Chapter Twelve
As soon as Kai left, she collapsed, finally allowing herself to cry, to purge her soul of years of silent pain. She still mourned the loss of the mother she never really knew, the death of her father, the suffering she’d endured all these years of not feeling as if she belonged anywhere, and the beating she had received from Cadha. Twas that which had broken her spirit. And she felt useless and weak for not being able to thwart Cadha’s attack. The woman was at least twice her age but so strong.
As another violent sob escaped her lips, the darkest thought crossed her mind. What if she wandered into the snow-covered mountains and simply never came back? Twould be a better fate than living with pain…
As if he had heard her, Kai burst into the tent, rushing to her side and lifting her off the ground. He cradled her tightly against his big warm body and found her bed, sitting on the edge of the furs.
“Miran,” he whispered. “Why are you weeping?”
She curled into his warmth, clinging to his strong arms, her face buried in his chest. If only she could tell him how much he meant to her, that she desperately wanted him to hold her, to love her, to share his confidence and strength with her, to lift her up from the depths of her own despair. To chase away all her suffering and teach her how to embrace joy again. There had been a time, even after her father died, when she had been able to smile from within. Happy memories had sustained her.
What had happened? What had come over her?
Him.
She gazed up at Kai.
She’d always wanted him, from the first time she’d met him. He’d teased her, though, turning his attention to other women, for he considered her nothing more than a girl. But he had been so wrong!
“Did you hear me, lass?”
He called her lass.
She nodded. “I heard ye.”
“Did the old bitch do this to you?”
“Aye.”
She felt his heartbeat hammering and his body went rigid beneath her. He gritted his teeth. “Did she say why?”
“She demanded to know where I was and why I hadn’t found a way to warn her I was with ye. She accused me of being a wanton lass, and told me if my family wouldna beat me, she would.”
“What else?”
She sniffled and sucked in a ragged breath. “She threatened me, told me if I told anyone what she had done, she would tell Jamie and Helen, and anyone else who would listen, that I bedded ye.”
His breathing quieted as he looked off into the distance.
“Kai?”
“Aye?”
“Are ye angry with me?”
“Should I be?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why did you ask such a silly question?”
“I-I do not know. Only…” Miran’s thoughts were all tangled together.
“How could I be angry with you? I am a bit disappointed that you did not trust me sooner. For you can tell me anything, Miran. I only wish to help you.”
Without thinking, she caressed his stubbled cheek with the back of her hand. “I know.”
The look of surprise on his handsome face told her everything she needed to know. She had left him as confused about her feelings for him as she had been about his feelings for her. Father had always taught her words weren’t necessarily the most important thing between a man and woman, but the way they treated each other. Maybe he had been wrong. Perhaps it depended on the man and woman. Obviously, regrettably, she and Kai both required words. Explanations. Truth.
“Do you believe me, Miran?”
“Aye.”
Now was not the time to confess. She needed comforting, perhaps a kiss. Aye. She stared unblinking at his full lips.
“Miran?”
She raised her eyebrows but dinna look away from his lips.
“Why are you gazing at my mouth?”
“Because it is a pleasant mouth.”
He chuckled. “Pleasant is not what comes to mind when I think of my mouth.”
“Nay?”
“Nay. My mouth has been many places.”
“I doona care about yer past, only where yer mouth is now.”
“Wicked places,” he said.
His revelation dinna upset her.
“Miran. Look at me.”
“Must I?”
“Aye.”
She glanced up. “Hmm?”
“I need to know you are all right.” She noted how quickly his eyes darkened.
“I am better now,” she assured him. “The stripes on my back and arms will heal. I will recover my pride soon enough.”
“No one deserves what she did to you. She had no right. And when I find her…”
“Shh.” She framed his face between her hands and pulled him down, letting her lips touch his. She’d never initiated a kiss before. In fact, Kai was the only man she’d ever had intimate contact with. It felt good to offer herself to him, to show him how much she wanted to kiss him again.
At first, he dinna kiss her back. But she refused to give up. She traced the seam of his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue. Teasing him. Provoking him. And as she hoped, he slipped his hand behind her head, his fingers threading through her braids. Aye. Kiss me.
He did.
Her tongue yielded to his—welcoming him inside her. She loved how he tasted. Loved how she sensed he was still restraining his passion. What would it feel like to unleash his inner beast, to be the object of his primal lust? His love?
He pulled back enough to look down at her and swallowed hard. “Miran. You are not thinking clearly. I will not take advantage of you like this.”
A soft laugh escaped her. “I am thinking more clearly now than I ever have, Kai.”
He looked bewildered. “How can it be?”
“Because it took Cadha abusing me to realize what a mistake I have made. Though, in my own defense, I had come to regret some of my actions toward ye before we left Sands Airgid.” She had said many hurtful things.
“You do not think I should have taken Leod as my Highland name?”
Miran coughed. “Nay. Ye are no’ ugly, Kai, as well ye know.”
A hint of mischievousness glinted in his eyes. “Neither are you.”
His jesting nature made her smile. It helped clear her mind of the self-destructive thoughts she’d had. Life was worth living. Even if it meant living it without her parents. She had Jamie and Helen, Alex and Keely. And now Helen was with child. A bairn to spoil and love.
“I am glad ye doona find me unattractive.”
He tipped her chin up and stared deep into her eyes. “You are beautiful, Miran. Too beautiful for your own good.”
“Thank ye,” she said breathlessly, lost in the depths of his dark eyes.
“Now.” He stood, taking her with him. “Let us go break bread with the others. For if we do not leave this tent now, I will ravish you.”
She understood how he was feeling. The longer she sat on his lap, feeling his thick manhood through his breeches, and seeing the desire in his eyes, the closer she came to doing the same to him. His nearness did strange things to her, excited her, made her wet between her thighs.
Instead of setting her on her feet, he strode out of the tent with her in his arms and walked to the firepit, where her maids and guards were eating together. As soon as they approached, the conversation ceased, and the men stood at attention.
“I am happy to report Lady Miran is feeling better. Bring her a trencher,” Kai said as he let her slip out of his arms. “After you eat, I have medicine that will help those welts heal faster,” he whispered.
Her maids jumped up and surrounded her, fussing over her like she’d returned from death’s door. Miran snuck a peek at Kai, offering him a sincere smile. He nodded, and she mouthed the words “thank ye”.
She valued his friendship—his honesty—his willingness to stand by her even though she’d lied to him and treated him so poorly in the past. It seemed their future held endless possibilities depending on what she was willing to give. And if she could, Miran swore she’d love him one day, openly and honestly—as well he deserved.