My mother had always been big on communication, so I knew it would have killed her to know how little I’d interacted with Samantha since returning home. She never expected much from her husband, but she had always wanted Sam and me to be close. Which is why three days after the impromptu Rock Band night, I found myself staring at her contact in my phone.
I stared for ten minutes, disgusted with myself for how hard it was, before making the call. Sam answered right away, almost like she had been sitting there waiting for it. I don’t know why I was nervous when I asked her to meet me for lunch; Sam was the nicest person I knew. She wouldn’t hold a grudge and she certainly wouldn’t turn me down out of spite or retribution. My sister had always been the type of person who saw the best in people, even if they didn’t deserve it. So I don’t know why I was surprised when she (enthusiastically) agreed to lunch, but I was.
Even as I sat there in the half-crowded restaurant I found it hard to believe this was happening. I glanced toward the door, excitement and dread warring in the pit of my stomach. After not seeing her in six months and only briefly talking to her in that time, I was more than ready to see her again. But how would I feel when I did? Would the guilt crowd out everything else? Whenever I thought of my mother I only felt pain; I didn’t want that same feeling to follow me whenever I thought of my sister too. Maybe staying away had only made that worse.
I had just turned back around when the waitress walked by for the third time. She glanced at the empty chair across from me and offered me a sad smile before walking away again. My sister was never late, but she was also never inconsiderate enough to blow someone off. But maybe that had changed since I last saw her, maybe—
“Gabe?” The voice was a little tentative but a whole lot excited.
I slowly stood up and turned around, and what I saw nearly knocked me on my ass. I was staring at my mother. She had the same shoulder-length brown hair that held a slight wave, the same deep brown eyes, and the same light-up-the-room smile. My chest pinched with a slight pain at the resemblance.
“Gabe!” Sam’s voice was firm this time as she enveloped me in a hug that erased the last six months.
“Hey, sis.” My reply was hoarse and low as I pulled back and looked into her eyes. “You look…”
“I know.” Her smile was resigned as we both took our seats and awkwardly looked between our menus and each other, offering nervous smiles whenever our eyes met. The server came and went, and before we knew it we had nothing to do but to talk.
“How have you been? I tried calling a couple days ago.”
I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you called back. I’ve really missed you.” Sam also never had a problem laying it all out on the table.
I looked down and closed my eyes. “I know you probably won’t believe me, but I really missed you too.”
Sam’s hand found mine, forcing my eyes back open. When our gazes met I found tears in her eyes. “Of course I believe you.” A few seconds later she lifted her hand and took a drink of water before sitting back in her seat.
“What about you?”
“I’m really good. I started taking some college-level courses offered by the high school and I’m already pretty optimistic about them.” She smiled proudly.
“That’s great to hear. What classes are you taking?”
“They’re all pretty basic so it’s nothing too impressive, but—”
“Hey, it’s a start. You can’t ace the harder subjects if you don’t understand the basics.” My voice was stern and somehow despite all the heartache of the past year and the missed opportunities, I just fell right back into big brother-mode. It almost felt like I’d never left. Her eyes were bright and happy as she looked at me, and it seemed she was thinking the same thing.
“Yeah,” she whispered, her tone thoughtful and optimistic. “You’re right… I forgot how smart you are.”
“Maybe…” I paused and took a deep breath. “Maybe we can fix that.”
Sam’s smile was so wide it must have hurt. “I’d love that.”
We continued talking like no time had passed at all; I was shocked at how easy it was. I expected awkward pauses and passive-aggressive comments about me being gone, but again, I didn’t know why because that’s not who Samantha was.
Sam had just finished telling me about her dress for Homecoming when the waitress placed the bill on the table.
“I know you probably don’t care about the dress, but I’m just so excited and well, you know I lost touch with a lot of my friends last year.” She shrugged like it was no big deal, but I knew it had bothered her.
“Sam, I’d listen to you talk about paint drying,” I said as I grabbed the check. “I’m just happy to be talking to you at all.”
At that she smiled shyly and reached for her purse. “So we’ll do this again soon?”
“Of course.” I pointed at her purse and waved the folder I had already put money into. “I hope you don’t think you’re paying for any of this.”
“Of course not. But I do have to get going,” she said regretfully as she nodded toward the door.
We both walked out and before she could leave I abruptly pulled her into me and hugged her tightly, as if I could make up for all the times I hadn’t in the past six months.
…
It was almost a week later and I still hadn’t seen Alara again. I had just gotten back from the gym and was in the process of untying my sneakers, internally debating how to casually hang out with her, when Derek popped his head in my room.
“So the group tries to get together on Sundays to hang out. Naomi calls it ‘Sunday Funday,’” he said as he rolled his eyes. “Anyways, I’m heading over there in a little bit if you wanna join and bum a ride.”
Perfect. I smiled as I finished throwing the shoes in my closet. “What do you guys do?” I asked, even though it didn’t really matter.
“All kinds of things. There’s really no set plan, except that we’re together.”
“Sounds good. I just need a quick shower.” I paused. “So what’s tonight? More Rock Band?”
He snickered. “Yeah, right. I’m surprised Alara didn’t ban you for that shit. I think Naomi said dinner and a movie? They still have homework to finish up, but I was gonna go over early and play some video games while they work.”
“Works for me.”
“Okay,” Derek said while typing on his phone. “Fifteen minutes?”
“I’ll be ready.”
He nodded once, disappeared from view and I heard the door shut a few seconds later. Quickly divesting myself of my sweat-stained workout gear, I hopped in the shower. I was just exiting my five-minute shower when I heard my cell phone vibrating on the dresser. Dad calling. Yeah, there was no way I was taking that call. I pressed ignore before toweling myself off and standing in front of my closet.
I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was actively thinking about what I would be wearing. As I was pulling out my best pair of dark denim jeans I told myself it was because they were comfortable, and as I debated on two different shirts I’d been told countless times looked good on me, I told myself that today I was simply indecisive. But in the end, I knew.
I had just finished slipping on my shoes when Derek hollered that he’d be waiting in the car. A couple minutes later we were off, and as we drove in companionable silence I felt my phone buzz again. But this time when I looked at the ID, I smiled.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” she rushed out. “I know it’s last minute but I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner?”
“Actually I’m already on my way out…” I trailed off.
“Oh.” Sam’s voice was laced with disappointment, but she quickly tried to cover it up. “Well, that’s okay. I understand—”
“Hold on,” I cut her off before pulling the phone away and turning to Derek. “Do you think the girls would mind if I invited my sister over? I know I just met you guys—”
“Of course invite her. Dude, Naomi could have a fucking skunk with an AK-47 at her door and she would invite the damn thing in.”
Smiling, I put the phone back to my ear. “Sam, I’m gonna send you the address of the place I’m going and you can come over and eat dinner with us.”
“Oh, that’s okay—”
“Sam,” I said, my voice stern.
“Okay,” she said softly.
We arrived ten minutes later, and Derek didn’t even bother knocking before opening the door and hollering that we were there. We walked in just as Alara and Naomi came in from the kitchen. They were laughing and were each carrying a bottle of water and some homework.
Alara’s eyes widened in surprise, but her lips quickly tipped up into a smile before she refocused on Naomi. My eyes skimmed down her body as I took in her baggy pajama pants and loose T-shirt. When I made my way back up I realized she was looking at me once more. My relief at her attention quickly fled as her cheeks turned red and she started tugging at her T-shirt, almost like she was embarrassed. I tried to reassure her with a smile, but she avoided my gaze as she and Naomi took a seat.
Alara settled in the armchair closer to the door while Naomi sat on the floor and leaned back against the middle section of the couch. I moved to sit on her left and as soon as Derek set up the video games he sat on Naomi’s right, leaving the middle section of the couch empty.
“All set?” Derek asked. I opened my mouth to answer when I saw Alara shiver and look around for the blanket they usually kept over the back of the couch. She frowned when she realized it wasn’t there and simply snuggled further into the chair.
Naomi followed my gaze and smirked. She crooked her finger at me until I was bending down so she could whisper in my ear, “It’s in my room.” When I pulled back she was still smiling as she nodded toward what I assumed was her bedroom before she turned back around and started flipping through her book. Without a second thought I got up and walked toward the open door. I immediately found the black knitted afghan draped over her desk chair. I quickly grabbed it and made my way back to the common room.
When I returned Derek had started a solo round while Naomi and Alara were already engrossed in homework. Stopping beside Alara, I cleared my throat and held the blanket out to her. Her eyes held a questioning look as she reached for it, but her smile was warm. And it took everything in me to drag my eyes away from her mouth.
“I saw you looking for it.” I shrugged like it was no big deal and turned to sit down before she could reply. Clearing my throat, I said to the room, “I hope it’s not a problem, but I invited my sister over.”
“You have a sister?” Naomi asked.
“Uh huh,” I answered absentmindedly as I hooked up my controller.
“Of course we don’t mind! How else are we going to hear embarrassing stories from your youth?” Naomi asked as a timid knock sounded from across the room.
“I’ll get it!” Naomi was up and across the room before I could say anything. “Hey! I’m Naomi. It’s so great to meet you! Come in, come in.” She stepped aside and backed up to let my sister in. Sam was biting her lip and hiding a shy smile. I hated how nervous she got around new people, but I knew they’d all be more than welcoming and make her feel comfortable.
“Hey, Sam.” I got up and gave her a hug. She relaxed in my embrace and whispered a quick hello before stepping back and around me.
“This is Samantha.” I nodded my head in her direction before sweeping my arm in front of me. “That’s Alara and Derek. You already met Naomi.”
Derek barely took his eyes away from the video game, but he did call out an enthusiastic hello. Alara sat up straighter and adjusted the blanket before saying hello. Naomi came up behind my sister, linking their arms and dragging her over to the couch. “You two can sit on the floor like gentlemen.” Derek rolled his eyes but got up and walked around the coffee table and took a seat on the floor in front of it. As I joined him and sat facing the TV, I heard Naomi offer my sister a variety of beverages, including wine.
“She’s only seventeen,” I said as I picked up a controller.
“Oh.” I could hear the pout in her voice. “So no wine?” Sam laughed and told her she’d prefer water anyways.
“I feel bad that the first time you meet us is under such boring circumstances,” Alara said.
Sam was quick to reassure her. “Oh, no. Don’t feel bad at all. As long as Gabe’s in the room, I’m good.” I turned around and she shot me a blinding smile before I twisted back and refocused on the game.
We all grew quiet as we fell into our activities. Derek and I were focused on the television while Alara and Naomi were writing or turning pages. Sam just sat there and quietly watched our video game, and even though it should have been boring as hell, every time I looked at her she gave me a huge smile like she was having the time of her life and there was nowhere else she’d rather be.
About an hour later Sherry walked in and dumped herself next to Sam, not even registering that she didn’t know her. Her face was void of makeup and her workout clothes were slightly damp as she redid her ponytail.
“So you’ll never guess who I ran into at the gym,” she said as way of introduction. I took a break from the game and swiveled around to face the girls.
“That shifty boxer who kept asking you out?” Alara asked, and several eyes swung toward her. She shrugged as a slight blush took over her cheeks. It was easily becoming my favorite sight. “What? He’s the kind of guy they make Lifetime movies about.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Naomi asked on a laugh.
“It means he’s freaking creepy as hell and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was some crazy stalker who ended up being a serial killer.”
Sherry and Naomi both made thoughtful faces before nodding and mumbling affirmatives. Sam looked at me with raised eyebrows, but I just shook my head and shrugged.
“Kevin… and he asked me out again.” She hedged a little as she slumped back against the couch. “Aren’t guys supposed to go running with their tails between their legs when a hot girl turns them down?”
“Yeah, if they’re pussies,” Derek said as he leaned to the left like that would somehow keep his character alive. It didn’t. “Dammit,” he growled before throwing his remote to the ground and turning around.
“I already told you. He’s just… he’s so…”
“So, what?” Alara asked.
“He’s just so nice!” she said loudly with a scrunched-up nose.
We all sat in silence staring at her until Naomi finally spoke. “He’s what?” Sherry rolled her eyes while Alara unsuccessfully tried to stifle a laugh at Naomi’s obvious sarcasm. “Seriously, he’s nice? What the fuck is wrong with him? Doesn’t he know that you deserve to be treated like absolute shit?” Naomi cringed and looked at Sam. “Sorry for the language.”
“Thanks, Gabe,” Sam said as she rolled her eyes. “Now they think I’m impressionable. Like I’ve never had a sip of wine or heard the word ‘fuck’ before.”
Sherry’s eyebrows bunched up as she finally took Sam in. “Who are you?” she asked bluntly.
Sam jerked back a little at the directness but quickly recovered when she realized there was nothing malicious in Sherry’s tone. “I’m Samantha,” she said as she held out her hand and nodded her head my way. “Gabe’s sister.”
“Oh, Sherry.” Sherry shook her hand before studying Alara and Naomi. “Uh… what the hell is this shit?” she asked as she waved her hand around the room. “It’s called Sunday FUNday. Not Sunday Suck-The-Life-Out-of-You-Day.” She punctuated this by forcefully closing Alara’s book, just barely missing her fingers.
“Jeez, point made.”
“I have so much homework, Sher.” Naomi groaned and her head fell forward to hit her still open book.
Sherry opened her mouth to respond but Alara spoke first. “I know it’s pretty early”—she glanced at the wall clock, which showed five after five—“but why don’t we just go get dinner now?”
“Let’s not get too crazy,” Sherry muttered, but agreed anyways. After discussing our options we finally settled on a Mexican place within walking distance. Sherry got up and stretched. “Okay, I’m gonna borrow your guys’ shower and we can leave when I’m done getting ready,” she said as she grabbed her gym bag and headed for the hall.
“Looks like it won’t be too early after all,” Sam said, trying to participate in the conversation. She looked over at Alara and smiled before swinging her eyes back my way.
“Yeah, we’ve moved from the senior citizen dinnertime to the junkie with the munchies dinnertime,” Derek muttered as he spun around and picked up the control. At my raised eyebrows he supplied, “Sherry is very… thorough with her makeup. Imagine how long it takes KISS to put on their stage makeup and you’re in the ballpark.” His chuckles were cut off as a pillow launched from Sherry’s hand hit him in the face, and then all we heard was her laughter as she disappeared down the hall.
Sherry was ready to leave two hours later.
The six of us were slowly walking down the street after dinner when my phone vibrated and I looked down to see a text from Naomi.
Naomi: TALK to him…
Frowning, I glanced up to find her smirking at me and not so subtly tilting her head toward Gabe before giving me a quick wink and turning around to resume her conversation with Samantha. Somehow we had all paired off and each pair was about ten feet apart, giving us a small amount of privacy. Derek and Sherry were at the front while Naomi and Samantha were in the middle, leaving Gabe and me in the back. And maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed like he was trying to walk slower.
After I shoved my phone in my pocket, I glanced over to see his eyes going back and forth between Naomi and me. His lips tipped up into a knowing smile as his eyebrows slowly crawled up his forehead. “Everything okay?” he asked, trying (and failing) to keep the amusement out of his voice.
“Yup.”
I could feel him staring at me, but I kept my gaze forward. After only about a minute of silence he asked, “What are you studying in school?”
“Chemistry.”
“Why chemistry?”
I shrugged and kept my eyes forward. “Because I like it.”
“That’s it?
“That’s it,” I repeated before turning my head in his direction to find him giving me a strange look. “What?”
He shook his head and said, “It’s just strange. Most people talk about how they’ll have better job prospects or how it’ll look good on a med school application… something like that usually.”
“I’m not really sure what I want to do when I graduate. So I’m just trying to focus on doing things that I know will make me happy right now. I don’t want to spend years doing something I don’t like hoping that one day I’ll get to a place where I’m happy. I want to be happy right now. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know,” he responded somberly as a dark look passed over his face and his jaw tensed.
I looked toward Gabe’s sister, who was laughing with Naomi, before clearing my throat and asking, “Is Samantha your only sibling?”
A warm smile spread over his face as he stared at her with complete adoration. “Yeah, she is,” he said softly. He was still smiling when he asked if I had any brothers or sisters.
“Just one sister. Jackie.”
“Is she older or younger?”
“Older. She’s twenty-seven.”
He nodded. “Are you guys close?”
“Not as close as you and Samantha seem to be, but close enough. She has a daughter to take care of and, unfortunately, that limits our time together.”
His eyes roamed over my face. “That is very unfortunate for her,” he said. I ducked my head and we both fell silent as we continued forward. But it didn’t feel like the awkward tension of two strangers, it felt comfortable, it felt like we were friends. Speaking of which…
“How come you never hang out with your friends?”
He grinned. “I am hanging out with my friends.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Yeah, but surely you had friends before us? And Derek says you never go out unless it’s with us, and you never talk about any other friends.”
Gabe’s brows bunched like he’d just realized this was true, and he paused as he thought it over. “I left my master’s program last year, and I guess business friends are like alcohol or drug friends. They’re only your friends when they can get something from you. Once they can’t…” He trailed off and shrugged.
I frowned as my gaze traveled over his resigned, yet unaffected expression. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Not really. I was never really close with any of them.”
“That’s kind of sad.”
He smiled as he looked over at me. “It wasn’t that bad. I still went out and had fun. Plus I had Miranda, my ex, and my family. I wasn’t exactly lacking in human interaction.”
“Do you still see your parents a lot?”
His smile dropped just as Sherry yelled that we were stopping for ice cream. A flicker of relief washed over his face and he took a deep breath before picking up his pace and briskly walking away from me. My pace slowed as I thought about what just happened, and how surprisingly painful it was to see him walk away from me. But when he turned around and I saw his pleading smile and the mournful expression in his eyes, I realized he wasn’t walking away from me as much as he was running away from something else.