Chapter Fourteen
Justice didn’t even know where to begin, or how much he wanted to say.
Part of him wanted to come clean with her, tell Etta everything, but he wasn’t ready. She’d been brave, shared her past with him, and he owed her the same courtesy. So he’d pick and choose what he told her, for now.
The men who’d captured him had a cruel streak, too, as though playing mind games, fucking with him was enjoyable. Justice didn’t understand it. He took other men out before, but didn’t relish the kill, didn’t play with them beforehand—it was quick and clean.
“I told you we’d been captured.”
She nodded.
“We were held for about three months. It’s a miracle I survived. Every damn day, I got beaten, stabbed, electrocuted.”
He still didn’t know if they’d done any permanent damage. The VA had given him a clean bill of health, but who knows what the future held. Like professional football players, the consequences might manifest in his old age. Dementia from all the head blows. Not to mention, all of the trauma his body had endured.
“But the torture wasn’t the worst of it.”
“What was?”
“I failed to save the man I was imprisoned with.” Justice bowed his head. “It isn’t the whole truth, and I never want to lie to you, but I’m the reason he’s dead.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I…caused his death.” Justice couldn’t say any more about the particulars. “Bulldog died in my arms, and I should’ve protected him. It should’ve been me instead.”
“I’m sorry.” Etta placed a hand over her mouth.
“Me too. I’ve relived the night over and over again for years, in my nightmares, or whenever I stop and think. I keep wonderin’ what I could’ve done differently. And most of all, I don’t know why he died, and I’m still alive. None of it makes sense.”
“You’ll drive yourself crazy thinkin’ like that.”
“I know, but up until we were taken, none of the men in my unit died in the line of duty. We used to be so damn proud of it too. We even bragged about our casualty rate, sayin’ we had our shit together.”
“Hubris bit you on the ass.”
“In the worst way.” Maybe they should’ve kept their fucking mouths shut.
“I wish you hadn’t gone through it all.”
“Me too.” But there was nothing he could do to change it.
“What was Bulldog like?”
Justice, grinned, remembering. “He was brand-new to the unit, and we made him pay his dues, and then some. We had Bulldog fetchin’ stuff for us, cleanin’ our guns, and polishin’ our boots.” It was a tradition, and the new guy had to put up with it, until another recruit arrived. Then he was off the hook.
“Why’d you call him Bulldog?”
“Because he had one at home named Snaggletooth, and his fiancée used to send these god-awful pictures of the damn thing.” He chuckled. “I swear he loved that dog like a son.”
He swallowed, as another memory smacked him in the face. The USO and the military spouses made a big deal of every homecoming—parades, and food, and all the family members came, even the four-legged variety.
Snaggletooth had howled when Bulldog hadn’t come home with the rest of them, just sat on its haunches, and bawled. He could still recall the sound, and it sent a shiver up his spine. Almost like the dog was channeling Justice’s inner anguish.
Justice wanted another joint, maybe a shot or two of whiskey.
Enough.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore tonight.”
“Agreed.” She gave a jaw-cracking yawn. “We’re both a mess, huh?”
“Yup, hopeless.” His tone was light and teasing, despite the plain truth of it.
“Scarred.”
“Tell you what, since we’re bein’ open with one another.” Justice leaned back against the headboard. “Show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.”
“Show you what, exactly?”
“Your scars.”
“I’m…ugly.” She glanced down at her body.
Is that how she saw herself? Nothing could be further from the truth.
“No, you’re gorgeous, and you don’t have to be shy around me. As a matter of fact, I think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
Etta shook her head. “You don’t know about all the marks Grady left on me, both inside and out.”
Justice called her bluff. “Try me. Come on, we built the trust tonight.”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes narrowed as she studied him.
“You’ve seen the one on my leg. I’m every bit as flawed as you. Hell, more so, and I’ll love your imperfections.”
“Ah, so you’re sayin’ we’re both flawesome.”
“Flawesome?”
She shrugged. “Saw the word on Instagram somewhere.”
Justice could tell she was trying to make light of it, to cover up how scary this was. He wanted to make her comfortable around him, show Etta that her fears had no basis in reality.
“No, don’t make a joke. I’m takin’ this seriously, and so should you.”
“You really wanna see?”
He nodded.
After a moment, she lifted her chin. “Fine, I’ll show you. Take a look at my back.” Etta turned away from him and peeled up the edges of her shirt.
He hissed a breath between his teeth, as her skin was revealed.
“After Grady got drunk and we had a screamin’ match, he hauled me into the bedroom, tossed me on the bed and held me down.” Her tone was bitter. “And then he painstakingly carved his name into my back. I felt every single curve, every line.” She cleared her throat. “I cried and screamed and pleaded with him to stop, but he refused.”
And sure enough, smack dab between her shoulder blades was the prick’s name. The scars were pink and faded, like the ones on his own leg, but the letters were unmistakable. She’d always wear Grady’s marks on her body.
“That son of a bitch cut into you.” His fingers curled into fists. Justice knew the agony of hard steel thrust into tender flesh, the way it ripped through the skin, tearing a person apart. At least Jeff hadn’t been a loved one. It made the violation she’d experienced all the more indefensible.
“Grady told me he was markin’ his property so everyone would know who I belonged to, and I’d never forget it either. And whenever I see it in the mirror, I picture his face, and I can’t help but think about Grady. He branded me for life.” She shivered.
“I know you want to end this by legal means, but I wanna take care of Grady for you.”
Hmph. Maybe Ten wasn’t wrong after all.
“No. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a damn what happens to him. Grady doesn’t deserve any mercy, but I don’t want you gettin’ into trouble over him. He could already have you charged with assault, and he’s petty enough to pursue it.”
Bring it on. Justice didn’t give a damn.
She shivered.
“At least the terrorists I dealt with were the enemy. We were combatants, but this bastard claimed to love you.”
“Yeah, and he had a funny way of showin’ it.” She turned to face Justice, clutching the shirt around her body.
“You don’t have to hide from me. Ever. Not even one tiny bit of yourself. Understand?”
Etta nodded.
But did she really get it?
He leaned down to kiss her lips, a gentle meeting of mouths and want. And then it deepened, until she tilted back, giving him access to taste her fully. As they kissed, he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her against his hips. Justice wanted her to feel how hard his cock was, as it rode her thigh.
“I want you.”
“And I want you, but…”
“It’s scary?”
“Yes.”
“Let me show you.” He stood and took his shirt off. “There are bullet holes, broken bones that didn’t set right, along with scratches and scars that’ll never go away. I’ve got war wounds, and so do you. The way I see it, they’re badges of honor. We survived.”
“I suppose so.”
“Turn around.” Justice kissed her shoulder blades, and then the marks on her back. “Know what you need back here?”
“What?”
“A pair of angel wings.” It would be a perfect way to obliterate the marks.
“You mean a tattoo?” She twisted around so he could see her face once more.
“Yeah, all of my brothers get tattoos at Brimstone Ink. I’m sure Fiona could do a nice design right over your scar. You’d never have to see it again.”
“I like the idea, but I’m not the kind of girl who gets ink.”
“All the old ladies do.”
“Old ladies?”
“Bikers call their wives and girlfriends old ladies. It’s a term of respect.”
“Really?” She scrunched up her nose. “It sounds a bit ball and chain-ish.”
“It isn’t. Actually, the old ladies get a name tattoo, but it’s consensual, more like a weddin’ ring than anythin’ else, to show the relationship is permanent.”
“Well, I hate havin’ his mark on me.”
“I know. His name might be on you, but you’re no longer the same woman. You’ve grown.”
“Really? I’m not so sure. Tonight it all came rushin’ back.”
Justice knew she was scared, overwhelmed by the situation.
“You’ve gotten over it, for the most part, and I wanna do the same thing.”
“You will.”
“I hope you’re right. So, I’m gonna have a talk with Trick in the very near future. In the meantime, at least think about the tattoo? My treat.”
“I will.”
“Good. We should get some sleep.” Justice turned out the light, and then they laid down, facing each other, bodies curved into one another.
“Think we’ll ever be normal?” she asked.
“I doubt it.”
She snickered. “Well, I’m tired of my past.”
“Me too. I’m ready to get on with my life.” He’d clung to it for so long, it was difficult to disentangle himself.
“There are so many things I want, but I haven’t made any headway yet.”
“Tell me what your future looks like.”
“This sounds so borin’, but I want a home of my own and a child. There’s a little boy I work with, and he doesn’t have a family.”
“You wanna adopt him.”
Her breath hitched. “Yes, very much.”
Justice knew he was missing something big. Etta hadn’t laid it all out for him yet.
“Then you should.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
“What if I’m not ready to be a mother, and I’m terrible at it?”
“You’ve got no cause to worry. You’re a natural.” He knew from experience she had a sweet, nurturing side.
“What about you?” she asked. “What do you want?”
“I’m with you on the house. What does yours look like?”
“Well, there’s a big yard and a dog.”
“And when you have this place with a backyard, a little boy, and Rover, who else is there with you?”
Her brow furrowed. “What are you askin’ me?”
“Do you picture a man livin’ with you, Etta?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know…”
“Could it be me?”
“Justice…”
Before she could answer, tell him “no,” he kissed Etta, and she melted into him, going limp in his arms.
Justice wanted to be inside her. It wasn’t just lust, although that was part of it. No, he needed to be with Etta, be a part of her.
“Etta, it’s time.” Justice crouched over her. “I promised that tonight would only be about you but—”
“I want you, all of you, and I’m ready.” She raised a hand, stroking his cheek. He kissed her palm, then encircled both her wrists and placed them on the pillows.
“Keep your hands over your head.”
Her breath caught.
Justice pushed her shirt up. Her nipples were hard and ready for his mouth. He latched onto one, and he worried the edge of it with his teeth and then gently sucked.
He sampled one breast, and then the other. And then he tasted her throat, kissing the line of her neck, and then cradled her head. Their tongues tangled, as their mouths melded together. Justice ran hands up and down her body, getting her used to his touch. This time, he didn’t want her to stop him.
Etta moaned, arching up for him.
Justice slipped her pants off and tossed them away. Etta was left in a gauzy white pair of panties. Her pussy was covered in reddish gold ringlets, and he could see them peeking out. He cupped her in his palm, gently squeezing, and she moaned.
He was raring to get inside, but they had something important to discuss first.
“Do you have a condom?” he asked.
“No.”
Neither did he. “My brother, Duke, is a former medic. He’s extreme about gettin’ us all STD tested. My last results came back negative, so I’m clean.”
She sat up. “I haven’t slept with anyone in, well, it’s been years, but I don’t have anythin’ either.”
“What about pregnancy?”
Her brow creased. “Not a problem.”
Yet again, Justice suspected she was holding something important back. At any other time, he would’ve asked, but he had difficulty focusing at the moment.
“Do you want this, Etta? Want me?”
“Yes.”
“Then lay back again.”
Once more, he caressed his way down her body slowly, taking his time, loving every single inch of her with his fingertips and then his mouth. Her stomach bunched as he licked his way down the length of her abdomen. And then he tasted her through the thin fabric of her panties.
She’d soaked them, and he rubbed his nose and mouth against the wetness. Justice grasped the crotch and pulled them to one side so he could get his mouth on her. As Justice loved her with his lips and tongue.
When she was calling his name, rocking against his face, Justice knelt between her parted legs. He grasped the edge of her underwear with his teeth and yanked playfully. Etta gasped. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he pulled her panties off and tossed them over his shoulder. She rested her feet on his thighs. He lifted one leg, and kissed the long length, starting at her ankles, and then working his way up to her inner thigh, inch by inch.
She trembled.
He hooked an arm around her thigh, and then bent to his delicious task. Justice licked her sweet pussy, lapping at her. As he tasted her, he pushed his finger inside her—one solitary finger.
Etta groaned, and he loved the sound.
Then Justice teased her, by stopping and kissing his way up and down the length of her body before tasting her mouth again. He sucked one nipple as he played with her, stroking her sleek wetness with his fingers.
His cock swelled so much, Justice had to release himself from his pants to relieve the pressure. The shaft pulsed and the head was wine-dark, bulging with need. Justice eased a fist around his dick and pumped up and down.
This was intense, more than a physical need—it was a mental one, emotional, too. Justice wanted all of her, and he wanted to give himself in return.
Justice had wanted to be inside her for so long, and it was hard to deny himself the pleasure, but he wanted to make this good for her. He’d make certain she’d never forget this night, or him.
And then he bent to the task again.
This time, he pushed two fingers inside her, as he took her clit in his mouth. And then Justice positioned himself over her, placed his swollen cock against her slick pussy folds.
They both moaned at the sensation—slick, swollen flesh, tender with need. Justice edged the head inside her tight little hole, leisurely getting her used to the size of his thick cock before he fully entered her.
And then he got on his knees. She lifted one leg in the air bracing it against his shoulder, giving him space to move as he thrust into her, deliberate at first, and then harder, faster, harsher.
Beneath him, she shifted on the bed in time with his movements. Her breasts bounced, deep moans issued from her throat. She lay beneath him, innocent and open.
Justice marveled at the trust she showed in him. He alternated between laying down on top of her, enjoying the feel of her soft and yielding body, tasting her mouth as he took her body, and thrusting deep and hard as he crouched between her thighs.
Every now and then, just for variety, he fucked her much harder, going to his knees and thrusting deep. And then Etta was shaking, quaking beneath him, teetering on the edge of orgasm.
Justice could see it in her eyes, but she couldn’t let go, and he knew why.
“It’s okay, Angel, flyaway, and I’ll be here to catch you when you fall back to earth.”
Etta gave the slightest, almost imperceptible shake of her head, as though she couldn’t believe his words. Justice cupped her face in his hands and waited until she focused on him.
“Come on. I wanna see you soar, just like you did on my bike.”
Keeping his cock inside, Justice rubbed her clit, soft and slow circles, then cranked up the tension a bit. Justice thrust deeper, and then stilled, filling her to the brink. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself in check. Justice was on the verge of orgasm, but he wanted her to come for him first.
With a cry, Etta threw her head back. Her eyes slammed shut, as though concentrating. And then she keened for him, lifting her hips, catching fistfuls of the sheets beneath her.
It was glorious to behold, a revelation. He wanted to see her take wing, again and again.
And when Justice couldn’t stand it anymore, he shuddered, groaned, thrust one last time and came until he was utterly spent.