Chapter Twenty-Seven
They were hovering, and it was driving Megan nuts. She was heartbroken, not an invalid. Garrett and Parker dropped by Stella’s each day with meals. Not that she was complaining about eating their food, but the pitying glances were unnecessary. She didn’t need pity. Just a heart transplant would do. Despite not speaking to Adam since Charlie had snuck in the phone call, she couldn’t stop thinking about either one of them unless she filled every single moment with something else. She finished organizing the files in Stella’s office and was about to see what other mundane chore she could find when Stella came into the room.
“Hey. Four perfect Labrador puppies,” she said, her smile triumphant.
And why shouldn’t it be? She’d just helped bring life into the world. When the owner of a very in labor brown lab had come bursting through the doors, in tears, saying her dog was in distress, Stella had calmly and efficiently instructed Megan to wait with the woman. Then she and her part-time assistant had gone to take care of the dog.
“You’re a rock star. Seriously. You didn’t even flinch when she came in all crazy,” Megan said, leaning on Stella’s desk.
“People love their pets. Some love them more than their kids,” Stella said, laughing.
“Was the birth okay?” Megan asked hesitantly, as she didn’t need too many details.
“Puppy one was breach, which was the cause of the distress. Everything after that was fine. Listen, I need you to go to the store for me and pick up a bunch of stuff. I made a list,” Stella said, coming around her desk and rifling through some papers.
Her friend had insisted Megan’s abrupt unemployed state coincided perfectly with her own need for some help around the office. It would make the rest of the summer pass quicker than moping around. Maybe.
“I have two vaccinations and a new puppy checkup scheduled, so I can’t go.”
“I think you like these new roles, you being the boss,” Megan said, picking up the list from the other side of Stella’s desk and waving it at her with a smile.
Her friend gave her a mockingly evil smile. “I do. I might make you clean my bedroom closet and all my cabinets.”
“Don’t tempt me. I’d do just about anything right now to stay busy.”
Stella stopped moving and stared at Megan. “You okay?”
“Sure. Fine. Or I will be. He’s bringing Charlie today.”
Joining her on the other side of the desk, Stella leaned against it. “I know. You ready for that?”
“For Charlie? Yes and no. I can’t believe how much I miss him. But I don’t know how to tell him I can’t be in his life like I planned. I promised him, Stell.”
“I know. You’ll find a way to keep the promise.” She sounded so sure.
“How? Seeing him means seeing Adam, and even with time and distance, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to have him as a regular part of my life. Even if it means losing Charlie. Because every time I’d see them, it would be like losing them both again.”
Stella took her hand and squeezed. “It’s going to be okay. We don’t always know why things happen the way they do, but I think if you just give it time, you’ll end up exactly where you want to be.”
Megan rolled her eyes. Since she wanted to be in Adam’s bed, his house, and his life, she didn’t think Stella was right. But she knew her friend was just trying to help. “Thanks, Plato.”
Pushing off the desk, Stella grabbed a bottle of water from the small fridge in the corner of her office. “My heart isn’t muddled by love, so I have better vision. And my great insight tells me you’ll find your happy ever after.”
Easy for her to say. Maybe Stella was right to commit only to her work and her animals. Safer, for sure.
“I’ll go now. They’ll be here this afternoon.”
“Okay. I’d say pick up something for dinner, but I have a feeling Garrett or your brother will take care of it. I really do feel bad for you, Meg. I hate that you’re hurting. But I have to tell you, the perks of having you here are adding up.”
Megan laughed as her friend had meant for her to and went to get her purse. She’d see Adam and Charlie today and then she’d start to rebuild, pretending she didn’t need either of them to be happy.
…
Working for Stella as an assistant/receptionist/office clean-up girl wasn’t all that different from working for Adam. She ran errands, organized, and kept schedules running smoothly. As she made her way back to Stella’s ranch, her heart refused to settle. She wouldn’t cry. It physically wasn’t possible because she’d cried so much over the last five days, she’d nearly dehydrated herself.
“You can tear up,” she said as she drove the car up the long path to the house. Charlie would think they were happy tears. That was okay. And maybe if she didn’t look directly at Adam, she’d make it through the visit.
Megan parked by the clinic so she could unload the supplies she’d picked up. The college-aged assistant, Jaz, who volunteered for Stella was behind the counter.
“Hey. Stella said when you got back to head to the stables,” Jaz said, looking up from the computer. She was going to school to be a vet and spent as much time at the clinic as she could, but still, it wasn’t enough to unbury her friend from the pile of patients and work stacking up.
“Okay. She say why?”
Charlie probably wanted to see Chocolate Chip and introduce him to Adam. The memory of his story felt like a sharp blade across her heart. He had reasons to close himself off. Knowing that didn’t make it any easier.
“Nope. Just said to go there.”
There was a chance she procrastinated just a little. But she told herself it was okay to not be ready. She put away all of the paper towels, then reorganized the shelf they were kept on. She stocked the fridge and cleaned up one of the exam rooms. Enough. Face your fear. Letting out a breath like she was gearing up for a fight, she slipped out the rear exit of the clinic and took the gravel path down to the stables. She heard chatter as she approached, but the second her heart recognized Adam’s voice over the others, she stopped walking and sucked in a painful breath. You can do this.
“Isn’t he pretty, Dad?” Charlie said as she approached the open door.
“Let your dad concentrate, pal, okay?” Stella said.
Concentrate on what? When Megan stepped through the stable door, her heart seized. Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw Adam sitting astride Chocolate Chip.
He was wearing jeans, which he rarely wore, and a light pullover hoody. Charlie—oh, it is so good to see him—was standing in front of the horse, nuzzling him. Stella stood beside Adam, giving him the patient look of someone who’d walked others through this step a dozen times.
“She can sense your fear, so try to relax,” Stella said.
Megan’s heart went into overdrive, like a machine about to explode. Chocolate Chip whinnied and lifted one hoof. Even from the side, Megan saw Adam’s face pale.
“I thought only bees and dogs smelled fear,” Adam said.
Megan knew his tone well enough to know he was trying to lighten the mood, and diminish his own terror, by making a joke. When he turned his head to look at Stella, one hand gripping the saddle, the other gripping the rein, his eyes locked on Megan. Her heart exploded, simply came apart in her chest, drifting through her body so it felt like mini hearts beat all over her skin.
Stella followed his gaze. “Shoot. Jaz was supposed to text when you were headed down here.”
“Why?” Megan’s voice came out on a strangled whisper.
“Meg!” Charlie left the horse and came running.
Megan dropped to her knees and caught him in her arms. “Hi, sweetie. Oh, I missed you so much. Are you taller?” She held him away and looked at him. “Your hair is long.”
“Yeah. Mom says I look like Justin Beaver.”
All of the adults laughed, and Megan’s tears pushed to the surface. She pulled Charlie to her again and met Adam’s gaze. “What are you doing?”
Charlie pulled out of her arms, pride booming in his voice. “Dad’s going to ride Chocolate Chip. Isn’t that cool?”
Megan nodded, stood up, and dusted off her knees. “I guess. Except your dad doesn’t really love horses all that much.”
Or the horrid memories that surfaced with them.
Charlie waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah. He was scared, but he said that he’s tired of not doing things just cause he got hurt before. Dad says you shouldn’t let fear get in the way of letting yourself be happy.”
The sob stuck in Megan’s throat. “Did he?”
“I… There was a plan here,” Adam said. His fingers were still clenched, like if he loosened them he feared he’d end up on the ground.
“Plans change. Roll with it, cowboy,” Stella said, smirking at Adam. She patted Chocolate Chip’s hind, and the horse trotted forward. Adam lurched, and Megan’s stomach copied.
An ache started at the base of Megan’s skull. There were too many emotions rioting around, and she felt as if they might knock her over.
“Why don’t Charlie and I go check on Jaz?”
Charlie looked up at Stella quizzically. Stella leaned down and said in a stage whisper, “She knows I bought freezies, so we’d better make sure she doesn’t eat them all.”
Charlie laughed and bolted. Stella looked at Megan with a soft, wistful expression, then winked at her and followed Charlie.
Stella had been every bit as fierce a mama hen as her brother and Garrett had been this last week. And now, what? She’d given Adam horseback riding lessons?
Adam was on a horse. Looking absolutely terrified as he stared down at her.
“I really did have a plan, but I need a minute. I just need to catch my breath.”
Megan walked closer. She’d missed him so much she physically hurt inside with the desire to reach out and stroke his hair off of his forehead. Good thing he was too high up to do it.
“Adam. What are you doing?”
He shifted on the horse and then inhaled sharply. Slowly releasing the rein, he stroked the horse’s mane. Megan’s heart squeezed so tight, she sucked in a breath.
“I wanted to show you I can put my irrational fears aside and take chances. That you’re worth facing any fear.”
Her brow furrowed. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Adam.”
His hand stilled, and he looked back down at her. “I do. I have a lot to prove to you.”
She shook her head. No. He had nothing to prove. They were two different people. What they’d had was temporary. No matter what he proved, it wouldn’t be enough to sustain her without love.
“Get off the horse, Adam.”
He shook his head. “No. Not yet.”
This was ridiculous. She was only going to manage being around him for a short period of time without breaking down. Putting her hands on her hips, she gave him one of her “I mean it, Charlie” looks.
“If you want to talk to me, you need to get off of that horse.”
When he looked at her, she saw the fear—palpable fear—in his eyes. She moved over to the mounting block and got up. Petting C.C.’s mane, she took Adam’s free hand.
“Look at me,” she said softly.
He did. She released his hand to take the rein and continued to pet the horse. Adam inhaled deeply, leaned forward, and slid off the side of the horse.
“Jesus. I didn’t even get out into the yard,” he said when he was standing beside her.
Megan jumped down and led C.C. back to her stall, leaving it open.
Adam sank down onto the mounting block, shoving both hands through his hair.
“Can you…sit? I have some things I need to say to you, and though you have every right to tell me to piss off, I’m really hoping you’ll let me say them.”
She sat on the edge of the block, ready to flee if it hurt too badly. Her heart fluttered, like it had grown wings and she squelched the surge of hopefulness, replacing it with realism.
“I’m not sure what to say, Adam.”
“Then let me talk.” Adam dropped to his knees in front of her and took both of her hands in his. Megan’s pulse pounded. She bit her lip to keep from crying.
“I’ve watched every cheesy movie I could over the past few evenings. You’ve Got Mail, The Proposal, The Notebook, When Harry Met Sally—”
Megan cut him off, the wings of her heart pounding now. She shook her head, unsure she was hearing him correctly. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to say all the right things. You were right. Those movies are all about hope, even when it seems like there’s none. I even started writing down the best lines, planning on saying them all to you because they all felt true. I even watched Pretty Woman.”
Her heart squeezed, but she fought the tears. “Okay.” What was he doing? Was he trying to hurt her more than he already had? Make up for everything? Why was he telling her this? None of this mattered if he didn’t love her.
“And I figured, in every one of those movies, the guy—or the girl sometimes—screws up. But that’s okay. Because you forgive the people you love. There’s no other option because the only alternative is being without them, and that’s just too hard to handle. So while I was writing down all of these perfectly scripted Hollywood lines, I realized, there was only one thing I needed to tell you.” His breathing was borderline frantic, and she wanted to tell him to slow down, settle down.
Instead, she commented, “Other than everything you’ve already said, you mean?”
He smiled, and her heart cracked. God, she loved his smile. “Yes. Other than that.”
“Then say it, Adam. Please. Just say it so we can move on.”
He nodded. “I love you.”
Her breath whooshed out of her lungs, and she would have sank down if the mount wasn’t beneath her. Her hands shook in his, and she wasn’t sure which of them was the cause.
“I was a complete fool to think I didn’t. I labeled everything I feel for you as mutual attraction and caring, but when it comes down to it, I’m not even sure that love is a strong enough word for what you make me feel.”
Who was he, and what had he done with Adam?
Adam took a gulp of air. “I thought it was just words. I didn’t think they would change anything. That they had any power. I didn’t know it could actually be a physical ache when you’re away from the person you love. I didn’t know it could be sheer happiness when you’re with them. I thought I knew what love was because I’d been married. Because I’d said the words and they didn’t make a difference. But I’ve never known this. I didn’t know feeling love for you could shape me and change me and make me want to be a better man. A better dad.”
Megan’s breath hitched, and she pulled one hand from his, ran it softly over his cheek. “You’re a great dad.”
Adam captured her hand and turned his face to kiss her palm. Waves of sensation rode up her arm, stabilizing the mad beat of her heart.
“Not great enough. I need to show him that it’s okay to go after what you want, even if it doesn’t turn out how you hope. I want Charlie to know that some things are worth fighting for and it’s okay to get hurt because it’ll make him stronger. I need him to know that just because something doesn’t work out, it doesn’t mean you give up. It means adjust, readjust, and make a new plan.”
She laughed despite the pressure in her chest. “Yes. You wouldn’t want him to be without a plan.”
Adam slid his hands from hers and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her closer to the edge of the mount so she was nearly sliding off. Except that he was there, burying his face in her stomach and holding her tight. He looked up at her, and she saw the wetness of his eyes, and her throat closed.
“I wouldn’t want him to walk through life knowing he didn’t put everything into going after what he wanted—what makes him happy. If I expect him to do that, I have to as well. I’m more terrified of being in love with you than I am of being on that horse, but I’m done trying to convince myself otherwise. I’m done turning my back on things just because I tried once and failed. I’d rather tell you right this minute that I love you than risk never getting the chance to say it. To show you I feel it. They’re not just words. They’re part of me, just like you are. Like Charlie is. And I promise you I will say them every day of our lives if you’ll just give me another chance.”
Letting her hands rest on his shoulders, she stared down into his eyes. Eyes she loved. Eyes that reflected everything she felt—everything she’d wanted—and the promise of so much more.
“Say something,” he whispered.
“I don’t need you to get on a horse for me,” she said, her lips twitching as she gave into the need to run her fingers through his hair.
“Now you tell me,” he said, laughing.
She gave a watery laugh, and he tugged her closer. “Say something else. Please. Please save me back, Megan.”
She sniffed loudly. “I helped you off the horse.”
Adam’s deep laugh spread warmth through her blood, like an infusion of love. “Yes. You did.”
A happiness she’d never known blossomed inside her, filling her completely.
Megan leaned forward and pressed her forehead to his. “I’m not getting married by a notary public. Or a lawyer.”
He gave a garbled laugh as he leaned back and dug in his pocket. “I can live with that.”
“I want a huge wedding with all of the trimmings and trappings. A six-piece orchestra and maybe bagpipes,” she said.
Adam froze. “Okay. But…are you even Scottish?”
Megan’s smile broke free, and she laughed. “No. But I am crazy in love with you and just joking about the elaborate wedding.”
His eyes burned into hers. “Say it again. Please.”
“No elaborate wedding.”
He pulled his hand out of his pocket and with the other hand pinched her side playfully, and she laughed, gripping his hand. “I love you.”
As he lowered his mouth to hers, she arched up and locked her arms around his neck. He kissed her like there was nothing else in the world that mattered. “I love you, too. So much.”
He whispered it over and over against her lips as he trailed them over her skin, along her jaw, and nipping at her earlobe.
She could have stayed there, making out in the stables for eternity, but Adam shifted, pulling back again. This time, when he did, his one hand was open, palm up with a small black box in the center of it. Megan’s heart jumped in her chest, and her eyes widened.
“Elaborate, small, bagpipes or D.J., I don’t care. All that matters is that you marry me. Save me from myself for the rest of our lives. I tried to think of ways to combine proposing with being on horseback, but I think it’s better if I keep my feet—or knees—on the ground. I know I messed things up the first time, but this time, I’m prepared.”
He opened the box to reveal an oval-cut diamond in a platinum band. Simple and elegant, it sparkled against the satin lining of the box. He took the ring from the box, set it down beside her, and then lifted her hand.
He slipped it on her finger and looked up at her. “Will you marry me? Not just because I want you to be my wife and Charlie’s stepmom and not only so we can be a family. Marry me because I love you and you love me back and that’s a gift. One I want to spend every day of my life cherishing.”
She nodded as she tried to force the word “yes” from her lips. It came out breathy. “Yes. I will. I absolutely will. Because I love you and want to spend my life with you and Charlie.”
She stared at the ring on her finger and pressed her lips together tightly. Adam groaned as he stood and pulled her up with him, pressing his mouth to hers.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I was an idiot.”
“I know. I’ve missed you. I didn’t know how I was going to say goodbye to Charlie today. Or survive seeing you.”
“I won’t ever make you feel like that again.”
She kissed his chin. “We’ll both make mistakes. But I won’t let you down. I know others have, and that’s part of why you built a wall around your heart. I won’t leave. You need to trust that.”
He nodded. “I do. And I’ll always do my best to give you a reason to want to stay.”
Her heart twisted and she took his face in her hands. “Adam, you are my reason. You and Charlie. You’re everything I need and want. You’re perfect.”
His smile stitched up the torn pieces of her heart. “Perfect for you.”