Lo

Another week passed. Another weekend of waiting around, trying not to imagine what they were doing. It was slowly killing me. But I couldn’t tell Maverick that. He needed me to be strong, to get through this. So I did. I spent hours at the pool house studying with him, poring over past test questions. At least by the time I came to sit my own SAT, I’d be more than prepared. But it was little consolation for the constant ache in my heart. The burning jealousy I felt every time I saw Caitlin around school.

She played up to it, of course. Spreading rumours she and Maverick were back together but taking things slow. Every time I heard a whisper in the hallway or girls talking in the bathroom, another little piece of me died.

“Lo, earth to Lo,” Laurie nudged me, and I blinked at her.

“Huh?”

“I said, come on, we don’t want to miss anything.” She slipped her arm through mine and guided us through the gathering crowds to our seats. My stomach knotted tightly as my eyes found Maverick as he stretched with his teammates. It was his first full game since the fight. Coach let him play two quarters in the last game, but he struggled. We all saw it. But he looked strong today as he flexed his arms above his head and out to his sides. My eyes followed the lines of his muscle. Smooth and sculpted.

“You have a little drool.” Laurie mocked, and I cast her a sideways snarl. She chuckled but then her smile slipped. “Ugh. Bitch alert.”

The cheerleaders ran out onto the court. Caitlin stood front and center. Her skirt too short and her top too tight and her smile too fucking smug. I groaned.

“He hasn’t even looked in her direction. You have nothing to—Oh, shit.”

Anger ignited in my stomach as I watched Caitlin bounce over to the boys as they warmed up. “If she even thinks about tou—” My hand flew to Laurie’s, crushing it in my fingers as Caitlin got right in Maverick’s face, cunning and victory oozing from her.

“She wouldn’t dare,” Laurie choked. “He wouldn’t…”

Everything slowed.

Slowly.

Slow.

Slo—

Time stopped.

It was like watching a car crash happen in front of your eyes and being unable to stop it. She went up on her tiptoes, pressing herself against him, her lips inches away from his face.

“Prince, get over here,” Coach Callahan boomed, and Maverick brushed past Caitlin sending a bolt of relief through me.

“She was going to do it, she was going to ki—”

“Laurie,” I hissed aware of all the people around us. “Anyway, where’s Kyle? He’s late.”

Her brows knitted together. “You tell me. He said he’d meet us here,” she said, her voice bitter.

It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed it, and I wanted to push. To find out what was going on, but it was awkward. She was my best friend and Kyle was family. I didn’t want to end up between them. Not when I needed them both.

“I’m here, if you need to talk.” I held her conflicted gaze, letting her know she could come to me. That whenever she was ready, I’d be here.

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” she replied a little too quickly.

Music blared through the speakers and the cheerleaders got into formation for their opening act, but my eyes were focused on the huddle of players in red and white. Maverick stood out. Dark hair mussed over his eyes as he listened to Coach Callahan bark out orders, tapping the clipboard in his hands.

“So, explain it again.” I turned to Laurie. “They have to win their next three games to go to the regional finals and then win those games to play in the State Championship?”

She nodded, a broad smile on her face. “Last year, they made it to the regionals but lost out to Roosevelt.”

“Right, got it, I think.”

“Just pray they win. Anything less and Maverick’s shot at taking home a Championship before graduation is dust.”

“Win, right,” I mumbled, my eyes searching him out again. The teams were moving into position and Maverick faced off against a giant.

Laurie shoulder checked me. “It’ll be fine and then tonight, we’ll celebrate. You are still coming to the party, aren’t you?”

“I—”

“Lo, you have to come. I know it’s hard right now,” she lowered her voice. “But he’d want you there. He needs you there.”

I swallowed the reply on the tip of my tongue, pressing my lips together. Laurie rolled her eyes at me, but the whistle blew and Maverick leapt off the ground swinging his arm for the ball.

And everything else melted away.

~

“And where the hell were you?” Laurie slammed her hands into Kyle’s chest and he staggered back, throwing his hands up to avoid another onslaught.

“I got held up, I’m sorry.”

“Held up? You missed Maverick’s first game back…” Laurie launched into a verbal assault and I studied Kyle. His brows were pinched together. Shoulders tight. He was hiding something alright. But I’d have to wait to ask.

“We missed you,” I added, making a beeline for his Jeep.

“I got here as fast as I could. They won?”

“If you’d have shown up, you’d know,” Laurie snapped, storming off with her arms across her chest.

“I guess I deserve that.” He fell into step beside me.

“I don’t want to pry, Kyle, but is everything okay?”

“Cous,”—he slung his arm over my shoulder guiding me to the door—“everything is peachy keen.”

“Peachy keen? Who says that?”

“Me. I say it. Got a problem with that?” He smirked, the usual mischievous glint back in his eye.

“You’re insufferable.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is awesome. I’m awesome.”

We clambered into the Jeep, Laurie up front and me in the back. Kyle turned up the radio, drowning out his girlfriend's voice as she went on about how he’d stood her up, let his stepbrother down. Whatever was going on with the two of them, I hoped it passed soon.

My phone vibrated, and I dug it out of my pocket.

 

Maverick: I’ll find you later. Wait for me.

 

Lo: What if I don’t want to be found?

 

Maverick: Later…

 

A shiver passed through me. But then I remembered Caitlin and her little stunt on court. I didn’t doubt it was because she knew I’d be in the audience. Because she wanted to rub it in my face. Maverick hadn’t evaded her, but he hadn’t encouraged her either. He’d just played his part. Indifferent. Unaffected.

With me he wasn’t like that. He was warm and tactile, and he let me in. Maverick let me see the boy no one else got to. And I had to remember that.

Every time Caitlin tried to break me, I had to remember that.

~

Trey’s house was on the beach, but it was smaller than Brendon Palmer’s. Less glitzy. I liked it. Kids streamed in and out, drinking from red cups; the buzz of the team’s win crackling in the air. But there was something about being here, with the basketball team, that settled my nerves. They were Maverick’s friends. His teammates. And although Maverick hadn’t said anything to me, I had a sneaky suspicion they knew enough to be allies. I’d caught Luke and Aaron watching me more than once. Their gazes following me around school, the knowing look Luke sent me whenever our eyes met. And while part of me, the part used to looking out for myself, wanted to be annoyed at Maverick’s overprotectiveness, the other part kind of liked it.

“Are you ready to forgive me?” Kyle pouted at Laurie, looping his arm around her waist. “Or should I go find the guys and get wasted?”

“Jerk.” She batted at his chest but soon melted into his touch and I grumbled, “Guess I’ll go find a drink.”

“Lo, wait,” Laurie’s voice was drowned out by Kyle’s mouth.

“Give us ten minutes and we’ll find you.”

“Whatever,” I called back as I entered the house.

“Autumn, thank Go—Oh.”

Her face blanched as I realised she was with Liam… and Devon. “Hmm, hi, Lo.”

“We’ll go get drinks, babe. Hey, Lo.” Liam tipped his head and then yanked a sheepish Devon off down the hallway.

“I am so sorry,” Autumn rushed out as soon as they were gone. “Liam’s been going on and on about Devon. I felt bad for him and before I knew it we were here. Together. Do you hate me?”

“It’s cool.” I shrugged.

“Are you sure because when Laurie finds out—”

“Don’t worry about Laurie.” Something told me she had enough of her own crap to deal with.

“So, we’re good?”

I smiled. “We’re fine. Come on, I need a drink.” I really needed three… or four… or a bottle of vodka, but I wouldn’t. Because I was sensible Lo now, and I didn’t let myself give in to the cravings.

We found the boys in a big open plan kitchen. Liam handed Autumn a drink, and she eyed it suspiciously.

“It’s just beer. There’s a keg, see?” He flicked his head over to the counter. “Lo, you want?”

I nodded, and he disappeared. When he returned, he gave me a cup. “Thanks,” I said trying to avoid looking at Devon. It was weird. Since the party the other week, I’d hardly seen him at school, either that or he was avoiding me.

“There you are,” Kyle’s voice floated over to us and my eyes rolled. Awkward just elevated to downright uncomfortable.

“Kyle.” Warning hung in my voice as I shot him a terse glare.

“Hey, guys,” Laurie seemed unaffected by the tension as she moved around us to get a drink. But Kyle didn’t follow. He stepped up beside me, eyes fixed on Devon. I elbowed him in the ribs and he spluttered.

“Be nice,” I hissed.

“Me?” he mouthed.

“Maybe I should go,” Devon said. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He shared a look with Liam and then was gone, disappearing out of the back door.

“Stay here.” I thrust my cup at Kyle and went after him.

 “Devon, wait up,” I called after him as he cut across the yard and down the path leading to the beach. “Devon, come on.”

I don’t know why it was so important to me that he stop—why I even went after him in the first place—but here I was, jogging in his direction. 

“Dev—”

He swung around, his shoulders sagging with defeat. “What, Lo?”

“I—” 

“You should go back inside.” He flicked his head to the house behind me. Music drifted down to us, floating on the warm sea air. 

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Me?” He quirked up his eyebrow. “I’m fine.”

People were saying that a lot lately. Devon. Laurie. Kyle.

Me.

But it was a lie. He wasn’t fine. And neither were my cousin and best friend. And I was so far from fine it was a joke. Maybe that’s why I followed him. Maybe that’s why I was standing here, pleading with him to give me the truth. Because I was tired of the games and secrets. Of keeping up pretences.

“Devon, please.”

“Fuck, Lo. What do you want from me?”

My gaze dropped to the sand beneath his feet. 

“Just go back inside.”

“I’m sorry,” the words poured out.

“Sorry? What could you possibly have to be sorry for?” He dragged a hand down his face as I peeked up at him. 

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It just felt like the right thing to say.”

“You know what I did... with Caitlin. I never wanted to hurt you Lo. She can be pretty convincing when she wants to be, and I wanted to hurt Prince and—”

“You wanted her back.”

“Yeah, pathetic, I know.”

My lips curved with a strained smiled. “You can’t help who you love, Devon.”

Understanding passed over his rugged face. “What about you? It can’t be easy since—”

“That is a conversation for another day.”

“I am sorry, Lo. For everything, I know I fucked things up between us.” Something caught his eye over my shoulder and a wall slammed down over his face. “I need to get out of here, I shouldn’t have come. See you around, Lo.”

“Bye.” I watched him go, calling out at the last second, “And Devon, don’t be a stranger.”

Surprised flashed in his eyes and then he was gone., swallowed by the inky night. I turned to make my way back to the house and saw the reason for his sudden change of mood. Caitlin and her friends stood at the edge of Trey’s garden, laughing and joking. Completely oblivious to the pain she caused—continued to cause. She was toxic. An infectious disease that plagued thoughts and got under your skin. Anger speared through me. I was so sick of her bullshit. Her smug smirk every time her eyes collided with mine across the hallway at school.

Head held high, shoulders back, I walked right past them. They didn’t notice me, too wrapped up in their own lives. I wanted nothing more than to do something. Something to knock her down a peg or two. But I couldn’t. I had to play the game, to let her think she’d won.

And it killed me.

I went back into the house and found the bathroom. I just needed a minute, to collect my thoughts, to calm my racing pulse. When I stepped back into the hallway I didn’t see Caitlin before it was too late. Her shoulder collided with mine, sending pain ricocheting through my bone and I staggered back.

“What the f—”

“You’re pathetic,” she hissed, her eyes wild and set right on me. “Maybe I should give you a list of all my exes since sloppy seconds seems to be your style.” Caitlin stepped closer, taking the air between us with her. Out of the corner of my eye I could see we were alone in the quiet hallway at the back of the house. “It’s no surprise he came crawling back. I mean, why would he want a fake when he can have the real thing? We’re supposed to be together and not you or anybody else will get in the way of that.”

I smashed my lips together, scared of what might come out and she snarled, “Well?” She tilted her head, staring at me. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

“You’re a bitch,” slipped from my lips before I could stop myself. 

“That’s all you have?” She raised an eyebrow, amusement dancing in her eyes.

“Caitlin,” a deep voice said, and her gaze snapped over to the shadows crawling along the wall. 

“JB, what are you doing here?”

“Making sure you don’t do anything you’ll regret.” His voice was low, and I felt his eyes on me as he entered our space, but I didn’t look.

I daren’t.

“Oh, come on, we’re just having a chat. Girl’s time, right, Lo?”

She leaned in closer, smirking around her words. Peppermint breath danced over my face and I balked. But I still couldn’t move. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. 

“I’ll think of you like this, all sad and pathetic, when Maverick fucks me tonight.” Her voice was low, only for my ears. And my fists clenched at my sides, but I couldn’t stop the sharp intake of breath at her words.

Her lies.

Because Maverick would never—he wouldn’t. He hated Caitlin almost as much as I did. But he had been there before, and she did know his body the way I did. And the thought made me sick to my stomach.

“Caitlin,” JB growled and her head snapped to his again and I did something I never expected.

I ran. 

Slipping past Caitlin, I ran until I spilled out into the yard and didn’t stop until I was secreted away alongside the double garage adjoining the house. The crushing sensation in my chest made it hard to breathe, and I knew I needed to get out of here.

From her.

From JB.

From these games and lies.

Before I did something I would regret.

I started toward the gate, my hand clutching my phone ready to call a taxi, but before I could dial, a hand grabbed mine pulling me further into the darkness. “Got you.”

My heart thumped against my chest as I found myself lost in Maverick’s assessing gaze. “You scared the shit out of me,” I breathed, trying to play it cool. But it was too late. His eyes searched my face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’m not doing this,” I sighed tearing my face away from him, a storm of emotion sweeping through me.

“You’re angry; did something happen? Did someone say something?” 

I schooled my expression, trying to ignore Caitlin’s words on replay in my head.

When he fucks me later.

When he fucks me.

Fucks me...

“Lo, you need to start talking.” Maverick reached for me, but I dodged his hand, confusion and irritation swirling in his hard eyes. But I knew if he touched me, if he so much as grazed my skin, I’d crumble.

And I couldn’t crumble. Not here. Not now.

“I’m tired,” I whispered over the lump in my throat. “I just want to go home.”

“Don’t go, please. I’ve been waiting all day to do this.” He leaned down, capturing my lips before I could escape, stealing the air from my lungs and all thoughts of Caitlin from my mind. My hand slipped to his jersey, twisting into the lightweight material, pulling him closer.

And just like that I came undone.

“She tried to kiss you,” I whispered into his mouth as my tongue tangled with his, needy and desperate, swallowing the words I really wanted to say.

Did you fuck her?

Did you?

Did you?

Did you?

“Never,” he replied, his hands on my waist. My shoulders. In my hair.

God, I wanted him. I wanted to shove Caitlin and her games out of my mind and lose myself in him. To reassure myself that it was me he wanted. Not her.

Never her.

But her words taunted me, refusing to stop flashing through my mind.

“Stop,” I panted, the words almost painful to say. “We need to stop.”

“No,” he ground out biting my bottom lip, tugging it gently, chasing the sting with his tongue. 

I summoned enough willpower to break away. Maverick groaned, running a brisk hand through his shower-damp hair. “Let’s go back to the pool house.” Lust and love danced in his eyes, and my body, my heart, screamed at me to say yes. To sneak off with him under darkness. But I was the strong one. 

I had to be the strong one.

“You know we can’t. They came to party with you, to celebrate with you. You should go.”

His fingers slipped into the loop of my jeans, tugging me closer. “Don’t do this. I need you.” 

Even if Caitlin hadn’t planted the seed of doubt, my answer would have been the same. We couldn’t get sloppy now. Not with so much hanging in the balance. But she had... and I couldn’t unhear her words. And it was like a wall between us.

“Go,” I whispered again unable to meet his gaze. But he didn’t move. He didn’t even flinch. “Fine. If you can’t do the right thing, I will.”

And I walked away, telling myself it was because I wouldn’t let Maverick ruin his life—his future—for me.

And absolutely nothing to do with Caitlin.