghosted over my skin as we lay there, curled around each other. We were chest to chest, the sheets crumpled at the end of the bed. I could still feel the sweat on us, but we’d yet to get cold.
“Can I see?” he asked. One of his palms stopped and rested against the tattoo I knew he’d seen over the last few hours of sex.
I nodded before moving back and turning around.
He was quiet for a few minutes. I cleared my throat. “It’s—”
“A phoenix,” he murmured, cutting me off. I felt him trace over the small tattoo of a bird rising from the flames trying to consume it.
No one knew about it. Not even Derek. I had it done almost a year ago. It was small and simple, located on my back where I could keep it hidden underneath my bra.
“I know it’s kind of a cliché.” I laughed nervously.
I barely felt the whisper-soft kiss Hunter placed over the ink before he turned me around and gently held my face. “There’s not a single thing about you that’s commonplace. I think it’s perfect,” he whispered.
“Me too.” I looked down at my hands resting on his knees. “I hate that it’s so perfect.” My voice cracked at the end, and I crumbled against his chest and cried. I cried for him. For me. For my parents. For everything we’d ever lost.
When I finally calmed down, Hunter pulled me back to look at my face. He helped me wipe away my tears while giving me a small, reassuring smile.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s probably not too good for your ego to have a girl crying after sex.”
He laughed. “Babe, there’s no need to worry about that.”
Without another word, we got ready for bed. I turned off the light while he grabbed the sheets. We settled in the middle of the bed, his arm wrapped around my waist, and the covers tucked up to my chin. I felt perfectly cocooned, safe in a way I hadn’t in years.
We had missed so much time, and even though we’d discussed a lot, he had only been back in my life for three days. Was this too fast?
The out of context answer would most definitely be yes. Except it didn’t feel fast, it only felt right. And I think, at the end of the day, that was the only thing we could really worry about.
Maybe it was idealistic to believe in the power of a soul mate, and naïve to think our victories would outweigh our struggles, and perhaps it was just pure optimism to think love would conquer all. But that was all they were… maybes. So how could I compare a maybe to a definite? I couldn’t—I wouldn’t—and it didn’t matter if no one else understood.
I definitely loved him, and for right now that was all that mattered.
Sherry woke up gasping for air, tears clinging to her eyelashes as she took in her surroundings.
“Sherry?” I asked, quickly turning on the light and keeping it to the lowest setting. Turning back toward her, I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into my chest. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head against me and pushed her fists hard into my back.
“Was it a nightmare?”
“No.” Her hiccups jolted both of our bodies for several minutes until she calmed down. “No nightmares. Just dreams… memories.”
I frowned. “And that’s a bad thing?”
She pulled away and leaned against the headboard. “The nightmare usually comes when I wake up.”
“I don’t understand,” I pleaded.
“For the first year or so after…” She trailed off and cleared her throat. “I had the best dreams. My mom taking me shopping, my dad taking me to basketball games, you”—she smiled as she traced my lips with her fingers—“kissing me.”
I grabbed her hand and brought it to my chest, rubbing my thumb along the back. “And that made you sad?”
“No, but eventually I woke up… alone, all of you gone.”
“The nightmare,” I whispered, my hand tightening on hers.
“Yeah.”
My eyes closed as my head fell. I might never know the true depths of how much I’d hurt her, but I was willing to spend the rest of my life making up for it. Moving next to her and leaning against the headboard, I spread my legs and patted the spot in between. Sherry immediately crawled over and settled with her back against my chest. My arms easily came around her, my chin resting on her shoulder and my lips at her ear.
“Sherry, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here, and I’m never leaving you again. I promise.” She stiffened, and I knew she was thinking about the last time I said those words.
“I promise,” I repeated. She relaxed some, leaning her head against my shoulder and closing her eyes. Taking care to jostle her as little as possible, I reached over and turned off the light.
I pressed a light kiss to her shoulder before smiling against her skin. “You wanna know the first thing I thought when I saw you? I’m not talking about your birthday. I’m talking about when I really saw you for the first time. There’s a difference between seeing and looking. And when I was a kid that was all I was doing… just looking. But when I first saw you, I didn’t know how I missed it for so long. Just how incredible you are.” I felt Sherry’s throat bob as she swallowed roughly. I paused, twisting my head to look at her. She was staring down at our entwined hands.
“You were the first person to show me kindness. To make me feel joy when all I wanted was to cry.” I cleared my throat as some of the bitter memories tried to sneak through.
“I always knew you were special, but there was this one day in particular where I truly realized how irreplaceable you are. It was a random day; I think I was around fourteen. Honestly I don’t even remember what we were doing, I just remember feeling overwhelmed by you.”
I didn’t know if our relationship was sweeter because we had been friends first, because we fell in love in the purest way possible before we felt anything else. But what I did know was that I was never going to find out if it was any different with someone else. Sherry was it. The end. There was no one else, and there never would be, and I really needed her to believe that right now.
“I know I shouldn’t put all my happiness on one person,” I started again. “But I can’t help it. You’re what my heart has decided to love more than anything else. You’re who I was meant to live for.
“When you were crying on the roof the other day, I stared at the gaping distance between us, the one I started and the one I let grow into a chasm over the last four years, and it seemed impossible to get back to each other. I still can’t believe it’s only been days and you’ve given me this chance.” Closing my eyes, I buried my face in her hair, breathing in the scent of her conditioner, the scent of being home, before lifting my head.
“And although some things have changed, you’re still as beautiful as you were in high school. Like so damn beautiful I can’t breathe. Like stop-whatever-I’m-doing-and-think-about-how-beautiful-you-are beautiful. And it isn’t about your long, wrap-it-around-my-wrist-as-I-fuck-you hair, or your flawless skin with those innocent freckles that make me want to lick each one. It isn’t your eyes or your lips or your body—even though those are all incredible and have me hard in a minute.” She chuckled and it brought a smile to my face.
“You’re so beautiful because I look at you and I see everything that’s good in the world. I see the best part of humanity in you. You’re the rose in a world full of thorns, and the rainbow at the end of a storm. You’re the light people crawl through darkness for. You’re the good that balances out all the bad. You—”
Cutting me off, she quickly turned around and grabbed the back of my neck before smashing her lips against mine. It was probably a good thing, because I had been flat-out rambling at this point.
There was nothing innocent or tender about it. She shoved her tongue in my mouth and my hands landed on her ass. Her fingers gripped my shoulders as she ground down on me. Almost as quickly as she started, she stopped.
“Hunter, I forgive you. Okay?” Sherry implored. “I have no choice, because you’re what my heart has decided to love more than anything else, too. Without you, what would I have left? I don’t want to live like I have been for the past four years. You may have hurt me, but I also think you’ll save me.” Her lips met mine in a soft kiss. “And by the way, even if I had a choice, I would still choose you. I’ll always choose you.”
She was smiling now, and I felt everything inside me shift and settle into place.
“It’s kinda crazy to love someone this much,” she whispered, her voice giddy and light.
“Yeah. But that’s what it’s all about, right?”
“What is?” Sherry drew small, soft circles on my bare chest.
“Life.” I paused to drop a kiss on her forehead. “People may not understand us. They may make fun of us. But they’re the ones who are missing out. They’re the ones I pity. Not everyone gets this, Sherry. And I’m damn certain even less get a second chance with it.”
She grinned as she leaned back a little, her bright green eyes dancing over my face. “You’ve become quite the sweet talker, haven’t you?”
I didn’t answer her with words; instead I laid her down and showed her. It was early in the morning and we were blanketed in darkness, and when we finally succumbed to our desires, it felt sweeter than it had hours before.
We were silent as we resumed our positions from earlier, my body wrapped around hers. And I wanted so badly to turn her over and tell her everything, to divulge the last of my secrets, but it seemed like it would hurt more.
Everything felt different in the dark. Sounds were louder, love was sweeter, and heartache became almost crippling. Maybe because we didn’t have our eyes and we were forced to use one less sense, opening us up to the truth of humanity. Like I said earlier, looking and seeing were two completely different things, and feeling, not looking, was the only way to truly see.
I wasn’t sure what she would see if I told her now. This night had been perfect, and I wanted that perfection to last just a little bit longer.
So I stayed silent and let her fall asleep in my arms, and all the while I whispered assurances that I would be there when she woke up.
Sherry immediately noticed my mood the next morning, but didn’t bring it up until breakfast. We were still in my hotel room, eating the room service I’d had delivered while she was in the shower.
“Is everything okay?” she asked softly. I guess my silence lasted too long because she blew out an exasperated breath. “Hunter, if this is going to work we need to be completely honest with each other. There are things we both kept secret in order to protect one another.”
My head snapped up.
What had she kept from me? Was it about my father?
She must have seen my panic because she shook her head and laid her hand on my leg. “Calm down, it’s nothing too terrible. I just think we need to really clear the air. Be completely transparent—that’s the only way we can move forward.”
Nodding, I rolled the sausage along my plate with my fork. She was right, of course she was. But I was still terrified of how she would react once she knew what I did. However, now I was too curious about the secrets she was hiding. “Nothing too terrible” still didn’t sound good to me.
When I looked up, her green eyes were waiting for me. “You’re right. Where do you wanna start?”
“The beginning of the end.”