Drew
It’s only you, Sunshine. It’s always been you.
All my love, Drew
He’d written the same message for the last nine days.
Sara walked in his office, straightening a photo on the floor-to-ceiling oak bookshelf. With a nod that she’d gotten it just right, she turned and handed him a bouquet of red roses. “Your daily delivery is here.”
“You’re leaving another bouquet of flowers?” Luke rolled his eyes from the leather office chair. “Maybe you should man up and make face-to-face contact, you pansy.”
Sara cleared her throat, giving her nephew a stern glare. In return, Luke flashed the smile Drew often saw him use to charm women of all ages.
Luke rested his boots on Drew’s desk, coating it in a fine layer of construction site dirt. “Get your damn boots off my desk.” Drew shoved Luke’s foot, and it landed with a thud, jarring him forward.
“You know you were once a fun guy.” He swung his boots back up. “Is it the white coat that makes you so cranky and uptight or maybe the fact that the love of your life hasn’t yet broken radio silence?”
Drew glanced down at his black sweater and khakis. “A: I’m not even wearing the coat, jackhole. B: I’m more fun than you’ll ever think about being. C: I won’t push her. She needs to trust me, and I’ll wait as long as it takes. Don’t you have an actual job? Why are you being a pain in my ass?”
Luke placed the sucker he’d stolen from Sara’s candy drawer in his mouth with a pop. “You’re just jealous because I’ve seen her every day for the last week at work. Thought I’d come watch while you grovel, beg, and plead your way into her good graces.”
Drew was jealous. He’d even borrowed a tool he didn’t need from her dad yesterday just to try and catch a glimpse of her. Stalker territory wasn’t far away if he didn’t rein it in, but the urge to ask Luke if she’d said anything about him was so strong he should slap himself. He’d officially become a fifteen-year-old girl.
Instead of giving Luke more ammunition to taunt him, he returned his focus to Sara. “Are there eleven?”
She rolled her eyes, but her smile bordered between kind and sympathetic. “Just like every day, Drew.”
“Eleven?” Luke leaned his elbows on the desk, his cocky stare telling Drew he wouldn’t back down.
“For every year I haven’t been able to tell her I love her.”
Luke clapped his hands wildly and stood. “Now that’s some good crap! That’s the romantic bastard who made every other guy in high school look like a total prick in comparison.”
“Was that supposed to be a compliment? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t give a damn.”
“Come on, Aunt Sara. Back me up on this,” Luke said.
“You two made a very sweet couple. We all thought you’d come home from college and have a dozen adorable little babies.” She patted Drew’s shoulder while placing the flowers in his hands. “She’ll come around.”
He’d left the same message and flowers on Anna’s doorstep for nine days, and he wouldn’t stop until she gave him a yes or no.
But damn, he was praying for a yes.
Fastening the card to the roses, he stood and grabbed his keys.
“You better get those over there before she gets home from work. You might actually have to see her.” Luke howled with laughter.
That comment earned him a smack across the head as Drew walked out the door.
See her?
All he’d thought about was seeing her, holding her. But besides one brief run in at the pub five days ago, she hadn’t, as Luke put it, broken radio silence.
The drive to Anna’s parents’ house took exactly twelve minutes from his office on the Sage Hill town square. The long gravel drive came to an end, and he pulled in a deep breath.
Would she ever forgive him? He wasn’t even sure he deserved her forgiveness, but he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything.
Roses in hand, he climbed the same front porch steps where he’d kissed Anna a million times. Just standing there caused his pulse to spike with the memory of her soft lips. They would sit on that very porch swing, her head on his shoulder, until the second before her curfew. Drew’s parents knew he’d always be home ten minutes after he dropped her off.
Crouching next to the door, Drew sighed and ran his fingers over the roses. “Do you know how much I miss you, Anna?”
“Maybe?” The quiet voice came from inside the screen door.
He stumbled back in surprise, falling flat on his butt.
“Hi.” She tried and failed to silence her giggles. Damn, he loved the sound. He’d make it his mission to hear it every day for the rest of their lives.
“Hi.” Drew’s eyes roamed all the way from her bare pink toe nails, past the hugged in all the right places faded jeans, to her baby blue v-neck t-shirt and messy bun on top of her head. She was amazing, and he lost the ability to breathe just staring up at the only woman he’d ever wanted to share his life with.
Slow down, Drew. You have to make her fall for you again.
Rocking up on his knees, he handed her the flowers. “I wasn’t expecting to see you, but I’m damn happy you’re here.”
“There was a six o’clock meeting at my office this morning, so I came home early. I may have wanted to catch a certain someone who’s been leaving these beautiful flowers.”
“Oh yeah?” Score one for Team Stevens. Cue mental fist pumping.
Anna stared down at him. “Are you going to stand up? You’re getting filthy down there.”
Drew took her hand in his, deciding to steal from Luke’s pep talk. “I’m prepared to stay down here, and I’m not above begging if you want to hear it.” His smile and wink made her blush. The small sign that he still affected her gave him a window of hope.
“Stand up, silly man.” She tugged on his arm until they stood face to face.
Not bothering to dust off, he stepped closer, a handful of roses the only thing separating them. Hell, what he wouldn’t give to feel those lips on his, but his heart pounded with the fear she might still say no.
“So you like the flowers?” he asked, careful to keep his eyes away from her mouth.
“I love them. You remembered they’re my favorite?”
“Of course I did.” He tipped her chin up to meet his eyes. He remembered it all. Every memory had the painful sting of regret, but now she was standing here in front of him. His Sunshine stared back at him with the depths of those emerald eyes pulling his heart into his throat. No one had ever looked at him the way she did, with the brightness of an Independence Day sparkler shining with the depth of her love, with encouragement that said she’d always be by his side. She made him feel special and supported and…more precious to her than anything else in the world, without even saying one word.
“I left that message every day because I wanted you to start believing it. It’s only you, Sunshine.”
She gave a shy smile, and he pulled her into his arms. The flowers hit the floor beside them as she tucked her cheek against his chest, letting out the smallest sigh. Drew wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands on her lower back, his chin on the top of her head. They fit together perfectly. They always had.
His lips brushed her ear, and she shivered in his arms. “Can you give us a chance, Anna?”
“I’m only here for six months. When Yoakum Ridge is finished, my job, my life, will be hours away. How can that possibly work?”
“A lot can change in six months.” He winked, but the forced smile she wore was tense and scared. He still had a long way to go before she could let go and trust him, believe his words when she’d been given so many broken promises. But he couldn’t lose her again. He’d give up his practice tomorrow and follow her anywhere she wanted to go.
“Drew, there are things you don’t know.” She paused, closing her eyes and pulling in a breath. “Things that you need to…”
She didn’t or couldn’t finish the sentence as his fingers brushed her lips. “Do you want to be with me? Because that’s the only thing I need to know right now.”
She was silent for a long while. Her steady breathing against his chest and the citrus scent of her shampoo were the only things keeping the panic from gripping every inch of him. He finally had her in his arms, and he saw their future within his grasp. His heart couldn’t take her rejection when he was so close to having her back again.
“Yes,” she whispered so quietly he almost didn’t hear.
Drew pulled back to search her eyes. “Yes?”
She nodded, running tiny fingers torturously slow down his chest, bringing vulnerable eyes to his. “I want to, but the thought of letting someone in again terrifies me. And what we had…you have the power to do so much damage.”
He squeezed both her hands in his, trying like hell to reassure her with a tender kiss to her forehead. “We can go as slow as you want. I’ll let you take the lead, and I’ll spend as long as I have to proving that I’ll never hurt you again.”
Dear God, don’t let me screw this up.
“Can I take you on a date tomorrow?” he asked.
She bit her lip. That same gesture had once meant she wanted to be kissed, not the sweet innocent kind but the I can’t get enough of you ones where someone typically lost an article of clothing. He needed to rein in that thought real fast, or how desperately he wanted her would become blatantly obvious.
“Tomorrow I’m actually babysitting for Beth and Kevin. They want to take Kinley to a movie for her birthday.”
“Yeah?”
“You could come over and help, if you wanted. It’s not really a date with three kids in the house, but maybe it’s a good place to start?”
“Are you saying you need tiny eyes watching to keep your hands off me? Because that’s what I’m hearing,” he teased.
She shoved him in the chest, her gaze dancing with playfulness, and he loved bringing it out of her. He’d witnessed far too much pain in them thus far.
“I see the size of your ego has not changed,” she said. “Maybe I don’t need your company tomorrow after all.”
“Too late. No take backs on the invite. I’ll be there.” He’d do anything to spend time with her; playing with the kids would just be a bonus.
They watched each other, neither sure what to say next, but the way she stared at his mouth told him exactly what she was thinking.
“Okay, I should get back to work.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, retreating backward toward the steps before he lost his better judgment. He stopped at the top of the stairs and pointed at her. “You said we don’t know each other anymore, but I know one thing that hasn’t changed.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that, smarty pants?”
“That you want me to kiss you right now.” Judgment be damned, he couldn’t help himself.
She pinched his arm. “If you think I’m going to kiss you, you can forget it.”
“What?” He threw his hands to his chest in fake shock. “I said you want me to kiss you. I didn’t say I would. I’m a southern gentleman. Even if we both know it would be one hell of a kiss.” A wink brought back the laugh he would never get enough of as she walked back through the screen door and disappeared with a wave over her shoulder.
Now that he had his chance, there was no way in hell he’d ever let her go again.
***
11 years earlier
It had been a month and seventeen days since Drew last saw her.
Anna’s little blue car parked next to the riverbank, her sweet smile bright through the windshield. She missed him, and it hurt like hell because he’d missed her too.
“Hi, babe,” she squealed, jumping into his arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he held her, squeezing her tight, burying his face in her neck.
“Hi, Sunshine,” he whispered, unable to meet her eyes.
Her hands grabbed both sides of his face, fingers stroking gently the scruff he hadn’t shaved for a week. She looked at him the way only she could, and when he couldn’t wait another second, his mouth slammed into hers. Drew’s lips parted on instinct, and she deepened the kiss that turned from hungry and wild to slow and tender, her teeth leisurely scraping at his bottom lip. He was lost in the moment, lost in her, but it couldn’t last.
“Can we talk?” Drew blurted.
She jerked back at his rushed tone. “Sure, babe. What do you want to talk about?”
He pulled the tailgate down, and she jumped in his lap with a giggle, pushing him slowly back into the truck bed. Anna’s lips were on his again before he could protest, this kiss more intense than the last. Drew’s hands roamed her body, exploring, memorizing every single curve.
She sat up, intertwining their fingers as she caught her breath. “Okay. What did you want to talk about?”
She was beautiful, that adorable grin on her face, eyes so full of love, but he had to make himself do it.
“I think we should take a break.” Drew sucked in a breath, hating the words the moment they left his mouth.
Her eyes widened in shock as she shoved off his lap. “Excuse me?”
“I…I…”
“Spit it out, Drew.” Her eyes welled with tears, and he reached to touch her, but she slapped his hand away.
“I’m just…I’m not sure I’m ready to marry you, and I think we need to take a break.”
“Since when are we getting married? We’re only eighteen!” Anna yelled, tears streaming down her face, leaving black streaks from her makeup. “Why are you doing this?”
Watching her cry made him want to kick his own ass. Maybe he’d let Luke do it since they’d already been at each other’s throats for days. “I love you, Anna, but I’m not sure I can be the guy you need me to be.”
“What does that even mean?” she shrieked. “I love you, and you love me. I need you to be that guy. Can you be him?”
He looked down at his hands, wishing the answer was yes. Since his parents’ separation, he doubted everything. He’d even started to doubt if he really wanted to be a doctor. Why couldn’t it be simple for the puzzle pieces in his brain to fall back into place? But he wasn’t even sure they fit anymore or that the picture hadn’t completely changed. “I don’t think I can.”
“Is there someone else?” She looked away at the ripples in the water, her voice quiet and so full of pain it ripped his heart in two.
“No, but…” How could he explain something he didn’t even understand himself? “My parents—”
“This is about your parents?” she sobbed. “We aren’t your parents!”
“But you know how much I hated it, how he hurt us. I need to know I won’t be my dad someday.”
Her gaze held his, and he nearly begged her to let him take it all back, but then he remembered what had happened a few days ago, and he hated himself even more.
“But I’m not asking you to know,” she whispered. Her tiny fingers caressed his face tenderly as fresh tears fell over her cheeks. “Please, Drew. Please don’t do this.”
She struggled against him, but he pulled her into his arms. “I love you. I’m sorry.”
She gave up her struggle on a hiccupped cry. “Stop saying that. If you did, you wouldn’t be doing this.”
“I’m so damn sorry.” Drew’s tears matched Anna’s, even though she couldn’t see them. He tightened his hold, stroking her soft blonde hair.
Laying them back into the truck, he pulled her into his chest, unable to let her go. He’d never really be able to let her go. Anna’s sobs eventually turned to slow breaths as he stared at the cloudless night sky.
Hours later, his eyes opened to the sun rising on a new reality.
Anna startled awake, eyes red and puffy as she jerked away from him. “I better go home. Mom and Dad will realize I’m not there soon.”
“Want me to drive you?” He was desperate to keep her near him. When would he see her again? That thought terrified the hell out of him.
Fresh tears streamed down her face. “No, I’m fine.”
Nothing about this was fine, but he kissed her forehead as his heart tried to beat though his ribcage to get to her. “Bye, Anna.”
She pushed away without a word, jogging to her car. The piercing burn in his chest had him taking steps to chase after her. Drew’s pulse sped out of control with the fear of losing Anna forever, but he stopped, head hung low and shoulders slumped. His hands hit his knees to steady himself before he hit the ground.
He listened to gravel crunching under her tires as she drove away from the river. Another tear ran down his face, and he slapped it away. He did this. He had no right to cry.
Drew loved Anna, but the stupid mistake he couldn’t take back had him convinced he didn’t deserve her. He’d failed her. Just like his father had failed his mother.
The kiss meant nothing. A girl started talking to him and Luke at a baseball after party then threw her arms around his neck and kissed him out of the blue. She was drunk, and so was he. Nothing else happened, and Drew pushed her away almost immediately, but for a split second he’d kissed her back, and he hated himself for it.
Her unfamiliar lips were foreign to his mouth, the taste, the pressure all wrong. Her kiss hadn’t made him feel a damn thing, but he’d put himself in the position to let it happen and never should have. What if that’s exactly what happened to his dad?
He’d never see that girl again, but he needed a minute to figure things out, to get everything straight in his head. He wouldn’t hurt Anna the way his dad hurt their family. He’d promised to make all her dreams come true, and he’d keep that promise even if it meant losing her.
Maybe he should’ve told her about the kiss, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her more than he already was.
The river in his rearview, more tears ran unchecked down Drew’s cheeks while he stared at her picture on the dashboard and hoped he hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life.