Guy

She still hasn’t woken up.

2 days. And she is still unconscious.

I haven’t been home. I won’t go home. Alex has been here with me the whole time. Everyone comes and goes, there is always at least 3 of us at any one time.

Christopher trained with some of the doctors here, he is being our eyes and ears. They aren’t worried, they want us to be patient. They say her chances of a full recover are still high. I don’t believe them. I don’t want to rely on percentages. She has to wake up.

“Guy, there’s someone here to see you”

Alex is standing by the door. We’ve got to know each other well the last 48 hours. He knows me well enough to say

“Give him a chance” as I squeeze past him towards the general waiting area.

I frown at the comment. Who the hell?

“Dad”

“Hello son. How’s she doing?”

“No change”

I feel awkward. Willie is here. In casual trousers and a simple shirt. He looks like the man I used to know. He does something I don’t expect.

He pulls me into a hug. And I do something I don’t expect. I cry.

I cry for Leilani, for the helplessness I feel. For the pain everyone feels. I cry because the last time I was stood here with my father, my mother had just died.

I had left him here. In this spot. My father handed me a £10 note and said I was old enough to get it myself. I was tired and wanted to go home, he sent me downstairs to get a chocolate bar and when I got back, my mother had died. I never got to say good bye.

I cry to ease the pain of the anger I am holding. I let it all go. My father holds me. My father holds me as I cry.

“Let it out son, let it out”

I have never needed my father more. Never more than now.

“It’s ok Guy. It will all be ok. I am so sorry son. I’ve not been the best father. I don’t really know how to be a father,  but I can try. I can try if you’ll let me”

I nod against him. I need him to try now.

“When I sat here, waiting for you mother to get better, I felt numb and completely alone. Your mother changed my life the moment I met her, I was addicted to her spirit. Everything I did was for her, she was my world.  I lost so much of me when she died that I barely know who I am anymore. The judgements and decisions that I have made, I wouldn’t have made them if your mother was still here. She would be so proud of you Guy. So very proud”

 We’ve said more than we ever have before. That’s the most he’s ever done. For me anyway. I can’t forgive him for all the pain he has caused but I will try.

He asks to see Leilani, Carl and Alex agree. I let him go in with Alex. He leaves shortly after. He gives me a nod and I promise to call. I just pray the call is to say she’s back.

Ethan comes back to the waiting room, spinning a bottle of water in his hands.

“Martin’s in hospital. He was mugged last night. His mouth is wired shut. The police will be waiting for him when he’s released” Ethan breaks the news like he’s telling us dinner is on the way.

“Who?” I ask.

He shrugs.

We leave it there. I send up a silent prayer of thanks. Now I just need him to answer my other prayer.

I resume my position back at her side. I take her hand.

“Hey my gorgeous girl”

“I wish you’d wake up Leilani. Please. Wake up for me baby”

“I want you to come back to me, I cannot do this without you. I’m scared. Scared that I won’t ever hear your laugh again, that I won’t ever look into your eyes and melt like a fool, that I will never be able to tell you how I feel. Leilani, I am ready. I am so ready to have you back. I have to have you back. I need you back. You can’t leave me, not now. Not ever.”

I rest my head on her chest. I need to be close to her heart. She owns mine. Completely. My hand spasms. I must be leaning on it. I pull back to release the pressure. It’s not a spasm.

“Leilani, if you can hear me, I am sorry. Sorry I never gave you all of me. You have my heart. There is no one else for me, you are it. Always.”

Again. I feel something in my hand. It’s Leilani. She’s moved.

“Baby. Can you hear me?”

Her eyes flutter.

I grab the alarm and press it with all my might. The alarm is going off. It’s loud and I don’t care. Her hand moves again.

“Come on baby, wake up for me”

The door bursts open and there’s a doctor and a nurse by the bed.  Carl moves me out of the way. I still have her hand. Come on Leilani.

Her hand moves again.

“We need some space in here please people. She’s coming around”

None of us move. I refuse to let go. Her eyes flutter again. This time a little more and the blue I thought I would never see again peeps slowly through her lashes.

I can do nothing more than smile. She’s back.