The three men in suits sit before me while I stand. I hate the way they stare at me in judgment, as if they haven’t known me my whole life. I hate the way they handle this whole thing as if it’s my fault, when they’re the ones risking lives by grounding me.
“You’re pretty sure of yourself, thinking you can take a five-million-dollar helicopter out during a thunderstorm on a call when you were advised against it. On top of that, you went and switched hospitals on your own accord when you’d been ordered otherwise,” Mike says as he peers at me over the top of his bifocals with his bushy black hair moving as he nods his head.
I clear my throat. “I have to be sure of myself to do what I do, sir.”
“Being sure of yourself and putting lives at risk are two completely different things.” This time, it’s the red-haired one who speaks. He was my little league coach once, but I don’t think that piece of history will sway his vote either way.
“If it were your loved one I was trying to save, would it matter?”
He glares, my point more than made, and he doesn’t like being shown up. “I’d like to think that it doesn’t matter who the patient is. You put the lives of your crew and the patient at risk.”
“I did. I left for the patient against Cochran’s orders, but I didn’t force anyone to go with me. My crew chose to fly with me, sir. Some opted not to. Others opted to assist. The patient was critical to begin with.”
“And the helicopter? How would you cover the cost if it had crashed from a lightning strike?”
I’d be dead so I wouldn’t be able to pay for shit. I reign in the words I want to spew and lower my eyes for a second and take a deep breath, knowing I need to eat a bit of humble pie to get my wings back. When I look back up, I meet the eyes of each of the three gentlemen before I speak. “Gentlemen, I realize I made an error. My months at dispatch have taught me there are rules and protocol for a reason. I understand that I took unnecessary risks. I also understand that the reason you have me as your pilot is because you know I’m good at what I do. You know that when it comes to our patients, they are who matter. I was monitoring the weather on a second-by-second basis and reevaluating our situation as needed. The air pressure was within acceptable parameters, and the helicopter’s performance was not hindered during the flight.”
The three of them look at one another, and there are a few whispers between them before they look back at me and the black-haired one speaks. “If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you still defy orders and take the helo on the call?”
Yes. Without a doubt.
“I’ve had an awful lot of time to think about this during my grounding, while I waited for the investigation to conclude, and I’d like to think that answer would be no.” Fuck you for telling me I shouldn’t save a life. “That I’d put the best interest of the company, its crew, and its property first and obey the order.” Smile big, Grayson.
“That’s good to hear, son,” my old little league coach says.
I’m not your son.
“You have quite an impressive history with the company,” the blond man, who hasn’t spoken yet, says as he thumbs through a file in front of him. My file, no doubt. The one full of commendations and positive performance reviews.
“Thank you, sir.”
“I’d like to see that history continue.”
“Yes, sir.”
I sound like a goddamn kiss-up, but I can’t pay my bills with hopes and prayers. I need to get back up in the air.
“All of your crew speaks very highly of you.”
I save my dignity and forgo speaking, so I just nod.
“Is there anything else you’d like to say?” the black haired one says.
“Flying. Saving lives. That is my passion. It’s what I’m meant to do. I chose Mercy-Life because you are the best of the best. Just as I still am. None of that has changed. I’m anxious to get back to work again.”
“We’ll take that into consideration. If you’ll give us some time and step out of the room, we need to confer, and then we’ll call you back in once we have a decision.”
“Thank you, Mom.”
“Any particular reason why you want Luke to have a sleepover tonight?” Hope is in her voice, and I just chuckle. I know she thinks it’s because of Sidney—and it is—she just doesn’t need to know. “Because I’m going to have some drinks and celebrate that in two weeks’ time, I get my wings back.”
“You know this is a small town, right?”
“I’m painfully aware of that.”
“It’s just that if your truck were to be left out front of, say, someone in particular’s house, people would know it’s yours and would likely talk.”
“No shit.”
“I was just giving a friendly reminder of that. You told me that you were concerned about the appearance of impropriety when I brought Sidney to the mother-son picnic, so I was just—”
“No one said my truck was going to be parked in front of Sidney’s place,” I say just to rile her up. “And I was upset about you trying to orchestrate another Malone marriage.”
“Oh shush, I know better than to start that with you,” she dodges when I know damn well that was what she was attempting. “All I was saying is that it seems to me you’re in a top position in this contest, so you wouldn’t want anyone to think you won because you were . . . uh . . .”
“Sleeping with Sidney?” I throw it out there and grin like a little boy as I hear her cough to cover her tracks.
“Well, that’s none of my business.”
Like that has ever stopped her before. “No, but you were implying that I might just be headed over to Sidney’s house to be a grown man and do whatever the hell I please without my mother sticking her nose in my business and fishing for information, correct?” I shake my head, love and irritation playing equal parts in my tone.
“Grayson.” It’s all she says, and I know I’ve got her flustered.
“Mom, I love you. Madly. I couldn’t do this parenting thing without you . . . but my sex life is off-limits.” I laugh when she stutters a response. “Good night, Mom. I’ll grab Luke in the morning.”
“Take your time.”
When I end the call, I stare at the old Kraft house across the street. My words repeat in my head. My sex life is off-limits. Is that all this is? Because fuck if it doesn’t feel different this go around. Fuck if the minute I got my clearance to return to work in two weeks, the first person I wanted to go tell was Sidney.
But why?
Why do I feel this way when, normally, a thought like that would cause a panic attack of epic proportions?
I glance at the white daisies in my hand and shake my head.
There is no going out with the crew tonight. There is no getting drunk to celebrate.
She’s the one I want to celebrate with.