Tia

 

It’s the hardest thing ever to leave Logan at his house and drive back home, especially knowing that I left him wanting. Though I can’t say once was enough for me, either. Once with Logan just makes me want him even more.

He kisses me sweetly at the door, his lips lingering on mine, tempting me to stay. “Why do I think you’re going to feel differently about everything once you leave, and I’ll never see you again like this?”

“I won’t feel differently.”

“I hope you don’t.” He frowns. “But look what happened when we tried to get just a couple of hours alone.”

“It doesn’t matter. We’ll cope.” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him again. “You have a gorgeous daughter, even when she wakes up at the wrong time. No wonder you love her to bits, and I won’t feel any differently later. I promise.”

He smiles and hugs me. “I don’t want you to go home.”

“I would stay if I could, but…”

“Your dad, I know. I don’t want to upset him either.”

I kiss Logan again. It’s as if my lips can’t help going in for another shot at that. Then I get in my car. Logan blows me a kiss as I leave, and that’s the picture I have of him in my mind as I drive the short way home. That, and the way he made me come on the couch. Better get rid of that picture from my mind before I arrive.

I think about Logan’s fear that I will change my mind about him. It’s strange, but I’ve never felt like this about anyone. That’s ridiculous, given my engagement and how little time I’ve known Logan. But when we talked over dinner, I felt like he was starting to share everything that mattered.

He told me about his family, and asked about mine. He told me how having a kid had changed him, and what it was like in Afghanistan. And he wanted to know more about me, too. What I liked to do, to read, to listen to, and what I wanted beyond working at the fire station. I liked that.

I thought I was in love with Simon, but did I really know him? Did he ever tell me about his past, his feelings, anything that mattered? Thinking back, I don’t think he did. We had fun together, but we never had a heart to heart. Nothing below the surface.

I liked him, especially at first, but now I see there was no real connection, something I’m starting to feel for Logan. That must be why Simon broke our engagement so easily. There was no real attachment to break. And also why I got over him so fast, despite all the tears. I should have been more heartbroken by his betrayal. But it seems my pride was dented more than my heart.

It’s only a couple of days before Christmas, and Dad keeps me busy shopping and preparing for our trip. We are going to his sister’s, my aunt June’s, for the holidays. There’s so much to do, I won’t see Logan at work, but we keep in touch by text.

“Alice has taken to calling her dog Tia. I think that means she likes you, not that she thinks you’re a dog.”

“lol”

“For the record, I don’t think you’re a dog either ;)”

“Thank you. I think.”

“Missed you at the fire station today. Place is missing its biggest highlight. Were you busy today?”

“Nothing important. Buying stuff to take to my aunt’s. You?”

“Fire in Alderstone. Three-story block of flats. Glad everyone got out.”

“Yes. Including you. Take care.”

“I will.”

And I send him pictures of some of the joke gifts I’m buying my aunt’s family. I want to reassure him too, in case there’s any doubt. “By the way, I haven’t changed my mind about you.”

He texts back. “Good. Can’t wait to see you again. I’ll be pleased when Christmas is over, and you return home.”

I wish we weren’t going away, but Dad doesn’t always get the holiday off, and he wants to spend Christmas with his sister’s family. I’ve never objected before, so I don’t want to start now. Last year, Dad was working and I spent Christmas with Simon’s parents. I briefly wonder if Simon will be taking Freya this year, and then realize I don’t care if he is or not.

*

My aunt hugs me when we arrive. “Sorry to hear about your engagement.”

I forgot this would be the first time I saw her since the big breakup. I smile at her. “No need to be sorry. I think it was for the best.”

She levels a look at me. “I think you really mean that. You look happy.”

“I am.”

“New man?”

“Could be.”

Dad rolls his eyes, and June catches him. “You don’t approve?”

“I’m saying nothing. It will fizzle out all the faster.”

“He’s said enough already.” I sense an ally in Aunt June, but I don’t want to get Dad’s back up, it being Christmas and all, so I give him a hug. “Apparently, my new friend is too old and has far too much baggage in the form of a very cute two-year-old daughter.”

“Have you met her?” June asks me.

“I have.”

“If that didn’t put you off, nothing will. Two is a terrible age for tantrums.”

“Yet they all grow out of it. Most of them, anyway. She seems better behaved than a lot of adults to me.”

And then the conversation moves on, and Dad and I both enjoy the Christmas break with June’s family, her husband and his kids. June’s is a second marriage, I remember. It works well for them.

I talk to Logan on the phone—a long conversation, full of promise, and I feel closer to him than ever.

On Christmas Day, he sends me a picture of him and Alice. She’s wearing the most adorable little reindeer antlers. And I want to get back and hug them both.

The link he sends me with the picture is to his Facebook page, and he’s changed his status to in a relationship with me. That’s the best Christmas present he could give me, even though we haven’t swapped gifts.