೦ Anna ೦

 

I don’t know for how long Samael has been gone, but now I understand why he unhooked the chains. Not, so that I can walk around, but so that I can lay down on the mattress and rest. I can’t get up with my hands chained to my collar, but I don’t want to get up. I’m tired, beat, exhausted, hungry, and thirsty. I feel dizzy and when the room begins to spin, I sit down, only to almost faint.

When I close my eyes, the room spins again, so I keep them open and stare at the ceiling. I don’t see much, only the pattern, of how it has been built. There are huge beams holding it up. They are newer. They look freshly painted in grey, so that you can’t see them right away.

I’m so thirsty, and so tired.

I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, I might not open them again. And I remember Samael’s words in my head again. He didn’t plan to leave so soon, he had to.

But why?

 

⌽ Samael ⌽

 

All of this took too long, but I couldn’t rush it. I can’t have my brothers grow suspicious, or the three girls in this house. So, I don’t be too careful when I carry Rowena’s body up the stairs into her room as I have done many times. This is what would have happened, what always happened, when she lured me here, after I was intoxicated with violence.

I put her on her bed face-down. Then, I use her knee long stockings to tie her to the bed posts, as I had to a few months back. Rowena had told me back then that she was supposed to be punished by my father for unclean thoughts, but it hadn’t been him who had entered the house. It had been Gabriel.

And it was him who I walked up to and gave him the scarf Rowena had just finished knitting.

“She told me you would know what to do with it, brother,” I recite the same words she told me back then, with the same oblivion.

His eyes burn as he nods and receives his present from my hands. He will fuck Rowena’s corpse while choking her, and will think that he killed her. And like this, it will be his problem to explain Rowena’s death to everyone. Lucky for him, he is good with words.

It is the perfect plan.

I feel pride taking over my body, riding through my veins like an intoxicating drug. It is truly perfect.

When I bring Anna back to the flock, she will take on her mother’s role. After all, she is meant to be the mother to Raphael, to “It is God who heals,” it only makes sense that if her mother had the gift, and her son will have the gift, that she has the gift of God, too. And, like her mother before her, it will be me who will give her the light to fuel her godly power. I will obtain the medicine so that Anna can work her miracles, and no one will know.

And, we can be together. She can be mine, and no one will know. Raphael could be my son, and no one will know.

This insight struck me the moment I cleansed the world from the false prophet, the whore of Babylon, like the bible states, “and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet colored beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication: And upon her forehead was a name written, mystery, Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots and abominations of the earth.”

That is why the color ‘red’ is forbidden. That is why I must cleanse Anna of her mother’s sins.

It all makes sense now.

As I walk back to my house, my senses are still on alert. No one knows about my holy mission and I am certain that it is meant to be that way.

All these years, my father was preparing us for the apocalypse, getting us ready. Rowena was the serpent, poisoning us all. Gabriel will realize this soon enough, and the rest will, too.

Not only my father will finally see me for who I am, the entire church will celebrate me as bringing them a healer that has not been tainted, like her mother was.

It all makes so much sense now.

My feelings for Anna. It was meant to be. I was meant to be her protector. I just didn’t understand.

“Samael,” I hear someone say my name and my carefully constructed house of cards crumbles.

I turn around, pride being replaced with wrath, as I see my older brother Michael catching up with me. He never approaches me alone.

Something is wrong.

“The girl Rowena sent to you,” he begins, and I stop him right there.

“Is dead,” I state and my older brother nods.

I can see a hint of disappointment on his face and I feel disgust. She was one of his playthings. I spared her from more torment.

“I will tell father that it was an accident,” Michael determines. “Father must not know what happened.”

“Agreed,” I nod and my older brother turns away.

For whatever reason, I cannot keep my mouth shut, and I feel as if this is a huge mistake, but still, I cannot stop myself.

“You know, it needs to stop, Michael,” I tell him, and I never use his forename, which is why he looks at me in confusion. “You cannot allow yourself to become distracted from your duties.”

Michael frowns at me.

“Father will carry the number of the beast, soon,” I add, remembering it as I speak it. “Which means he cannot do what needs to be done. But you must.”

“Sixty-six,” Michael speaks the number as if he just had an epiphany – our father is turning that age in a few months.

“The number of the beast,” I repeat and nod.

I can watch how my brother’s mind starts working, and I turn away and begin walking again. Soon, my father will need me more than ever. Because soon, my older brother will try to take over the Church.

I grin like a Cheshire Cat, as I continue walking. If these thoughts strike me and I am a reincarnation of the angel Samael, these words must come from God himself, are they not?

It is no surprise that the Devil wants my soul.

I see my house in the distance, and what I feel now is different from before. I’m excited. I can’t wait to see Anna again, but then I hesitate.

What if I am wrong?

What if Anna is just like her mother? False, and full of deceit? What if not God put her on my path but the Devil? What if she is here to mislead us all and she is the true Babylon?

I stand where I stopped, thunderstruck.

Can my own instincts betray me?

Can my own emotions mislead me?

What if all that I have done since I got her back was following a false prophet?

What if it is her that whispers those ideas into my mind? What is she is misleading me, right now?

Did she make me kill her mother?

Her grandparents died because of her. I almost died because of her, and did I kill Rowena because of her? What did I do?

I press my eyes shut and shake my head, trying to clear my mind, but it won’t, it will not, calm down. No matter how hard I try.

So, I reach out for one image and try to cling to it until the noise in my head stops. It is the image of Rowena in my arms. I can feel the needle in my hand that I pushed into her lung. I can hear her life ending, her dark soul leaving her body.

I cling to that memory, while I try to control the brick wall around my mind.

Why did I rebuild it again?

What is hidden away behind it?

I can’t remember. I know I must, but I cannot.

Anna.

She left me for dead on the ground. I took a bullet for her from my father. She was out there in this filthy world for six years. She is not ready for what is awaiting her.

I need to protect her.

I need to make her mine.

Two hearts beat within my chest, and that is all I am. I am an angel. I am a monster. But she is still the center of it all. Anna.

Anna.

 

೦ Anna ೦

 

I don’t hear him, yet I know he’s back. I can feel it in my bones, which I can sense inside my body quite suddenly. I want to get up, but my muscles fail me. I’m too weak. I know it will probably infuriate him, but I can’t.

When I hear the door, I want to get up, but I’m too worn out, and I don’t care about what he’ll do to me. I know he sees the candle, when he steps inside.

I leave my eyes closed. Maybe he’ll react differently when he thinks that I am sleeping. I’m lying on my back, because that is the only position comfortable enough since I can’t move my arms. I try to not stir and breathe evenly, despite my accelerating pulse.

With every step he takes, my heart seems to race even more.

What if it’s not him?

What if his father found the place where he hid me and just decided to send his son on a mission so that he can check what Samael is hiding.

My eyes fly open, when whoever has come stops next to my mattress.

Relief washes over me as I recognize Sam, but that feeling is instantly replaced with horror when I see the expression on his face. It is the complete opposite to the one he wore as he was leaving me.

As soon as our gazes lock, Samael’s arm snaps down and he grabs me at my collar, lifting me up as if I weigh nothing. I wince and whimper.

“Twice, I have left you behind with one task only, and twice you have failed to obey and fulfill this task,” he snarls at me, and I just close my eyes and nod.

“Do you think this is for my own amusement?” He asks and I try to determine what I am thinking, but I can’t, but I opt for the obvious answer to his rhetorical question: “No,” I whisper.

“Stand,” he orders me, and I do my best to obey with my wobbly knees, but I lose my balance and tilt backward, falling against the wall.

So, I lean against it, not knowing what is coming next, waiting for Samael to continue scolding me. Instead, his hand slides between my legs, feeling my clit and lips, which are moist at best. He presses one finger against my clit and I flinch. Samael starts to draw circles and I don’t know whether it feels good or I just want to relieve my bladder.

I close my eyes, trying to think myself away to get through this.

“No,” he denies me, grabs my face with his other hand and my eyelids fly open again. “You don’t get to hide yourself in your mind. You must give in to this, because otherwise, what comes next will hurt,” he explains as if I was a child. “Or do you want me to hurt you?”

Before I get a chance to answer him, he withdraws his hand only to hit me between my legs, sending a sharp pang through my body that is being followed by a rush of rapture. I barely manage to suppress a moan by swallowing dryly, but he knows. He looks at me and just knows. His fingers slide between my folds again and I tense, because I am wetter than before.

He hits me again, and I wonder if he will go down on my again. This would be something I could enjoy.

“You could be moister,” Samael reproaches, as if I have any control over that.

“Then give me something to drink!” I spit out, not thinking this through.

I shiver at the possibility that Samael could rape my mouth and come with it. I don’t know if this idea arouses or disgusts me.

As if he can read my mind, Samael leans in to me, and for a split second I expect him to press his mouth onto mine again. Instead, he whispers: “You must earn your treats, little bird.”

This used to be a term of endearment, but now, it does all the wrong things to me.

I want to respond, and throw words of defiance at him, but he yanks at my collar and I collide with my favorite wall. Again, his hand is between my legs, and searches for my clit, and I instinctively arch my back, making it easier to access me.

“That’s better, Anna,” Samael coos now.

I close my eyes in shame.

 

⌽ Samael ⌽

 

She is her mother’s daughter. Always has been, always will be. I cannot deny it. But unlike Rowena, Anna is not beyond saving.

I can save her.

I am furious as I find the candle lying on the floor again, but then I notice how lifeless Anna lies on her mattress. Apart from the oatmeal, she has not had food or water. Therefore, I am worried as I approach her, but then her eyes fly open.

Deceiver! Like her mother.

Yet, her expression as she realizes it is me, before fear takes over her face, tells me that I am the one who has deceived myself. Because, Anna has not lied to me. She did not have the capability to do so, when she was young, and now I have doubts that this is a trait she learned during her time outside of the safety of the church’s premises.

Her response to my reproach sounds nothing more than a confirmation of my thoughts. So, I need to see her eyes when she talks to me. Eyes never lie.

I also need to see her expression when I do the things to her that her mother demanded of me to do to her.

I loathed it.

Feeling that woman’s juices on my hands, on my lips and in my mouth. Anna is so different. She does not taste vile, like poison.

How was I so blind?

I hope to explain to her what I need to do which might help her understand the reason for my action, but she is so frustrating, unless she is defiant.

Her words are saturated with honesty. How did I not notice this before? Why did I think that she was lying to me?

Because it would mean that everyone else is lying to me instead.

I press my eyes shut and shake my head, desperate to empty my mind from all the memories when my father, my brothers, and Rowena told me about Anna leaving me behind.

If she is speaking the truth, then she is even more pristine than I thought, which only means I need to prepare her even more meticulously. No wonder she is meant to give birth to the fourth son, the last of us.

My head hurts.

The world is spinning.

Unintentionally, my finger slips and enters her where is should not. I catch the air in my lungs as I feel how my fingers are drenched with her juices from her soft flesh.

Anna tenses around my fingers, her body twitches. No one has touched her here before.

My mind is a blank space, empty and silent. Just one thought ignites my body like a spark. I want to feel this pristine flesh around my cock.

Again, my mind explodes in countless thoughts, noises, and ideas. I can hear her cry out in despair as I rip her open and make her bleed around me.

If I want it that much, it cannot be right. This is what all of them have taught me.

 

೦ Anna ೦

 

“Are you a serpent?” Samael asks me out of nowhere and I am so confused by his question that I don’t take time to think about it.

“No!” I shout at him, my cheek grazing the wall.

Instinctively I clench around his finger again, the one that is inside of me, and feeling him there makes my body shake.

I hate how he makes me feel. I hate that this is so much like my deepest, darkest dreams when it’s Sam who comes to me in the dark, out of nowhere and makes me his. But first, I need to earn what I want.

The words he spoke in my dreams are so close to those he has spoken to me now.

“My father will not only help you transcend into womanhood,” he suddenly tells me. “You must pass a series of trials to prove that you are in fact meant to be his third wife.”

I’m too shocked by what he just told me.

I thought this was about him exerting his revenge, and not preparing me for something. Yes, he told me that he would give me to his father, but I thought this was part of my torture.

“I wish it could be me.”

Did I just hear that? Or was it just in my head?

Just like the light clinging in the background that is not the chain?

I flinch, as I suddenly feel something soft, yet hard between my legs, something hot. My body realizes it’s Samael’s cock, before my mind does, and I moan before I can stop myself. My body shivers, and I can feel my arousal begin to run down my legs as Samael moves his hard-on along my moist lips, coating it with me.

“I do not know what these trials entail,” Samael continues, and his voice is as thick with lust as I feel. “But I know him.”

While my body succumbs to him, my mind is screaming at me.

“I don’t want you to like it,” he whispers now and his voice sounds so different all of a sudden, that it gives me goosebumps. “But…”

I cut him off as I yell loudly: “No!” as I feel the tip of his cock at the entrance of my butt.

I try to wiggle away, try to buckle, using the wall I am pressed against as support, but there is nothing, absolutely nothing I can do.

“Relax.” It’s like I can hear him in my head.

Fantasy and reality collide, intertwine, and mix, like blood and water.

All he needs is one thrust, and he tears me open. Coating his cock with my juices doesn’t seem to have helped at all as I can feel several spots of my anus rip open. It doesn’t feel like there is an end. He pushes deeper and deeper, and tears spring from my eyes.

That one word still echoes in my head and I try to listen to it and think of nothing else but relax those muscles that are no match to him.

When he’s inside me he stops moving altogether, almost as if he wants me to get used to having his enormous member shoved up my ass. But it hurts, it fucking hurts and I can’t and won’t stop my tears from running down my cheeks.

“He loves that,” his voice is almost inaudible, like of a haunting ghost. “Believe me I know.”

My stomach and my mind are revolting. I want to scream but I can’t.

“I’ll show you what helps,” Sam speaks softly. “I’ll help you. Just promise you’ll think of me.”

All of this feels so much more like a nightmare than reality, but only reality hurts this much.

Samael starts retreating, only making me realize how large he actually is but before I can think or feel anything else his hand is on my stomach and slides down to between my legs, finding my clit instantly. He pinches my sensitive flesh, I clench around his cock and a cocktail of pain and arousal drowns me.

 

⌽ Samael ⌽

 

This is not for my own enjoyment, this it to help her, to prepare her. I have hated doing this every single time, no matter who was on the receiving end of this punishment. I loathed this happening to me, every time it did. This is the first time I am doing this not as a punishment. And it has never been Anna before.

I try to think of the reason I am doing this to her. I try not to enjoy this, because I am not allowed to but I do. I enjoy this so much.

Her exclaiming ‘No!’

Her trying to fight me off.

Her whimpers, as I tear her tight little butt open are caresses on my skin, and needles in my veins. And even though she tries to listen and relax, the motion is sensational. Her flinching, her clenching around me as I pinch her clit almost sends me over.

No one will know that I enjoy it.

But I know. Me, who had to endure this so often, from those who should have protected me. I want to hate this, as much as I hate doing this to others.

And it has no use for Anna, when I am doing this gently. My father won’t care.

Thinking of my father raping her ass makes me furious. She doesn’t need to like this.

 

೦ Anna ೦

 

Something changes within a heartbeat. Samael was slow before, almost as if he was reluctant to do this, but suddenly, he becomes violent, and prods inside me, deep. But his hand is still fingering me, and I’ve somehow managed to find out how to relax and spread my sphincter, so that this becomes at least a bit more bearable.

Yet, it still hurts. If he were smaller, then maybe, but I can’t hold back my sobs, can’t understand these opposite sensations that overwhelm my body.

Have I evoked this with my dreaming of this?

Have I created this monster?

I try to focus on his hand, but it only intensifies the pain, so I try to concentrate on the pain, but it doesn’t help.

I try to think of anything else. On the words, he used to tell me in my fantasies. But I can only hear what he says to me just now.

‘But I know him.’ I start to feel sick.

‘He loves that.’ My stomach churns and my heart screams.

‘Believe me, I know.’ My tears feel like acid on my skin, while Samael prods into me rhythmically, while circling my clit, but I barely feel my body now.

 

⌽ Samael ⌽

 

Anna’s sobs begin to shake her body even more than I do. She stops spreading her muscles and her body trembles, and clenches around me.

What she mutters is what makes me come inside her, instantly, violently.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I can’t pull out, although a part of me wants to. Another part just keeps moving inside her until I am more than just spent. I still want to stay where I am, but that wouldn’t be right, especially since she continues to mumble these words repeatedly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I should be the one who’s sorry. I’m the fucking monster. I did this to her. I know my father will, too. But this isn’t right. Nothing of this is right. What is wrong with me?

I want to reach out and comfort her, but I am the last person who should. So, I move away. But that’s all that they’ve done, too, move away.

As her knees wobble and threaten to give in, I take that step and catch her. I don’t think when I twist open the carabiners at her collar and pull her wrists free. But her arms only dangle next to her as she keeps sobbing, apologizing.

 

೦ Anna ೦

 

I’m sore and burning. All I want to do is collapse. I want sleep, and pretend that all of this is nothing but a nightmare. I want to fade to black. I want a second chance and never try to run away from the church. At least, I would have had a chance to save Sam. To save him from becoming this monster.

I left him.

I knew what he went through even before I got there, and it continued to happen to him. I can’t even begin to imagine what happened to him after I left.

Suddenly, my hands are free, but I can’t move them. They fall next to my body. I’m being moved around; my back being placed against the wall.

“Let me make you feel better.”

Did I just imagine that, too?

My ass hurts, and I can feel Samael’s cum dripping from it. As much as I hate it, because of what he just did to me, it’s hot, too. He came inside of me.

Who is the monster here? Who is the freak?

His tongue is on me again. As much as I want to shove him away, as perfect it feels right now, pleasure overriding the pain.

I tell myself, I’m just dreaming.