Prologue
Charm
Being mistrusted by the men you grew up admiring and emulating is demoralizing, embarrassing, and infuriating. I went on the road as a Nomad to gain clarity. I thought time away from home would allow the air to clear and the dust to settle after the scandal with my father. I was mistaken. The space didn’t help me figure out who the hell I was at all.
Being a Nomad tends to be good for head clearing. Leave it to me to be the exception to the rule. Existence as a Nomad was everything I thought it would be—a sanctioned wander. I didn’t need to think or people because I was never in one place for too long, and I always had a clear directive.
Every chapter of the club I visited welcomed me because they required me to complete a task. I needed that acceptance. It was a far cry from the cold shoulder I’d been getting from members of my chapter in San Mateo. I took that time to build my body and my mind back up, and then requested to return home.
I never thought I’d feel like an outsider here. This is where I was raised. The legacy handed down to me originated on this soil. Disconnection from what I love and self-loathing are eating away at my soul bit by bit. The sense of alienation in the one place I was born and bred to belong in sickens me.
We’re founded on brotherhood. The feeling of being shunned is a slap in the face. I should be angry, but deep down, I know I deserve their scorn. I did this to myself, buying into all of my father’s lies about the superior race and perpetuating stereotypes.
I’ve long since stopped making excuses for my unforgivable actions and accepted I became the product of my environment. That way of thinking was all I knew. It was my version of normal, shoved down my throat from the moment I entered the world. I had no reason to see anything wrong with it.
The ancient by-laws of the club first formed in the racially charged climate of the late fifties and early sixties kept the club exclusive, white, and trapped in a time of backward thinking. It’s easy to buy into a skewed belief system when you’re isolated, and there’s no one to challenge it or teach you any differently.
The things I said and did at one point are now repugnant to me. A person should be judged on their merit and character, period. I could spend my entire life trying to make up for the damage done by my ignorance and never scratch the surface.
“You good?”
I glance over at my brother, Echo, and nod. I agreed to dinner with him and his wife, Dixie Rose, because I wanted to tell him about my plans.
“Yeah.”
“You sure? You’ve been lost in your thoughts a lot lately. I know coming back in from off the road is an adjustment.” He clears his throat. “I want to be sure there’s nothing else going on. I failed you in the past, letting you get swept up in all of Dad’s vicious propaganda. I can never apologize enough for that. But I’m here now.”
I shake my head. “None of that was your fault. If you had tried to go against him, he would’ve buried you. Plus, you attempted to steer me right plenty of times. I was too blind and brainwashed to accept the truth you spoke.”
“Dad was your hero. I seemed like the angry older brother who lived to argue non-stop and never gained his approval. Why would you listen to me?” Echo says softly.
“Because you were right.” I can admit it now.
“It’s all water under the bridge now. We both came out on the other side better for the pain.”
Absentmindedly stroking my chin stubble, I peer through the window at my sister-in-law, Dixie Rose. With her light brown skin, coarse, thick black curls, and brown eyes, she’s everything my father stood against. She’s also one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. That she receives me at their table at all is a testament to her strength and forgiving nature.
“You ready to tell me what’s going on?” Echo asks.
I laugh. “Forever the big brother, huh?”
“Without a doubt. Now stop stalling.” His voice takes on the parental tone that drove me insane when we were younger, and he was charged with watching over me.
I snicker. “I’m odd man out here. It makes a man wonder where he belongs.”
“What are you talking about? This is your home.”
“No, it used to be, once. Now I’m in some sort of weird limbo. I feel like I’m a Prospect again, yet to prove his worth and loyalty to the brothers.”
His brows deepen into a V as his eyebrows nearly meet. “You tired of the life, little brother?”
Am I? It’s all I’ve ever known. How could I ever be a civilian? “Nah, I’m tired of people second guessing my loyalty. The brothers have a long memory and they associate me with the assassination attempt on the President.”
“Charm. We all know you weren’t in on that shit Dad did—”
“Doesn’t mean I’m not a reminder of it. I need to be known for something different.” Finishing my beer, I turn to face him. “Stone wants to get more legal venues going, and I’m going to help him out with that for a bit down in L.A.”
“It’s been nice having you back, dude. I’ll be sad to see you go again so soon.” The audible disappointment is a kick to the gut. I let Echo down enough already. I was part of the reason his relationship with Dixie Rose failed the first time. The only African American female around, my father made her life hell, and I helped. They spent years apart they’ll never get back. Seeing them together now, it’s obvious they were meant to be. It’s not an easy thing to find in our life. Too many women want to be seen, get the bad boy experience, or take you for all you have.
My sister-in-law, Dixie Rose, doesn’t need anyone to take care of her and gets what the life is about because she’s the daughter of a KOC member. When she looks at my brother, I can’t help but feel envious of the complete acceptance and adoration in her eyes and on her face. What would it be like to find that?
“I won’t be far.”
“True, L.A. is an easy drive. What are you going to be doing?”
I clear my throat. “Working a food truck.”
He blinks, and the laughter rips free. “Dude, what?”
Smiling sheepishly, I shrug.
“Charm, are you kidding me?”
“Nope. The food truck business is booming here in Cali. It’s actually a smart move by Stone.”
“And why aren’t we sending a prospect?” Echo asks.
“Because when I come back I’ll be training, and if I want to, running a truck of our own. He’s not trusting them with that.”
“You know I’ll be coming down to visit, right? I got to see this for myself.”
“Jackass,” I mutter, flipping him off.
He chuckles. “When do you leave?”
“Today. I’m packing light.” I won’t tell him the truth—that it’s a last ditch effort to regain my balance and decide if this life is still for me after all.