Leilani

“How could she be so stupid?” “Well she will have to deal with the consequences”

“Who signs over the rights”

I hear Guys voice over and over in my head. I can’t believe Trent told him. The disgust in Guys voice devastated me.

I only went back into the house to get my phone. I didn’t know Guy was at the house. I didn’t intend to listen in but I recognised his voice. I mistakenly thought he might have come to see me. For the first time in a few days I had hope. He dashed it with those few words.

Rose is taking me home, I need to work out how I face my parents tomorrow. The deadline is Thursday. Trent said to leave it with him and I did trust him until he broke my trust speaking to Guy.

I don’t say a word all the way to my house. I thank Rose and head inside.

My space. My apartment. My small piece of safe haven feels dark and lifeless. I get changed out of yesterday’s suit and into some leggings, I can’t find a jumper other than Guys. I wish I had never got involved with him. It was supposed to be a fling, but I have been kidding myself for weeks. I feel in love with Guy in Liverpool. Working together we made a great team, playing together we were even better.

I just need to sleep. My heads spinning with every thought. The voices are getting louder. Guy keeps playing over in my head. My head hurts. I took tablets over 3 hours ago. I take 2 more. I take 2 sleeping pills. I need to sleep. 20 minutes later I am still awake. I don’t know what to do to help me sleep. I pour a whiskey. Why can’t I sleep. I have a bottle of cold medicine in the bathroom. I take a small swig. It burns my throat but it’s working. I am sleepy.

In reality it was only 20 minutes since I took the Ibuprofen, which was only an hour after Rose gave me two tablets to help my headache. The Whisky I poured was my third or fourth. The sleeping tablets were prescription take one tablet 30 minutes before bed. They don’t know how much of the cold medicine I consumed. Whose they you ask? The doctors. I can hear them talking but my eyes won’t open, and my mouth doesn’t work. My stomach has been pumped and I am tied to a bed with tubes and monitors I guess. I can hear the beep beep

in the background and I can’t move. My brain isn’t talking to my body.

“How long before she comes around Malcolm?”

“Hard to say Chris, just be patient, she will be back with you soon. She is very lucky she got in here when she did. That cocktail could have done serious damage. From what we can see her organs are all function ok. We can’t asses anything else until she comes around”

That must be the doctor taking to my brother. Christopher. He’s a surgeon. He doesn’t work in a hospital anymore, but he used to. I wonder which hospital I am in. And whose here?

 

It sounds like a door opens or closes. Someone is sitting next to me. They take my hand and start to stroke it.

“Baby girl, we need you to be really strong and fight through this. We want you to wake up so badly. We miss you Lei.”

Christopher is talking like I am dead. “Hello? Still here!” I want to say but I can’t get my pesky mouth open.

“Mum and dad are coming back. They went home to get changed. It’s been a long few days Lei. Mum said she’s brought you some clothes as she reckons you’d have a heart attack if you saw the gown you have been wearing. Your swelling has gone down too. The bump is almost gone”

Bump? What bump? How many days is a few? I thought I only just got here! And as for the gown, well mother you raised me well.

The door goes again, I’m getting good at this.

“How is she?” It’s Alex

“No change” Christopher sounds so sad. “Malcom is positive, and he is the best. I just want to her to wake up. Two days in a coma is two days too long. She needs to wake up Alex. She has to”

Christopher’s voice breaks, and I hear him cry for the first time in my life. I want to hold him. Don’t cry over me you big wuss.

I hear a slapping noise and figure they’re hugging. My brothers. The oldest and the youngest. My rocks.

“Ahhh. This is not good man. I still don’t know how we got here? How did she end up down here, Leilani doesn’t take any shit and yet she crumbled bro and I wasn’t there to help her. I wasn’t there man. I should have told her before then none of this would have happened”

Come on Alex! Don’t be like that, you can’t blame yourself. Why are you blaming yourself? Damn us Barros’ really love a pity party, don’t we?

 

“Hey, now you listen to me. What you did all those years ago was to protect her. Yes if she’d have known it would have saved her a lot of stress but there is nothing we can do about that now. When she wakes up, you can tell her. She’ll be happy to hear it’s all over”

Christopher always the voice of reason.

“She’ll also love the Martin got the shit kicked out of him for good measure too. Although not happy it wasn’t me that got the satisfaction.”

“Me either bro. Probably saved his life that it wasn’t you though Alex. I don’t know that you could have stopped”

“I wouldn’t have but it would have been worth it”

“Looks like mums here with Rayne”

“We owe her everything, if she hadn’t got into Leilani’s flat, I don’t even know what would have happened”

“Don’t man. Just don’t. She did get in and she saved her. That’s the end bro.”

“Hey boys, how’s my girlie?”

Does everyone say the same thing every time?

“She’s the same, but Malcolm is positive”

Honestly put it on a sign on the door. Leilani is the same. No change. But Malcolm remains positive.

I can smell Rayne, her shampoo or body lotion something that’s all her. It’s familiar and makes me warm.

“Bitch face” she slavers a kiss on my cheek. “Now come on and wake up, you’re taking valuable room up in this place, people who are really sick need this bed so come on”

“We’re going to take mum to get a coffee, dad says she brought half of Leilani’s bedroom with her and he wants us to talk her out of building a shrine.”

All three of them laugh. Christopher is so deadpan but can be hilarious.

The door closes again, and Rayne lays her head on my arm.

“I really need you to wake up Lei, I can’t do this thing called life without you. You scared me. You scared the shit out of me when I found you. I flew round when Ma told me what had happened, and you’d stayed at their house, God. She’s being hella dramatic by the way, reckons she should have stayed with you. Told her you’re a big girl and as stupid as you were, I know you didn’t want to kill yourself. You’re too damn competitive, if you’d have wanted to do it, you would have succeeded. So I know it was an accident. Now we’ve established that will you wake up. Come on Lei.”

Sugar Tits believe me I am trying. I am fighting to give you a cuddle, a booby squish, I want to move so badly.

I don’t succeed. I can’t move.

“We have so much to talk about, like how you thought I didn’t know about you and Guy. I mean I figured it out ages ago. Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t believe you slept with Guy and I don’t know all the details? I bet he’s good in bed? I want to know everything, so you’ve got to wake up Lei. You have to”

So she knows about Guy. Interesting. How did that all come out. I wonder if he knows I am in here? I wonder if he will come and see me. Depends if he’s still disgusted with me.

Alex comes back into the room.

“Brought you a coffee Rayne.”

“Thanks”

Alex takes my other hand.

“I should have told you Leilani. I should have told you.”

“Alex. Stop. Now. This is not helping anyone. Positivity, remember. That’s what she needs. It’s over. Stop it.”

I wonder if I still have a business to go back to. I wonder how much of me is out there. If I have been here a few days the deadline has passed and given that Martin had been beaten up by Ethan, I assume it’s all out in the open. I feel a sudden calm at the realisation. My family are all still here even though they know.

“Until she wakes up Rayne I can’t be positive. I just can’t.” Alex breaks and so does my heart. In the movies this is the point where I would move my hand or something, but nope. Nothing.

“Come on Alex, you’ve got to be strong. Stronger. Don’t you dare fall apart. Imagine if she could hear you now?”

Err Hello? She can hear you. She hears you loud and clear!

“She’d probably kick my arse for being a wuss”

No, she’d hug you and tell you she loves you more than life.

“Probably, your sister is a fighter. She’s my best friend in her entire world and there is no way I am giving up on her, she wouldn’t give up on me and she sure as hell won’t give up on herself. We get her out of this and we all do it together”

I hear a kiss. My brothers treat her like another sister.

I feel drowsy, and their voices start to get quieter.

“How is she?”

Ahhh for fuck sake, is this still happening? Come on. Plot twist can I just wake up already.

“The same”

Ok people let me tell you something. This is torture. Get some imagination. Oh, actually hang on. Is this Groundhog Day? Have I woken up and started all over again?

“It’s 2 days now Dad, 2 days. Can’t they do something?”

“Alex, stop. She’s going to wake up”

“Will everyone stop saying that!  Nobody knows that will happen. It’s all fucking guess work”

Someone slams something.

“Dad, you need to take mum and go home. She’s never on her own. We’re all here. Get some rest. Please”

I suspect Dad leaves butI am not sure untilI hear Alex,

“Leilani, if you can hear me, we love you and we need you home. We need you back. I should have listened to Trent and told you that we knew about the video’s years ago. But we wanted to protect you. We set up a trust for you with the £7m they made from the video. Everything was destroyed before it even started. I should have told you that we destroyed it all. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. Why didn’t you come to me Lei? Please wake up so I can tell you it’s ok. Please.”

I desperately want to tell him that I can hear him, I try to move a hand to tell him that I am here, but I can’t. I want to open my eyes, I want to see him, let him know I haven’t gone anywhere. Damn it. I hate this prison that I am in. LET ME OUT!

I scream. Not physically but internally. I can’t do this anymore, it’s suicide.

Alex lets go of my hand. I don’t know what’s happening. Someone else is in the room. I can’t hear any voices. But I can feel someone else.

I hear the door close. Someone has left the room.

“Hey my gorgeous girl”

It’s a whisper and I can’t be sure.

“I wish you’d wake up Leilani. Please. Wake up for me baby”

I am sure. Alex left the room. Guy came in the room.

He keeps talking

“I want you to come back to me, I am so scared. Scared that I won’t ever hear your laugh again, that I won’t ever look into your eyes and melt like a fool, that I will never be able to tell you how I feel. Leilani, I am ready. I am so ready to have you back. I have to have you back. I need you back. You can’t leave me, not now. Not ever.”

If I could feel my heart beating it would beat out of my chest.

He’s here.

He wants me

I’m wrestling with the suffocating feeling of helplessness. Sadness overcomes me. I want to see him. I need to see his face just once more. I try to move my hand. Nothing, I try again. Nothing.

“Leilani, if you can hear me, I am sorry. Sorry I never gave you all of me. You have my heart. There is no one else for me, you are it. Always.”

What’s happening? I feel strange. I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s going black. NO! NO! don’t take me. Not yet, please.

I see myself, I can see Guy. His head is down on the bed next to my body. Oh my god. NO! I don’t want it to end like this. It can’t end like this.

There’s a loud noise, it’s an alarm.

Ringing. Constant Ringing. It’s so loud. It’s my machines. The ones helping me to breathe. The ones keeping me alive.

The picture fades and I can’t see Guy anymore.

Just one more time I want to hear

“How is she.”

Everything fades to black.

Gone.