CHAPTER FOUR
They say you never forget your first time. How could you? Your mind is on overdrive, your emotions are all over the place. The only part of you that is ever sure is your body.
My heart thundered in my chest as I stood outside of Dominick's bedroom with my back against the wall. He had offered me this chance to be with him, and I was pretty sure it was the only chance I'd ever get. If I turned away now, I would return to being Kimlet, a child to him. But if I stepped inside that room, everything would change between us. Forever.
I took a deep breath, and my feet moved of their own accord. Everything felt so surreal. In a matter of seconds, I was standing in the doorway looking at Dominick's naked back. He was more beautiful than I could fathom. All that time he spent in the gym really paid off. His body had never been that fit when I knew him before.
It took everything in me to still my nerves. I could feel my fingers twitch, my body wanting to tremble in anticipation of what was about to happen. My eyes trailed down to the floor, looking at my toes as they stood precariously at the entrance to Dominick's bedroom. Then I lifted one foot and stepped inside. There was no going back.
Dominick crossed the distance between us, taking me lovingly into his arms. His lips grazed mine teasingly, and I chased after him, yearning to taste him. Mint. Delicious. His hands tangled gently into my hair, his mouth moving heatedly against mine as he drew me further into the room. My body followed without hesitation.
I wanted to touch him, but I was so afraid. What if I did something wrong? What if he figured out I was inexperienced? That would be the worst. My fear of rejection almost muddied my pleasure.
I licked my lips when he pulled away, gazing up into his warm gray eyes. They were filled with lust, and I could hardly believe it was all for me.
“Is this what you want?” he asked.
“Mhm,” was all I could reply.
“Then get undressed.” Dominick turned from me, and I listened to the sound of metal on metal as he worked to take off his belt.
Following his lead, I turned around, not wanting to be seen. My hands fumbled clumsily at the bottom of my shirt. Shouldn't he be undressing me? Or us undressing each other? That's how I had imagined my first time being. Slow and romantic. Dominick didn't know I was a virgin though, and I wasn't about to tell him.
Butterflies swirled in my stomach as I listened to his pants sliding down his thighs. He undressed with urgency, while I took my time, wanting to savor every moment. I hoped I looked sexy, though I highly doubted it. I was far too jittery for sexy. Clumsy was a better adjective to describe my movements. Clumsy and insecure.
I had only stripped down to my bra and underwear when I felt Dominick's hands on my shoulders. He pulled me back against him, making a soft moaning sound as he pushed my hair away from my neck to kiss it. My entire body tensed as I felt his naked erection pressed against my backside. Part of me hoped he wasn't as big as he felt, otherwise this was really going to hurt.
When he wrapped his arms around me, I placed my hands on top of his, melting into his embrace. It was so warm and calming. I felt safe in his arms, like I belonged there.
Then his hands began to move, pushing up under the cups of my bra. I sucked in, and they continued their ascent, caressing my breasts, his fingers gently pinching my nipples until they were taut peaks. It wasn't the first time a man had touched my breasts, but it sure felt like it. Every pleasure sensor in my body lit up, sending me into lustful overdrive. I found myself grinding back against Dominick, craning my neck towards him in hopes to feel his lips upon me. He didn't disappoint, kissing me while he continued to send my body into a frenzy of desire.
When his hands finally left my bra, I turned to him. It was odd seeing Dominick completely naked. He was a stranger to me all over again. Not the same guy I had known growing up. That guy had been a sweet sensitive boy. This guy was a sexually confident man—a man I very much wanted to sleep with.
Nervously, I slid my hand between his legs, wrapping it around his shaft. It was every bit as big as I feared. Long and thick and hot in my hand. His skin was soft, but the flesh beneath was firm with want. I gave him a few clumsy strokes before his mouth descending on mine again.
His arms wrapped around my back, skillfully unclasping my bra with a quick stroke of his finger. He pulled the straps over my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Oddly, I didn't feel exposed. Not even after he pulled my panties down, leaving my completely naked. If anyone's eyes had ever been meant to see me naked, they were his.
He took me by the hand, leading me to the bed. I sat on the edge as he pulled open the bedside table drawer and took out the box of condoms. I watched in fascination as he tore open the package and slid the condom down his length. I'd never seen a guy put one on before, but he did it effortlessly.
“Lay down,” he told me, and I did, feeling rigid. Dominick smirked as he stood over me. “You look nervous.”
“I'm not,” I lied.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I wouldn't be in here if I wasn't.”
“Alright.” He crawled onto the bed beside me.
It seemed that with every inch closer he got, the faster my heart beat. Was I really ready for this? This was what I had always wanted, to lose my virginity to Dominick, or at least get to sleep with him. Yet no matter how many times I had fantasized about it in my head, it hadn't prepared me for the real thing.
He crawled between my legs, pulling one of my thighs over his hip. My fingers twitched as the trembling wanted to return. For as horny as I was, I was scared. Was it going to hurt? Would he be able to figure out I was a virgin? How would he react if he did?
“Are you alright?” He eyed me suspiciously.
“Yes,” I replied quickly, sounding annoyed. My hand reached up to tangle in his hair, drawing him to me for a heated kiss. He can't know how nervous I am. He can't know I'm a virgin. Just fuck me already. Please.
My mental telepathy worked. He inched forward, and I could feel the heat of his sex drawing closer to mine. My clit throbbed as his glans clumsily searched for my entryway, sliding down until he was lined up perfectly. When he pulled away from the kiss, his eyes were full of lust, and I could sense a hint of nervousness as well.
For a split second, I found myself wondering what he was thinking. Then all thoughts were erased by searing pain as he pressed forward. I gasped, feeling my entire body tense up as he pushed into me. Suddenly, the pleasure that had been pulsing between my legs transformed into fire as he broke through my virgin barrier.
Our eyes met, and he looked completely shocked. For as much as it had hurt getting it in, the fullness I felt having him inside of me made up for it. We were locked together perfectly, and my pain melted into emotional euphoric bliss.
“You're a virgin,” he said, his voice sounding anything but happy about the fact.
“No,” I breathed.
Almost as quickly as I had felt him penetrate me, the fullness disappeared. Dominick knelt in front of me, looking at the blood on the condom. Then he furrowed his brow, and I knew he was pissed. The perfect moment was ruined.
“You lied to me.” He scowled, crawling towards the edge of the bed.
“Dominick, no.” I shot up, grabbing him by the arm.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
I cowered. “Because I knew you wouldn't do it if you knew the truth.”
“Of course, I wouldn't. Your first time should be with someone you love, someone your own age.”
“It is with someone I love,” I insisted. “You remember all the stuff I said when I was drunk. It wasn't a lie. I love you. I've always loved you.”
He sighed, sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands.
My cunt throbbed with pain, but the tear I felt in my heart was far worse. I was scared to touch Dominick, but I knew that if I didn't he might leave, and that would destroy me. I knelt behind him, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my face against his back.
“Please, Dominick,” I whispered. “This is my first time, and I've always wanted it to be with you. Don't ruin it for me.”
I could feel his body relax. He put his hand on top of mine, drawing it to his lips for a gentle kiss. When he turned to me, I could only see remorse.
The lust was gone from his eyes, but he followed me onto the bed anyway. I laid beneath him and winced as he pressed himself back inside. His body moved on top of mine, slow and careful. While the fullness of having him penetrate me turned my pleasure sensors back onto overdrive, I couldn't help but feel a disconnect from him. Something was wrong, not physically but on an emotional level. We were no longer in sync.
I tried to ignore it. This was my moment, my moment to get what I had always wanted. I closed my eyes and moaned shamelessly as the friction between our bodies drove me toward the best orgasm I had ever had. When the contractions began rolling through me, I wrapped my arms around Dominick, holding him close, loving him.
He must have felt it, because he picked up the pace. My pussy sucked at his cock as he pumped into me until his body stilled, and I knew he was spent. He laid on top of me with his head turned away from my face, panting heavily. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and it soothed me.
Despite the rockiness of our coupling, I felt oddly happy. I had gotten what I wanted. Now that we'd had sex, Dominick belonged to me. Finally. Tonight was the first step in having a life together. After I finished college, we could get married and then have kids. Life would be perfect. Just as I had planned it.
He rolled off of me and got up to go to the bathroom. I watched his backside with giddy admiration. So hot naked. Maybe we can do it again after he has time to recharge.
I heard the shower turn on and grumbled internally, wishing he would have asked me to join him. Well, I guess that means no more sex tonight. There was no point in getting upset about it. Instead, I decided to go to my own bathroom and get cleaned up. My thighs were sticky, and the scent of sex was strong on me. I was sure Dominick wouldn't want to crawl in bed beside me smelling like that after he'd had a shower.
While I bathed, I thought about Dominick's reaction to my virginity. Shouldn't he have been happy? Didn't all guys want to sleep with virgins? He had acted strange, but I was pretty sure he'd get over it.
I scrubbed between my legs, feeling the soreness there and watching the blood swirl around the drain. There wasn't as much as I had imagined there would be, which was good. Hopefully, I didn't bleed through onto the mattress. I had only been staying with Dominick for a few weeks. It would suck if I had already ruined both of our mattresses.
By the time I finished my shower and returned to Dominick's room, he was laying in bed asleep. The sheets on the bed had been changed, and my side was made up as if he hadn't expected me to return. I frowned, pulling my side of the bed down before carefully crawling in. Part of worried about waking him up, but the other part of me wanted to cuddle. Isn't that what you were supposed to do after sex? Oh well. Tonight had been far from ordinary. I would take what I could get, and being in Dominick's bed was enough for now.
When I woke up the next morning, there was an empty spot beside me. I sighed, hugging Dominick's pillow to my chest and inhaling his scent. Thanks to the change of sheets and his shower, his pillow smelled like fabric softener and shampoo.
After lying there for a while, I pulled myself out of bed, feeling giddy and renewed. I was a new woman. It's amazing how having sex for the first time can make you feel, especially if it's with someone you love.
With a mischievous grin, I peaked around the door to Dominick's office, practically wiggling as I thought about all the naughty things I'd like to do to him. Hopefully, he'd be interested in taking a mid-morning break for some playtime. I was sore, but not too sore for a romp between the sheets.
“Morning, sunshine,” I purred.
“Morning,” he replied, not even bothering to look at me.
My smile faded. Had I done something wrong? Shouldn't he be happy and horny and welcoming me into his arms?
“How are you this morning?” I asked, the joy quickly draining from my voice.
“Working.”
“Oh, sorry.” I walked back into the kitchen, my heart sinking into the pit of my stomach.
Dominick had never gotten mad at me for going into his office before, but today he sounded genuinely annoyed—and distant. Maybe he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I tried to ignore his grumpy mood, taking my mind off of it by starting breakfast. Dominick came out of his office to eat, but he was no warmer towards me. It seemed like he had totally forgotten what had happened between us. Had I dreamed it all? The soreness between my legs told me no. If it had happened though, then why was he acting so strange.
The rest of the weekend went on as normal. Dominick treated me the same as he always had, which made me feel incredibly awkward. There was a strange silent tension between us. I hoped he would want to talk about things with me at some point, but he never approached me for conversation. If anything, it seemed like he was trying to avoid me.
On Monday, I was surprisingly happy when Victor didn't show up to class. I needed to get everything off my chest. It was girl talk time, and this wasn't something I could share with my sister.
“Have you. . .” I asked Carmen hesitantly during lunchtime while I watched her unwrap her sandwich.
“Have I what?”
“You've had sex, right?” I tried to sound more casual.
“Yes, of course.” She shifted in her chair, and I could tell the subject made her a bit uncomfortable.
“What was your first time like?”
“That's an odd question.” Carmen set down her sandwich to think for a moment, and then she gasped. “Kim, are you trying to tell me you're a virgin?” she whispered, though it was still loud enough for most of the people sitting around us to hear.
I cringed. “No. I mean, not anymore. I was, but . . .”
“Who was he?” She perked up. “Anyone I know?”
“Kinda.”
“It wasn't Victor, was it?” I could hear a hint of anger in her voice.
“No.” I shook my head. “It was Dominick.”
“Oh. My. God. I knew he wasn't really gay. Kim, you dirty girl. He's almost old enough to be your father.”
“That didn't stop you from wanting to sleep with him,” I nearly growled at her.
“No. But it's so scandalous. Rich older man. Young inexperienced woman. Didn't you tell me he used to be in love with your sister?”
“Can we not talk about that?” I groaned. Maybe this was a bad idea.
“So, how was he?”
“Good, I guess. I don't know. He's been acting weird ever since.”
“Well, that's strange.” She looked away thoughtfully, then shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich as if she no longer cared.
“That's why I kind of want to know what it was like for you. How did the guy react afterward? Was it romantic or . . . I don't know.”
“My first time was with a drunk guy at a party. He never talked to me again afterward.”
“Oh.” I felt almost bad for asking. Perhaps my experience wasn't the worst. “It's just weird. Like, he was all for it until I told him I was a virgin. Well, I didn't really tell him. He kind of figured it out when he . . . you know. But then he completely shut down. I had to practically beg him to come back to bed with me. I thought everything was alright when we finished up, but he's been acting strange ever since. I'm starting to think it was a mistake.”
“Maybe he just has other things on his mind right now. I doubt he regrets it. Guys love sleeping with virgins.”
“That's what I thought too. Dominick isn't like other guys though. He got really mad when he found out I was a virgin.”
“I don't know what to tell you, Kim. Authors are a strange breed. I wouldn't over think it though.”
“It seems like he's trying to pretend it never happened.”
“I seriously don't know what to tell you,” she repeated, sounding annoyed.
I had hoped talking would make me feel better, that Carmen would have some kind of insight into the way men acted, but it only made me feel worse. The conversation for the rest of the meal shifted toward Victor and whether I thought that Carmen had a chance with him or not. It kind of frustrated me. I was in mental anguish and really needed advice and support, neither of which she was willing to give.
As weird as it was, I really wished I could talk to Tammy about all of this. What would she think though if I told her that I had sex with Dominick? Would she be mad? Would she hate him for it? I didn't want to find out.
In the end, I decided to swallow my misery. If Dominick could pretend like nothing had happened, then so could I. It would be less of a burden on Tammy if I stayed with him. And besides, it wasn't like he was being mean to me. He was just ignoring me. It was no different than before. No different than before, I thought with a sad sigh.