Here
*Dallas*
November 14, 2015
The feeling of Kayla’s arms wrapped tightly around my waist was indescribable. I have long waited to gain her trust back since I broke it a month ago. I knew it was going to be hard, and I would have to work at it, but it was worth it.
To feel her clinging to me, as if I’m the only thing keeping her from plummeting to her death. It might not mean that she trusts me completely, but at this moment, she does. And for now, that’s all I can ask for.
I rev the engine faster, causing her hands to ball into fists against my life jacket. Tyler and Anne ride up along our right, Anne sitting with ease and comfort behind Tyler. She had told me earlier today that she’s been on jet skis a few times before. She isn’t afraid of them. And Kayla shouldn’t be either. Especially when I’m here. I would never allow anything to happen to her.
Kayla suddenly lessens her hold on me, lifting her head from my back. I feel cold from the loss of her touch, and I drop my hand from the handle bars to touch her thigh, looking over my shoulder to see if she is okay. “You okay?” I yell over the sound of the motor and the deafening wind.
I spare a few glances up ahead to ensure we don’t crash. Kayla nods her head, a smile stretching across her face. I love when she smiles. It warms my heart.
“Thank you!” she screams. I grin back at her before I turn forward, returning my hand to the handle bar. I speed us up again, and Kayla lightly laces her fingers against my life jacket-clad stomach.
Curse it for being in the way.
Mikey and Shelby come to our left. Shelby and Kayla exchange a few waves, and Mikey gives me a curt nod. He doesn’t look like he’s having a great time, when that’s all one should be having when on a jet ski with a girl wrapped around you.
They veer off, heading back to shore, and I drive Kayla and me over another wave, sending us into the air. She giggles in my ear, and I can’t seem to wipe off the ridiculous smile on my face.
Deciding that it’s time Kayla gets to enjoy the full experience of being on a jet ski, I slow us to a stop and dive into the water. When I resurface, I pull off my sunglasses, silently thanking God that they didn’t fall off in the water. Kayla watches me with her beautiful hazel eyes, smiling as I swim back. I climb up behind her and grab her waist. In one swift movement, I slide both of us forward so she’s right in front of the handlebars.
“N-no. I can’t…” Her voice is shaky, and I feel slightly guilty for putting her in this situation. But this is what she asked for, no?
I rest my chin on her shoulder and whisper, “Shh,” in her ear. I reach around to start the engine, and then I grab her slender left wrist to slide the red lanyard over it, fastening it. “This is the throttle.” I take her right hand and place it on the handle bar, curling our fingers around it.
“Dallas, I—”
“Kayla…this is the full experience. You will regret walking away if you don’t at least give this a try. I’m with you. The whole time. Nothing will happen.” I seal my promise with a gentle kiss to her sun-kissed cheek. She freezes under my hold, and I know she’s nervous. I press closer to her, using my left hand to wrap around her waist and hold firm. “Now, gently…” I use my right hand that is covering hers to twist the handle so we move at a slow pace.
Kayla begins to test the steering, turning the ski full circle, and then again the other way to get a feel of it. When she nods her head, I ease us into a little faster speed. When I sense her growing comfortable, I retract my hand and set it on her hip, giving it a gentle squeeze.
She’s doing great for her first time. I can’t help but be proud. She’s overcome her fear, and I’m glad that I’m here to witness it.
I remain close to her, even though the pace we’re going at is slow enough for a kid to sit unrestrained. However, I enjoy feeling her against me, and I know it calms her down.
Suddenly, Kayla speeds up, and I can’t help but chuckle in her ear. I see her smile before she whips the jet ski around, and I see Anne driving toward us, Tyler behind her. Anne skillfully maneuvers their jet ski so they are beside us. Kayla lightly lifts her left hand to wave, and I see Anne nod back.
After a few minutes of Kayla driving, I tap Kayla’s thigh. She seems to understand that I want us to stop, for it’s time for us to take the jet skis back. She looks over at me, and I twirl my finger, indicating that it’s my turn to drive again. She stands and shuffles so she’s behind me.
Not wanting it to end just yet, I turn so my back is to the handle bars and straddle the bench, looking at Kayla.
She goes to grab onto me but stops when she notices my position. Her eyes widen slightly.
“You did great,” I say, pride filling me as I grab her hand and use it to pull her closer to me. Heat settles on her cheeks, causing them to grow pink as she bows her head. She gets so embarrassed so easily. It’s the cutest darn thing I’ve ever seen. I gently grab her chin, pressing my thumb against her bottom lip, stroking it.
It’s crazy how far we’ve come…how far I’ve come. To think that nearly two months ago, I hated this girl, despised her with everything in me. And now, I’ll be damned if I let her out of my life ever again. She’s helped me more than she could ever know. She’s still helping me.
Every time I feel empty and lost without Kyle, I pick up my phone and text her. Within the minute, I get a response. Or whenever he leaves us from his appearances and I feel alone, all I have to do is remind myself what Kyle did for me from the beginning. He brought Kayla to me—in some morbid way, but nonetheless, I have her. She has always been here for me, and it was wrong to ever have cast her away.
“You’re great,” I whisper, looking down at her lush lips. I have wanted to kiss her since our date yet held off for her own good. But now, I can’t seem to control myself. I need to kiss her.
I dip my head down and capture her warm lips with my own. I let out a soft moan at how perfectly innocent she is. She is slightly lost in the kiss, not sure of herself as she tries to return it. It only makes my stomach clench, knowing that I am her first kiss.
And hopefully I’ll be her last.
Kayla runs her fingers into my hair, gripping it as I pull her even closer, our life jackets in the way. I silently curse them again. They’re proving to do more evil than good.
Kayla breaks away, breathless. I smile at the affect my kiss has on her, leaning forward to gingerly kiss both of her cheeks and finally her forehead.
Best kiss I’ve ever had, that’s for sure. I smirk as she bows her head shyly.
“Well, this is an awkward moment to pop around.” I feel Kayla tense in my arms before she jerks her head around to see Kyle sitting sideways on the bench of the jet ski. I watch him with wide eyes as he grimaces with mock disgust.
Kayla slides away from me so she is beside Kyle, placing a hand on his arm. He looks across the water of Lake Ozark, watching as boats whiz by. Then he turns his head to look at Kayla, tears gathering in his eyes.
“I remember coming here every year. I’m glad you’re able to share this place with Kayla.” I watch my young brother, agreeing to his request to continue coming every year. It will never be the same. It will always feel as if something was missing. But Kayla and I will come every year, seeking Kyle out. He might not be able to appear before us, but we’ll know that he’ll share our time here with us.
“Did Dallas ever tell you about how I beat him at a jet ski race?” Kyle asks, looking over at Kayla with a mischievous grin upon his face.
I glower at my younger brother, hissing as Kayla giggles. I launch forward, wrapping my arm around Kyle’s middle, knocking us off the jet ski and submerging us in the water.
I internally balk at the cool water and swim to the surface, shaking water droplets from my hair. I meet Kayla’s eyes immediately, smirking as she shakes her head. The brilliant smile on her face makes everything worth it. All the memories of being in the Ozarks and the slight heartache of my brother’s absence. I could live off of her smile.
Swimming back to the jet ski, I pull myself up and look for Kyle but see that he’s nowhere in sight. Kayla wraps her arms around my waist and places a kiss to my cheek, silently offering me comfort.
*Kayla*
Tyler, Mikey, and Dallas slept in a room while the girls slept in a separate one. Our rooms were connected, and we stayed up most of the night watching movies and eating pizza. Dallas held me throughout every movie, having his arm around my shoulders, waist, or grasping my hand. It was as if he were scared I was going to evaporate into thin air if we weren’t in contact. I can’t necessarily blame him.
When two a.m. rolled around, we went to our rooms and tried to sleep, for we had to wake up at eight. The drive home was lax, listening to calm music and eating bags of junk food. Again, Dallas didn’t release my hand. When I fell asleep for a cat nap, his hand was light upon my thigh.
I offered to drive the second half but, being a typical male, Dallas refused. We are about twenty minutes away from home when I see the Subaru pull into a gas station. Dallas follows suit, hopping out to fill the tank with gas. I lean my head against the window, watching as Shelby jogs into the store, probably needing to use the restroom. Tyler fills up his tank, and I see Mikey follow after Shelby.
I glance at Dallas, and he catches my gaze and offers me a wink that causes me to smile like an idiot, my stomach fluttering. Dallas’s chuckle is muffled by the window, and I shake my head, looking back at the store.
Mikey is standing near the entrance, talking to a man. They speak to each other animatedly as they use hand gestures to emphasize what they’re saying.
The man Mikey is talking to looks over, and his eyes zero in on me for a moment too long before he looks back at Mikey. He shakes his head, holds up his hands, and then turns to walk away.
“Who is that?” I ask Dallas when he slides into the driver’s seat. He glances at the man, staring him down for a moment before he shrugs.
Mikey walks back toward his car, and my window rolls down. Dallas leans over me to shout, “Who was that?”
“A friend,” Mikey answers, heading to the Subaru. My brows furrow as I stare after him for a moment before looking back at Dallas.
“Where is Mikey’s dad? I only ever see his mom at the games,” I ask. Dallas arches an eyebrow, obviously thinking my question is odd. He grabs my hand and places a kiss to my knuckles.
“His dad left when he was about six years old. He died two years ago in a car accident.” I frown. It appears all our fathers are either deceased or absent.
“Seems all our mothers are strong, independent women.” Dallas smiles, driving out of the gas station, following our friends.
“Tyler’s dad is really the only dad figure I have in my life,” Dallas says. My heart clenches for him. How sad, to have a father so absent that another had to step in and take his place.
I hold his hand in both of mine, softly caressing it as I whisper, “I’m sorry.” Dallas offers me a small smile, squeezing my fingers.
I wish I could take away his pain.
“I felt him.” I hear a voice from behind me, gasping. I drop Dallas’s hand, turning around to see Kyle in the backseat. He looks out the window of the car, watching all the vehicles zipping by. “He’s here.” I look at the road, my eyebrows coming together.
“What do you mean he’s here? As in on this street? In the building across the intersection? The next car over?” Dallas asks. I peek over to see his grip on the steering wheel tightening. I place a hand on his thigh, trying to project calming thoughts through my touch. I do not want to get into an accident.
“I don’t know. I just feel him. He’s somewhere…” Kyle stops, and I glance over my shoulder to see him placing his head in his hands.
“It’s going to be okay, Kyle. Do we know him?” I ask.
Dallas pulls over, and I see we’re in front of his house. Our friends file out of the Subaru, already making their way into the house.
“Yes…and no…” I fight the urge to grind my teeth at the evasive answer.
What does that even mean? We know him, yet we don’t? Perhaps I know him, yet Dallas doesn’t? Or vice versa?
“Well, what does he look like?” My voice is soft, almost as if I am coaxing a frightened foal. Kyle lifts his head, his sky blue eyes penetrating my gaze as tears roll down his cheeks. The heart within my chest is squeezing, making it feel as if I will not live another moment, the pain in Kyle’s eyes is so intense.
“I have to go,” he whispers, never meeting Dallas’s eyes. Does he feel ashamed because he cannot give us answers? Or does it pain him that much more, seeing the raw desperation upon Dallas’s features?
I turn to look at Dallas, not wanting to watch Kyle evaporate from the backseat of the car, almost as if he was never there.
Sometimes, I do wish it were all a dream. That I’d wake up with the knowledge that Kyle is dead, yet he has found his peace. That he isn’t stuck, waiting for us to find the answers.
Guilt overwhelms me, no matter how much I try to justify this weekend with the fact that we’re still kids who deserve a good time.