⌽ Samael ⌽

 

Six years I have been waiting for this day. Six years I have spent planning every moment, every second she would live under my control. And now, now the day has finally come.

It is hard and so surreal to finally have her in my grasp that I am wishing for a sign that this isn’t one of my vivid dreams. But there is no sign, just reality.

The tires blew up at the exact spot I calculated. And she was there, at the exact time I expected her to reach the place, but she had been driving faster than I anticipated. This shouldn’t have happened.

I hit myself against my chest. I punish myself for my mistake with pain. Bruising isn’t enough, but it will have to be enough. For now.

I should have known that she would be unreliable, that she would drive faster than the speed limit. There are so many things she needs to learn.

It will take me longer to teach and train her.

This time, there is no room for mistakes.

It is wise of me to not tell my father that I have found her for a second time.

Telling him the first time was an absolute disaster, but I was so eager to please him, to make up for my mistakes that I let pride guide me.

There is a reason pride is a cardinal sin.

 It would have been so easy to get her back with only a little patience and preparation, but my father had been impatient and instead of holding me back, of trusting my instinct, he pushed me. Both our anger had been too wild, our disappointment and feeling of betrayal too fresh. And that had been the only reason I failed, the only reason I had lost it when I didn’t find her at her grandparent’s house on her sixteenth birthday.

But this time, this time I have been patient.

I have been watching her.

I have been watching her from the very day I found her.

When someone requested access to the case file of her grandparents’ deaths and that request was granted, I knew right away it was her.

Anna. My Anna.

But she wasn’t my Anna anymore.

My Anna had been fake. My Anna had been an illusion. This girl, this girl I found, is no one. And it is my duty to turn No-one into Rachel.

Rachel, my obedient step-sister, who I will return to my father’s flock.

I will return her demure, timid, and yearning to earn the prophetic preacher’s approval. Rachel will be clean, cleansed of the filthy world she has spent six years in, among the foul and heretic people.

Rachel will be innocent again. A worthy virgin for my father’s seed, to birth a truly blessed son. The fourth son, the purest son: Raphael. That’s why her name is Rachel. Her mother, Rowena, was unfit for the task.

Rachel will be.

I fight down the strange feeling in my chest, when I repeat my father’s words in my head. It is not my place to dislike his prophecies. It is blasphemy to do so. Blasphemy.

I did penance for four years, and in the past two years I am using the chance I was given, to prove my worth for the Church of the Second Reckoning.

Rowena has been kind to me. She explained to me that God had given me this path, that God had tasked me with being tempted by my step-sister, that my failure was his plan, so I would become the strongest and brightest of my father’s sons. After all, Samael is Lucifer, and Lucifer means ‘light-bringer’.

And I bring light to her every night my father lies with one of his other wives.

Getting the information about who asked for the file was the easiest part. God blessed me with good looks to tempt my brothers and all men of our church with jealousy, but also to give me a tool to do his bidding. Michael has the gift of leadership, Gabriel has the gift of eloquence, and I was given two gifts: temptation and death.

I have learned to use my first gift to get what I need to fulfill my task. Pretending to be whomever I need to be plus my charming smile makes everyone – every woman, or man, or child –  believe my every word, and makes them eager to please me.

I can’t care less about those who throw themselves at my feet and give me their numbers. They all are just, means to an end. They all are just lost causes, lost souls with a spot in hell waiting for them.

All I care about is Anna.

The girl that spent six years of her life being my friend, my little sister, my…

No one before and after her has ever been able to trick me like she did. And the only reason that had been possible was that not everything had been an act. Like Rowena told me: she was doing God’s bidding, which means she is fated to be one of us, and it is my holy duty to return her.

She is not entirely lost.

She is not a temptress by her own choice.

Deep down inside of her is still that innocent girl that had given me this shy, insecure smile when she got out of my father’s car that day. I can still see her, what she looked like, how she glanced at me, even now. The girl that gave me innocent pecks on my cheek, and told me I was the best big brother she could ever wish for.

I will find that innocent girl and I will break her. And once she is broken and shattered into pieces just as she left me, I will put her back together as God tells me to.

For almost three years now, I have been watching her at her college. Ever since I waited in front of the precinct where she had set a meeting so that she could read the file of her grandparents’ deaths and when she got back outside, I followed her.

She was driving her old, little, red VW again, and she drove it all the way back to the college, making it far too easy for me to follow her. It only proved to me that God was showing me the way. The only thing I had to be careful about was to not be seen by her. Even though she probably didn’t suspect anyone to stalk her; I hadn’t been sure if she would recognize me, if she should see me.

The only problem with my godly mission was my father, whom I had to call to tell him the half-truth that I was following a lead on my stepsister.

It took me an entire day of praying to get an answer to if I should tell my father that I had found Anna, or withhold the truth to make sure that I would get her home this time. I already knew as I was calling that once returned I would have to sleep a week on my stomach again. But I didn’t care, because I had found her, because I could watch her, because she was right there in front of me, and God wanted me to wait, to be patient, because my father couldn’t be.

From that day on, I watched her every single day. I got her schedule from breaking into her room, and when I drove all the way back to the property, I had already installed several cameras in her room, and also gained the remote access codes of her dorm’s, her college and the parking lots’ surveillance system.

Two weeks after informing my father about my ‘failure,’ I began with step two of my mission: The preparation for the case when I finally got Anna. I would have to wait for a time when no one would miss my stepsister and that would be after graduation, when she left the dorm to drive wherever. Because no one would know or care. Because Anna kept to herself, most of the time. Because she was a freak to many, a rarity to most.

These heretics wouldn’t recognize an angel even if she showed her wings and her halo, not even when heaven broke up and God’s hand would point at her.

I knew that the day of her leaving college was the perfect date to retrieve her, and it would give me enough time to draw out the perfect plan without my father or anyone getting suspicious or in the way. I had waited almost three years to find her, I could wait a little longer, because she must be perfect.

When my father would see the result of my hard work, he would forgive my former failures. He would welcome me back as full member of his family and be proud of me. My father would have proof that I was worthy of being the commander of the guardians and a loyal son. I will take my rightful place as the radiant son, the light-bringer, the commander of death. That is all that matters.

I could endure the Guardian’s Prayers a few more years, all the exercises and trainings, standing guard when my father or my brothers were giving special blessings to the women. I could execute punishments in my father’s name as the highest of the guardians, no matter how cruel they seemed to be, because, soon, all that would be over, and I would return to my rightful place at my father’s side.

And now, now the day had finally come. Day three after Anna’s graduation day, the day she had told everyone about her leaving for Hollywood, when in truth she had no idea where she wanted to go.

I know.

She hadn’t looked up any routes on her computer, hadn’t booked any motels. Anna just wanted to drive until her car broke down. She had laughed when she told this her roommate, but I knew that in truth, she meant it.

Anna won’t need any map or destination. She will go nowhere else but into my care. Anna will cease to exist and become Rachel. Just like my father has prophesied.

So, after the initial shock of her car flying off the road, I recover quickly, and discipline myself by hitting my fist against my chest. I start the tow truck I borrowed and race to her damaged car, the engine of which is dying and blows steam in every direction.

Getting my tools, I quickly get out of the tow truck and try Anna’s door. It doesn’t budge. Gritting my teeth and suppressing a growl of frustration, I use more strength and tear open the door, with a creaking sound of the metal frame.

Only in that split second, I fear, or hope, Anna will be wide awake and stare at me. Two fantasies collide with each other, one where she screams in panic and tries to get away from me, and one where she bursts into tears and throws herself into my arms. I don’t know which vision is sent by whom: God, or the Devil. It doesn’t matter, because she is unconscious with a bruise on her forehead slowly showing.

Quickly, I check her pupils, pulse, and breathing, before I imbue a cloth with chloroform and press it against Anna’s mouth and nose. Instantly, I freeze when she moans softly, making me believe that she is about to wake up. Again, conflicted emotions battle in my chest as I want her to see me and I fear it, just the same way.

How I wish God would give me a sign which one is send by him, so that I can finally find peace.

I have repeated every step in my head repeatedly and so very often that my actions almost feel like a routine. It is the only reason I proceed as planned. I know myself well enough by now that I cannot trust my mind, I must trust my discipline to fulfill my godly mission.

I unbuckle Anna, and pull her from her car. She is lighter than I expected her to be and too thin for her physique. It angers me, maybe more than it should, but to me it means and it proves, she isn’t taking care of herself. It also tells me that I must recalculate the injections I have prepared for her. 

I carry her over to the tow truck; put her on the passenger’s seat, and buckle her up. After that, I drive the truck around and tow away the little, red VW.

Everything still feels like a dream, even though it is real. Yet, I can’t help but look over to Anna, who is slumbering right next to me.

She is slightly leaning towards the middle of the truck, so that she is facing me. It is so tempting to reach out to her and brush the strands of hair out of her face, to find an excuse to touch her in a way I didn’t expect that I wanted to.

During all those years of planning, I haven’t thought of how it would make me feel to finally have her close to me again. My hands clench around the steering wheel, my jaw tenses, and I force myself to glare through the windshield and ignore her.

Although I have watched her whenever I got the chance, it was the distance and the fact that she was on a screen that had distorted reality. Anna had still been that fifteen-year-old girl, while I grew older. Although I argued with myself that I had to wait until she graduated, a part of me now is berating myself that I only had wanted to wait until she had become an adult. Because what I have in store for her isn’t something I would want to do to a child.

I am not like that.

Again, my eyes wander off, ignoring the angry inner monologue that she isn’t supposed to distract me from, but I can’t help it. Her shirt, which has been covering her perfectly, suddenly is too revealing in the position she is now sleeping in. And now the shorts she is wearing seem to be too short. It all wouldn’t be this distracting if I simply stopped staring at her.

But that isn’t the point.

It is just another thing I will have to teach her. To dress herself more modestly, and to not wear lace underwear. It is not her place to tempt people.

And as if Anna wants to protest in her slumber, another sound escapes her mouth; a high-pitched moan, striking me to the bone. Quickly, I grab the cloth and press it against her face again.

“Just a little bit longer,” I whisper to her, realizing too late what I am doing, how my face softens, when I speak to her, look at her.

“There’s no harm in it when she’s sleeping,” I explained to myself. “As long as she’s sleeping.”

I have it all planned. A few weeks ago, I paid three years rent for a garage a few towns away, and made friends with the landlord who owned several tow trucks, so that I could tell him this morning that my girlfriend’s car had broken down and ask him if I could borrow the tow truck, which was, of course not a problem at all, especially since I paid for it, in cash.

After checking Anna’s pupils, pulse, and breathing once more, I pull out the prepared syringe, press out some of its content, since Anna is thinner than I thought and inject her with a special mixture of liquid Rohypnol – a tranquilizer – and something special, that I basically killed for to get it, before I lift her out of the car and carry her feather-light body a few yards. I place her in the passenger’s seat of the old Impala my older brother Michael gave to me because he had no use for the car anymore. It is standing next to the garage that I drive the wreckage of the red VW into. Then I close said garage and get into the tow truck again, since I want to return it quickly. Throwing a glance back at Anna, I know she is sleeping, and won’t wake up for a few hours. Still, it takes a lot of discipline to drive away and leave her alone in the shotgun seat of the Impala.

She will be out for some hours now, but since she has hit her head badly, I don’t want to take any chances and leave her alone for too long.