Bekah
He was holding onto me so tight as he slept. He was on his side with one arm under his head and his other arm around my waist. Each time I moved a little, he pulled my back tighter against his chest.
I had set my alarm for five thirty, which would give me enough time to go home and change before heading back to the hospital. He had sent my clothes to be laundered, which was thoughtful but didn’t coincide with my plans.
I was waking up every hour, afraid I would oversleep. He would open his sleepy, sandy-brown eyes and look at me each time and ask if I was all right. Of course, I told him yes.
“Then sleep, Kitten, you have a long day ahead of you.”
His voice was different. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was tired or upset. Of course that stupid girl inside of me, the one I had been fighting with for what seemed like ever, believed he needed me as much as I needed him. You know the girl who reads into everything and romanticizes that life would really be good when past experience has proven that it’s just a dream induced by…bullshit.
“Kitten.” He kissed my cheek. “Sleep, just sleep, I set my alarm too, you’ll wake up.”
I rolled to my stomach and then looked over at him. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I smiled. “Yes, okay.”
“Just a week, and then you promise right?”
Oh God, it was hurt and it showed in his eyes. I couldn’t help myself, I leaned over and kissed him and he closed his eyes and smiled. “You better stop that or neither of us will get any rest.”
I rolled to my side facing him and hugged him tight. “Lets sleep.”
He chuckled. “Brilliant idea, why didn’t I think of that?”
I leaned back so I could see him. Even though the room was only lit by the moonlight, I could see his sleepy eyes relax and twinkle. Oh God, he would ruin me.
I leaned forward and kissed him and then buried my head into his neck.
“Right where you belong.”
The next time I woke, he was out for the count. I grabbed a pillow and put it between us as I slowly moved away. I stood and he made a noise and held the pillow, his Henry, close to him.
I grabbed his sweatshirt and running pants and threw them on. I sat and wrote him a letter.
If he woke, I’d tell him I was cold.
Zandor,
As always, last night with you was perfect. I don’t want to ruin that memory with the inevitable argument that will come in the morning. I want you to remember the night untarnished as you drive home today and I need to be strong right now.
Please don’t be angry. You truly are amazing.
Although I know you’re going to feel like this was devious, my intentions were nothing but good. Call when you’re done being angry, before you leave.
Drive safe, Zandor, and I will see you in a week.
~Bekah~
I grabbed my phone off his charger, and plugged his in and turned off his alarm. I set the note on the nightstand and fought against every part of me not to lean over and give him a kiss. I closed the curtain making sure it stayed dark so that he could sleep in. He had a long drive and if anything happened to him I would never be able to forgive myself.
~
I walked off the elevator and onto the coronary care unit wing of the hospital and saw Dex pacing outside my father’s room. Great, this should be fun.
I put my best foot forward to be the Bekah that they all needed me to be. The smiling, grateful, chipper, I’ll do whatever ya’ll need to be done Bekah. The one who gives everything to please the people around her who take pleasure in making her feel less deserving.
And who do I leave behind? The Bekah who has had her socks rocked by the very hot and multi-talented Zandor Steel. The man who drove her too proud to take money from Daddy to fix a damn car ass because she was finally making it on her own. The happy Bekah. The one who had never felt so good about herself because of the man she left lying in bed. The man who filled her front and back, inside and out, with pleasures she could never even have imagined. He had put her first in everything for the past few days and he would be waking up pissed and even possibly hurt by her. The Bekah who as soon as she sets foot over the Mason Dixon line feels like a slave to controlling ruthless men, yet Zandor Steel made her feel so wanted so…no not that.
Okay keep it together and stop bullshitting yourself. I looked up at Dex who was now staring at me and tapping his foot, annoyed. Looking at me like I was a disgrace.
I looked around and found a bathroom and ducked into it. I pulled my phone from my bag and he had called, four times. There were two texts one with a question mark and one with an exclamation point from Zandor. There were also messages from Dex. Unbelievable, you do this to your father and then run to the man who is responsible!’ ‘You make me so angry!!’ ‘You make me sick!!!’ And the last… ‘Damn it I’m sorry, I love you!’
Fuck him!
I found Zandor in my contact list and pushed call.
It stopped ringing after two rings but there was no voice on the other line.
“Zandor?” I whispered not knowing if anyone was standing outside the door.
He cleared his throat and still didn’t speak.
“I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”
He let out a breath.
“After last night, I didn’t want to fight.”
“So the fu…” He stopped and took a deep breath. “So the note says.”
“I’m sorry, please understand.”
“Bekah, are you alright?” His voice was direct and cold.
“I’m here now, and I feel like I made a mistake. I just don’t think I could have left.”
“I’ll wait.”
“No, no you won’t. Just don’t hate me okay?” my voice cracked.
“I could never. But that doesn’t mean I’m not fucking livid.”
“Please understand.”
“I understand the Dad thing alright. I get it. But Dex is a lying cheater. Don’t you fucking forget that.”
“I won’t, not ever.”
“Good girl. Fuck I…You’re making me crazy.”
“You need to trust me.”
“Yeah, well I woke to a fucking Dear John letter! How…”
I giggled. Dear John was a military kiss off, not very nice at all.
“It’s not fucking funny, Bekah!”
“Sorry, but you aren’t going off to war, and…”
“No, but you’re right in the middle of an ugly fucking battle. As your man,” he paused, “As a Steel, we fight for people we…care about. This shit goes against everything I was raised to be and every feeling I never thought I’d have for a woman. You’re fucking with me hard, Bekah. These feelings are new and have me amped up like you would not believe. You’ve got me by the balls. I’m consumed by you, damn it!”
Wow, how do you respond to that?
“I feel the same, and it scares me,” I whispered.
“I would kill him, Bekah. I’m bursting at the seams right now.”
“There’s nothing for you to worry your hot little head over. I’ve recently been introduced to Prime Rib and …”
He sighed “Yeah you have.”
“I know.” I sighed and he chuckled.
“How’s your ass?”
“Oh my God! You just killed the moment, like killed it.” I covered my mouth so he wouldn’t hear me laugh.
“It was so fucking hot. I butt diddled you, Kitten.”
“Jesus, Zandor.”
“I was God last night, and now I’m Jesus. By the time you come home to me I’ll have fallen down the ranks and be like Moses or something.”
“I miss you already.”
“Yeah I was real excited about highway head on our trip back, but you had to go harden your father’s arteries.”
I laughed again because I knew it seemed ridiculous to him and he made it seem like that to me too.
“You’re a selfish man aren’t you, Zandor?”
“With you I can’t have it any other way.”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“That being said, when you get home, I’m picking you up from the airport and you owe me big.”
“I owe you?”
“Yes, that was shitty leaving a note. You’ll make it up to me from the airport to where ever I take you.”
“Demanding, selfish man.”
“Am I selfish, Kitten? Why don’t you do me a favor and reach down the front of your pants and give my little kitty a pet and see how wet you are for me. Do me another and sink a finger in and then lick it and tell me if it still tastes like fucking peaches.”
“Zandor…”
“Uh uh uh, I asked nicely. Do it or I will take the list I have in front of me that names every fucking hospital in the area and go door to door until I find you and fuck you sore.”
“Fuck me sore?”
“Real sore. Now do as I asked, please.”
“Fine.” I can’t believe I was going to do this.
“I’ll know if you’re faking.”
“How will you know?”
“I’ve heard you cum at least ten times. I know how you sound when I touch you. Specifically my cock knows the sound. I chub up when you purr for me, Kitten. I’m going to have a real hard time being away from you.”
“I don’t know how you do this to me.”
“Good little kitty, now tell me how wet you are.”
“You already know.” Oh my God, this was crazy.
“Yes I do. Now lick your finger,” his voice was raspy and heat filled.
“Done,” I cooed.
“Mmm, I can’t wait to taste you again. Tell me, Kitten, how long do I have to wait?”
I cleared my throat’s thick coating of desire and he hummed again in my ear. “Five days.”
“I’m going to need to talk to you every night while I’m polishing the family jewel and you’ll be flicking the bean. We are both highly sexual creatures, and it’s a beautiful fucking thing.”
“You make me feel so…”
“Beautiful, desired, valued, adored?”
“I was going to say naughty but those work, too.”
“Nothing is wrong with you or I Bekah, not one fucking thing.”
“Okay.”
“Good Kitten.”
“I should go.”
He grumbled, “Fine. Be proud of who you are il mio dolce gattino.”
“Wait, say that again?”
“When I have you back home I will tell you that and much, much, more.”
“Zandor, drive safe please.”
“Of course. Bekah, I truly hope your father’s procedure goes well and maybe that his heart grows bigger from the unconditional love you give to him.” God he is, so sweet. “You know like the Grinch how his grew bigger?”
“I was crushing hard on you Zandor Steel until that Grinch statement.”
“Well think about it. If anyone can, you can. You should see how much my cock grows when you’re around.”
“Please drive safe?”
“Please be smart?”
“Call me?”
“Of course, this is real to me Bekah. Not a game. Call me when you can talk.”
I leaned against the wall and then washed my hands. Peaches? He was crazy! And I really liked that about him.
~
I walked out of the bathroom and looked up at a very angry Bryant Dexter. “Did you go to him last night?”
I started to walk past him and he blocked me. “You said you were staying here to watch over your father. So now you’re a liar, too?”
“I changed my mind, Dex. It’s a free country…”
“Yeah and that freedom comes at a cost and then people like you just accept it, take it actually without reverence for what men like your father and I give up to ensure that privilege!”
“Dex, I know exactly what cost it comes at. I’m a patriotic girl, card-carrying member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, so don’t lecture me.”
“Entitled, that’s what…”
I tried to push past him. “Move Dex or I’ll have you removed.”
“Don’t you see what I do for you?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I saw you in the front seat of a Ford pickup banging Kathy. I saw that. Shall we discuss?”
“I was stressed and you weren’t available.”
“I was available to you any time you wanted. I was at school.”
“Which made you unavailable.”
“I need to go check on my father. So you shut your mouth or you leave.”
“I made a mistake, Rebekah. It won’t happen again.”
“You made four mistakes that I know of. Three other girls besides Kathy.”
He grabbed my face. “Things have changed. I’ll never hurt you again.”
He leaned in to kiss me. Quick movement on my part made him only get the corner of my mouth.
I pushed his hands away. “Don’t ever do that again.”
I walked around him and into my father’s room.
He was sitting up and looked up and smiled. I was shocked.
“Hey there, Rebekah.” Dad was stoned.
“Feeling good?”
“Ready to do this and get the hell out of here. You sticking around to take care of me?”
“For a few days, yes.”
I pulled up a chair and sat next to him.
“I’m not scared,” he nodded once.
Affirmative Colonel. “Of course not Dad.”
“Dex here?”
“Yep, right outside.”
“Good. You’ll fix this?”
I looked at him and smiled as best I could. “I’m gonna make sure you’re better. No boy worry for you, sir.”
“Where is Steel?”
“On his way back to Jersey.”
“Good place for him. He’s a punk, Rebekah.”
“No boy worries, Dad.”
He nodded in agreement when the nurse walked in.
“Let’s get you upstairs.” She smiled at him and he laughed.
My father laughed and I almost died.
I smiled when the nurses started to wheel him out. “See you when you’re done, Dad.”
“What, no hug?” The nurse stopped and motioned for me to give him a hug.
I gave him a hug and we very uncomfortably patted each other’s back once.
“Give your Dad a kiss.”
Pushy, merry little thing. I did what she asked.
“Thanks kiddo.” He patted my head.
Kiddo. He hadn’t called me that in years, at least since I was fifteen. I followed them to the elevator and as its doors closed, he gave me a salute, like he always had before leaving on one of his missions.
I was going to cry, I was going to cry in front of strangers. I ran toward the bathroom and Dex grabbed me.
“Please don’t just…” He hugged me tight against him and lifted me just off my feet and walked into my father’s hospital room.
“Let it go, little soldier.”
And I did.
I sobbed, drugged or not, I just saw my Daddy, the one from long ago. I wished my Mom could have seen him and Chris. God, I wish he was here to see him smile, salute, and for him to call Chris kiddo.
When I was done I wiped my face and reached into my pocket for my phone.
“You alright?”
“I’m fine.”
I sent Mom and Chris a message letting them know what was going on and then sat down on the chair next to Dad’s bed.
“You text him?”
“No. I sent Mom and Chris a text.”
“You should’ve done that last night.”
My eyes snapped up and I scowled at him.
“What? You should’ve.” He sat in the chair across the room.
My phone rang and it was Mom. She was in Canada with her Beau. She wanted me to know she was there for me and that she wouldn’t be able to see me on Thanksgiving. His family was coming to the chalet. She was happy, so happy with him. I was glad for her.
Chris sent a text saying if he died to let him know. He may or may not attend his funeral.
I sat back nervously waiting and Dex sat across the room scowling at me.
“What are you waiting for? You’re miserable here.”
“How’d your brother and mom take the news, Rebekah?”
“As expected, Bryant.”
“Well then, smart ass, I’m here because no one else gives a shit. Just like I always was.”
“For me?”
“Of course for you.”
“You and I are nothing. Less than nothing, we’re enemies, Dex.”
He didn’t say anything he just sat back and crossed his arms and continued staring.
He used to look at me like that. Expressionless, blank stare, and each time it would drive me crazy, wondering what he was thinking. Right now as much as I didn’t want to give a shit I did.
“Are you going back to Georiga for Thanksgiving?” See, just like now.
“Depends.” He cocked his eyebrow.
“On?”
“You, it depends on how long you’re going to keep playing this game.”
“Go home, Dex. There is nothing salvageable here. You don’t want it, either, or you wouldn’t have fucked around on me.”
“No.”
“As soon as he is able to drive, I’m back to New Jersey. Meaning in just a few days.”
“You’ll leave him alone on Thanksgiving?”
“Yeah, I will. He spends that time with his boys.”
“So that pisses you off?”
“No, not at all. Just like it shouldn’t be a big deal for him either so let’s not make it be.”
“He’s already mentioned that he misses you attending events with him.”
“I’m his daughter and now I’m a grown up. It’s time Dex. I need to have a life of my own.”
“So you just turn your back on us.”
“No, Dex. You need to move on, too. You should be home with your sisters and parents, recovering and celebrating the holidays.”
“That’s not how my life has been for a few years now, Rebekah, it’s been about you.”
“Start over, all new. You deserve to be happy.”
He looked stunned. “You made me happy.”
“Not happy enough, Dex, think about it.”
Here I was telling the guy who cheated on me that it was all right, and it was. It happens right? It’s how people grow, learn from others mistakes and their own.
“I want you to be happy someday, Dex. Find someone to grow old with, have babies, that kind of stuff.”
“You think that’s what he is for you, Rebekah. That’s what this new attitude is all about?”
“He’s told me that I shouldn’t let people beat me down. Even after you two tried to make me look like a whore in front of him.” I felt my ears burn.
“You’re getting pissed.” He pointed to my ears.
“Yeah, that’s crap, Dex, and I won’t let it eat up any more time than it already has. I deserve to be treated like a human being and not be shunned or spoken to like you …”
“Of course I did! I didn’t want him anywhere near you. I wanted him to run for the fucking hills so that I could fix this mess. I thought we had something cooking inside of you. I wanted to drill that bastard. I’ll be a great dad, Rebekah. I didn’t want someone to be banging the woman carrying my child. So contrary to what you believe, I was holding my shit together pretty well. And you forget I know you don’t fuck without a condom. It took me forever to convince you that the pill was good enough. I convinced you that even though you went through all that shit in Florida you shouldn’t beat yourself up every day for the rest of your damn life. I remember what it took to make you smile. Do you remember that? I sure do. I remember how you liked to be held while you cried. I remember your favorite color was lavender, not purple. I remember how excited you got when I scored us tickets to see Taylor Swift, even though I didn’t want to go. I remember all of it.”
I was fighting tears. “Yet you screwed around on me? Why? What did I do to deserve that, Dex? Tell me what I did to deserve that!”
His eyes were glassing over. “I don’t have a clue. I don’t know, Rebekah.”
“I wasn’t enough for you and then you crapped all over me.”
“You’ve been important to me for so long. I came back here ready to be who I was before for you. To raise a child with you. I still can’t even come to terms that it was there and now it’s just gone.”
“I swear to you I didn’t have another…”
“I know, I know that. God, Rebekah the last time nearly killed you. You nearly withered away. I saw what you did to yourself, how much you hated yourself.” He sat with his head hung deep in thought. “Look at the shit I’ve done to you. I beat you down, a girl whose self-esteem sucks so bad that even though you try to tell her how damn hot she is she insists on complete darkness and covers. No wonder you hate me so much.”
“I don’t hate you. I just won’t ever go back to that, not ever. But I don’t hate you, Dex. Look around here. I’m sitting here in a hospital room so that a man who has verbally crushed me for five years now isn’t alone. I’ve just recently accepted what happened to me in the past.”
“Zandor Steel do that for you?”
“Spending time getting to know myself again. Not walking around a base that’s full of people who know every mistake I’ve ever made has helped.” I smiled a little. “Zandor definitely helped.”
“Like I did before.”
“I was already healing by myself, thank you.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“I will back off, but if he hurts you I’ll go after him.”
“Don’t try to be a hero, Dex.”
“Fine, I’ll do it for me. The fucker pinned me against a wall. When I’m healed he better be gone.”
“He was sticking up for me.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“I know.”
“I should’ve done that to your Dad for all the shit he pulled over the years with you.”
“Yeah, well you acted just like him toward the end.”
“Sorry, Beks, I really am.”
“I know.”
“So your new guy is a tattoo artist?”
I looked up at him and smirked. “Yes he is.”
“And that’s enough for you?”
“He’s a good guy. His Dad was military, too. So he still has that bad ass vibe I like so much.”
“I’d love to discuss it but….yeah, no. I don’t wanna talk about him.”
“Okay.”
“Friends, Rebekah?”
“Sure.”
~
Dad was home and in bed. Everything had gone perfectly, and his recovery time was only a couple days as far as restrictions on driving went. He spent the night in the recliner and he even went into the bedroom to sleep, which was a first in many, many years.
I was cooking a bunch of foods to freeze when Zandor called.
“How’s the old man doing, Kitten?”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“He’s good, in bed now. I’m cooking food for him to heat up when I come home.”
“You doing okay?”
“I am, actually. He’s been different. I’m pretty sure it’s the pain meds but he surprised me today. Let’s just say I saw a glimpse of my Daddy from years ago. It was good. So if I keep him drugged while I’m here we should be incident-free.”
“The Grinch effect. It’s a gift of yours, Bekah.”
I laughed and he hummed.
“You home, Zandor?”
“Yep, just got here.”
“You didn’t call on your drive.”
“You were busy.”
“Thanks.”
“So was he there?”
“Dex?”
“Whatever his name is.”
“Yes, he was. He and I had a good talk.”
“Did you?” I could tell he was trying to not freak out and it made me laugh. “It’s not funny.”
“I told him I kind of was crushing on this hot tattoo artist.”
“Did you tell him if he laid a finger on you or said a cross word I would crush his face?”
“No. He apologized for everything. He thought I was, you know.”
“So he calls you a whore!”
“No it was slut,” I joked.
“Bekah…”
“What? I thought we were alright with that word.”
“We?”
“Oh um.” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“I like we.”
“Good.”
“You sound tired.”
“I am. Must have been all that action last night.”
“Yeah, that shit’s gonna happen every day. When do you get your period?”
“Zandor!”
“What, Kitten?”
“You are so sweet, and then bam! You turn dirty.”
“I just wanna know when you’ll be all I don’t know…”
“Bloody?”
“Yeah,” there was a growl in his voice.
“Not gonna happen,” I scolded.
“Neither was anal.”
“Technically…”
“Technically I pushed my pinky into your puckered little hole and you took it and liked it, Kitten.”
“Shut up.”
“Deny it.”
“Shut up.”
“Yeah that’s what I thought,” he chuckled.
“I’m going to bed…jerk.”
“I’m going to bed to do the same thing.”
“What?”
“To jerk…off.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“You brought it up, I just couldn’t get it down. Now someone has to deal with it. Since you’re not here it’s up to me.”
“Good to know.”
“Sleep tight, give your bean a flick from me.”
“Goodnight.”
I hung up and seriously wondered what the fuck a bean was.
“Oh…”
“Oh what?”
“Fuck!” I jumped and turned around. “Damn it, Dex, you scared the hell out of me!”
“Door was unlocked.”
I held my hand on my chest and tried to calm down.
“I just stopped over to give you this.” He handed me a file. “I just wanted to check him out. I never expected to find all this shit out. Why didn’t you tell me he was fucking loaded?”
“First of all, he’s not. Second of all, my feelings for him have nothing to do with money.”
“Just read it.” He set the file on the table . “If you need me, call.”