Chapter Twenty-Three
That night, and in the days that followed, something shifted in how Adam treated Megan. There was a tenderness she’d never known or experienced with anyone. Every touch, every sigh, every whispered word felt weighted, meaningful. When he spoke to her, he focused on her words, made eye contact, and found subtle ways to touch her. A hand on her hair or the small of her back, their fingers linked as they sat on the couch. While she woke every day, reminding herself this was temporary, she couldn’t stop the avalanche that started the first time they kissed.
“I’m falling in love with Adam,” she said.
Stella’s head whipped up. “I’m going to need you to repeat yourself.” She was helping Stella organize her office. Stella didn’t want to talk about it, but she was going to have to get some help or she wouldn’t be able to meet the needs of all her furry little patients.
Stella stopped stacking folders and stared, wide eyed, as if Megan had just announced she was running for President of Mars.
“Okay, are we calling this a development?” Stella stepped closer and narrowed her eyes.
Megan sort of laughed, but everything felt foreign—as if she wasn’t real. “I think so.”
Stella’s eyes widened. “What happened to all of the steps in between? This isn’t how it happens in your rom-coms, is it? Don’t you need dances in the moonlight, flower petals, and champagne or something?”
Megan rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to nudge her friend with her shoulder. “Stop it. What movie even has all of that?” But it made her think about the things she did want—her own list of what made the perfect mate. None of it mattered anymore because it wasn’t an itemized account of qualities. It was Adam. He was her whole list.
“I don’t know. You’re the romance fanatic. Seriously, Meg. You’re sure about this?”
She nodded, unsure why she felt like crying.
Stella’s teasing grin turned into a wide smile that lit up her eyes. “You’re in love.”
“You aren’t saying love like it’s a swear word,” Megan joked, rubbing between her breasts to release the pressure mounting.
“Cause we’re not talking about me. I’m all for you falling in love and being happy.”
Megan’s shoulders sagged, and she let out the heavy breath she felt like she’d been holding. “I tried not to fall, but it happened anyway. I really think I love him and that he might feel the same.”
They hadn’t had much time to chat, with Megan spending her extra time with Adam and Stella spending every second buried in work. But she’d filled her friend in on the basics via several text messages. Maybe she hadn’t shared as much as she should have with Stella because part of her had wanted to savor the small piece of time she had with him.
“Meg. I love you. You know I do. So I’m going to say this, and it might hurt, but it’s coming from a place of intense loyalty,” Stella said, gripping Megan by the shoulders.
Megan nodded, bracing herself. “Give it to me.”
“Are you sure you’re not confusing really good sex with a man you like for something more? You’ve told me time and time again that he’s lists and ledgers and you’re rainbows and sunshine. Adam doesn’t want what you want. How many times have you told me that? You deserve someone who will make you the center of their world.”
She blinked. “I know. At one time, those things felt true, and I honestly believed we were complete opposites. Actually, we still might be, but in a good way. He’s sweet, and yeah, sometimes he’s too literal or cut and dry, but maybe that’s the kind of balance I need.”
Stella took a deep breath, dropping her hands from Megan’s shoulders. The serious expression softened. “Funny thing about the heart—it does what it wants.”
Megan gave a wry laugh. “Mine wants to be broken by Adam not loving me back?”
Stella frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “Don’t do that. You already said you think he feels the same. If he’s too stubborn to see it or, and I can’t even believe this would be true, too dumb to feel it back, then he’s not the one.” The only problem with that theory was if he didn’t want her the way she wanted him, her heart would already be wrecked. She went back to organizing stacks of paper, trying not to think about Adam or what being in love with a man who didn’t believe in such things meant for her future.
…
Megan arrived home before Adam. They’d agreed to meet there to interview Sue, who would be arriving just before seven. Megan had spoken to Julie, but she’d already accepted another job. Kevin had to postpone his interview until next week, which Megan didn’t mind, but she had a good feeling about Sue and hoped Adam would like her.
By the time Megan had thrown in a load of her laundry and marinated the steaks she’d thawed, Adam still wasn’t home. The doorbell rang just as he texted saying he was running behind.
It hit her as she was walking to the door that this whole thing felt intimately domestic. Waiting for Adam to get home so they could interview a nanny for Charlie. Afterwards, they’d have dinner and share their opinions. It made her heart swell so huge in her chest she stopped to take a breath. You’re getting ahead of yourself. You’d be doing this with him regardless of whether or not you slept with him. Get a hold of yourself. Three weeks ago, he was asking you to pick him a wife. She knew she needed to be sensible, but it was like her heart wanted to jump up and say, “Me! Let it be me.”
When she opened the door, Sue was waiting on the other side. Tall and athletically built, she had dark, bobbed hair and a ready smile. She was dressed in a professionally casual way. Megan believed that some people just gave others a vibe, and the one she got from Sue was good.
“Hi. Right on time. Come on in,” Megan said, moving aside.
“Thanks. This is a nice neighborhood,” Sue said.
She slipped off her shoes at the door, and Megan led her into the kitchen.
“It is. Charlie has lots of friends on this street, and the neighbors are very friendly. I was just going to pour some orange juice. Would you like some?”
“Sure. Thank you. Is Charlie here?”
Megan grabbed the jug of juice and took two glasses from the cupboard. Adam would likely want a soda. “No. He’s actually in Disneyland with his mom.”
“Oh, fun. You said Mr. Klein is divorced. So Charlie lives here full time, right? Does his mom live in town, too?”
Putting the juice away, Megan wished Adam would hurry up. She knew all of the answers to Sue’s questions, but she honestly wasn’t sure how much was her place to share, as a nanny or as a temporary-lover-who-accidentally-fell-in-love. Just the basics. No babbling.
Carrying the glasses to the table, she set Sue’s in front of her where she’d taken a seat. She was fidgeting with the strap of her purse that she’d set on the table. To Megan, she seemed relaxed enough, but interviews were hard on people. Megan wanted to put her at ease.
“Charlie’s mom lives in Los Angeles, actually. She usually has him one week in the summer along with a few weekends throughout. During the school year, she sometimes comes here, and when he has breaks, he’ll go there.”
“Right. Okay. Sorry, I’m nervous,” Sue said, picking up her juice.
“I get it. Don’t worry. I just had an interview not too long ago for the school district.”
How had so much changed since that day? The front door opened and closed, and Megan’s pulse scrambled. Pavlov’s dog—races every time Adam is near.
He walked in looking polished and handsome. Setting his briefcase down, he smiled.
“Hi. Sorry I’m late,” he said.
Sue stood to shake his hand. “I’m Sue McHale.”
Adam shook her hand. “Adam Klein. Thanks for coming. Megan’s told me some great things about you.”
Sue sat down as Adam rounded the table. Megan lost the power of coherent speech when he stopped, leaned down, and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Sorry I’m late.”
Well if that wasn’t domestic, Megan needed a dictionary to look up the word. Her heart did more than race now. It rolled over and played dead. Sue’s eyes mirrored the surprise Megan felt. She tried to pretend it hadn’t thrown her.
“No problem. We’re just getting started. Did you want something to drink?”
Smiling down at her, which in itself felt intimate, he stroked a hand over her hair. “Nope. I’m good.”
He took a seat across from Sue but scooted his chair closer to Megan. “You’re in second year at Thomas College?”
Meeting his gaze, Sue nodded. “I am. Early Childhood Education. I haven’t actually decided if I want to go into teaching, social work, or open my own day care facility. I figure I have time to think about it.”
“You do. It’s a four-year program?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You can call me Adam. Have you worked as a nanny before?”
Megan was still trying to get her thoughts back into a straight line when Adam’s hand covered hers. And stayed there. Who was this publicly demonstrative Adam? Hope burst in her chest. People could change. Love could change people.
“I’ve done a lot of babysitting, and I did accompany family friends on a three-week trip to California. They have two young children, and I went along to care for them. But nothing long term.”
“Why do you want to nanny?”
Megan zoned out as Sue answered Adam’s questions. She’d already met the woman and liked her, and the choice was his. Ultimately, he had to feel good about the person who would be caring for his son.
“You want to answer that, Megan? Honestly, you’d know more about it,” Adam said, squeezing her hand.
She met his gaze, realizing from the way he arched his brows, she’d missed the question entirely.
Smiling at Sue, she admitted, “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”
From the corner of her eye, she could see the amusement in Adam’s gaze. He knew exactly what he was doing—that he was throwing her off with his casual touching and couple-ish behavior.
“I just wondered what Charlie’s schedule is like,” Sue said.
Megan answered but not as succinctly as she should have. Or could have if Adam wasn’t scrambling her brain.
A dull ache settled under her breastbone. Someone else would be reading Charlie his bedtime stories. Another woman would be a huge part of his life, and if things didn’t work out with Adam, where would that leave her? Would Charlie even remember her years from now?
They chatted a bit more before Sue left, but the melancholy that had taken up residence in her heart wouldn’t fade. Adam closed the door after saying goodbye and pulled Megan into a hug.
“Are you okay?” Great. Now he was perceptive?
“Fine. Just hungry I think. What’s with you being all touchy?”
He dropped his hands and stepped back. “I’m sorry. Did I cross a line? I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”
Megan huffed out a laugh and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close again. “Please. I didn’t say it made me uncomfortable. It was just…I don’t know. The way you came in and kissed me. It was unexpected.”
Lowering his head, he kissed her now, softly, just brushing his lips across hers. “I didn’t even think about it really. I saw you, I missed you, so I said hello.”
Who was this man? She’d told Stella he’d changed and become more affectionate. But could she count on it? On him? Maybe it was easy for him to show affection because they were temporary. Ask him. Ask where this is going. If it’s not going anywhere, you need to know. Just because how you feel has changed, it doesn’t mean he has.
Adam ran his hands down her arms, then linked one hand with hers and walked into the kitchen. “I like her. She seems kind and enthusiastic. She’s young and only in her second year, so we’d have her around for a while yet. What do you think?”
“I have a good feeling about her. We clicked, you know? I think Charlie will like her.”
She let go of his hand and went to the fridge, pulling the steaks out. “Do you want to turn on the grill?”
“Sure. Do you think we should interview other candidates?”
“We can. I want you and Charlie to feel comfortable. She’s interested in the apartment, and I know the savings on rent will make it more doable for her.”
“Hmm. That’s good, but we probably should have discussed that. I don’t want parties or strange guys around. I’ll make a list of expectations concerning the space and make sure she’s on board.”
Megan grabbed salad fixings and put them on the counter. “I don’t remember you having a list of rules when I moved in. She seems quite responsible or you wouldn’t even be thinking of hiring her.”
“True. But I was in a different headspace when I hired you. I’d just divorced and wasn’t thinking about your personal life. Though, now that we’re discussing it, thank you for not having parties or strange guys over.”
She laughed as he picked up the pan with the steaks. When he leaned in to kiss her cheek, she sucked in a breath. It would be too easy to get used to this.
“I’ll go put these on,” he said, his breath washing over her ear. He lingered there, brushing the tip of his nose along her skin.
Goose bumps danced on her skin. “Okay.”
She watched him as he headed out the patio door to the grill. Was she setting herself up and seeing what wasn’t there? How could she know?
When he came back in, his smile was easy, like one of his gentle caresses. “Those won’t take too long.”
“You seem different. How was work?”
He leaned against the counter and watched her dice cucumbers. “I feel different. Almost lighter, if that makes any sense. I had an interesting conversation today.”
She glanced up. “Oh?”
“Yes. I was checking in with a client who is on the board of directors for the hospital. Apparently, there’s an opening for a CFO.”
“Is that something you’d want to do? It’d be completely different from what you’re doing now, wouldn’t it?” She slid the cucumbers into the bowl.
“It would. I wouldn’t be trying to bring clients into a firm. I’d be focused on operations and management of the hospital finances. It’s a big job, so there’s still plenty of challenges, lots to keep me busy.”
“That sounds great. Are you going to go for it?” She sliced red peppers for the salad. They were one of Adam’s favorites.
“I wanted to ask you what you thought about my changing jobs.”
Megan set the knife down and looked up at him. She shouldn’t hold a sharp object while her heart was knocking against her ribs. “You want to know what I think?”
Coming around the edge of the counter, Adam took Megan’s hand and turned her toward him. “I do. I know this is supposed to be temporary, but what if it wasn’t?”
Hopefully her ribs were made of steel because she didn’t think they’d hold up against the spasms of her heart. She knew he’d felt something, too. “What are you thinking?”
He touched his fingers to her jaw. “I’m thinking, what if it was more permanent? What if…we were permanent?”
She couldn’t breathe. The air was trapped somewhere between her mouth and her lungs, unable to pick a direction.
Adam winced. “I didn’t mean to spring it like that. Just…let’s get dinner on the table and we’ll talk. Would that be okay?”
Nodding, she put a hand on the counter, making sure it felt solid beneath her touch. Adam kissed just over her brow, his lips lingering a moment before he grabbed a plate and tongs and went back outside. Megan pulled her phone out of her back pocket and speed-texted Stella.
Megan: He wants things to be permanent. I told you. I TOLD YOU. I can’t breathe. It’s too soon. Too fast. But OMG Stell! I want him. I want this.
She set the phone down and made herself take shallow breaths until slowly, they deepened. As soon as her phone pinged, she forgot about needing air.
Stella: First: BREATHE. Second: WOW. Follow your heart my friend. But…if he breaks it, he’ll fear me more than any horse he’s ever met.
Megan laughed out loud, tears pooling in her eyes. It seemed fast, but really, she’d known him for years. She knew him. And whether she’d meant to or not, she had already fallen upside-down in love with Adam Klein. Apparently, she hadn’t been the only one to fall.