Every single person I knew was happier and hopier than they’d been a couple years ago. Well, I’m sure someone was miserable now. Someone was always miserable. It usually didn’t take more than a quick glance to see who was crap at hiding their true feelings.

Ironically, when I looked back at the table, the first person I saw was Anna. See? Someone was always miserable, whether self-induced or not. My wicked stepsister was leaning back in the teak chair, one long, tanned leg crossed over the other as if she were meant to own the world. Hell, maybe she was.

Of course, she had a lot of twelve-step programs to go through before that had a chance of happening.

Across the table, Andi and Emilia were laughing about something Rob had said. Andi’s other friend, Sara, was looking out at the water, pushing her thoughts out to sea, maybe.

Obviously, I saved the best for last. When Lane caught me looking, her smile appeared, but it hadn’t been there a second before.

“Is everything alright with Laney?” Hayden must have seen the same thing I did. “It seems like something’s bothering her.”

I could’ve just given the jet lag excuse, but I knew he wouldn’t buy it. At least not as the only reason. “We had a minor hiccup before we left San Francisco. Nothing terrible, but it’s lingering.”

“Make sure you fix it before the ceremony. If Andi thinks there’s something wrong, she might worry about it. I don’t want anything to ruin this for her.”

“Promise.” I put up my right hand and pantomimed putting my left on a bible. “We’ll be fine. I think we just need some one-on-one time. The less fun kind.”

“I told you not to blow this, Carson. In fact, I believe my exact words were, ‘Move fast, before Laney realizes what a screw-up you are.’”

“Wow, with big-bro advice like that, I’m not sure why I ever fantasize about strangling you.”

“I thought I was the only one who did that.” He smacked me on the back. “I only want the best for you, Carson. And Laney is definitely best for you. But sometimes I worry your self-destructive half will take over and ruin the one good thing you have.”

Me, too. “Heredity is tough to overcome, you know?” Sometimes, I can almost feel those genes pushing against my rational, sane mind, making me want to pick a fight I knew how to win. So far, with the exception of the other night, I’d been able to control it. But it was still in me, looking for a chance to take over and bring down everything good Lane and I had built.

“You’re stronger than you know, little brother. So is Laney. One thing Andi has taught me is that life is meant to be lived, not endured. And when you find the person you’re supposed to be with, the strength of both of you combined can overcome any personal defects either of you possess. Lucky for you, you’re a Bennett, which means those defects are blatantly obvious to everyone. So the trick is finding someone who’s brave enough to point them out to you.”

I nodded, in total agreement. A lifetime of living one way, believing you were incapable of love, and then finding out you were completely wrong, wasn’t easy. In the past year, I’d had to unlearn everything I’d ever been taught.

“Can I ask you something?” I said, just as he turned to go back to the table.

“Sure. Unless it’s about my sex life…or yours.” At least he was smiling as he said it.

“So… I’m thinking of…um…” I took a deep breath. Shit, if I couldn’t say it to my brother, how was I ever supposed to say it to Lane? “So Lane and I have been together for a while. And, in her family and some others evidently, marriage isn’t always tragic. And, you know, you’re getting married…”

“Yes, Carson, I know.” He watched my discomfort for another minute or so. “You’re finally going to ask Laney to marry you.”

I kind of grunted, which was all I could do to admit it.

“Hallelujah,” he said, his smile huge. “When and how can I help?”

“Um…I don’t know and you can’t…I don’t think.”

“Just to be clear though, we are talking about marriage, right?”

I took another, deeper breath before nodding, as if a head bob was a lifelong commitment in and of itself.

He walked me a little farther down the bar, held onto my shoulders, and looked into my eyes. “Little brother, you do understand you’re going to have to say it out loud, don’t you? I suppose you could do it in a note, but I think most women prefer to know their prospective life partners are able to speak to them without going into anaphylactic shock.”

“I talk to her all the time. Just not about…”

“Marriage. Say it.”

“Marriage.” I threw up my hands. “See? I can say it.”

“Impressive. Now, let’s try something harder.” He spoke slowly. “Will you marry me?”

I stared at him for a sec. “Oh, man. This is awkward.” I should let him off easy. “I like you. I really do. But see… Well, for starters, we’re brothers. And even though the same-sex marriage thing was figured out, I don’t think the brother thing will ever be legal. Second, you’re already getting married so, again, not legal. At least not in California. But the third and most important thing is I’m in love with someone else.”

“It’s probably for the best.” Feigning disappointment, Hayden shook his head at me while calling the bartender over to us. “I understand alcohol is a good way to get over life’s greatest disappointments. Want one?”

He knew me well enough not to wait for an answer, ordering two bottles of Hinano and three bottles of Champagne to be sent over to the table. All while I pondered how to explain my anxiety over the word. As soon as the bartender put the beer in front of me, I slammed it back, the cold liquid forcing its way past the tightness of my throat and landing happily in my gut.

“Marriage can be a good thing, right?” I set the half-empty bottle down and signaled for another.

“Of course. Marriage is a promise. A commitment. Telling the world you intend to stay with this person for the rest of your life, carry them when they need to be carried and accept their help when you need to be carried.”

“Romantic, bro.”

As soon as he turned to face me straight on and put his hand on my shoulder, I knew I was in for some tough brotherly love. Unfortunately I couldn’t think of an excuse to leave before it started. Plus I didn’t have my second beer yet.

“Here’s what you need to ask yourself, little brother. Number one: Do you love Laney?”

Truthfully? No. People could fall out of love, and I’d never fall out of whatever this was. So love was too weak a word for what I felt for her.

“Number two: Can you imagine your life without her?”

Yes. But it would be miserable and pointless and not one I’d want to live.

“Number three: Do you want to grow old with her?”

Yes and no. I hoped we’d have years and years and years together. But if it were up to me, she’d live forever, be there for our kids and grandkids and everyone she came in contact with. Whether I was there or not.

“Those are bullshit questions, bro.” I emptied my first beer and handed it to the bartender just as he set down the new one. “A teenager could figure out which answer you wanted.”

His smile was slow to form. “Thankfully, you’re not a teenager anymore, Carson. You’re a man.” He cocked his head. “Most of the time. And, while anyone can answer the questions, only a man can decide if he’s answering them truthfully. Only a man can decide to become the person he needs to be so that the woman he loves will never doubt his answers.”

My drink stopped halfway to my mouth, my mind stuck somewhere between “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” and “I should probably be sober when I admit how right you are.”

Fuck it, admitting it would be easier if I were drunk. Said, slurred—what was the difference? But you should never drink alone. So, when Hay started to walk back to the group, I ordered a round of shots for everyone, an extra for me, and a pink slushy drink with an umbrella in it for Hayden.