Chapter Nine

Jacob

“What’s it like, going to school?”

Alana shrugged, and the glide of her hair over her shoulder caught my attention. She was so beautiful. My father kept her cleaned and fed well between uses. I knew he did it because it made sense to keep her healthy to use her. The minute he took worse care of her meant he’d be moving to a new toy. He would let her slowly fade, much like he’d done with Celia when he’d gotten bored with her. But, to me, it was because even he knew Alana was special. She wasn’t like the other toys that had come before.

“It’s school, I don’t know. You’ve never been?”

I shook my head. “Dad homeschools me.”

There’d never been a reason for me to be like other children. My place was by his side, learning how to handle toys correctly once I was old enough to understand. I cut my teeth on screams and blood, learned to not be sickened by it, and how to go to sleep lulled by lullabies of dying women.

“Ah, ok. Well, it can be pretty boring during the day but loud and chaotic before class or between the bells.”

“Bells?” Is someone standing in the halls ringing bells? What the hell for?

“Yeah. They have these metal bells mounted on the walls that ring at the beginning of the day to tell you when to get to class, and then at the end of class and start of each class too. You have a few minutes to get to your locker and change your books out for the class you’re going to next. Most of the time I almost missed the bell.”

“That sounds confusing,” I said. I’d never really been around a lot of people, except my father. He never took me out on his runs to get toys, and I rarely left the property. Homeschooling was mandatory by the state but didn’t have the same rules regular kids going to school had to deal with. I understood controlled environments, not chaos.

“Not really. You get used to it fast, and new students have guides to help them get to new places when they don’t know where they are going. And most of the time, your classes are on the same side of the campus with your grade.”

“Do you miss it?”

She sat cross-legged on her mattress, hands between her legs and her hair covering her breasts, but I could still make out the dusty-rose of her nipples. The strands had grown longer in her captivity, and my father didn’t allow any toys to have it short. She looked comfortable, and while I liked that she could sit with me like this so easily, it also bothered me that she’d grown accustomed to this way. I sat across from her, on the other side of the bars, fully clothed, and kept an eye on the time while my dad went to the store for supplies. Times like these were the only chances we had to have longer conversations.

“I do. I miss my friends and … well …”

I leaned in to hear more. “What?”

“Ryan,” she said and ducked her head, her hair shielding her face.

“Were you his toy?”

“Jacob, the toy thing is messed up, you know that, right? Ryan was my boyfriend. He asked me if I’d go out with him after we became friends, and we went on dates and stuff.”

“Is that different than me asking you to be my toy?” I cocked my head to the side. I didn’t understand. And I didn’t like this Ryan guy.

“Very different. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, he didn’t think we’d have sex anytime soon and didn’t think to have me locked up.”

It’s good he didn’t think they’d have sex. I would have found him and showed him what happened to people who touched what was mine. This Ryan kid wouldn’t be nearly as strong as my father, so I could take him. But I was interested in how she allowed herself to be taken by him but didn’t like the idea of being my toy.

“Then how did he make sure you loved him and followed his rules?”

“There weren’t any rules. We liked each other, and we wanted to see where it would go. He had to do things I liked that he learned about me over time, and I had to do the same for him. We respected each other, and I wasn’t his property,” she argued. She glared at me, her cheeks red, and I lifted my hands to placate her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t get it.”

A toy was a toy. That’s what men kept when they had women. They used them to fuck and enjoy or get children from when the time came. They had no other uses and spent their time in the cage. School and going home didn’t add into that, but Ryan allowed Alana to do both. He wasn’t very strong at all.

She sighed roughly. “Look, if we met out there, and you liked me, you’d try to talk to me to get to know me. If we liked how it went, then we would start to date. Maybe one day we’d think about getting married or having a family, but to start we’d be together.”

“Are you my girlfriend?” She and I talked, and we were learning about each other. “I know you like Blueberry Pop-Tarts and jelly. That you don’t like when your hair gets in your face, unless you are nervous, then you hide behind your hair. I know you blush down your chest, and you like to be held when you cry. You don’t like being in the dark, and bugs freak you out. And, I like you. I think you like me too. Isn’t that a boyfriend?”

Her quizzical gaze met mine. “Is that what you want, Jacob? To be my boyfriend and see where it goes?”

“It’ll go to you being my toy and free. You won’t ever have to worry about my father again, and you’ll like the things we do together. I won’t hurt you just to hurt you. Only to make you understand what we are to each other.”

She shook her head, and my stomach bottomed out. “That’s not what we should hope to be though. What about dates, or having a life? Will I go to college, or see my family again? What about life, Jacob?”

I frowned. “But you’d leave me if you went back home. And your family would get in the way of us being happy. They would want your time, and you’re mine.”

“I have the right to leave. You’d trust that I want to be with you enough that even though we aren’t physically together, I’m still your girlfriend.”

I wanted that with her, something normal, but I didn’t see how it was different. But, for some reason, I wanted to be acceptable in her eyes, to be different than my father. I wanted more with her, and maybe I didn’t know what more was. Was it family? Or the choice to come and go, even when you didn’t want to leave? Why have the choice then? If you’d stay anyway, it made more sense to follow the rules and live in that life. A perfect submissive to the Master’s Dominance. But Alana didn’t see it that way, and I wanted what she wanted.

“Would you be my girlfriend if I agreed to learn?”

My palms were sweaty, and I sucked in a breath, waiting for her answer. Why was this so important? I rubbed my hands on my thighs, not able to look at her, and flames raced up my neck.

“Look at me,” she said.

I forced my gaze to hers and took in her smile. I’d never seen her look like that, carefree and blindingly light. She was an angel, stuck in Hell, and I was the spawn of Satan hoping I could touch her golden halo. But I craved it. Even knowing I’d dirty her up and she wouldn’t be pristine, I wanted a chance to know something good. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted to be saved. I never realized she was saving me as much as I was saving her.

“You really aren’t your father,” she whispered.

“I don’t know how to be anything but like him, but you can show me how to be better. I want to be what you need.”

I swallowed. That didn’t sound right, but I’d said it, and I couldn’t take it back.

“I think I’d like that.”

“Like what?”

“Being your girlfriend. But I won’t be your toy, Jacob. I never could be. Do you understand?”

“What if I lose you?”

“Then find a way to get me back, but you can’t own me.”

I nodded, not quite understanding, but if I could get her back, and she gave me permission to, I’d find a way. She’d always be mine.

“So you’re my girlfriend now?”

“Yeah.”

Her voice was small, but her shy smile only made happiness swell within me. This was mine, and my father had nothing to do with it. No matter what happened, Alana chose me, and that’s all that mattered.

“Awesome.”

She giggled, and it was like bells ringing in the wind. I liked the sound, and I’d have to do it to her again. But for now, I needed to leave. My dad would be home soon, and if he found me with her, we’d both have to pay the price.

“I have to go.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears. “Oh, okay. Will you come see me again tonight?”

“I’ll try. Sometimes Dad has me practicing.”

“Practicing?”

“We made a deal. He won’t go look for a new toy until I can do some stuff first. It’s the only way I could hold him off from doing some worse stuff to you. You’re as safe as I can make you, for now.”

“Okay.”

I got up, light on my feet.

“Jacob?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you, even though your dad tried to change you. You’ve already beaten him. And for getting us out of here. I know you will.”

“For you, anything,” I whispered.

I liked that phrase becoming something that linked us, my own promise to her. Because I would do anything for Alana Masters. No matter how much it hurt or how fucking ruthless I had to be, she could ask anything and I’d move heaven and earth to give it to her. I wondered if this was that weak emotion my father called love. If it was, then he’d lied about it. Love didn’t make you weak; it gave you hope and strength when you thought you’d lost everything.