Emberleigh
Six months later…
NATHAN AND I SIT ON THE SOFA in my living room. My hand is in his, and I know my grip on his fingers must be crushing them. My heart pounds in my chest so hard I hear it in my ears. I swallow hard to keep away the tears that are threatening to spring free. Nathan’s thumb strokes the top of my hand, and it calms me slightly.
Sitting next to me is Avery. She’s worriedly biting her lip and her eyes glisten with tears, but she’s not allowing them to fall. She turned nine a month ago. Still so young, but always so strong. I want to pull her into my arms, but I refrain, not wanting to push something on her she might not be willing to accept at the moment. I just landed a huge blow to her, and she needs time to process it.
“So, you’re not my sister and Mom and Dad aren’t my mom and dad?” she asks, her voice wobbling.
God! It takes everything in me not to grab her hand and offer at least that comfort. I know this has to be tearing her up inside and confusing the hell out of her. She’s too young and shouldn’t have to go through something like this.
I clear my throat and try my best to keep my voice even. “Technically, no. But Avery, we can be whatever you want us to be. Whatever you feel comfortable with.”
“You’re my mom and they’re my grandparents.” It’s more of a statement than a question, but I still nod. I know this is just her way of trying to understand.
“And what about my real dad?”
Icy shards of glass pierce my chest. There is no way in hell I’m ready to tell her about her dad, and I don’t think she could handle it either. I’ll tell her when she’s older, more mature, more world wise. But I still need to tell her something. I flick my eyes to Nathan for a moment. I see the angry tic in his jaw at the reminder of what happened to me, but he gives me a nod of encouragement. When I told him and my parents a week ago that I felt it was time to talk to Avery, I also told them I was keeping that part to myself for now. They all agreed, knowing it would be too traumatic for her young ears.
I look back to Avery and pull in a deep breath.
“Your dad…” I pause and try to find the right words. “…wasn’t a good person.”
Her hands twist together in her lap, and the urge to take one in mine is too overpowering to resist any longer. I tentatively reach out and grab one, hoping she doesn’t try to pull it away. A breath of relief rushes from my lungs when she looks down at them, but doesn’t attempt to free her hand.
“What do you mean he wasn’t a good man? Did he do bad stuff?”
She lifts her head and the confusion on her face has me silently cursing Ricky and his friends to the lowest bowels of hell.
I keep my voice gentle. “I know this is all confusing and painful for you, but that’s something I can’t tell you yet. One day when you’re older I will.”
That’s a day I dread with all my heart. How do you tell your daughter her mom was raped by multiple men and she doesn’t know which is her father?
“I’m so sorry, Avery,” I whisper. A tear slips down my cheek. My hands are in Nathan’s and Avery’s, so I can’t wipe it away. It would be futile anyway, because I know there will be more.
“Why didn’t you keep me? Did you… not love me?”
A sob escapes my throat. I release Nathan’s hand and do what I’ve been dying to do since we first sat down to talk. I pull her small body to my chest and hug her tight to me. More tears fall when her arms go around my waist and her head buries in my neck.
“No, Avery,” I say into the top of her head, soaking the strands with my salty tears. “I loved you so very much. I was just scared. I was young and had no idea what I was doing. There are things you don’t know about, but I felt like I didn’t deserve you, like I couldn’t give you everything you needed. Mom and Dad were able to do that when I wasn’t.”
She pulls back and looks up at me. Nathan must have gotten up at one point because he hands Avery and me tissues.
“I remember you always being there though. You were my sister and my best friend.”
I smile. “I tried to be there whenever you needed me.”
She looks down at her hand still in mine, then lifts her gaze again.
“Do I call you Mom now?”
My stomach flutters at the thought of hearing her call me Mom. That would truly be a dream come true.
“You call me whatever you feel comfortable with,” I tell her, squeezing her hand. “If you just want me as your sister or best friend, then that’s what I’ll be. If you want me as your mom, then I’ll be that. It’s what you want, Avery.”
“What about Mom… I mean… Grandma?”
“She feels the same way. If you don’t want anything to change, then it won’t, but know that we’ll all love you no matter what.”
Her mouth scrunches and her eyes look up and to the side as she thinks over my words. When her eyes come back to mine, some of the light that normally shines in them is back.
“Can I call you both Mom?”
I nod and give her a big smile. “If that’s what you want.”
She thinks it over for a moment, then nods. “I think it is.” She leans closer to me. “But it might take a little while to get used to it, so I might forget sometimes.”
I laugh and a huge weight lifts off my chest. I know she’s still confused and hurt, but knowing she doesn’t hate me makes me the happiest person in the world right now.
“Am I going to move in with you,” her eyes look beyond me, “and Nathan?”
I smile over my shoulder at him. It’s not official yet, but next week my lease for this apartment is up. He asked me to not renew it and move in with him. I’m practically already living there anyway, so I agreed. It feels right.
“That’s up to you as well. We would love to have you live with us, but only when and if you’re ready.”
She nods. “Okay. Let me think about it.”
“Okay.”
She gets up, and so do Nathan and I. She looks so little as she stands in front of me and fiddles with her shirt nervously. I hate that I made her uncertain and question everything she’s ever known.
I’m both surprised and elated when she launches herself into my arms. She’s warm, and when I rest my cheek on the top of her head, I breathe in and still smell the sweet innocence she’s carried since a baby. My throat tightens. Although I was always in the background, I missed so much.
“I love you… Mom,” she says haltingly, putting a stranglehold on my heart. I’ve waited years to hear her call me that, and now that she has, they are words I will cherish forever.
I squeeze my eyes shut, my arms tightening around her for a moment. “I love you too, Avery.”
When I open them again, I spot Nathan watching our exchange, his lips tilted up and a softness to his eyes I’ve never seen before. I smile back at him.
I pull away and cup Avery’s cheeks. “Do you want to stay like we planned or go back home?”
My parents are on standby at home if she chooses to cut our visit short.
“I wanna stay.” Her answer has my smile growing. “But can I go to my room for a little while?”
“Of course, sweetie.”
I lean down and kiss her forehead, then let her go. Before she leaves the room, she goes to Nathan and gives him a hug. As I watch my big muscular man wrap his arms around my beautiful daughter, tears once again spring to my eyes. I love these two people so much.
He murmurs something to her, and she nods before turning and leaving the room.
Once she’s gone, I let out a heavy breath. Now that Avery knows the truth, or as much of the truth as I’m willing to give her right now, I can finally breathe better than I have in years. I know it won’t be all sunshine and roses from here on out; we still have a lot to get through, but the hardest part is over.
Nathan steps up to me and pulls me into his arms. I go willingly, really needing his strength right now.
“You did good, baby,” he murmurs into my hair, running his hands up and down my back.
I nod against his chest, gladly accepting his praise. I lift my head and look up at him. “What did you say to her?”
He smiles and tugs me closer. “I told her that you were lucky to have her, and that she’s lucky to have you.”
I kiss his chest, right over his heart. “Thank you.”
“For what?” his voice rumbles.
“For being here. For loving me. For believing in me. For pushing me to do this.”
His hands run up my back until he reaches the back of my head. His fingers stay in my hair against my scalp, but his thumbs caress my cheeks.
“There’s no other place I’d be but here, and you make it very easy to love you. As far as believing in you, you make me believe in you. You’re a wonderful person, Emberleigh, and I know you’ll make an even more wonderful mother to that girl in there.”
I feel like a leaky faucet as more tears slide down my cheeks. He rubs them away with his thumbs.
“You know we’re going to have to get married now, right?”
His question steals my breath right out of my lungs. “What?” I say with bated breath.
He smiles and kisses the tip of my nose. “Yep. Can’t have my stepdaughter be an illegitimate child.”
A laugh escapes. His answering chuckle warms me deep inside. A moment later, his lips flatten into a firm line, his expression turning serious.
“I know it’s been less than a year since we officially met, but it was over two years ago when I first laid eyes on you. You captivated me from the very beginning, and that feeling has only grown. I was never really the type to want to settle down, but I can’t imagine not having you in my life. When I picture my future, Emberleigh, it’s you I see in it.” My fingers dig into his back when he pulls a small black box from his pocket and opens it. I look down and my breath catches at the beautiful silver band with a princess-cut diamond. “Will you marry me?”
The words barely leave his lips before I’m jumping up and locking my legs around his waist. I need absolutely zero seconds to think about my answer. “Yes!” I yell, then repeat it two more times for good measure. “Yes! Yes!”
He laughs, then seals our lips together in a forever kind of kiss.
The End…