Chapter9
“He’s actually sticking by you with all of this?” Caroline was visiting Aaliyah in the hospital and wasted no time in diving into the basket of cookies that she’d sent as a get well gift.
“Yeah, he is. But I wish he wouldn’t.” Aaliyah herself was only toying with the cookie in her hand, letting the chocolate chips melt from the heat of her hands and become sticky. She hadn’t had much of an appetite since she’d woken up, and even the cookies couldn’t change that.
“Why in the world would you want him to leave?”
Aaliyah couldn’t get her mouth around the words; they felt thick and heavy like stones resting on her tongue. The truth was she wanted him to stay. Actually, she needed him to stay. He drove her crazy when he was around, and their fighting had only gotten worse. At least before when they fought, they had their wild physical attraction to fall back on, to make their night bearable. But without the sex, there really was nothing left except arguing. Yet when he wasn’t there, she felt so alone, so empty. Caroline and Eli were her only other visitors, and the hospital would get so lonely all the time.
She wished she’d made more of an effort to make friends before instead of working herself to the bone. Because there, in the hospital, still unable to move, she sat alone. There was no work to fall back on, no studying to do, no coffee she could fetch for anyone. It was just her, surrounded by walls with no cards, no family left to hug her and tell her it would be okay, no friends to come and make her laugh, save for the three that she had. Which is why she wished Max would just go away.
Eli, he came to see her every day after he left work. Often times he’d bring food, take-out from some of the best places, in the hopes that she would eat. They’d talk about work, the deals on the table, anything and everything, while they ate. Well, mostly he ate while she pushed the food around in the take-out container. Eli pretended not to notice for the most part, although she heard him talking to the nurses constantly about her eating. People continued to tell her that she’d never get better if she didn’t eat and get some strength, but the way Aaliyah figured it, there wasn’t any point.
According to her scans, the swelling in her brain had gone down almost completely, yet there was no sign of her body getting better. She knew the doctors didn’t want to come right out and say it, but she knew that there was very little chance of her ever getting better. That knowledge made it hard to eat anything. Nothing had any taste left. The only taste she ever held on her tongue was the taste of pain. But Eli kept coming around and trying to feed her anyway, and truthfully, she appreciated him being there more than she ever let on.
Caroline was there every day too, bringing magazines and turning on the TV to the latest cheesy reality show. Where Eli tried to take care of Aaliyah like a father, Caroline tried to be there like a sister, bringing her fun and distractions. And she was good at it, sometimes even able to take Aaliyah’s mind off her problems completely, at least for a few moments. But in the end, no matter what magazine she brought or what the latest was on her favorite shows, Caroline could only do so much, too. Depression was a hard pill to swallow, and Aaliyah felt as if her pill was stuck in her throat. She could feel it, and she tried to push it down, but it always stayed stuck.
It was awful feeling sorry for herself, awful having to pretend that she was okay when she knew everyone was seeing right through her, but she loved them for being there anyway for her, no matter what mood she was in.
It was Max who was hard to be around.
Whereas Caroline and Eli both wanted to be there for her, wanted to cheer her up and visit her, Max acted as if he was being dragged there in handcuffs, which she was sure was how he felt. But it wasn’t fair—she’d given him his out and he’d insisted on staying. In the moment when he agreed to stay by her, she had felt her heart momentarily soar upward. The feeling that he actually wanted to be there for her, even if only as a friend, made her feel wanted and cared about. It made her feel like there were other people in her life who were going to help her get through this lonely, dark stretch.
But when he came back the next day, he stayed for only about thirty minutes and looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else in the world. He could barely even look at her, let alone have a conversation. It was almost painful to see how uncomfortable he was, which made her feel even worse. She wanted to ask Eli why Max was even still there, it was on the tip of her tongue constantly, but it was too hard to work up the courage.
What if Eli told her that it really was only about the contract? That Max didn’t really care for her at all and was only worried about his career? She tried to convince herself that she wouldn’t blame him, after all that was the only reason that they’d gotten together in the first place. But it still hurt, she couldn’t deny that. She’d hoped that somewhere along the line, he might have started to care about her, even a little bit, that he’d be willing to actually stay with her as a friend through everything. She certainly wasn’t crazy enough to believe that any real relationship was going to come out of it, and she didn’t even entertain the idea that she wanted one.
When Max did actually talk to her, his voice sounded like that of a sullen boy. He was moody and mostly a giant pain to be around. Where she thought that Max could be someone by her side, more often than not she just wanted him to leave.
“He’s so moody, like a giant child. He’s driving me crazy more than he’s doing anything else for me in here.”
Caroline shook her head and smiled. “Yeah, well, this isn’t exactly what he signed up for.”
“So, then, why does he stay?”
Caroline shrugged and changed the channel, looking for something else on TV. “Hun, you’ve got me. You gave him an easy out, and he didn’t take it. But he doesn’t want to be here either and is a giant pain in your bottom.” She waited a minute and chewed on her lip thoughtfully. “Did you ever think… that maybe there’s more going on than you think?”
“What do you mean? What else could possibly be going on?”
Caroline stood up and grabbed another cookie from the basket but didn’t take a bite. Aaliyah could see it on her friend’s face, there was something there, some thought that was working its way into her mind, and she had to admit, she wanted to know what Caroline had to say. She was far better at things like this, relationships with people, than Aaliyah was. Of course, it was Aaliyah who was always reminding Caroline about when she had to get work, so she guessed they balanced each other out.
“What if this has nothing to do with the contract?”
“If it’s not about the contract, then what else could it possibly be about?”
A sneaky smile slid onto Caroline’s face. “What if he’s a moody pain because he actually cares?”
Aaliyah quickly shook her head, denying that could be true at all. “No way.”
Caroline plopped back down in her plush chair next to the hospital bed. “Why not?”
“Well, gee, let me count the ways. First off this was a paid deal, it’s business only, and I’m sure he’s got a great mind for keeping business and feelings separate. That is, if the man can even have feelings for a woman. He’s a serial dater, not that I would call picking up chick at a bar and sleeping with them dating, but he’s never with a woman for long enough for a relationship to form.” Suddenly, she realized how bitter she sounded, and she had no idea where the anger was stirring from. It wasn’t as if she felt anything more for him than a friendship, with a damn sexual pull, but still, a friendship was it.
“He’s probably a robot,” she tried to joke, just to lighten the words she’d just said.
“Well, obviously he isn’t that great at keeping business and pleasure separate or he wouldn’t have been banging you at all.”
Aaliyah had to laugh. Caroline never had a problem with being blunt, and she appreciated her friend for that. Was it possible that other than being totally crass, Caroline could be right? Was it possible that the reason he couldn’t be around her was because he cared?
She couldn’t let herself think that; it would give her some small bit of hope that she wasn’t as alone as she always felt.
“Listen, I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Caroline grabbed her bag and headed out the door. It was the switching of the guards as Eli walked in and saw Caroline munching on one of the cookies.
“Did she even leave you any cookies?” he asked.
Aaliyah laughed, but her mind was off in thought. Normally, Eli would run through his regular questions—if she was eating, how her head felt, if anything was any different today. He’d tell her he was going to make sure to check in with the doctor as soon as he walked in, and then after all the fatherly check-in, they’d start talking office and business. But she knew he was reading her face, seeing that there was something more important on her mind than if she’d eaten her sandwich for lunch.
“What’s up, kiddo?”
Aaliyah fiddled with the blanket, unsure exactly what she wanted to ask him.
“What’s up with Max? Every time he comes here, he acts as if I’m torturing him to be near me.”
The man’s eyes shifted away, and she could see he was thinking something about this whole situation, too.
“I get it about his career and needing to look good, but I gave him an out, and I know it was a good one. Did you tell him not to take it?”
Eli shook his head. “Actually, when he and I had talked earlier, he wanted an out from everything. So when you gave it to him, and I’ll give it to you, it was a good one, I actually thought he’d take it.”
She looked up at him, her eyes pleading for an answer. “So, why didn’t he take it then?”
Eli paused for a minute before he answered. “Honestly, kiddo, I don’t know.”