Navy
“Hey, you ugly motherfucker!” Kemp slams down a newspaper on the counter in the kitchen.
“Kemp Joseph Trenton.” Faye takes after her son with a metal serving spoon this time. “I’m so sick and tired of that mouth on you.”
Kemp plays along, jogging around the island and letting his mom get hold of him. The ding of the spoon off his skull reverberates around the open kitchen.
“Motherfucker,” Kemp bellows, rubbing out the pain on the back of his head.
She dings him again upside the head. “Enough. Little Belle is in her room. She doesn’t need some foul mouth asshole like you fucking up her vocabulary.”
Kemp’s eyes go wide, as do mine. I turn to see J.J.’s eyes doing the same. He tightens his grip around my waist. We both stifle our laughter. I’ve never heard one curse word leave her lips.
“You hear me, you little fucker?” She waves the spoon in Kemp’s face.
“Mommy, you’re scaring me.” Kemp stifles his laughter, backing up from Faye, pretending to cower down.
“God, you’re hopeless.”
He plants a palm on his mom’s shoulder. “I hate to say this, and it even creeps me out which rarely happens, but you need to call the good doctor and get laid, Mom.”
Kemp doesn’t wait before bolting from the kitchen away from his mom. Faye waves around the spoon, muttering something, but I don’t miss the blush creeping on her face.
“You miss this?” I kiss J.J.’s cheek.
“You have no idea how much, Sparrow.”
Even on his deathbed, J.J. had his home all fixed up. I swear he and Kemp can read each other’s minds at times. Hell, the day we brought him home from the hospital the room closest to J.J.’s master suite was decked out for the fairest of all princesses. Of course, including ponies and cowboys. My stuff had been moved to his room, and an array of girly toiletries lined the bathroom. I still can’t go into the bathroom without him.
Since the day Jordan came back into my life, so many demons I thought I had laid to rest have reared their ugly head. J.J. set a journal in my lap one night, and I wrote. He took it and wrote as well. We tossed our tortured memories into the fireplace in his room. He then pulled me down to the rug in front of the flaming fire and had me ride him.
J.J. has pushed it way too much in the three weeks he’s been home. I gave up trying to keep him down after day two.
“Belle going down for a nap soon?” he asks, running his hand up the inside of my shorts. His fingers graze my folds, teasing and taunting me.
I squirm in his lap, widening my legs to give him full access. J.J. bites down on my neck, soothing away the pain with swirls of his tongue.
“I’ve missed this more,” he mumbles into my neck.
“I missed you. Your presence, scent, and arms that protect me.” I turn a bit in his lap, giving him complete access.
“Cowboy,” Belle sings out.
I drop my forehead to his shoulder and groan.
“Cowboy!”
“In the kitchen,” J.J. responds, laughing into my hair.
Ever since that day in the hospital, Belle calls J.J. “Cowboy.” Their relationship has grown leaps and bounds since that day. He completed our lives when he came home. And the pony didn’t hurt his street cred in her eyes.
“Can we go ride Sugar?” Belle stops in front of us, swatting her bangs out of her face then planting her hands on her hips.
Oh, how my little flower has bloomed into herself. The process was much quicker for her, which eased the ache in my heart knowing her abuse wasn’t as severe.
“Where are your jeans I bought you?” J.J. eases his hand away and adjusts himself.
“My closet.” She purses her lips as if saying duh.
J.J. groans at the sight of Belle in her lime green tutu, bright purple leggings with red hearts, and her plaid button-up western shirt. I know it grates on his nerves since he’s a cowboy, western through and through.
“Give me five, little one.” J.J. grips my hip.
“Okay.” Belle flutters over to the cookie jar, pulling off the lid and sinking her hand in to grab three cookies.
“One,” I correct her.
“Twinkle wants one, Mommy.”
“Kittens don’t eat cookies. Belle, one cookie.”
Belle sticks out her bottom lip. She hasn’t hoarded food in a long time. This has nothing to do with that; it’s more of loving Faye’s famous peanut butter cookies. The two months J.J. was in the hospital, Faye managed to reassure Belle she’d never be in want of food again.
“I’ll take those other two.” J.J. holds out his hand.
Belle walks over, placing the smaller two in his palm. J.J. leans forward and kisses her forehead.
“Love you, little Belle.”
“Love you too, Cowboy.” She drops her head and heads for the living room. Within seconds, she’s squealing and playing with her calico-striped kitten. The girl has a huge heart and love for animals. I’ve noticed they lighten her spirit.
J.J. runs his palm over my enormous belly. “Please, little one, can you be a boy? I need some help on this side of things.”
“You know we can find out.” I rub his stubble. “Just say the word.”
“Okay, enough guilt trips from you two. Let’s go outside and enjoy the sunshine.” J.J. bends down and kisses my belly.
I stand slowly since that’s the only mode of transportation these days. J.J. stands and moves to the mudroom. He’s slower as well with a slight limp. He’s regaining strength each day and is hell bound on being back on his A game. The man hasn’t yet been back to Big Enterprise, working from his home office every day. I’m thankful for that fact and also feel guilty at the same time. The thing is I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Belle skips in front of us out to the barn. Sugar spots her and begins whinnying, running along the fence line. I had no idea the love of horses J.J. had before moving back in. He’s a damn modern-day cowboy. That fact shouldn’t surprise me.
I glance out over the green pastures framed by a pristine white fence and to the herd of black cows all branded with his brand—a double J. It warms my heart watching Belle grab her favorite brush and halter for Sugar. J.J. opens the gate, letting Sugar into the barn.
The buckskin pony with a fuzzy black mane and long black tail spins in circles. Belle stuffs two sugar cubes in her pocket then waits for J.J.’s approval to approach. Sugar is an older pony and gentle as can be and so eager for attention.
Belle holds her hand up to Sugar’s nose, letting the pony sniff her hand. Sugar’s black tail swishes back and forth before he nuzzles into Belle’s touch. The sight ahead of me deserves to be on an oversized canvas print. J.J. in his white Stetson cowboy hat, tight black t-shirt, and ass-hugging Wranglers with Belle in her unique outfit working right beside him. And can’t forget Sugar soaking up all the attention.
Something nips at the tip of my shoes. I look down to see our other new addition to the family. Yes, Belle asked for a puppy, so she got one. J.J. had only been a week out of the hospital when she asked for it. It was a battle where the whole family was against me. It was eventually J.J.’s sob story about his Australian Shepherd, Coy, that broke my resolve. Faye, Kemp, and J.J. then went into endless stories about the legendary Coy. J.J. watched him pass of cancer and vowed never to get his heart broken by another dog. He closed his heart which I’m noticing is J.J.’s go-to mechanism.
I was a goner after that story, and we got a dog. I’m putting my foot down at exotic animals. But who am I kidding? If Belle wants it, J.J. will do it. It took several counseling sessions and even more in the future to grasp the fact this man wants to give me the world. I’ll accept it.
“Come here, Annie.” I scoop the precious puppy up in my arms and cradle her to my chest.
She’s still at the “play full force and sleep the rest of the day” part of her life. She has the most unique markings I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve seen many Australian Shepherds in my lifetime, mainly from Google searches. Her neck has a ring of white around it, both her eyes circled with a tan color, and the rest of her body speckles of dark black and light grey. Her bright blues shine back up at me.
“You tired, little Annie?” My fingers run over the top of her head.
Annie may have been purchased because of Belle’s request, but she’s all mine. The moment we brought her home, she bonded with me. It’s my lap she cuddles on and my feet she follows around the house and ranch.
“Momma, watch me.” Belle waves from the back of Sugar.
J.J. leads the pony out of the barn, Belle’s tiny hand holding tight to the saddle horn with a huge grin plastered on her face. J.J. swings open a gate to a small riding pen, talks to Belle for a few beats, and then laces the reins over Sugar’s neck, giving Belle full control.
Belle kicks her tiny boots, and Sugar takes off walking. I walk over to the fence with a still sleeping Annie in my arms.
“Nervous, momma?” J.J. steps up behind me wrapping his arms low around me.
“Not gonna lie. Yes.” I lean forward studying Belle and Sugar as they make one lap around the pen.
“She’s doing good.” J.J. bends down and kisses my cheek. “That ol’ pony has walked hundreds of miles with little kids on his back. That’s why we bought him.”
“She’s so happy.” I drop my head back to J.J.’s shoulder, the high Texas sun warming my face.
“Yeah. She is.” J.J.’s hands splay out over my belly. “Are you happy?”
“No,” I answer quickly.
J.J. freezes behind me.
“What I am right now in my life, the word happiness doesn’t do it any justice.”
“Talk about giving a guy a damn near heart attack.”
I spin in J.J.’s arms.
“You mean my big badass, oil tycoon, cowboy was scared?” The tip of my nose runs along his chin.
“Yes, you seem to bring that shit out in me. And don’t forget sex, God.”
I laugh. It comes free and easy, not on borrowed time. “That reminds me. When you were in the hospital, Kemp told me stories about you guys.”
He groans.
“Something about dick measuring back in the day.”
J.J.’s eyes flare to life. “He’s a goddamn cheater.”
My laughter wins out until I’m forced to step back and hand Annie over to J.J. It takes everything inside of me not to wet myself. This pregnancy is in full force. I move slower and pee all the damn time. I smooth my hand over my protruding belly when the little one begins rolling around.
“You okay?” J.J. is immediately on high alert.
“Fine.” I hold a hand up. “Jack junior is bouncing around again.”
Belle never moved as much as this baby. It could be the fact I was solely focusing on surviving then and not the magic of pregnancy. J.J. lays his hand on my belly, waiting to feel the baby move. We have no idea if “Jack” is a boy or girl. We call the baby that because he’s like a little jumping Jack in there.
I know the moment J.J. feels movement. His hardened eyes soften, and a grin raises at the corner of his mouth. Life is perfect. Just simply perfect.
We let Belle ride until the sun begins to set. It’s a battle to get her off Sugar. Eventually, Faye’s homemade pizza and garden salad does the trick. Belle goes flying into the house, crossing her fingers that Faye hasn’t put the toppings on yet.
Of course she hasn’t. She knows it’s Belle’s favorite part. I study Belle making a happy face out of pepperonis on the pizza and then go back to my journal. The one I started writing my story in. The entire notebook is nearly filled out. My story fills every single page from my childhood to being a dumb teen, the years with Jordan, and now finally to my savior, J.J.
I’m finding it harder to write this part than any other. My counselor chalked it up to me internally worrying about losing it all. I know it’s dumb but clear and present in the back of my mind. It may not be the healthiest fact, but J.J. is my lifeline and always will be. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he loves me just as fiercely. Unfortunately, I also know the evil and very cruel ways of the world.
“Mommy, where’s Cowboy?”
“In his office working for a bit.” I look up at her.
Belle places her finger over her lips. “I’m making a surprise. Look.”
I lean up on my barstool to see a pizza with mushrooms, olives, green peppers, jalapenos, and sausage, all of his favorite toppings. In the middle spelled out with pepperonis are the three words “I luv u.”
“He’ll love it, baby.” I smile back at her.
It’s not a lie. He will. J.J. had closed himself off to the world, not accepting love in his life until us. I swear every time Belle or I tell him those three words, I see his hardness dissipate.
Faye hollers out the men’s names, then it’s followed by the ringing of the doorbell. Faye and I freeze and look at each other. No one ever rings the doorbell. Hell, they don’t get past security at the front gates without warning.
J.J. comes striding into the entryway with us girls peering around the corner watching the action. He looks out the side windowpane, steps back, and runs his hands through his thick hair. His shoulders grow tight with tension.
He takes his time reaching the door and opening it. He once again takes a step backward. A younger woman bounds through the door, dropping her bags, and throwing her arms up in the air.
“Baby, I’ve missed you.” She swats his chest. “You never once texted me back, asshole.”
The woman’s blonde hair swirls, enveloping J.J., and she flies into his chest, holding him tight. I flinch when her hands roam up the back of his head, her fingers running through his hair. Then it happens, and I can’t breathe. She kisses him, sealing her lips against his.
J.J. doesn’t move. Doesn’t even flinch as the woman kisses the hell out of him. I can’t handle the pain slapping me in the face. It’s the worst I’ve ever felt. I grab Belle and haul her up to her room.
“Mommy, are you okay?” Belle fiddles with her fingers.
“I’m fine.” I pace back and forth.
“Why was Cowboy letting the woman kiss him?” Belle’s chin begins to tremble.
Shit! I have to shove away my hurt right now and focus on Belle. Her world is shattering right now.
“They are old friends. It’s okay, honey. Let’s get washed up before dinner.”
Belle falls for my soothing words. Hell, we are not staying for dinner. I’m not going to stay here for another second. I run my palm over my forehead. I can’t run. I don’t have anywhere to go, and is it even fair to run after everything we’ve been through?
Belle sings while washing her hands and making kissy faces in the mirror.
“Navy.” Kemp walks in the room.
I give him a look. It doesn’t stop him.
“Gonna take Belle down to dinner.” He picks her up.
“No, Kemp. Please don’t do this.” I step closer, itching to put out my hands but never willing to put her in the middle of a fight.
Kemp leans down and whispers in my ear. “I’m not taking her from you. Let J.J. explain. It’s all I’m asking.”
I remain frozen, letting Kemp take Belle down for pizza. J.J. steps in once Kemp is gone. He closes the distance between us. I hold a hand up and step back.
“Don’t touch me.” My voice is unsteady, and my chin begins to quiver.
“Navy, don’t do this.”
“Are you serious?” A seed of anger flares up inside of me. A type I’ve never expressed and only kept bottled in.
“Let me explain,” he pleads.
I cross my arms over my chest. “Yes, please do. I’d love to know why a strange woman waltzed into your house and kissed the man I love and you didn’t even flinch.”
J.J. slumps down on the bottom of Belle’s bed, resting his elbows on his thighs and dropping his head. “Her name is Whitley. It’s complicated. Met her years ago. She was living on the streets and had just turned eighteen. I took her in. We formed a relationship, not like ours, but we did. She moved to Europe a while back to follow her dreams.”
“She left you,” I whispered. “So you found another project.”
J.J. whips his head up to me, hurt in his rich whiskey-colored eyes. “No. I was drinking my sorrows away from losing a best friend in the bar the night I ran into you and Jordan. It’s nothing like that.”
“So she’s back.” I leave my statement open-ended.
“For a visit,” he adds, standing up but not stepping closer to me.
The tears spill over. My hands begin to shake.
“I want you to meet her.”
“You kissed her,” I accuse.
“She kissed me. I pulled away as soon as I knew what was going on.”
“You let her touch you. My places.” I slap my heart. “You didn’t do a damn thing, York.”
His last name cuts a slice on my tongue. I’ve never called him that. He recoils.
“She took me by surprise. It’s no damn excuse.” The veins in his neck pulse, and he balls his fists. “Dammit, Navy. It’s you I love. You are the person who is mine. Do you hear me?”
“Do you love her too?” My hair cascades over my shoulders as I duck my head.
“I do, Navy. Not gonna lie. I love her like family. Made poor choices in the past. I’ll share everything with you. I want you to meet Whitley and believe that I fucking love you with everything I have.” He pounds his chest.
I wait for a bit before responding. “Please leave me alone. Go eat dinner with Belle.”
He nods. “Whitley left and isn’t welcome back until I get your approval, just so you know.”
I shrug. “It’s your house. Your choice.”
The anger has brought out my inner bitch. I can’t control and don’t like the way I feel right now.
J.J. is up in my face before I realize it, lifting my chin to meet his gaze. “Be pissed. Feel it out, babe. But know one thing. It is our house, our love, and our future. I have a past, ain’t gonna ever lie about it, but it will not ruin us. And that’s a hot damn promise.”
Not one more single word comes from his mouth. He turns and walks out the door, leaving it open. I have no idea why, but my legs take me to our room. I strip out of my stretchy maternity pants and crawl under the silky black sheets. J.J.’s presence wraps me up even though the only thing I want to do is push it away. The tears roll, and I endure the pain, feeling every single ounce of it.