Chapter4
Jake lay there in the darkness, his arms wrapped around her. Her beauty had been striking when he first met her on the street, but her dark skin bathed in the light of the candles that surrounded them made her look like a goddess. Neither of them spoke for a long time. Savannah kept running her hands over his face as though she were trying to memorize him.
Jake had never had a woman look at him in such a way. He knew that he was a handsome man and he had never had trouble finding a willing woman to warm his bed. Savannah was different though. She didn't look at him with hunger and lust. She looked at him with eyes full of wonder and what he thought might be love.
The sight of it was intoxicating. He wasn't at all sure what she could see in a criminal like him. He kept waiting for the darkness within him to reveal itself and scare her away. Instead, she seemed to be drawing herself closer to him.
He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but he held himself back, savoring the moment. He was a bit afraid that the hunger that he felt for her would frighten her. Instead, he held her close and inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. The moment they were sharing began to feel more like a dream than a reality.
All his life, he had imagined what it might be like to be truly in love with a woman. He had pushed those thoughts and desires away long ago, but having her so close to him was drawing those desires back to the surface. Any man would be a fool to have such a woman in his arms and walk away. The thought of their time together ending made his chest ache.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't see the subtle change in Savannah. She had made a decision without saying a word. The thought of having to let him go struck her as deeply as it did him. She knew, though, that it was unavoidable. He wasn't hers to keep, but there was something that she could give him that would make him a part of her forever. She had been told all her life that you should not sleep with a man until you loved him. To her father and the church, that meant marriage.
But, she thought, what if marriage wasn't possible? Did that mean that she should not share the most intimate thing she could with the man she lay beside? She decided in that moment that she wanted him. She knew the consequences of being with a man who couldn't be hers but she didn't care. She wanted him to be her first lover.
Instead of telling him with her words, she reached her hand to the back of his neck and gently pulled him to her. When their lips met, Jake could feel the difference in her kiss. He pulled his head back and looked at her in shock, absorbing from her mouth her intent.
“Are you sure?” he asked as her hands traveled the muscles of his back and shoulders.
“Please,” she moaned.
He couldn't deny her any longer. He pulled her body tight against his and kissed her passionately. Feeling her warm body in his arms was a kind of paradise he had never known before. Though they had shared passion earlier in the night, something about that moment, alone in the church seemed even more intimate. It seemed like a vow deeper than any he had ever made before. Their bodies were speaking a language that their voices couldn't.
He pulled back to take in the beauty of her before grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head. Under, she wore a sweet white bra that was more alluring than any lingerie could have been. He wanted to pull off her jeans right then, but he couldn't keep his lips from hers. He dipped his head and kissed her again, surprised when he felt her hands go to the zipper of his jeans. In shock, he placed his hand over hers to stop her.
“Are you sure,” he whispered, amazed that she was even considering giving herself to him.
“I need you,” she answered, wrapping her legs around him seductively.
He could hold back to more. He pulled off his shirt and reached down and undid his own jeans, liberating his already erect member as she slid out of her own pants. He froze, not knowing what to do next. Suddenly, he felt awkward and shy in front of her. It was as though he had never been with a woman before. Certainly, he had never been with a woman like her. He sat back and just stared at her.
Savannah went up on her knees in front of him, their eyes locked. Wordlessly, she reached behind her and unclasped her bra. When it fell to the floor and she revealed her perfect breasts to him, he gasped in awe of her. Never before in his life had he been so sure of the existence of miracles. How else could he explain the fact that the perfect creature before him wanted him as much as he wanted her?
He wrapped his arms around her, but more gently than any of their other caresses had been. All of the drive and rush he had felt before was replaced by the desire to make the moment last as long as he could. He kissed her gently and eased her on to her back. All the while, her hands were roaming his back eagerly.
His lips traveled from her mouth down her neck. His tongue lingered on the lean curve of her shoulder, sending chills of pleasure through her body. When his warm mouth reached her breasts, Savannah knew that she should feel shy or nervous but all she felt was desire. Eagerly, she arched up to give him better access to her supple breasts. As his mouth traveled from one sensitive nipple to the other, she moaned with pleasure, her body burning with desire for him.
She wriggled eagerly, urging him on but he wouldn't be rushed. He smiled up at her wickedly before running his sweet tongue down the muscles of her stomach. Jake lifted his head and locked eyes with her. The hunger that she saw there was like nothing she had ever seen before. She knew that the depth of it should scare her but all she could feel was the desire within her growing to match his own. Savannah thought that he must be nearing the edge of his restraint, but he was only beginning.
Jake lowered his head again, this time pressing his lips to her sweet core. Her head shot up in surprise as he lifted his head enough to wink playfully at her. He lowered his mouth to her sweet come again and began to explore her feminine folds. She threw her head back, unfamiliar with the sensation of such pleasure. His hands gripped her hips firmly as he brought her to heights of pleasure that she had never even imagined before. All she could think was that if his lips upon her felt so good, the sensation of him inside of her might be more than she could bear. Still, she wanted nothing more than to fully know him.
It wasn't until she screamed his name, her voice dripping with desire that he lost all control of himself. He surged up, pressing the muscles of his body against her, positioning himself at her entrance. As he began to push himself inside her welcoming walls, he met resistance that shook him to his core.
“You're a virgin,” he whispered in awe, raising his hand and gently pressing it against her cheek.
“Yes,” she said, leaning in to his caress before turning her head slightly and kissing his palm sweetly.
“I cannot do this,” he said, shaking his head in frustration. He knew that he should pull back but his body wouldn't move. His biological need for her was too strong.
“Please. I want you. I want it to be you,” she whispered, placing her hand over his and locking eyes with him.
“Damn,” he cursed, not at all sure what he should do. It had been a very long time since he had worried about doing the right thing, but he very much wanted to be the kind of man who deserved to be the lover of a woman like her.
“Don't fight it. I know you want me,” she pleaded, her voice thick with desire as she writhed with need beneath him.
“Of course I do,” he said, knowing that he couldn't deny either of them the pleasure of what could be between them for much longer.
“Then take me,” she said boldly, her eyes sure and confident in such a way that removed all doubt from his mind.
The euphoria of entering her was more than he had even expected it to be. If felt very much like her body was made to receive him. He paused for a moment to savor the sweetness and to give her an opportunity to become accustomed to having him within her.
Jake couldn't remain still for long though. His body was too desperate for her. Once he began to move within her, she threw her head back in wild pleasure as he continued to surge in and out of her. He pumped wildly, wanting nothing more in that moment that to claim her forever as his own. Though he couldn't offer her a future, he could give her pleasure that would ensure that she never forgot him.
Savannah gripped his shoulders tightly, trying to memorize the feeling of his skin under her fingers. The feeling of him inside of her and his scent surrounding her were almost more than she could stand. It didn't take her long to reach the peak of her pleasure, crying out as she reached her completion.
The feeling of her tender flesh vibrating as her orgasm took her pulled him along with her. Though he had not meant to, he filled her with his seed. He had known, of course, that he should pull himself from her but he couldn't. On a primal level, he needed to cum within her and claim her for his own.
He lay his head on her chest, waiting for the inevitable moment when she would tell him that she regretted what they had just done. Instead, she ran her hand gently though his hair, enjoying the silence that surrounded them.
She could feel him tense, though it took her a few moments to realize what was going on within his mind. What Jake couldn't know was how deeply she had felt the connection between them. If meant just as much to her as it did to him, though she couldn't find the words to explain it to him. Instead, she pressed her lips gently against his and tried to tell him through that sweet kiss all that she felt within her heart for him.
"That was amazing,” he whispered as he held her close and kissed her forehead gently.
“You don't have to say that,” she said, blushing and turning suddenly shy. She was self-conscious, sure from his lovemaking that he had had many, more experienced lovers before sleeping with her. Thought it had been magical for her, she worried that their lovemaking had not satisfied him.
“You have no idea how wonderful it was to lay with you,” he whispered with such sincerity in his voice that she couldn't doubt the truth of his words. She wanted to press him to say more, but worried that it would spoil the sweetness of the moment.
Instead, she teased him, saying only, “Flatterer.” She snuggled closer to him, savoring his warmth.
“You're perfect,” he crowed, his face more relaxed than she had ever seen it. In truth, he had never felt so free as he did lying there beside her. Because of his role in the crew, he was always pretending to be someone or something other than he was.
He so rarely was truly himself, without having to worry about betraying the secrets he held. With Savannah, though, he allowed himself to simply feel and act as he chose. He couldn't be false with her. Something within his soul wouldn't allow it.
“Stop it,” she said, the intimacy of the moment overwhelming her. She had sworn to herself that she would take what joy and pleasure that she could from their time together without pushing him to stay with her. If he kept speaking to her in such a sweet way, though, that was going to quite difficult.
“Thank you,” he whispered, his expression softening as his eyes gazed deeply in to hers.
“For what?” she asked, suddenly confused. He had offered her words of appreciation and admiration while she had only been able to blush while trying to keep her composure. She couldn't imagine what he was thanking her for.
“For giving me the gift of your first time. I want you to know I will value it for the rest of my life,” he said as he took her hand in his and raised it slowly to his lips. He kissed it ever so gently that it send goosebumps dancing across her skin.
“It was amazing for me too. I wouldn't change a moment of it,” she said with a sad smile, pressing her hand against his cheek as she spoke. The thought of never sharing her body with him again sent a rush of cold through her heart.
“You're too good for me,” he sighed, sensing the thoughts running through her head. He was as reluctant to lose what was between them as she was, but he didn't see a way around it. Keeping her with him would only put her in danger.
The life of a criminal would taint her. For his entire life, he had always just taken whatever he wanted. With her, though, her happiness was more important. Taking her with him would cost her so much and he couldn't allow her to be harmed, no matter what sadness and loneliness it caused him.
“I'm so glad my first time was with you. I know you cannot stay here, but I want you to know I will carry this memory with me always,” she said, trying to be strong for him and to show Jake that she had no regrets about their time together. What he thought back to their time together, she wanted him to think of her smiling, not with eyes full of tears begging him not to leave her.
“I wish I could stay,” he said, looking so tormented that it made Savannah ache inside in a way she had not known was possible.
“I wish that too,” she said, tears threatening to fall as she spoke.
“I think I will leave a part of myself with you when I go,” he said, his soul feeling as though it would tear from his body if he took a step away from her.
“And you will take a part of me off with you in to the great big world out there,” she said, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against his as she fought against her tears. She didn't want their lovemaking to be made grey by this moment of sadness. She wanted to hold on to the joy he gave her.
“I most certainly will,” he repeated, echoing her sentiment. Everywhere he went, every day of his life, he knew that he would think of her and regret having to walk away from her. The only thing that might make it bearable was knowing that she was out there, living a happier life than he could ever have given her. The thoughts of the life she might have, though, brought to mind the fact that she would one day take another lover, maybe even a husband. Just the thought of her with another man stirred a murderous rage in him that he had not known he was capable of.
“I'm glad you were my first,” she whispered as though she could hear his thoughts. He didn't doubt that she could. After all, there was something magical about the woman in his arms. There was no denying that.
“You said that already,” he teased in an effort to lighten the mood between them.
“Yes, but I'm wondering how you feel about being my second too?” she asked playfully, as eager as him to delay the sadness of their parting for as long as she could.
“I think I could manage that,” he said with a chuckle as he swiftly positioned himself above her.
“That is most certainly the answer that I was hoping for,” she said, giggling with joy as she awaited his entry.
“You're a woman like none other,” he whispered as he bent down to kiss her, his lips full of a mixture of passion and possessiveness that was intoxicating to her.
“I certainly hope so,” she said as she placed her hands on either side of his face and stared deeply in to his soul as he began to push himself inside of her.
She didn't want to forget a moment of their time together. She knew that when morning came, the memories were all that she would have left. He moved within her again and she held tightly to him, committing every sensation to memory. This time was different, furious and frenzied as though the end of the world was approaching them. When they both came, she wrapped her legs around him, holding him within her so that she could know every sensation of making love to him.
After, neither of them spoke a word. They simply held each other as though they could protect each other from the outside world. Soon Savannah drifted off to sleep, emotionally and physically exhausted. Jake couldn't, though. He couldn't allow himself to miss a moment with her.
He had no doubt that she was the woman who was meant for him and regret that he had chosen a life that kept him from her made him ache. He had fought hard for years to convince himself that the life he had with his brothers was enough. Now, though, he couldn't deny that it wasn't true happiness. True happiness would have been to stay in Belmont and live a life where he came home every night to Savannah’s loving arms.
He would have done anything to change and be the man she deserved, but he knew that it was too late for that. All he could do was love her and take comfort in the fact that she did love him, though the world would keep them apart for the rest of their lives.