Chapter Four
For a second time, Kai found himself seated with Jamie in the great hall after most people had gone to sleep, drinking ale and nursing his wounded spirit that he kept well hidden—and a bruised shin. For such a slight lass, Miran could kick as hard as a horse.
“She assaulted ye how many times?” Jamie asked, looking frustrated and disappointed.
“Do not blame her.”
“Nay?”
“No.”
Jamie scratched his head. “Ye are protecting her for a reason.”
Kai met his laird’s curious stare. “I kissed her.”
“Kissed her?” Jamie repeated. “How?”
Kai cleared his throat, not enthusiastic about providing such details. “With my mouth.”
Jamie rolled his eyes and took a long drink of ale. “Aye—is there any other way to kiss a lass?”
Kai didn’t provide an answer.
“Ye stole another kiss from her. That’s what happened, aye?”
Kai nodded, realizing anything he added to the conversation would only implicate him more. For whenever the lass came too close or shouted at him undeservedly, the only thing he could think about doing was kissing her. Not only to silence her, but to convince her he meant her no harm, that she should consider him a serious candidate for her future husband. Though other men admired her, even lusted after her from a distance, they feared her temperament. As any prudent man should, for Miran MacKay had a fiery soul, as hot and dangerous as the desert sun. Only Kai believed he could tame her. But not under the watchful eyes of his new laird and lady.
“Ye are well familiar with the traditions of the Scots.”
“Aye,” Kai said like any Highlander.
Jamie’s lips hitched into a grin. “The lass is my responsibility. Her happiness is important to me. Her safety is…”
“No one will harm Miran as long as I am alive.”
Jamie sighed. “I believe ye.”
“Good.”
“But this game the two of ye play is dangerous.”
“Game?”
“Aye. The mutual denial. Ye ignore the finer points of courting a lass, falsely leading her to believe all ye want from her is sex. And in return, she hates ye.”
“Would you have me bend a knee in front of everyone and beg for her hand in marriage? She would laugh in my face, wiping away the respect I’ve earned from everyone in this household.”
“Maybe.”
“I am not inexperienced with women, Jamie.”
His laird laughed heartily. “Tis the furthest thought from my mind.”
“I will play this game, as you call it, for as long as it takes. One day, she will grow tired of all the anger and seek refuge in my arms.”
Jamie growled. “Doona say any more about it.”
Kai finished his ale, wondering why he never felt drunk when he imbibed. He shrugged off the thought, stood and stretched, then patted Jamie on the shoulder. “I wish you a peaceful sleep.”
As Kai started to remove his hand, Jamie rested his own palm over it. “Lady Helen is pregnant.”
The joyous news made Kai grin. “You are sure?”
“Morning sickness without a fever. I am convinced, and so is she.”
“Then I congratulate you, laird. May she give you a strong heir, the son you deserve after facing so many obstacles in your young life.”
Jamie rose from his chair and embraced his friend. “I had hoped to wait for a season more, to give Helen time to get used to the idea of being my wife.”
“God gives life. No man or woman can decide when their child is conceived or born. And if she comes to your bed at night…”
“With enthusiasm.”
“Then enjoy the rewards of a happy marriage. My mother birthed ten children, not because my father forced her, but because she loved him, despite his treacherous nature.”
“Ten?”
“Do not look so shocked. Two died as infants.”
“Giving birth isna easy. I fear for her life.”
“She is strong.” Kai could not ignore the palpable worry in Jamie’s eyes. Anything good in the world came with risks. Especially love. And children were an extension of the love their parents shared. “If it would make you feel better, I will send a missive to my mother and ask her to provide a midwife.”
“Ye’d do that for me?”
“Yes.”
“The next trading ship leaves soon,” Jamie said. “I will send one of my men to hand-deliver the missive.”
“I will go to my chamber and write it now.”
“Thank ye.” Jamie gripped his forearm. “Ye are a true friend. I give ye permission to win Miran’s heart, though I know I said so before. In fact, I command ye to do so. I would have ye as a brother if I could. But since I canna commit such a miracle as rebirth, I will settle for ye being my cousin.”
Kai framed Jamie’s face between his hands and puckered his lips.
“What in Christ are ye doing?” Jamie pushed him away.
“After such a declaration of love, I thought I’d seal the moment with a kiss.”
“Sodomite!”
Kai laughed so hard it hurt his ribs. “I will have a servant deliver the missive in the morn.” He bowed and started for his chamber abovestairs.
He’d won more than his laird’s trust and admiration in the last few days. It pleased him more than anything.
*
Days later, in the early morning, Miran eyed the map spread across the high table contemplatively. Kai pointed out the villages he intended to stop where they’d be likely to find acceptable recruits. And hopefully, a woman who could seduce him.
“We will stop in Elgin first,” Kai said.
“Tis a four-day ride,” Jamie commented.
Kai nodded. “Then Farr.”
“Ye’re circling about the coast, then will cover the inland areas on the way back?”
“Aye.”
“Why?” Miran asked. There were many villages and farms along the way they’d miss if they followed Kai’s route. “See.” She tapped several spots on the map. “Lagrith and Earie are not principal villages, but I hear there are many young men farming the land.”
“Not in the middle of winter.” Kai smirked.
“Here, lass.” One of Miran’s maids set a bowl of hot broth before her.
“Thank ye, Cadha.” She lifted the vessel to her mouth and welcomed the warm liquid as it slid down her throat and heat spread throughout her body.
“Ye will need yer strength,” the maid said, giving Kai a clear look of disapproval before she returned to the kitchens.
“You have poisoned your servant’s mind against me.”
“Nay,” she denied. “Ye did a fine job of that yerself.”
Kai drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “How?”
Miran shrugged. “Forcing me on this trip.”
“Miran.” Jamie gripped her chin and turned it upward. “Listen to me, lass. For too long ye have been idle. I want ye to find a purpose other than sitting beside my wife and weaving. Or cooking. Or serving Helen her meals.”
She frowned. Jamie couldna judge whether or not she liked her life. “I am satisfied with my duties, cousin. Are ye not happy with my performance?”
“Tis the continuous bite of yer tongue, the bitterness that shows in yer eyes every time I see ye. I canna bear it any longer. Ye remind me of a wee wasp stinging whoever gets in yer way. Remember, tis I who demanded ye go. Not Kai.”
She looked from her cousin to Kai. “Whenever the two of ye conspire, it usually means I willna be happy.” She folded her arms across her chest.
Jamie chuckled and draped his arm across her shoulders, drawing her in for a hug. “Leave here with a smile, lass. And when ye return, if ye are still dissatisfied living here, we will talk about ye going to live with Laird Alex again.”
“Truly?” She turned to him, the hope of going back where she grew up, where she felt most comfortable, bringing an involuntary smile to her lips. “Why this sudden generosity?”
Her cousin leaned in and whispered in her ear. “Blame my uncharacteristic generosity on Helen being with child.”
“What?”
Jamie couldna hide his joy from her.
“I am overwhelmed by this wonderful news!” She also felt guilty. For she and Helen had become more than close companions; they were like sisters. And if pregnant, she’d need Miran more than ever. “Where is she?”
“She has chosen to stay abovestairs.”
“Is she well?”
“Dizzy. Her stomach willna settle down.”
“Perhaps I should stay and care for her instead of going on this trip.”
Jamie squeezed her hand. “Nay. This journey is more important than ever. I need a nursemaid I can trust with my babe’s life. Ye are tasked with finding her—a duty ye should not take lightly.”
“Ye can count on me.” But could Miran trust herself to make the right choice? Somehow, in the moment, she realized how unreasonable she’d been over the last few weeks. Self-serving and unappreciative of the kindness her cousins had shown her. Another laird would have married her off long ago, keeping his purse in mind, not her feelings. She glanced at Kai. Could they be friends? Allies, at least? United to benefit Jamie and Helen? To help build this new clan up, instead of tearing it down with their distrust of each other?
A single tear trailed down her cheek, and Jamie raised an eyebrow.
“I-I am sorry, cousin.” Twas all she could say.
As if by divine intervention, Cadha returned with her fur cloak, hat, and gloves. “We are ready to depart, Lady Miran.” The maid curtsied.
Jamie had insisted she accept her role as a lady, which included wearing the right clothes. Her plain gowns had been taken and replaced with ones more suitable for her station. Even her favorite cloak, one made of thick, gray wool had disappeared. But Miran welcomed the feel of the softer material as her maid fastened the new cloak about her neck. It would keep her warm against the bitter winds known to blow across the land this time of year. It would also hide her body from Kai’s continuous stare, which even now dinna leave her.
She trembled at the thought of his demanding kiss, the way his firm and hot lips moved over hers, his salty taste, the feel of his breath on her neck, the fire in his dark eyes. Eyes that peeled back the layers of protection she’d built up over the years, the penetrating gaze that undressed her slowly, that looked straight into her soul. Eyes that recognized the truth about her, how all she’d ever wanted was someone to love her, to protect her…
“Miran?” Jamie pulled her out of her daze. “Did ye hear me, lass?”
“I-I’m sorry, Jamie, nay.”
“Go with God, lass. Remember, I love ye.”
She smiled and threw her arms about him, genuinely loving her cousin. How could she no’? “I will pray for ye and Helen. Tell her I am happy for her and will miss her.”
“Wait!”
Miran and Jamie both turned to find Helen rushing toward them.
“Helen? I thought ye were no feeling well,” Miran said, surprised to see her up and looking so well.
“Aye,” Helen said as she reached them, shivering from the cold air. “I couldna let ye go without saying goodbye. What kind of friend would I be if I did?”
Miran, grateful her cousin had the strength to see her off, wrapped her arms around her. “I will miss ye.”
“And I will miss ye.” Helen pulled back and smiled at her. “Come with me.”
The two women walked a few feet away from the throng where they could speak privately.
“I wanted to discuss a couple important things, Miran. First, I beg ye to be kinder to Kai.”
Miran understood—the man had saved Helen’s life—and the two of them shared a close kinship. She lowered her head, staring at the ground. “Aye.”
“Nay,” Helen tsked. “Doona be ashamed. Ye and the captain have always struggled to get along. Do ye remember how Laird Alex and Lady Keely began?”
Miran raised her head then. “Keely and Alex had always been in love.”
Helen smiled. “There is little difference between love and hate where a lass and handsome warrior are concerned.”
“I doona love him,” she insisted. But even if she did…
Helen, though only a few seasons older than herself, had an old soul, she seemed wise beyond her years when it came to matters of the heart. “After observing ye—knowing what I know, I ask ye to take the time to get to know the captain while ye travel together. Ye may find common ground, even grow to respect him. He is loyal and sensible, and will make ye laugh.”
“Aye.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise,” Miran said reluctantly.
“As for Cadha…”
“She has been helpful.”
“Good. I chose her specifically for ye. She will watch over ye, like an old auntie.”
Miran nodded. She owed her cousin-in-law so much. “Ye are an angel.”
“And soon to be a mother.” Happiness lit Helen’s beautiful eyes.
Miran rested her palm over Helen’s still flat stomach. “May our future laird grow stronger each day with God’s blessings.”
“Miran!” Kai called. “We must go.”
The women embraced again, then Miran walked away, tears wet her eyes. She hated farewells for good reason.
Kai lifted her into the saddle of her mare at the head of twenty-three horses and a large cart filled with their tents and supplies. She twisted in the saddle, waving to Jamie, Helen, and the other people who had gathered outside to see them off.
Fortunately, the sun shined unusually bright. However, in winter, a clear, sunny day meant colder temperatures. And Miran shivered as Kai mounted his black warhorse, the exquisite saddle and matching bridle embellished with silver medallions and braided tassels, apparently prized possessions from his homeland. Even the beast’s mane and tail were braided to match.
Much to her dismay, she couldna help but admire how regal he looked upon his horse, broad-shouldered and straight as an arrow. To his left rode his chosen captain, with her on his right. Then it hit her, even though he claimed the Highlands as his home—even went by a Scot name—nothing could diminish his royal blood. Nothing. Prince Kuresh filled every aspect of his being, from the way he sat astride a horse to the way he talked. Even his clothes. Nearly always garbed in black, the usually drab color reserved for mourning or war, only accentuated his unnaturally dark features.
Beautiful features, really. Wait! Had she just called him beautiful?
They rode through the gates, up the horse trail that split north and south two miles from the manor house. The northern road led to the sea. The southern, toward the English. Frost-covered brush and trees dotted the landscape, the sound of crunching snow beneath the horses’ hooves as they walked filling the air around her.
Her attention returned to Kai, though she made sure not to stare at him for too long at a time. The man would think she desired him. Maybe she did somewhere deep inside. But if every woman acted upon her fantasies, the Highlands would be a very different place. Nay, Kai and anything she felt for him, if she did, must stay relegated to her dreams. There, at night, no one had the right to take away what she wished for, what she imagined. She swallowed hard. How many times had she seen Kai naked and swimming in the loch? His sculpted chest and arms shimmering wet in the summer light. Felt more than his lips upon her? She wiggled uncomfortably in the saddle, closed her eyes briefly, blew out a breath, then gazed quickly at him again.
He was watching her!
“Lady Miran?” He cast her a humorous look. “Are you cold? Would you rather ride with me?”
Even then, his almond-shaped eyes wreaked havoc on her. How dare he be so handsome, so utterly perfect. “Nay,” she snapped.
He grinned as if he’d heard her regretful praise and turned back to his captain.
Twould be a long journey if she dinna learn how to control her emotions. Everything she felt showed on her face. Jamie knew it, and so did Kai. He’d taken advantage of it many times, pursuing her at the most vulnerable moments. No wonder he stirred up the worst of her emotions and challenged her patience.
“Milady.” Cadha rode up beside her. Helen had assigned the woman to Miran, for if she had her way, she’d go without servants. “From where I was riding behind ye, it seems ye are restless, perhaps distressed?” The maid looked at Kai. “Ye stare at the captain too much.”
Blunt talk usually pleased Miran. But she was unprepared for a maid to make such a strong observation without gaining permission to speak openly. “Did I hear ye correctly, Cadha?”
Miran took in the physical details of her new maid. Brown hair, green eyes, an oval face … neither pretty or plain, Cadha must be at least ten years older than Miran. She supposed Helen had chosen her for a reason, and this must be it, her candor.
“Aye, mistress, ye dinna mishear me. Lady Helen instructed me to gently remind ye of the proper behavior of a lady.”
“She did?”
“Aye. I understand in the past ye chose to live irregularly, to put off yer birthright and seek solace through servitude. And I willna judge ye, ever. But I will remind ye, when I see fit, how a lady should conduct herself.”
Miran winced at the notion that Helen hadna trusted her enough to make her own choices on the journey. There was nothing more demeaning than realizing her own family doubted her intelligence. “In the future,” Miran began, adjusting her tone, “please doona assume the worst just because I am looking at Captain Kai. If ye remember that, I think we can get along, Cadha.” She dinna wait for the maid to reply, but clicked her heels against her mare’s sides and took off in a trot, riding ahead of Kai, enjoying the cold air on her face.
If a maid could read her feelings so easily, what did Kai know? Everything, she feared.