The plane is shaking so violently that I know this is the end. I look to my brother who finally has a reason to be afraid of turbulence, and an accepting calm overcomes me. Sean’s reaching for the mask and failing to grab it. He looks over at me and I say his name.

I want to say I love him.

That I’m sorry.

That I regret almost everything I’ve ever done. I want to tell him what a good brother he’s been. That more than a brother, he’s been a friend. He’s always been there, always loved me, even when I was being a complete fuckhead, doing things no one should love. His quiet foundation of peace and calm gave me the ability to tornado through my life. There was always a solid thing to grab onto when the wind got too rough. Him.

I want to say these things. All that comes out is, “Sean.”

The fear leaves him. He reaches over and we grab each other’s hands as pillows fly and the oxygen masks flop. I can’t hear him, but I can see his lips moving, can read the words, “I love you, too.” A sad smile spreads on my lips. Even now, he knows what I needed to say.

We suddenly pitch down and forward. Our hands tear apart as we hit the water with a loud crash. Our heads are nearly yanked off our necks from the collision. I’m expecting fire to come shooting into our bodies, taking our lives.

Terence appears, dipping his head as he rushes to the door, yelling, “C’mon! We have to get out before the door submerges.”

The buckles fall away from us as we leap into action. Wincing in pain, Steve, the co-pilot appears, holding his arm. From the strange angle it’s in, it’s broken. The plane dips forward, the nose tipping down. Terence struggles with the door, swearing at it. I grab the handle and Sean reaches and grabs on, too. We grunt and succeed in pulling it open with our strength, three men fighting for their lives. The emergency raft he deployed bobs outside as water rushes in. It knocks Sean back, and Steve, too. “Jack!” Sean screams as he loses his footing. The water rises quickly around all of us. Terrence unlatches the raft so it doesn’t sink and I yell for him to go. “GET THE RAFT! GO! GO!” He pauses, not wanting to abandon us, but I release my grip from the doorframe and swim-run to get Sean, yelling to Terence, “WE NEED THE RAFT!”

He jumps out, the water waist-level now. Sean gains control of himself by holding onto the bar and he and I swim to retrieve our wounded co-pilot who’s crying out from the pain as he tries to paddle with one arm against the rapids.

The cabin is filling up with mind-bending speed.

We have to go under.

“Take a deep breath! We can do this!” I yell.

The three of us suck in loudly and dive under the water, swimming toward the freedom of the open door.

Sean and I both have one hand on the co-pilots arms, and we’re all kicking as fast as we can. Dipping down to clear the sinking top of the doorframe, we find ourselves shrouded in liquid darkness. The co-pilot uses his good arm to help us as we all struggle for the top, the air in the life-preservers aiding our buoyancy but hindering our ability to really move our arms. I glance behind me to see an outline of the plane; now a shadow vanishing into the ocean’s depths. A fresh surge of pain in my lungs screams at me that I must get air soon. From the constantly shifting peaks and valleys lit by moonlight above us, we’re about to enter the storm.

Gasping and choking in air, I break the surface, just as a wave crashes against my head and pushes me under again. I lose my grip on the co-pilot’s arm and struggle to find him, my hand reaching and touching nothing but thrashing liquid.

The water must have taken him.

I break the surface again and gasp hard for breath, searching for Sean and our lost comrade. With waves throwing my body to the right, I call out their names, swallowing as much salt-water as I do air. Sean yells my name and I turn around.

He waves widely and yells, “He’s gone!”

My hearts pounds in my chest.

I have to find him and I have to do it fast.

I won’t let him die out here.

Just before a wave crashes into my skull, I dive under, and swimming toward where I saw Sean I search the ocean. If Steve was between us, then he’s still between us. That’s my logic as I reach my arms wide and search. Soon my hand finds purchase and I pull him up by his bad arm, but it’s better than dying out here.

He’s passed out. A wave must have gotten him, but the life preserver kept him close to the surface and I drag him up and scream in his face to wake up.

He cracks opens his eyes, fighting death, coughing and sputtering. Sean is fighting waves to reach us and help.

“Kick your legs, buddy! Kick!!” I scream at Steve.

Sean yells, “The raft is over there!” as the crests of smaller waves crash against his face. He shakes his head like a dog to get the hair out of his eyes. I follow where he’s pointing and see Terence off in the distance riding a wave like a fucking surfer, illuminated by a red flare over his head to show us his location. I start screaming, but he can’t see us. We’re too far out, and the darkness around us is unforgiving. “Come on!”

“I can’t make it!” Steve yells. “You go!”

“Fuck if I’m going to let that happen!” I argue, grabbing his arm. “Sean, go!”

“I want to help!”

He and I exchange a look knowing the truth. I’m trying to get him to go because Steve and I might not make it. But he’s not having it. Making up a reason, I shout, “I can’t drag both of you! Now GO!”

“Look out!” Steve yells, pointing behind me with his chin.

I know what’s coming, the rise pushing my body up and warning me about the inevitable fall. “Go under the water!”

We all breathe in air and dive under just before the crash hits. Our bodies ricochet around but it’s nothing like it would have been if we’d stayed on top.

Gasping for air, we resurface one after the other, and start kicking. Sean and I flank Steve, with me pulling on his vest as his arm floats painfully like it doesn’t belong to him anymore.

I call out the plan: “When a wave comes, do that again! Go under the water!” They nod understanding and the next wave wastes no time. We all dip under before it has a chance to throw us around like rag dolls.

Clawing our way back up, we gasp for air, and continue the swim. The technique works and though none of us can believe it, after awhile we finally make it to the raft, hoisting Steve in first.

“God, I feel so pathetic,” he says as Terence scoops him up.

“Go, Sean! Get in.” He glances at me, hair matted to his head. Pulling himself up is a struggle after the ocean robbed us of our strength, especially with the waves that still haven’t let up. He grimaces and Terence reaches under his arms, using his body weight to fall both of them backward into the raft successfully.

I see my brother’s feet go over and notice he’s only got one shoe on. Shaking my head, I go to pull myself up but a wave tears me away before I make it even halfway up.

“JACK!” They all yell, Sean and Terence reaching out for me. I stretch my arm but I’m being carried away. I don’t think I have the strength to do this one more time.

Powered under by another crash, I’m at the mercy of the ocean. I choke as my body gets tossed. Remembering Rue at the bottom of the pool, I feel a sense of urgency overtake me from deep inside my soul. Praying to a God I don’t even know I believe in, I battle my way to the surface and explode out of it, sucking in air and coughing out the water I took in. Crashing my arms and legs as fast I can, I make it to the raft and reach my right hand out to grab Terence’s.

Sean latches clawed fingers into my shoulders, his body bent far over the raft. Together, they hoist me over, panting.

“You had me going there,” Sean mutters.

“The ocean had me going there,” I joke, coughing.

He shakes his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Terence laughs from sheer relief. But another wave nearly knocks us over and we all hold onto the sides. As it tries to turn us over, we shift our weight, Steve in the middle of us on the floor off the raft, crying out from a pain we can only imagine.

As it levels out, Sean shivers and says, “We made it. I can’t believe we made it.”

“We haven’t made it yet,” Steve calls up from where he lies, gloom overtaking him.

I shake my head and exchange a committed look with Terence. “Are we going to let this storm win?”

He grins. “Fuck no!”

Sean laughs and with his knuckles tight, prepares for the next blow. We’re all drenched, our bones nearly frozen, but it doesn’t matter.

We’re alive.