Chapter Nine
Nick
Nick could hardly believe his ears, or his eyes, or anything. A brief mention was all the warning he got before Rory forged ahead on his mission. But Rory had always been like that when he got an idea in his head.
Like the time Everett mentioned his idea for a fold out dungeon he wanted installed in his apartment. Rory spent the better part of two months in Everett’s apartment, designing and building the thing. He was a visionary; an incredible man who had as many facets as a gemstone (a sapphire, obviously) and who shone just as bright.
He knew he should stop Rory. He should make him put on the brakes and think about this more, then it occurred to Nick as Rory patted Andrew’s knee, that perhaps he had thought about it.
Sucking in a deep breath, he watched Rory interact with Andrew. Subtle touches to reassure him that Rory wasn’t a threat. A gentle tone of voice to soothe the nervous man whose gaze shifted back and forth between Rory and Nick, never quite sure where to look.
“Did you want something to eat?” Rory asked. “I can send Nick up to get you something.”
Andrew shook his head. “I’m fine,” he hesitated and dropped his gaze. “Thank you.”
Rory leaned back. He lifted his right leg, rested his ankle on his left knee, dropped his hand into his lap, as if he was the most casual person on the planet at that exact moment. Andrew didn’t know him well enough to see the calculation in his denim eyes. Nick often thought of Rory as some sort of genius, a superhuman with a computer for a brain, who could look someone over and scan them and a list of stats would pop up in his head like they were in a video game. Friend. Foe. Hit points. Vulnerabilities.
Maybe it had been true all along. Rory took a sip of his water, still as casual as ever, then brought Nick’s hand to his mouth and brushed his lips over Nick’s knuckles.
“We wanted to talk to you about something, Andrew.”
Andrew nodded and Nick watched him swallow.
“It’s nothing bad.” Nick said. It wasn’t bad though. Maybe. Or at least, it had the potential to not be bad. It all depended on how Andrew reacted.
White hot want coiled in Nick’s stomach and he realized that yes, he did want this. The idea terrified and excited him in equal measures. It could all go horribly wrong. Both men might end up hating him somehow for forcing them into this impossible situation. Unable to give up any bit of himself. Unable to compromise. Needing both men. Resentment could easily fester. Jealousy had never been an issue before, but if Nick fucked things up, it could become an issue. His entire life, all of it could go so unbearably wrong.
On the other side of that terrifying possibility was the idea that it wouldn’t, and that was the idea he would cling to with ferocious intensity. The possibility that it could go right stole his breath. The idea that he could go home after a long day and not have to choose between them. He imagined going home to both men, curling up between them on the couch. He’d never have to choose between spending the day with one or the other. He’d never have to feel as if he was in two separate relationships.
His gratitude that Rory would be the one to propose this was immeasurable. Abject terror clung to Nick’s bones, weighing him down. He’d never get the words out. Was it too much to want? Rejection was a demon that haunted him. It had killed him, Rory’s rejection a year ago. Nick begged and nearly wept when Rory, gently, firmly, told him that, no, they couldn’t be exclusive.
Nick had spent the last year coming to terms with that. He understood where Rory was coming from, most of the time, but that didn’t make it easy. And now, here was everything he ever wanted. A beautiful man to put him on his knees and a man he wanted to protect, to hold and soothe and own.
“It’s not bad.” Rory echoed Nick’s words. He offered Andrew a soft smile. The corners of his eyes creased and Nick drank in the sight of the stunning creature who would do anything to make him happy. He didn’t know if Rory had any actual interest in Andrew, but he had enough interest in Nick to propose this strange sort of closed, but not closed, an exclusive arrangement that allowed Nick to have his cake and eat it, too. Andrew had expressed interest in the dynamics of dominance and submission. Nick had answered many shy questions for him. It all seemed too good to be true, and he was afraid to want as much as he did.
Rory squeezed his trembling fingers and glanced at him. Nick saw the question in his eyes and answered it with a nod. Rory returned his nod and turned back to Andrew.
“Nick and I want you to join us in our relationship.” Rory was the very picture of calm composure. Andrew, however, was stunned into silence and had eyes as round as a cartoon owl.
He blinked at Rory. “Uh. Sorry. You what?”
“You like Nick, don’t you?”
Andrew nodded. “Of Course.” His cheekbones darkened, and as his gaze shifted to Nick, the blush deepened. “Yeah. I like him.”
Rory nodded. “And he likes you, too. As a matter of fact, he’s very fond of you, and I’m afraid that’s the problem.” Andrew opened his mouth but Rory forged on, not giving Andrew a chance to voice an opinion on the matter. “Because Nick likes you so much, he feels torn between spending time with you and spending time with me. So I proposed that we change the rules of our relationship to include you. Only you.”
Andrew’s eyes widened. “Me. With… both of you?”
“Nick and I would be exclusive. And so would you and Nick. You and I would simply be… well, I guess that’s up to you, really. We don’t have to be anything but friends if that’s all you’re comfortable with.”
Andrew leaned back in his chair and scrubbed a hand over his face before looking at Nick. “I’m not sure I understand how any of this would work.”
Nick gave Rory’s hand a squeeze. “Well, it’d be like,” he paused to gather his thoughts. He wanted Andrew to understand how great it could be for all of them. He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second before he continued. “It’d be like today, instead of Rory and I out for lunch, it would be you and Rory and I out for lunch. Other times we’d all meet up at Rory’s house and hang out, watch movies. Sometimes you and I would go out alone, other times Rory and I would.”
Andrew’s brow furrowed, and he tugged at the hem of his shirt. He looked at Nick. “This is important to you, isn’t it? That the three of us… hang out.”
Telling the truth was important and sometimes excruciating. It was the easy part, the telling. The one syllable word, yes, slipped from Nick’s lips and then he waited. It could all come crashing down around him. If Andrew walked away now, everything would fall apart. Nick would lose it all before he really had it.
Then, Andrew nodded. He felt Rory’s hand twitch in his own, as if he’d been just as surprised. He chanced a glance at Rory and caught his eye. His bright denim eyes were filled with mischief and mirth. He wore the expression of a man who’d won the lottery. Nick looked back at Andrew, who looked bewildered. Nick gave Rory’s hand a squeeze before letting it go to move his chair closer to Andrew.
Nick took Andrew’s hand and entwined their fingers. “I know this is asking a lot, Andrew, and I know it’s not going to be easy for any of us. It’s a complicated situation, because, well,” Nick chose to echo Rory’s words. “I’m a complicated person.”
Andrew squeezed Nick’s hand and turned his head enough to catch his eye. He shrugged a shoulder. “Everyone’s complicated, Nick. You know what you want. Nothing wrong with that.”
“There’s nothing wrong with not knowing either.” Rory offered as he picked at his food with one hand. “The best things in life are found in the journey, not the destination. Self-discovery is a beautiful thing, Andrew. It’s messy and confusing, but there’s a magic in it that you won’t find anywhere else.”
Nick grinned and motioned to Rory. “Listen to him Andrew, he knows what he’s talking about. He meditates.” He glanced at Rory in time to see him arch an eyebrow.
“Careful, you.”
He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. “Forgive me, enlightened one.”
Rory dusted non-existent crumbs off his lap. “You’re just jealous that you can’t meditate.”
“Being with you is a religious experience in itself, Rory, I don’t need to meditate to reach enlightenment.”
Rory barked out a laugh, and it mixed with Andrew’s quiet chuckle. The sounds mingling in the air filled him with hope that perhaps this crazy arrangement would work out.
“You meditate? What’s it like?” Andrew asked Rory.
Nick buried a smile by bringing Andrew’s hand to his mouth and kissing his knuckles.
“Most of the time it’s quite relaxing. I try to meditate for at least ten minutes each day. It helps keep my stress level down.”
“Only ten minutes?”
“Once you’re well practised, it doesn’t take as long to find your calm.” Rory pointed a slender finger at Nick. “This one is hopeless. His mind never shuts off.”
Nick shrugged a shoulder. “Sitting and doing nothing isn’t Zen, for me. I need something to focus on, a task to complete,” he grimaced. “Meditation is boring.”
“Maybe you could teach me.” Andrew’s hesitant words seemed to surprise Rory as much as they surprised Nick. Andrew tried to appear nonchalant, but Nick could tell from the stiff way he held himself that the prospect of rejection unsettled him.
“If we’re supposed to hang out,” Andrew continued, “I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have something in common.”
Rory grinned at Andrew, he seemed genuinely pleased at the idea of having a new pupil. He’d tried to teach Nick several times, but it never stuck. Nick’s brain wouldn’t allow him to sit and do nothing. It went against everything in his nature. It’s why Rory used that very thing for punishment. Anything else would be fun for him, but the last time he’d got on the wrong side of Rory he’d spent thirty hellish minutes staring at a corner.
Rory pulled Nick out of his thoughts and back into the conversation with a particularly humiliating anecdote of the last time Rory had tried to teach Nick to meditate. Nick playfully admonished Rory for spilling all his secrets. They chatted for a while longer. At first, it had felt a little strange to sit there and hold Andrew’s hand with Rory present, but once the conversation started to flow, Nick found it surprisingly easy to relax.
Then Andrew shifted in his seat. “I need to get going.”
Nick reluctantly let go of Andrew’s hand and watched him stand. He didn’t want Andrew to go without giving him a kiss, but he didn’t know if one would be welcomed in front of Rory. He made a note to discuss boundaries with Andrew the next time they spoke.
“Nick and I are doing dinner and a movie this weekend at my place, you should come.” Rory bit his lip. It was something he only did when he was nervous.
When Andrew hesitated, Nick reached for his hand. He loosely entwined their fingers and stared up at him. “Please.”
Andrew was slow to nod, but the slight movement made Nick’s heart soar. “Thank you.” He pressed his lips against Andrew’s knuckles before allowing him to tug his hand away.
Nick promised to call him, then watched Andrew walk away.
“I see why you like him.” Rory pushed his empty plate aside and leaned on the table, extending a hand toward Nick.
Sometimes Nick hated that Rory knew him so well. He took Rory’s hand, noting the size difference between their hands. Rory’s hands were smaller, but he’d always trusted them to never let him fall, and he’d trust him now, too. Words failed Nick in that moment to describe the depth of hope that bloomed in his chest. He clung to Rory, their fingers entwined, and didn’t look up at Rory when he spoke. “I’m afraid to want this, Rory. I’m afraid to want it, but I do.” He’d reached for it once and been burned.
“We’ll make it work, Nicky.”
He nodded, accepting Rory’s words as truth, and let himself hope.