I finally had two straight weeks at home, and providing Katie’s stupid doctor didn’t cancel at the last minute again, I would actually get to make it to an appointment. In the middle of my home-game stretch, I had four days off. This was the most downtime I’d had since the season started, and I had to admit…it was nice that it took place after Katie and I had managed to get our shit together.

“I’m rethinking letting you buy that car.” I sat at the kitchen table with my arms folded over my chest, watching her sneak back inside with that gleam in her eye like she’d just met up with the best lay she’d ever had. And considering I was here, I knew that wasn’t the case.

She was in her car, the same place I’d found her on more than one occasion. In fact, almost every time I called while I was on the road, she’d be behind the wheel when she answered. At first, I just thought she’d found a surplus of energy and finally decided to leave the house. Nope. I learned very quickly that she was just in the Infiniti…in the garage.

“Oh, yeah?” She cocked a perfectly arched brow and smirked. “You think you let me buy it? If I remember correctly, you dragged me down to the dealership kicking and screaming and refused to take me home until I purchased something.”

“Funny…because I remember you doing much of the same the night we created our little crescent roll. But that’s neither here nor there. Stop trying to change the subject. It’s one thing to carry on an affair with Richard while I’m gone. It’s just plain disrespectful to do so after I come home.”

She rolled her eyes and stuck her face in the fridge—although, I had no idea what she was looking for unless she was in the mood for a bowl of ketchup with a side of mustard, maybe a little lemon juice to wash it down. Seriously, for someone who spent so much time in her car, one would think she’d go to the store from time to time. She didn’t have an excuse anymore. Not only did she have a way to get there, but now she had more than enough money to buy the whole damn mom-and-pop place down the street if she wanted.

“I don’t even know who Richard is. Oh…” She pulled back just enough to see me from around the refrigerator door. “I get it. You think you’re clever, don’t you? Richard Nixon? I wasn’t aware you were so into politics.”

“I’m not. It just gave me a good excuse to call it Dick for short.”

Giving up on the fridge, she grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water. Honestly, this was the first time I’d seen her drink plain water—all the other times it had been mixed with coffee. “I thought cars were females.”

“Most of the time they are…except that doesn’t work in your case.”

“Why not?”

“Because if another female made you moan and rub yourself against it like a cat in heat, I’d be all over that like a kid in a candy store on Christmas morning. And considering you like your car more than you like me, I think it’s safe to say your new love affair does not excite me—hence, a guy. Which is why Richard is a perfect name. He’s a dick, and you ride him more than me.”

“Aww, poor Gage.” Katie came to the table and sat next to me, attempting to comfort me by placing her hand on my forearm. “Is your ego bruised? Are you not used to sharing your toys?”

“I’m starting to question your sincerity. It almost sounds like you’re mocking me. But you wouldn’t do that…would you, Crunchyroll?”

“Never.” Beneath her honesty, I smelled lies. Lots of lies. Though she didn’t bat an eye. “Regardless, Gage…I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about it. Not only did you practically force me to buy it, you should be happy that I’m getting out of the house.”

“Are you, KitKat? Are you really getting out of the house?”

“Yes. Go check the mileage if you don’t believe me.”

“Then how come whenever I call, you’re always sitting in the garage?”

“Um…because you have impeccable timing?”

“Okay, I’ll give you that since I do admit to having a lot of impeccable things, but can you answer this…why am I once again coming home to an empty fridge?”

“I went to the store, I swear. Actually, I went…” She lifted her eyes to stare at the ceiling, and while muttering to herself, she used her fingers to count. “Five out of the six days you were gone.”

“Oh yeah? Did you buy much?”

“No. You see…what had happened was…all the spaces near the front were either taken, or the cars next to them were parked funny. I didn’t want to get my doors dented, so I decided to leave and go back when there was more parking available.”

“And you couldn’t park toward the back?”

“I’ve started to get a bit of a waddle. It’s unsettling, really.”

“I can imagine. So, tell me, Waddlegate, what have you been eating since I left?”

“Coby and Ellie have had me over a few times.”

“And what about the other nights?”

“Oh, Corinne invited me to eat with her.”

I blinked slowly and looked her up and down, hoping she could read the disgust and betrayal on my face. “I don’t even know you anymore. It’s like you’ve become a stranger. I’m tempted to call the cops and report an intruder in my home. It was one thing when I found out you wear skirts and shorts to cozy up with Richard, Dick of the Garage, while I can’t seem to get you out of sweatpants. Now…I’m not so sure how to take this new information.”

“I like to feel the buttery-soft leather against my legs. That’s not a crime. And what new information? I didn’t think you’d care if I had dinner at the Kylers’.”

“No, that doesn’t bother me—it’s how you’re going behind my back to steal my best friend. Find your own Corinne. Take Dick to the park; I’m sure you can meet lots of three-year-olds there.” I leaned forward to make sure I had her attention. “But whatever you do, don’t offer them candy. Their parents don’t like that too much.”

She pinched her lips together, fighting off a smile, and seeing it almost made me lose my composure, too. As time had passed, I’d started to see her lighten up more and more. It was such a drastic difference to the version of her I’d first moved in with. Before, she used to find me irritating and refused to entertain my dramatic flair. And once she’d calmed down enough to enjoy a laugh, it’d felt like I’d won the lottery. However, nothing compared to the utter contentment I’d felt when she had finally decided to stop fighting it. Watching her give in and surrender to the moment made me want to beat on my chest and declare a victory. I didn’t think anything could’ve gotten better than that.

And then she pulled a Gage.

It had taken everything in me to keep the banter going after she walked inside. Normally, she’d let me carry on, laughing at my immaturity or stupidity without making fun of me like she had in the past. Yet tonight, she not only came to play…she came to win.

It was a proud moment.

“Good point,” she said with a slight nod, as if fighting to regain her composure. “Should I ask them if they want to go out to the parking lot and see my Dick?”

I lost it. It was rare that someone could beat me at my own game, but I had to hand it to her. She took the trophy home with that one. “I’d totally say yes, except I don’t think there are too many long-term studies done on children born in prisons,” I said through hearty laughter, giving up on keeping a straight face.

“Seriously, though…” Katie took a deep breath, and it quickly stole the humor from the room. “I did go to the store. I had that thing stocked and ready for you to come home. It’s quite sad how excited I was to surprise you with enough food to survive the apocalypse. And then the damn thing died.”

“What died? The refrigerator?”

“Yeah. I was over at Ellie’s with the kids a few days ago—the day you called, but I couldn’t really talk. She had a doctor’s appointment and asked if I could watch Corinne, and when I found out they were planning to take the boys with them, I offered to watch all three of them. I was there all day, because after they came back, they invited me to stay for dinner. Needless to say, I didn’t touch the fridge until the next day. I had to toss everything.”

“Did you get a new one?”

She waved me off. “Gage, you just bought that one less than a year ago. It was still under warranty. All I had to do was call, and someone came out to fix it. Luckily, it was only a part that needed to be replaced. The guy on the phone said there was a chance it could be something else, and if it were, they’d have to send us a new one. Regardless, I did go shopping. I just don’t have any food to prove it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because that was the day I convinced you to do that thing for me.”

Ah, yes. I remembered that call vividly. I’d just gotten out of the shower when I tapped on Katie’s name to initiate a FaceTime session. As soon as she saw my bare chest, water still clinging to my skin, she got that look in her eye. After seven weeks of practically nothing between us, she was like a starved kitten. She’d begged me to stroke myself—which I did, following her instructions. She’d walked me through the entire thing, telling me when to slow down, when to pump harder, and when to tighten my grip on the head.

It had to have been the hottest thing we’d ever done; although, what had made it so hot was how the fantasy she played out wasn’t the two of us fucking, but rather her sucking my cock. For some reason, her hormones must’ve been out of whack, because she’d had this overwhelming, uncontrollable need to blow me. And as it turned out, no matter how many times she’d made me choke my chicken on FaceTime, it hadn’t quenched her thirst. As soon as I came home last night, she’d dropped my shorts, fell to her knees, and took control like she needed to suck me off in order to live another day.

“As far as excuses go, I guess that’s an acceptable one.” I nodded, giving in.

Lust filled her voice when she asked, “You were just thinking about it, weren’t you?”

“Maybe…”

“And you’re turned on again, aren’t you?” There was no mistaking the fire in her eyes.

“It’s quite possible, yes.”

Katie slid to the floor between my parted legs and took hold of the waistband of my shorts. She licked her lips and met my gaze, and there was no sweeter sight in the entire world.

“Wait, baby…wait.” I grabbed her wrists to hold her off for a moment. There was nothing I enjoyed more than pleasing Katie—not even baseball—and since I’d been banned from doing so, it felt selfish when I couldn’t return the favor. “What’s gotten into you? I’m not complaining or anything, but I don’t want you to think you have to do this.”

“Trust me, Gage…I know I don’t have to do anything. I want to. And as soon as the doctor gives me the all clear, I’ll happily let you have your way with me until neither one of us can move or breathe. But for now, stop arguing and just let me have fun.”

After finding out just how amazing she was with her mouth, there was no way I’d stop her.

* * *

“If you hadn’t been kicked off the team for being a pathological liar, do you think you would’ve eventually left on your own terms?” So far, I’d spent my first two days off at Coby’s house helping him build a fence for Sherbet. Apparently, per Coby, this was my responsibility for giving a toddler a pony for her birthday.

“First of all,” he said, wiping the sweat from his brow, “I wasn’t dropped from the roster for being a pathological liar. That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“Not at all. I mean, you were injured and then lied about it. Then went to a possibly questionable doctor who may or may not have worked on the black market, and you lied about it. I’m no brain surgeon, but I think not telling the truth more than once qualifies as pathological. No?”

“You’ve invested your money well, right?”

I cocked my head, unsure of how that had anything to do with his exit from baseball, but that was Coby. He was nothing if not random. “Of course. Why?”

“Just checking on the future of your kid, that’s all.”

“Anyway…you never answered my question. Do you think you would’ve given up baseball had you been given a chance to make that decision for yourself?”

“I don’t know, to be honest with you. It’s hard to say. I’m definitely happier now, though I had no idea back then that I’d even be here. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d have Ellie and the kids, so it all worked out for the best. Why? What are you thinking about?”

I shrugged, not really sure what I was thinking about other than it was hotter than Hades and with as much money as this fool made, he should’ve hired someone to put up this damn fence. Yet I wouldn’t say that to him—it didn’t work out so well for me the last time I mentioned it, which was about an hour ago.

“I don’t know, man. I mean, I love the game. I’ve lived and breathed baseball my entire life. It’s who I am. Part of me questions if I’d even have an identity without the sport. But ever since Katie got pregnant…” I shook my head, unsure of how to word this. “I don’t enjoy it like I used to. I’ve missed every single one of her doctor’s appointments, and if it weren’t for the pictures she sends me after her ultrasounds, I’d be completely left out of the loop. And the worst part is, this pregnancy has been hard on her, and I haven’t been here for support like I should be. Like I want to be.”

“Yeah…you picked a shit time to knock her up, didn’t you? She’s literally pregnant from the beginning of the season until the end. But look on the bright side—the season will be over by the time the baby gets here, so at least you’ll be around for that.”

He wasn’t getting it. Or maybe I wasn’t. I couldn’t be sure. “Would you have been able to hit the road again when Corinne was a baby? Or now…would you be willing to pack a bag and head out for a week or more at a time and only see the boys a handful of days each month?”

“Hell no.”

“Okay then. That’s where I’m at. It’s been in the back of my mind all season. Every month when I miss an appointment, I have to talk myself out of getting on a plane and never returning to the diamond. And the bigger she gets, the more I think about it—which has been a lot lately, because, between you and me, she’s gettin’ big.”

“Yeah…you should never say that to her. Or any woman. Ever. For any reason. Ever.”

“No worries.” I waved him off. “I think she’s sexy as hell, and the rounder she gets, the sexier she becomes. But the last time I tried to tell that to her, she stared at me, then walked out of the room backward, and when she came back, she repeated the same thing she’d said before she left. She did that two more times before explaining she was rewinding time to give me a chance to shut my mouth and live another day.”

Coby dropped his chin and laughed, his shoulders jumping with the humor rolling through him. Finally, he shook it off and brought us back to the topic at hand. Thank God for him, or I would’ve forgotten all about it. “Don’t you still have a couple more years left on your contract?”

“Yeah, but I don’t care about that. I’ll buy myself out of it if I have to.”

“Don’t do that. Finish it out and take your money. Don’t be stupid and give up that kind of security. I know two years feels like a lifetime, but your kid won’t ever remember you being gone.”

“It’s not about whether or not he’ll know. I will.”

“Then talk to them and see about renegotiating the terms.”

“Or…you could take out my knee, Tonya Harding style.” I wagged my brows. “Retirement is much easier than buying out the remainder of my contract or going through renegotiations. It’s quicker, too.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?” I stopped working to face him—oh, who am I kidding…I’d barely done anything all day. “If you asked me to break your arms or legs I totally would. That’s what friends do for each other.”

“This might explain why you don’t have many friends.”

“I have lots of friends.”

“Then get one of them to break your kneecap.”

“Good thinking.” I dropped my gloves to the ground and turned toward the house. “Hey, Rinny! I need a favor!”

“You are not asking my toddler to do that.”

“Why not? You won’t. So somebody has to.”

Coby bent over and grabbed a post off the ground. “Fine. Turn around and stand still.”

“Wait wait wait.” I held up my hands and took a step back. Then another. And another. “You’re probably right. You might not be the best person to do this. I mean, the only way your batting average could’ve been worse is if you’d held the bat with your feet. You might miss and put me into a completely different kind of retirement.”

He shrugged and tossed the post back to the pile behind him. “Looks like you need to talk to the manager and figure something out then, huh?”

“Not so fast. There are still options on the table.”

“Like what?”

“Witness protection program.”

If he stared any longer, I’d have no choice but to question all the times we’d changed in the locker room together, especially with the way he slowly blinked. Luckily, he rolled his eyes and figured out how to speak. “The government only puts people in there if they’ve witnessed a crime and coming forward could put their lives in danger.”

I flicked my wrist to wave off his idiotic explanation. “How do you know I haven’t seen something? Clearly, if I had, I wouldn’t have told you. What about my life being in danger do you not get?”

“Yeah…good luck with that.”

“See if I give you my new identity. I could be right in front of you, and you’d never know.”

“Wow, you seem to have everything figured out.” He couldn’t keep the humor out of his voice, and soon, his smile had taken over his face. “Tell me, Gage…how’d you get so smart?”

“It’s one of life’s mysteries, man.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

* * *

I sat next to the half-chair, half-bed and held Katie’s hand. Her stomach was covered in what appeared to be slime, and an image of my son was on the screen on the other side of Katie. His heartbeat was strong and played through speakers like music to my ears. I’d promised Katie that I would keep it together, which I did…for about two seconds. I might’ve been able to man up and keep the tears from filling my eyes had it only been the whoosh of his heartbeat or his image—acting cool when I finally got to experience both at the same time was far too much to ask.

“Well, as always, Ms. Crisp,” the doctor began, making me hate her last name for the first time, “you’re progressing as expected. Baby looks good, head down which is perfect. As for the partial previa that we’ve been keeping an eye on…”

My heart pounded, every beat taking up even more space in my chest.

“As of the last scan, it hadn’t moved enough to clear you. With as slowly as your uterus has expanded, honestly, I had expected this scan to show the placenta sitting right on the line of the cervix, but that’s not the case.”

Katie’s body practically deflated, her hand going limp in mine, and I was about to jump over her to knock this quack out. Then he spoke again.

“Surprisingly, it’s moved more than I thought it would and has completely cleared the cervix. It looks like we’re ready to start planning a natural birth.”

“Wait,” I called out before he had a chance to run off. “So the sticker isn’t on the mouthpiece anymore?”

The doctor gave me a puzzled glance, and then Katie spoke. “Yes, Gage. That’s correct.”

“So we can have sex again?”

Katie grumbled and covered her face while the doctor and nurse found my question humorous. I didn’t find anything funny about it. It was a serious concern. But thankfully, the doctor said, “Yes, you may resume normal sexual activity.”

“No we can’t, Doc. Trust me. She’s too big for the normal stuff.”

Katie swatted my stomach, and the other two shook their heads on their way out of the room. “Oh my God…I started to think I’d never hear him say the placenta had moved.”

“See? I just needed to be here. Maybe if he hadn’t played hooky two months ago and changed the appointment to after I left, we wouldn’t have gone through all this.” I practically yanked her off the table. “Come on. What are you waiting for? You promised we could fornicate until neither of us could breathe or move. We’re running out of daylight.”

We barely stopped at the front desk to schedule another appointment before we both ran out of there like a bat out of hell. And there was a large chance I broke every speed limit from the office to the house. Katie thought it was funny, although there was no doubt in my mind she wanted this as much as I did—especially when she had her clothes off before the garage door was down.

I chased her up the stairs and into our room—although, “chase” was such a strong word since she wasn’t moving at a very fast pace these days. And with the coordination of two teenage virgins, we collapsed onto the bed, all arms and legs…and belly.

“Gage…” She fought to catch her breath, even though I hadn’t even gotten it in yet. “We can’t do it like that. You’re pressing against my stomach.”

I stood back and tried to create a plan, using my imagination as a playbook. However, before anything came to me, she flipped over onto her hands and knees. Normally, I wouldn’t hesitate. I’d line up, take one or two practice swings, and then knock it out of the park. But not this time.

“What are you waiting for?” she asked, peering at me from over her shoulder.

“I want to see your face.”

She turned and dropped to the mattress in one very ungraceful move. “We’ve spent the last two months doing nothing other than seeing each other’s faces. Now’s not the time to be picky about what position we do it in.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want this to be cheap. Just give me a second to figure it out.” I grabbed her from behind her knees and pulled until she was on her back with her ass on the edge of the mattress. Although yet again, when I settled between her legs, she complained about being uncomfortable. “How is it that you’re telling me I can’t be picky, yet all you’ve done is complain?”

“Really, Gage?” She didn’t seem very amused. “I have a tiny human inside me. I have every right to complain about someone putting pressure on it.”

“Fine. Come on. I’ve got a better idea.” I grabbed her hand, helped her off the bed, and then dragged her back downstairs.

“Why are we coming down here?”

“I need to get you on something higher so I can just stand and rock without laying on you. The kitchen table should work.”

She abruptly stopped behind me and twisted her hand out of my grasp. “We are not having sex on the kitchen table.”

“Why not? It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Bending me over the table is not the same as spreading me out on top of it. Not to mention, that won’t be the slightest bit comfortable on my back. I’ll end up with splinters up and down my spine.”

“First it’s your stomach. Now it’s your back. Is there anything you won’t gripe about?”

If she weren’t so horny, that could’ve ended badly.

Katie huffed and stared holes into my head. “There aren’t many positions we can do, and just about all the ones I’m aware of are from behind. So suck it up, buttercup, and bend me over.”

“Damn, Katiebug…you don’t have to devalue this with such vulgar language. Can we at least try the kitchen counter first before we start acting ten shades of desperado?”

She stalked toward me and took my hand. I smiled with gratitude and went to take a step toward the kitchen. Little did I know, she had other plans. And as she led me into the living room, I followed, wondering what she possibly thought was high enough in there to lay her across. Then again, what the hell did I know? She had more than likely spent the last two months mapping out our rompfest from room to room.

Releasing my hand, she turned and held onto the back of the couch, lifting herself onto her tiptoes and bending at the waist. She even shook her ass a little to tempt me. However, I wasn’t ready to concede just yet. With a pop on her behind that made her yelp, I said, “Unless you’re that chick in the Exorcist who can twist her head around, I won’t be able to see your face.” I grabbed her hips to direct her around the couch and added, “And if you are that chick, then this isn’t gonna happen. Well, it could still happen. Actually, it might work out best…that crab crawl could work in our favor.”

“Gage! We’re wasting precious time here.”

“Fine. No need to get all huffy.”

I managed to get her to the center of the room and sat her on the coffee table. The irritable expression she gave me now made her previous unamused one seem rather happy. And it only got worse with every failed attempt to slide safely into home plate.

“You have five seconds, Gage.”

“I’m trying. But you’re not making it easy, you know. How am I supposed to get into your dugout with all these stipulations? I’m only asking for one thing—to see your face when I remind you who the king is. Your list of demands is a mile long.”

“Time’s up.” She stood and grabbed my shoulders.

I was about to tell her that I didn’t think I could perform while standing and holding her, now that our son had decided to make things impossible, but she silenced my concern with trickery. At first, I thought she was leading me to the couch so she could straddle me. But then, she used brute force to push me onto the floor. I’d barely started to regain my bearings when she straddled me, facing the wrong way.

“Baby…I think you misunderstood me. I wanted to see your—” Katie sank down on top of me, making me forget what I was saying. Hell, it was enough to make me forget my own name. Well, that was a bit extreme. No one could forget my name. But still…it was that good.

As soon as she had herself seated with my cock buried deep inside, she leaned forward, grabbing my thighs to brace herself, and began to rock. Back and forth. Up and down. I wanted to close my eyes and lose myself in the way she gripped me from inside. Yet I also wanted to watch the way her back arched and then curled. Admire the dimples at the base of her spine. Memorize each roll of her hips as she rode me. Although, the sight of where our bodies joined convinced me to keep my eyes open. When she lifted herself, my dick nearly slid out of her warmth, though she stopped with only the head remaining inside, right before I sank deep into her all over again. Then she cradled my balls in her hand, played with them like they were her own personal toys.

“Holy fuck, baby…” I could barely get the words out. I’d grown completely lost in her until I was on the verge of exploding.

Luckily, I didn’t have to hold on long. After two months of nothing, it didn’t take much for her to spiral out of control. When she began to lose the ability to guide herself, her body too coiled to move fluidly, I grabbed her hips and finished her off. Her screams of passion were filled with air, nothing more than whimpers into the quiet room.

And when she grew limp, completely sated, I pulled her to me. She settled into me with her shoulder blades against the top of my chest, legs on either side of mine, and her face so close I could press my cheek to hers. She pulled her feet flat against the floor and bent her knees while I held her and finished pumping into her. I didn’t care that it was wild or animalistic. It didn’t bother me that this resembled fucking more than making love. Because at the end of the day…I was with Katie.

Just before I let go and gave her all I had, I realized it didn’t matter if she was bent over, on all fours, against the couch or the kitchen table. On the bed, under the covers, half-dressed or fully naked. It didn’t matter if it lasted five minutes or twenty, if we screamed or whispered, panted or grunted. All that mattered was that I did those things with her, and her with me.

With one final pump, I held myself deep inside her at the same time she pushed against me, taking me as far as she could. A rush of air left my lips just as a hum vibrated hers. And then we fell into the most comfortable silence we’d ever existed in, both fighting to catch our breath.

“Thank God that sticker moved,” I panted into her ear.

She giggled and then rolled to the side. The worst part about sex with Katie was when I slipped out of her, because no matter how much trust I had in her, no matter how much I believed she wouldn’t go anywhere despite the money she now had, leaving her warmth left me with an alarming amount of worry that I’d never get to feel her again.

Lying next to me, curled into my side, she pulled my lips to hers. And with one kiss, she reassured me that it wasn’t the last time. Maybe she read my mind, or maybe she somehow understood me better than anyone else, because she always seemed to pick the right moment to calm my fears. Be it with a kiss or a quiet comment about never wanting to leave, it was like she just knew when I needed it the most and offered it freely.

“Hey, Gage?” Her voice was soft yet heavy, as if she had something weighing on her mind and she needed to get it out before she collapsed under the pressure of it. “You don’t ever talk much about your mom. I’ve heard enough to understand what had happened and how you feel about it, but have you thought at all about reaching out to her?”

“Where did that come from?”

She shrugged and settled against me with her arm draped over my chest. “Becoming a mother myself has made me think a lot about my own mom. Sometimes I find myself wishing she were still alive so I could share this with her. Other times I’m glad she’s gone, because it eliminates the option of finding her and possibly being let down all over again. And it’s made me wonder how you’re dealing with this since…your mom is still alive.”

“Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought. I don’t think guys need their parents during a pregnancy the way women do. Having a baby bonds a mother and a daughter in ways it never would a son.”

She was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if making that point only left her contemplating the relationship she would have with our son when he reached this point in his own life. I had no doubt it wouldn’t be the same as what I talked about regarding my mother, though I wasn’t sure how to explain that to her properly.

“But that doesn’t mean I never think about her,” I continued. “Going through this with you constantly makes me question how she could’ve turned her back so easily. She was young—I get it. Except that only goes so far. She’s forty-six…at some point, being fourteen when she had a baby stopped being a reason for her carelessness and just became a pathetic excuse for never doing the right thing.”

“So you have no desire to reach out to her for closure? Maybe get a chance to tell her how you feel? How her actions have affected you?”

“No. Honestly, when she didn’t come to Granny’s funeral, I decided then that I never wanted to see her or hear from her again. I mean, I doubt I will. With the entire country knowing about you and that we’re having a baby, if she hasn’t popped up looking for some way to exploit me, then I think it’s safe to say she’s moved on.”

“When was the last time you saw her? Or spoke to her?”

As pathetic as it was, I had to stop and think about it. I stared at the spinning blades on the ceiling fan above me and thought back to almost ten years ago when she’d shown up out of the blue. “Right after I got signed to the Majors, she found me. We had a long talk then. She apologized for not being able to be the kind of mother I deserved, and I forgave her. Silly me, I thought if I had something to offer, she’d stick around. I gave her some money, and then I never saw her again—in person, I mean.”

“Granny told me about that. I never thought it was possible to see such regret in a mother’s eyes regarding their children. And she never said it, but I swear, it felt like she wished she’d been able to give you a better mom. Like somehow, she blamed herself for what her daughter did to you.”

Just the thought of Granny, no matter what it was about, brought a smile to my face. Katie did that for me. It wasn’t too long ago that the mention of Granny would have had me so far into a black hole I wouldn’t know which way was up. But somehow, either by talking about her or feeling like a piece of her heart was still with me as long as I had Katie by my side, the sadness had nearly vanished, and in its place grew happiness. Joy. Gratitude and love.

“Yeah. I remember once when I was younger—couldn’t have been more than fifteen or sixteen—she told me about the baby she and Pops lost. It was before my mom, but I can’t remember now how much before. Anyway, I guess that baby had been a boy, but something happened while she was pregnant, and they lost him. And then when my mom was born, Granny spoiled her rotten. My mom ran that house. And it wasn’t until it was too late that Granny and Pops saw the writing on the wall—though, by then, there was nothing they could do to rein their daughter back in.”

“She told me she was scared that God would take your mom from her. After she lost her son, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to have another baby.” It didn’t surprise me that Katie had heard this before. I doubted there was anything Granny hadn’t told her. “But then you came along, and as pissed as they were about their young, teenage daughter having a baby, they refused to see you as anything less than a blessing.”

“Yeah, she told me the same thing.”

“Did she ever tell you about her dream?”

I shook my head.

“She said it was maybe a week before your mom told them she was pregnant, she dreamt she was in a field, and a man approached her. He called himself Daniel. When she woke up and replayed it in her mind, it brought her to tears because that was what they’d planned to name their son.” She paused before adding, “Granny never told you any of this?”

“No. I mean, I knew about the boy they lost, but nothing else.”

“Well, so this man walked across the field to her and said something along the lines of letting go of guilt. I don’t remember what it was, but she recited it word for word as if she’d woken up from it that morning. It was just one of those things that always stuck with her. She’d written it down and kept it in her nightstand for years, never understanding it.”

I clung to her every word, desperately needing the whole story.

“And then one night when you were little, sometime after your mom left, Granny said you were scared and crawled into their bed. It was storming, and you were crying, worried that your mom was outside and would get hurt.”

My eyes closed, and I fought against logic to remember this event taking place, though nothing came to mind. For the life of me, I couldn’t recall one piece of this story. As if it were about someone else, I could only picture it happening as she told it, without a single hint of remembrance on my part.

“After she got you calmed down and asleep, she said she spent most of the night crying. She blamed herself for your mother leaving. She couldn’t help but think if she’d given her more consequences, you wouldn’t have been alone. That same night she had another dream. She was in the same field, although this time, the sky was dark, like it was overcast or something. It wasn’t raining, but the scene wasn’t bright like the sun was out. Daniel, once again, told her she needed to release her guilt.”

Gooseflesh covered my body from head to toe, and the hairs on my arms stood on end.

“Daniel pointed to the sky and told her that until she learned to forgive herself, the sun would be shielded by the colors of regret and remorse. I’m paraphrasing here. I don’t remember the exact words she used, although I’m not far off. Anyway, she woke up with you in her arms and decided at that moment to raise you as her own and never let what had happened with your mom affect you. Until her last breath, she believed that the man in the field was her son and that she was given your mother so that she would have you.”

I held Katie closer, unable to speak from the heavy emotions clogging my throat.

And just like Granny had been convinced that the birth of one child was meant to give her the life of another, I couldn’t help but believe that her death had been for a purpose, too—to give me the life of my own son.